A/N: Happy Birthday to me~!

Eh, a very LATE birthday at that, given I'm finally back online.

Sorry for disappearing like that, my internet went out for an ungodly amount of time. In other news, FGO's been both good and bad to me, but I've managed to get all the Servants I want-Scathach, Melt, Altera, etc-on either my main or my backup account, so I'm content for the time being. Which is good, considering that bloody tower event is right around the corner and all the hell that comes with it. But still! I'm safe! No need to roll! I can resist!

...what's that? Semiramis? February? Lalalalala can't hear you!

In other news, you can all expect a pseudo-update of sorts for A Most Unlikely Berserker soon, followed by a proper one soon thereafter. Time and again, those chapters take a lot of time to write, because they are LONG.

References are references, because this chapter was a blast to write, short as it is.

Credit where credit is due, I own nothing, yadda yadda...

Kudos if you guess who the Rider of this war is.

Ought to be bloody obvious, though...

"Life is rarely what one might expect.

Ah, but that's what makes it precious, you see.

Those little moments. The unexpected surprises in our lives.

Hold them close, little witch. Cling to them. Treasure them. Cherish them.

In the end, they may yet prove to be your salvation...even when all else seems lost."

~?

Day Four (Prelude to War)

...still alive, eh?"

Staring down into the great gaping chasm he'd created, humanity's laziest Master warily regarded the now-silent pitfall with mild surprise. Nearly fifteen minutes of continuous, sustained explosions had rendered the base of the mountain an unrecognizable mess of hot slag and ruined earth; a smoldering ruin that would seemingly vanish overnight, with none the wiser. The trap had been sprung. A pit made to kill the strongest, most foolish of Servants and their ilk, reinforced by Medea's own magic alongside the most potent explosives mankind had ever seen. A ruse meant to entrap Berserker, yet they'd unleashed it on a false Servant claiming to be a Beast instead.

And yet, despite this, or perhaps in spite of it, he'd survived...if only just.

Which begged the question: how the devil was that thing still breathing after all that?

If the abyss held any answers for him, it was loathe to give them. Fine. He was feeling particularly pugnacious anyway.

Hot air scorched the back of Naruto's throat as he began his long-waited descent into the blasted wasteland. A sullen sigh slipped out into the night in a silent plume of smoldering steam as he gazed down into the pit; rather, as he watched the wretched and wounded creature that had once laid claim to such a pretentious title now crawl out of it like the rat it was. There was no need to hurry. His target wouldn't be going anywhere, not after that last blast. Whereas before, a touch of pride would have stayed his hand, now...well. Seeing was believing, as the saying went.

"DAMN YOU! Look what you've done to me!"

With skin blackened and blistered by horrific burns, the pretender screamed at him, this so-called Beast now reduced to human form once more. With flesh scorched and skin scarred, it resembled little more than a ruined puppet, wasted and gasping for air as it clung onto life. Flopping to the dirt like a dying carp, it raised a lone arm in Naruto's direction. It had no more limbs to avail it. Sure enough, a vortex of light-yet another bijudama-gathered at its outstretched palm, howling in nameless fury, burning brighter with each passing second-

It never had the chance to fire.

Instead, the creature that once called itself "Naruto" croaked in surprise as the original silently blurred towards his unprotected flank. There was no flicker, no warning, no pretense of pain or any such thing; no chance to even think of defending himself. One moment he'd gathered up the last of his reserves for one final, desperate assault. In the next an open hand closed around the tailed beast bomb and squeezed. With that simple, final gesture of contempt, the impostor's last desperate attack guttered out as his attention fractured and shattered, stealing away the last of its energy with its demise.

"Well." he croaked out, a bead of swat running the length of his scorched brow. "Errors have been made. "

Pearly white teeth flashed out at him in the gloom. "Buddy...you don't know the half of it."

Panicking, the false blond began to skitter backward. "Er...can I have a minute?"

That small smile never wavered. "Sure you can."

Relief bloomed in his chest.

"Oh! Well, thanks-

Beast barely had time to croak before a rising uppercut snapped his head backwards and launched him skyward. Had that been the end of it, he would've been able to mount some semblance of a counterattack. To defend himself, surely. He was invincible, after all. Innumerable. Legion. Only one being could command him and this was not that individual. Yes, he told himself, no matter how bad a beating he sustained, surely he could...what the hell was that noise...?

He didn't see the Rasenshuriken shriek up to meet him until it was too late.

But he certain felt every second of the pain that followed.

And the impostor screamed.

(...Meanwhile...)

"Achoo!"

Medea sneezed.

