TW: mentions of suicide, assault and previous death of a child

As the team flew to Pittsburgh, there was an uncertainty on the jet with Hotch not being with them. For JJ, Morgan and Reid, the last case they had tried to work without Hotch just a few months earlier had been a disaster. They had been unable to gain traction on forming a profile and Strauss' presence complicated progress with the locals until Hotch and Emily had come to work the case with them.

Thankfully this time was different. For one, Strauss wasn't with them however Dave and Emily were. Additionally, according to Dave, Hotch would be joining them the next day. So the plan for now was that they were going to focus on the house where their victim died and start on victimology.

As they all settled in for the rest of the flight, Emily thought back to the brief yet awkward conversation she had with Hotch that morning in the office. It had been the first time she had seen him since he left her in bed several days earlier.

He had mentioned that the divorce was granted and that he would have the time he wanted with Jack. The lull after was uncomfortable for both of them before Hotch excused himself when JJ waved to him that she needed to talk to him. In retrospect it was probably concerning this case that JJ needed to speak to him about.

Emily sighed at the memory. Was he angry with her? Embarrassed? Having regrets? Or was he also trying to remain professional in the office?

But how did she feel about the night they spent together a few days earlier? She had been trying to help him by them working out together and then inviting him to dinner afterwards.

Frustration at herself grew as she accepted that this uneasiness between them could have been avoided if she had remembered that her guest room wasn't set up. But then again, even after he knew, Hotch had decided to stay accepting it would mean sharing a bed with her. Maybe it would have been better if she had slept on her couch and just let him have the bed.

Before they had gone to bed that night she had decided that she would leave the decision of if any was going to happen between them to Hotch. However, she hadn't intended to tip the scale by moving over to cuddle into him in her sleep.

When she realized what she had done, she had carefully tried to disentangle herself from his hold only for Hotch to stop her as he woke up. He had been to the one to initiate their kiss after stopping her from moving away. She didn't stop him because she knew what he was facing the next day and wanted to be there for him.

While she didn't regret the night they had again spent together she was however regretting that for some reason it seemed to have put a wedge between them.

Whatever was happening they needed to clear the air between them as she didn't want things to become tense professionally between them again. For it to affect their professional relationship. The tension in the past hadn't been good for either of them or for the team overall.

They both knew the other wasn't looking for a relationship now. They had told each other that.

Even if he hadn't told her, the reason he had been over at her apartment was he was wound up because of his divorce hearing the next day. Emily didn't know all the details about what happened between Hotch and Haley but she knew enough to know it was going to take Hotch time to process it.

As for her when it came to Hotch she was still sorting out her feelings. Years ago she had been in love with him as they planned their future. Then her parents interfered and she thought for years that he had left.

While they both now knew the truth about what happened, Emily was still working to remove the misplaced anger and mistrust because of that deception as he hadn't done anything to deserve it. She was also processing how she still felt about him now without those negative emotions taking over. Until she could do that, she needed space as well.

The last thing she wanted was for him to get hurt again. Her feelings after the miscommunications the morning after the first time they had recently had sex illustrated to her that she was still a work in the complicated process.

And then there was a potentially greater threat. She had handed over the pictures of Declan appearing to be dead. The pictures were to be shown to Doyle during his interrogation.

However with that step now taken, she wasn't sure what to expect. The conclusion from the debriefs was that the Doyle mission had been sabotaged. Three members of JTF-12 team weren't able to be cleared of wrongdoing.

The pictures she had just handed over were seen by at least two of those three people. Then there was the additional threat that some on Doyle's crew that had escaped arrest when the compound was raided. Were they still loyal to Doyle and would they come after her if they discovered news about Declan's "death"? It was still too early to know.

So for now at least she needed to distance herself somewhat from the others so if anyone was surveilling her, they would not see anyone as being close to her. If anyone were to come after her in retaliation for her role in Declan's "death" they would go after those close to her in order to hurt her. From her experience undercover she had learned that that was how Doyle operated.

All the sudden she felt her stomach drop though she couldn't tell if it was because of the ongoing issues surrounding Doyle or that the jet was starting its descent. Either way, she needed to put that concern away and focus on the case that had brought them to Pittsburgh.

####

A couple of days later, Emily stretched after walking into her hotel room and closing the door. The hotel they were currently staying in unfortunately didn't have gym facilities. And after today she really needed to workout so she could clear her mind.

As she looked up, she noted that it was still light out with the sun not scheduled to set for another 45 minutes. Going into her go bag, she quickly pulled out her exercise clothes and changed before gathering her phone and key. As she was waiting for the elevator, she texted Dave to let him know where she was going. If she had messaged Hotch, Morgan or JJ, she worried that they would ask to come along and right now she just needed some space.

After walking out of the lobby, Emily quickly stretched before starting her run. She wasn't planning on venturing out too far in her plan of using up some of the excess energy that she needed to burn after today.

They had been notified of a new victim early in the day. When they had arrived at the house, they found that it was a young mother whose young son had been in the house with her dead body until his father came home and called 911.

