Year One

Doctor Liara T'Soni

The escape pod stunk of metallic blood, the smell coating the inside of Liara's mouth until she wanted to choke. Red splashed across the floor, Sherazi's hands, down the front and back of Williams' hardsuit.

They'd cut open Waaberi's uniform jacket to look at her injuries and Liara stared mutely at what lay beneath the sodden material. An explosion had sent the serrated remnants of a bulkhead tearing through the Marine's chest, shoulder and neck. One metal fragment had torn her cheek open.

Waaberi had still been conscious when Ashley had physically dragged her onto the escape pod. Conscious and in excruciating pain as Chakwas and Sherazi stuffed medigel into every tear in her dark skin and intubated her.

"Stay with me, Corporal," Chakwas ordered, pausing to squeeze Waaberi's hand. The young Marine didn't respond except with a low, pained groan. "Liara, can you have a look in the first aid locker for me? I need the transfusion kit and if possible, any a-blood packs. They should be clearly labelled."

Liara staggered over to the locker as the pod shuddered around her and threw it open, digging through the small mountain of medical supplies for the requested items, before hurriedly rushing them over to the doctor.

The comm buzzed with Lieutenant Commander Nilsson's voice. "Pod Five, this is acting CO Nilsson. Status report."

Acting commander? There'd still been an escape pod for Shepard and Joker to get to. Something clenched in Liara's chest.

Williams, still bloody from carrying Waaberi, slowly reached over and hit the transmit button. "This is Lieutenant Williams. All systems green at this time. I have a full load of fourteen personnel. T'Soni, Chakwas, Sherazi, Dara, Matveev, Attar, Brodeur, Rogers, Vorobyov, Jansson, Auraham, Adamsen and Waaberi. Waaberi is in a critical condition - the sooner we can get her into a proper surgery the better."

"Copy that, I will add them to the list of personnel accounted for. Do you have accountability of all your Marines?"

The bleak look on Ashley's face told Liara everything. "Negative. Dubyansky was on Deck One, and Draven went down to Deck Three. The rest I put on Pod Three."

There was a long pause. "Copy that."

"Sir," Williams said abruptly, "What happened to Pod One?"

Liara held her breath, her chest spasming painfully. Shepard would be alright. She had to be.

"It launched, but their comms system appears to be damaged."

Liara felt her breath rush out of her in a gust of relief.

Ash's shoulders slumped for a moment. "That's very good to hear, sir."

"How's Waaberi doing?

Ash glanced over at the younger Marine. Machinist's Mate Auraham was crying, tracks of tear dripping down her cheeks."Not great. Do we have an ETA on rescue?"

"Negative. I'll keep you informed. First priority is getting down safely and setting up the survival shelters."

"Copy that."

The descent seemed like decades to Liara, the minutes dragging along painfully in the darkened, shaking pod, the stench of blood filling every crevice. The crew sat in silence except for the odd sniffle and the barked medical words exchanged by doctor and nurse. It was like a vigil - as if all energy was being willed into Amina Waaberi so that she might live.

But in the silence came the fear, incessantly scratching at her insides. What if the Alliance didn't come? What if they couldn't? What if they did but couldn't find the escape pods in the great dark? What if they took too long? What if the enemy ship came back? They were defenceless and blind. What if the shuttles crashed instead of touching down gently?

Liara shuddered. She'd felt like they'd won when they'd killed Saren and Sovereign - but it'd taken half an hour to tear her home to fragments raining down on the planet below. She wished Shepard was here. She couldn't wait until they were all safe and she could steal a hug from the Commander. Shepard wasn't as physically affectionate as asari nor many humans, but Liara could remember how grounded she'd felt when Shepard had hugged her in that cold freezer room.

"We're gonna make it," Ashley said lowly and there was either belief or sheer stubborn determination in her brown eyes when Liara met her gaze. "Shepard got the beacon out."

In the dim light she squeezed the human's hand. Of course Shepard had. The thrusters kicked in, throwing them against their restraints.

Finally the pod settled and they all exchanged strained smiles. They were on the ground at least. The enemy vessel hadn't pursued them. It was something - though the enviromental sensors weren't particularly cheery. It was well below zero and while Alchera had atmosphere it wasn't breathable - but there was water ice and the escape pods had emergency food supplies.

"Netcall, this is Pod Four, radio check, over." Nilsson's voice interrupted Liara's ruminations.

"Pod Two loud and clear, over." CSO Wulandri.

"Pod Three, roger, over." Adams.

Ashley, the highest ranking officer in their pod, responded. "Pod Five, loud and clear."

"Pod Four copies all. Pod Five, can you move to our location, over?" Two, Three and Four had landed in a cluster about four kilometres away.

Ash glanced at Chakwas and got a curt shake of the head in reply. "Negative, we can't move Waaberi that far."

"Copy. We'll come to you. Get a shelter up and we'll use it as the casualty collection point."