It was a soft, dainty little sound, wholly and utterly eclipsed by the ensuing explosion of dirt and debris rocketing into the nigh sky overhead. The Witch barely batted an eyelash at this spectacular display; this bizarre drill piercing the heavens above warranted no more than the merest of sigh from the renowned Caster. Even less so when said towering plume-and the tumbling Beast within-inevitably succumbed to gravity and crashed back into the mountain like a falling star. Nay, the witch scarcely paid any attention to the creature's plight. Judging by the laughter that followed, she was certain her Master had the matter well in hand.

Still, that didn't stop the rueful smile from tugging at the corner of her mouth.

"Honestly," she sighed, "He can be such a boy sometimes...

Whomever the intruder was, they were no threat to her so long as he kept them well down the Mountain. Naruto seemed to be doing an able job of that. For all his laziness and foul-mouthed behavior, he retained a rather alarming array of tricks. And yet she still worried. By rights, she shouldn't be concerned for him at all. He'd promised to retreat if he found himself outmatched; that he hadn't done so yet meant that he felt he could win this fight. Yet, a small part of her remained distracted.

Concerned, even.

Whereas once she might have brought all her will and might to bear upon the summoning ritual

As if sensing that momentary weakness, the circle flared beneath her feet.

Something inside her twisted, causing her to suck in a sharp breath.

With that, Medea's ire warped into surprise, then horror.

Not a moment later, her vision burned white.

"What in the world...?!"

(...Once More Down the Mountain...)

"Look at you. Wasted and gasping for air. But you don't get to go yet."

'Kill him...kill him...I am...absolutely...GOING TO KILL HIM!'

Every ache, every cell in his Beast's body cried out for fire and blood; for vengeance and retribution as the boot bore down again his back. Yet try as he might, he just. Couldn't. Fight. Back. He couldn't even rise to meet those words with a barbed retort of his own. Perhaps that had something to do with his astounding lack of limbs. Maybe it was the gaping hole torn through his chest. Regardless, it changed nothing. He was exhausted. Choking on ash, wheezing for breath as he tried to crawl away. What little he'd managed to regenerate of himself had been blasted to pieces once again; the roaring fire of his strength now power all but reduced to the merest of kindling embers. This was all wrong.

This did not bode well.

"What the hell is happening right now?! Where the hell am I?! How are you doing this?!"

For a fleeting instant the pain in his back redoubled. "Because I remember what it means to be alive. You, my friend...

...appear to have forgotten."

A spine-shattering kick sent him skipping across the glassed-earth, yet it also proved his salvation. He could move again.

Abandoning all pretense of attack, the pretender frantically began to drag itself away-inch by agonizing inch-on his single ruined right arm.

As the original looked on, a rift opened only yards away from his former foe; with each agonizing instant, he slid closer towards it. He'd never make it in time, of course.

Lazy he may well be, but Naruto wasn't about to let something like that slip away into the ether. Not only had this ungodly abomination tried to kill him-when he was minding his own damn business!-but it had gone so far as to threaten Medea as well. And it had the gall to wear his face! To throw his own words back at him in a ghastly parody of all he was. Sure, he might not be the most motivated person after so many years, but at least he had some semblance of sanity remaining.

Even if it was just a copy, the world would do well without it. Still, for the sake of decency-if not boredom-he cleared his throat and called out to his would be killer as he approached at a lazy gait.

"I think we're done here, blockhead. I have the high ground."

A gravely groan greeted him as he stalked forward.

"You...underestimate...my power...

Really? That line? Of all things?

"Have it your way, then."

Three swift steps carried him to the rim of the crater. Two more brought him within striking distance, glass crunching underfoot as he crossed the blasted land. One final movement, and by the next, he had the False Beast dead to rights. A choked snarl greeted him as a hand snaked out and plucked him up by the scruff of his neck, as one might a naughty pet. Sure enough, the Pretender yowled like a scalded cat and lashed out with its lone arm, trying to claw his face off. Said arm immediately found itself severed at the elbow and left to pinwheel away into the dusk of course, but credit where it was due.

He admired the man's determination, if nothing else.

Mad though he might be, Beast would still go down fighting to the last.

For some reason, his feeble attempts to escape only enraged the ageless shinobi all the more.

Wrenching this now-limbless doppelganger around, he slammed him into the ground, planting a boot against its throat

"Now then," he ground out through clenched teeth, "Since you seem so intent on surviving, why don't we have a little chat." digging his heel in until he felt something in Beast's windpipe creak ominously beneath it so too did he continue his line of inquiry with a vengeance. "Who are you working for? And don't say the original. There's no way some mindless brute like him could be the true mastermind behind this."

Although that lone red orb gazed up at him with limpid fury, the other proved too swollen to do anything other than twitch.

It made the grin that followed-fangs and all-even more disturbing.

...idiot. You have no idea what you've unleashed."

"Oooh. Ominous." a swift stomp elicited a yelp and quelled all hope of defiance when he tried to rise. "Now talk before I break your everything."

"Never." The lookalike turned his head and spat blood. "There are some things worse than death. Whatever you do here will pale in comparison to what he'll do to me if I give up the goods."

A blond brow quirked in confusion. "Him?"

Hoarse laughter answered, weak and rasping. "Idiot. You really don't know nothing do you? Lazy ba-gack?!"

Another stomp silenced the false Beast. "You're right. I do know nothing. And you're going to enlighten me."

The sheer volume of vitriol that followed momentarily gave him pause, but only just.

"If you're that afraid, we can fight him." he offered. "Together."

"Fight? With you? Give me one good reason why I should. Go ahead. I'm listening." Much to his irritation, that weak cackle only redoubled; all the while that lone crimson eye never left him for a moment. "You can't, can you? No. I'm done fighting. I just want to watch everything burn." That scorched skull slumped and regarded him in a chilling moment of clarity. "I'm going to black out any second now. If you're smart you won't let me wake up. If you do, I'll kill that pretty little Caster of yours and...everything...you hold dear."

True to his word, the False Beast slumped underfoot a heartbeat later.

"Hey, now!" in an instant Naruto switched his grip and seized this "thing" by the throat. "Who said you could pass out on me?!"

Silence reigned supreme even as he shook him; much to his chagrin his opponent had gone still as the grave. He'd even ceased to breathe.

For a moment-just a moment!-Naruto genuinely felt something; a rare emotion he hadn't experienced in an age. Rage. It bubbled up in him like lava; a deep burning heat bringing with it an overwhelming fury that he hadn't felt in decades. His vision swam with, choking out all semblance of thought. Because at the end of the day, this creature had a point. He was too dangerous to be left alive.

...!"

With a wordless roar and still hoisting his prey aloft, the whiskered warrior pulled his free hand back and formed his fingers into a fist. Blue eyes blazed gold as he drew upon the rich natural energy lingering in the air. One punch. A single swing of his empowered arm was all it took to render Beast's head a greasy red smear upon the soil. Bereft of his skull, the rest of the madman's body crumbled away to ash in his hands. Damnit. Somehow, someway, he'd wanted to believe that it had been lying, that it was truly the original he'd slain, not some mere divided copy. It made his victory taste like just that. Ash.

But moreso, the realization that someone had borne witness to his brief lapse in character.

Sighing, he turned.

"You can come out now."

A moment of silence followed his declaration. And then:

"Aw," a young voice greeted his challenge further up the steps. "When did you notice me~?"

The smallest muscle jumped in his jaw. "Hours ago. Now do me a favor and stop skulking about already, would ya?"

A pair of cheery blue eyes gazed back at him as their owner stepped out of the shadows, her cherubic face framed by waves of curling brow hair and a cheery grin. Clad in a wild ensemble of red and blue, she looked little more than a child at a glance; it was only his sixth sense that said otherwise. For one seemingly so small, she commanded a certain sense of presence, an erratic charisma that lent weight to her otherwise diminutive body and made her more than she seemed, almost as if this were merely a guise she could cast off at any moment.

"Sorry about that," came the impish grin. "I really didn't have much in the way of options when I ran here; because I really didn't have anywhere else to go."

"Wait. You were the one running from that thing in the first place, weren't you?" He paused, realization dawning. "You led him here."

The newcomer sketched an absurdly low bow.

"Busted~! Thanks for the save!"

With a snap of her fingers a crystalline staff materialized in her right hand. Yet she made no move to attack, banishing it again with the merest flick of her wrist. He would've thought her a Caster...if Medea didn't already fill that roll. Which in turn, left him at something of a loss and only served to further fan the flames of his fury.

"Easy, there." her hands snapped up when he stepped forward yet her tone remained soothing, almost hypnotizing by comparison. "I have no quarrel with you; really, I only stuck around to see what all the fuss was about. You made quite the ruckus!"

...and?"

"Oooh, the strong silent type." a girlish giggle greeted him.

"I'll say." she tilted her head and touched a finger to her lips. "It shouldn't even be possible for "me" to be summoned like this, but oh well! Beggars can't be choosers I suppose." ery nice!" She flashed him a jaunty wink.

"Alright, I'll bite. Who are you?"