"Roger. Anything from Pod One?" Like Pod Five, it'd landed away from the others.

"Negative. We'll need to send a party to them - if their comms aren't working it'll be hard to find us."

"I'll take Liara," she said immediately.

"Roger that."

"Alright, listen up!" Ash climbed to her feet. "T'Soni, you're with me. Everyone else - except Doc and Sherazi - we need to get one of the shelters up for Chakwas, along with the emergency generator and the POGS. I'll be back with the Skipper and Joker."

The battered, shell shocked crew seemed to straighten a little at that. Shepard couldn't fix everything but her strength was its own comfort.

Pod One had landed some five kilometres from Pod Five. They trudged in silence, their hardsuits bright splashes of colour against the pale isolation of the planet around them. It was slow going, the ice crunching underneath Liara's feet, Ash impatiently pausing to run her scanner. If they fell into a crevice or the ice cracked beneath them it could kill them or force another group to come rescue them without proper equipment.

"Are you okay?" Liara asked softly as the Lieutenant helped her over cracked terrain.

Under her visor, Ash's face was stony. "I just need to see her."

"I understand." Even knowing the pod had launched wasn't enough. Liara wouldn't be able to breathe properly until Shepard was back with them.

It took all she had not to start running as soon as they saw Pod One. It'd carved a long furrow through the ice, coming to rest with the nose half buried. But it was whole and gleaming silver under Amada's cold light. The reason that Shepard and Joker had been unable to contact the rest of the crew was clear - some impact had torn the antenna right off the pod.

Ashley slammed her hand against the holo lock. The door rumbled open.

"A-ash?" Joker carefully pushed himself up. His breathing mask was still fastened on his face, muffling his words. His eyes were red.

Liara peered around the Marine's shoulder. The rest of the pod was empty. Her heart froze in her chest. Why was it empty?

"Joker," Ash said, her voice sharp and edged like a knife. "Where is she?"

His breathing hitched. "Shepard didn't make it onto the pod. She stopped - I think she was looking to see if there were any of the CIC crew still alive, and there was an explosion. She was trapped."

"And you didn't help her?"

"I tried," he said hoarsely, "but she launched the pod to stop me."

No. It wasn't possible. If she'd been close enough to press the launch button, then she had to have been close to the pod. Why hadn't she just gotten on? Liara felt her breathing seize.

"She's a biotic," she pointed out, bewildered. Surely she could've just shoved whatever debris had pinned her off.

"She wasn't amped," Ashley said flatly.

"What?"

"She wasn't amped. She doesn't like wearing it to sleep, and she was only going up to the bridge to ovesee the jump, then she was coming back to bed."

"Oh," Liara breathed.

"Always the fucking hero." Ash slammed her fist into the side of escape pod, hard enough it reverberated. Then she leant her head onto it, visor clacking against metal, as if she needed the support to stay upright.

"Ash...I'm sorry," Joker said tentatively.

She chuckled, low and humourlessly. "I told you that you needed to evacuate. You should've-"

"You think I don't know that?" he shot back, face twisting with anguish, "I should've listened to you or I should have gotten up as soon as she got there-"

"Damnit, Joker!" Ash spun to look at him, "There's a reason you follow orders-"

"That's a bit rich coming from someone who was fraternising with an O5," he snapped defensively.

Silence fell like a curtain. Something hard flashed across Ash's face and for a moment Liara was afraid she might strike him.

"Ash, Ash, I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. You're right-"

"Is that what you'll tell the Navy?" she asked, "that it was because she was fraternising with a junior officer that she couldn't get on the escape pod? I followed orders. I didn't kill her."

Joker went pale. "I didn't mean for -"

"I really don't give a fuck."

"Enough!" Liara stepped forward and two wounded gazes snapped to her, "We don't - we don't know Shepard is dead. And tearing each other apart over this isn't going to help anything."

"We need to get back to the camp," Ash said lifelessly, "Can you walk, Moreau?"

It took them twice as long to return than it had to make their way to Pod One, taking turns to support a silent Joker.

Two emergency shelters had been put up and she spotted the squat shapes of the POGS and the generator, the Normandy survivors scurrying around like ants.

Shepard didn't make it onto the pod. It couldn't be. It was possible to survive for days in a hardsuit, and if anyone could do so it would be Commander Shepard.

A restrained but smiling Lieutenant Commander Nilsson met them. It couldn't be easy to take command of a crew in which you were the newcomer after such devastating losses. "Good news! The Alliance picked up on our emergency beacon. The Tokyo and Leicester are coming for us as fast as they can."

"Good to hear," Liara managed a smile.

He frowned, looking at the three of them. "Where's the Commander?"

"She didn't make it, sir," Ash said, jaw clenching.

"What?" he stared at them.

"Ask Moreau." She shoved past him and headed for the dispirited gaggle of Marines, half-heartedly building another shelter.

Nilsson opened his mouth, but something he'd seen on Ashley's face stopped him. Eventually he just shook his head. "We'll just have to wait for the cruisers to get here. Then we can take a stock of everything. Get yourself to the medical tent, Lieutenant Moreau."

It took the SSV Tokyo and the SSV Leicester twenty-five hours to reach Alchera.

It took Corporal Amina Waaberi ten to die.

After forty minutes of resuscitation attempts and twice getting a pulse back only to lose it again, Chakwas finally accepted accepted the inevitable. Ashley grabbed the body of her friend under the arms and dragged it out of the tent, her face as cold and blank as the ice outside, where she carefully covered it with a blanket.

Jaz and Freddie sat next to Waaberi in silent vigil until the cruisers' shuttles appeared above.

Ultimately the two cruisers only remained over Alchera long enough for all the Normandy's survivors and Waaberi's body to be recovered. Only cursory scans had been done of the Normandy's wreckage in orbit and on the planetary surface. They bundled the Normandy crew into shuttles and then into one of the Tokyo's mess halls, wrapping each of them in blankets and setting cups of coffee in front of them. Lifting the cup to her lips seemed a monumental task, so instead she simply watched the slow climb of steam.

"No lifesigns were found," The Tokyo's captain, a broad and balding man called Rodriguez told the gathered crew grimly, "we're heading back to the Citadel to offload the wounded - ATRANSCOM will organise flights back to Arcturus."

Dispirited silence met his announcement.

"We need to keep looking," Liara burst out when it was clear that none of them would say anything- not Wulandri, not Nilsson, not even Williams. Shepard was their Commander! "Shepard could still be alive in her hardsuit."

"We found no sign of life. I'm very sorry, but it's very unlikely the Commander could've survived the core blowing," his face was creased with sympathy but she burned with anger, "My first duty is to everyone on these ships. We had to violate the sovereignty of at least three states to get here and the longer we stay here the greater the risk someone tries to make an example of us."

"So we're just going to leave her here?" she demanded, "So much for 'leave no one behind'."

"Liara..." Greg Adams murmured, putting his hand on her shoulder. She shrugged it off.

"A recovery team will be sent," Captain Rodriguez said tightly, "but right now your wounded need a hospital."

When he was gone the crew lapsed into silence again. Someone was crying. Liara was almost trembling with anger.

"Coward," she spat.

"That's not fair, Liara," Adams said, rubbing his face. "A bunch of us came to the Normandy from the Tokyo - Monica was his friend. He came as soon as he could."

It took her a moment to remember that Monica was the Buffer. Had been.

Liara didn't want to think of Shepard trapped and alone, waiting for rescue that never came. She didn't want to think of her lying in the snow. Shepard had always come for them. She'd always tried - even when she failed, like on Virmire.

When they were back on the Citadel, she had plans to make. And if there was anyone who could help her complete them, it would be Ashley Williams.

The conversation did not go as planned.

Liara marched herself into Williams' temporary quarters, burning with purpose, and began to explain what they needed to do. It'd been three days - it'd take another to get back to Alchera if they moved quickly.

Ashley listened at first with the same dull apathy that she'd shown to everything since her argument with Joker, then with growing distress, curling her hands into fists by her sides.

"She's dead, Liara," Ash interrupted, eyes wild. Her Alliance uniform was rumpled, like she'd slept in it. "She's dead and this - whatever this is?" she gestured between them, "it won't bring her back. It won't change what happened. All you're gonna find is a - a frozen and broken corpse and I just, I can't see her like that."

"We're all the hope she has," Liara pointed out desperately.

"You don't think," Ashley said very softly, "that I haven't woken up every morning thinking, hoping, praying that she's going to walk in the door? But I know - I knew her and-"

"We don't know she's dead," Liara snapped.

Ashley's expression flattened. "I have new orders."

Liara had been in Shepard's head, experienced the soft longing she'd felt for Ashley Williams. If Shepard had loved Liara like that nothing would've stopped her from going after her, least of all orders. The venom welled up in her and escaped before she could stop it.

"You must not love her as much as she loves you."

Ash took two steps back, as if Liara had struck her, her expression an open wound. The words hung between them, sharp enough to cut.

Then her expression shuttered, leaving only steel-cold anger. "Get out."

"Ashley-"

"Get. Out!" her teeth bared and her fists clenched, the human woman looked like an injured animal, ready to snap.

Liara turned on her heel and left her there. The conditioned air of the Citadel was cool on the tracks of tears down her cheeks. Behind her she heard the bullet crack of Ash's hissed voice and the impact of her fist on the wall.

Liara imagined she could feel it - the binds that held the Normandy crew together fraying and snapping, one by one.

Her own ties to the Alliance were broken - she'd resigned her contract to the Alliance military. Both Anderson and Hackett had tried to convince to her stay on, work for the Admiral's taskforce, but she was done with them.

She wiped the tears from her cheeks. There was much to do - Shepard was relying on her now.