"You know, I'm honestly tempted to tell you, just to see what your reaction would be, but...no." her mouth curved in a surprisingly mature smile. "Let's not make it that easy. For now? You can call me...Rider. And with that!" before he could think to interrogate her further, she giggled and performed a nimble backflip, skittering away out of his reach.

"Bye bye, Naruto-kun~!" a jaunty wave rewarded him for his efforts. "It was so nice to finally meet you in person. I'm expecting great things!"

With that ominous statement her body faded away into blue mist.

Naruto wrinkled his nose.

"Well. I've had enough surprises tonight."

"Kyaaaaaaaaaah!"

As if to challenge that very theory, Caster's horrified shriek pierced the night. Under any under circumstance, Naruto would've bolted towards the source with all haste and speed. Now, his blond brow merely rose in mild exasperation. For all her noise there was no pain behind her cry, no abject terror to burgeon her cry, only sheer, utter embarrassment. Their mental link still flourished, and she made no attempt to call for his aid. No, if anything, she seemed almost eager to shove his presence away. Hmm.

Well, now. That wouldn't do. Anything that flustered Medea that much warranted an investigation.

His brow climbed higher still, and a smile soon joined it besides.

"Oh, for the love of...who the hell did she summon?"

Whistling, he climbed the steps once more.

He'd soon have his answer.

A/N: Ohohoho! You thought it would be Jason but it isn't! Really, the identity of Medea's new "Servant" ought to obvious. Fun times abound. Going a different route for the previews this time around, if that much isn't obvious. Once again, I apologize for the short length of this chapter, but I needed to get this series off the ground again and working two jobs makes this somewhat difficult at even the best of times. By this point, the trolls don't even bother me anymore, its the silence, you know?

It really hurts when I bust my ass writing long chapters for you guys and gals only to get...well...nothing...

So in the Immortal Words of Atlas...

...Revieeeew Would You Kindly?

Yar, Here Be Yar Previews!

Plenty of 'em!

0_0

(Preview)

The child raised her saber.

...that Archer is bad civilization. Too many muscles. Too perverted. Master, can I kill him?"

Orion squawked. "WHY?!"

Medea slumped to the floor.

Her pride was gone...reduced to atoms. In a single instant, all her grand ambitions had been dashed She'd hoped to use a loophole in the summoning system-and the Greater Grail itself-to circumvent the rules and bring another ally to their side. Her theory was sound in principle if not practice; as the Assassin class had yet to be sum Then, as if to mock her very attempts...this had happened.

"Um...hello?"

A moment of terrible, ponderous silence fell over the unlikely trio.

Naruto seized little the newcomer in a crushing bear hug.

"She's so cuuuuuuuute~!"

"Why don't you recognize me?!"

...I've never seen you before in my life."

With that, the last tennuous thread of her sanity snapped. "STOP! LYING!"

Berserker's fists slammed into/at his chest with all the strength of a jackhammer, yet the infuriating Master stood his ground, suffered each blow with a grunt of pain. He wasn't immune; she knew this; even so, he didn't move, nor did he deign to dodge her claws. With every attack his bones began to fracture, his muscles tearing like the ground beneath them. He did not defend himself. Nor did he smile. Beating him like this gave her no satisfaction, no pleasure, no joby. He simply bore her boundless fury in stoic silence, uncaring as her gauntlets tore at his flesh. It was infuriating! Humiliating! Did he think her an unworthy opponent?! Even in this, her prime form?!

Just like him...him...HIM...!

But it wasn't him. She knew it. Yet her own madness writhed and twisted inside her like an ugly thing, twisting the Amazon's thoughts into something horrid, until finally, her arms fell slack at her sides. Sanity struggled to reassert itself, a tiny whisper over the howling gale of her own fury, begging her to stay her hand, if only for a moment. But the fury had its say.

She seized him by the throat. "Why! Won't! You! Fight! Back?!"

Only then did he deign to move, to look at her again.

A lone bloody eye regarded her placidly.

"Do you feel better yet?"

She screamed.

"NARUTO!"

"Tch! You wanna know my true name that badly, bitch?! I'll carve it into your corpse!" The enemy Servant sneered down at Medea as she brought her bloodied lance to bear once more, the weapon's scarlet edge framed in the dying light of the setting sun. "My name is Caenis! NOW ROT IN HELL YOU FILTHY-

Medea raised a finger. "You first, dear."

Rage clouded eyes fluttered rapidly. "Eh?"

That was all Lancer managed before a golden meteor dropped out of the sky and struck her like the hand of an angry god.

R&R~!