Emily had stepped out of the house as soon it was practical, overwhelmed at this victim. A few minutes later Morgan had joined her and questioned why she had stepped out.

And while she knew exactly why she had reacted the way she did she couldn't tell him. Or any of them.

Even Hotch.

Especially Hotch.

Only Alicia knew that she had once contemplated ending her own life and the circumstances around it. And a large part of why she didn't want to tell them is that she couldn't explain those circumstances.

It continued to confound her that these things happened to Lauren Reynolds but Emily was the one that had to keep dealing with the fall out of that mission. For as well as she could compartmentalize other areas of her life with ease, she had struggled to do it with the events surrounding the Doyle case.

It had been after she had been trapped in Doyle's compound for over two months with no end in sight. They had moved from France to a compound in Tuscany that her team hadn't found in the preparation research for the mission.

In that time there had been no attempt for her team to extricate her. Not when she was in France even well past the timing that it should have occurred nor since she had arrived in Tuscany.

After the move and being introduced to Declan, Ian had started to push marriage onto her. For a while, she had seemingly gotten away with declining his proposal. However as Declan became closer to her, Ian began to force the issue until one day he exploded.

He had taken her to a room in the basement and punished her for denying him. When he was done he had taken her back to their room informing her that until she agreed, she would be restricted to that room unless she was with him. The beatings continued daily as he tried to break her resolve as he told her the only way they would stop is if she agreed to marry him and help him raise the family he wanted.

And with that she felt trapped. She had already gone deeper undercover with him when Ian and his crew had become suspicious of her. Could she go even deeper and marry him? Marry a psychopath? If she did, he would never let her go.

Could she have his children? In just a few short weeks the Depo shot that had so far been protecting her would run out. Raise them to be the criminals she had committed her life to arresting?

Would agreeing to marry him really change her circumstances? She knew better than to believe that the beatings would stop forever if she agreed. A man like him with an explosive temper would always find other reasons.

After a particularly intense punishment and finding it difficult to move without a great deal of pain, Emily had hit bottom and wanted it all to end. What stopped her was hearing Declan running down the hall and then laughing as he played in his room. She had been terrified that if she went through with her plan that he would be the one to walk in and find her dead.

It was then that she reevaluated the situation and came up with a plan to get out. She needed to be able to get out of that room and preferably outside. If her team was working to extricate her, they would want to be able see her before they came in.

So the next day, she agreed to Ian's proposal. After she was wearing his ring he allowed her to have access to the rest of the house again as well as the gardens though she noticed that she was watched much more closely by Ian's guards.

A couple of days later, she was relieved when the car came racing in and she was immediately taken out as the others in the compound were arrested. Her chance had worked in getting her out and away from Ian. But she knew she wouldn't have gotten there without Declan's presence. His presence that day saved her life. That was why it had been so important to her that he was protected and safe.

Having been in that head space it had been too much to walk into that house. What they found suggested that the mother had killed herself with her young son in the next room. It was triggering for her to see what might have been if she had made a different decision that day even with Declan not being her child.

She had used her experience and insight to propose the alternative explanation that the woman was drugged to a confused Derek. A suggestion that as the day went on began to look more and more plausible in how the UNSUB was killing though they were no closer to finding him yet.

As she ran, Emily considered that Derek wasn't one to let things go easily. She needed to anticipate that they weren't done talking about what happened at the house but she couldn't give him what he wanted in terms of an explanation. It was at that point that she arrived back at the hotel just as the evening darkness took hold.

When she reached her room, she texted Dave that she was back before going in and taking a shower feeling somewhat calmer than she had earlier. Once out of the shower she prepared for bed but knew that sleep would be difficult to find tonight. It was then that she heard a knock on the door.

####

When Derek Morgan walked off the elevator he saw Hotch stepping out of his own hotel room. After looking over, Hotch turned before walking in his direction. As he approached, Morgan asked, "What's up, Hotch?"

Hotch sighed before stating, "I just got a call from the locals. There is a new body."

"Do you want just us to go or the whole team?" Morgan asked as he gestured down the hall.

"We should all go and check it out. I was just going to start knocking on doors." Hotch replied.

Morgan nodded, "OK, I can go tell Prentiss and Rossi if you can get Reid and JJ."

Hotch nodded and they split as they each went towards those rooms. Morgan first stopped by Rossi's room and the elder profiler stated he would be out in less than five minutes.

When Morgan got to Emily's room, he nervously waited after knocking as he wondered if she had already gone to bed. He had stopped by earlier to check in with her and she hadn't answered the door at that time.

It wasn't long before he let out the breath he had been holding as he heard movement in the room shortly before the door opened. And when the door opened, he was surprised. This was a side of Emily that he had never seen before today.

She had her damp hair was pulled back into two loose low pigtails. His eyes then took in that she was wearing a red cami top with spaghetti straps. On closer examination, he noticed that her top stopped just above her navel leaving a gap between it and her black pajama pants with matching red balloons riding low on her hips.

What he did observe was not only the toned abs he suspected she'd have from her frequent gym workouts but also the glint of metal which he recognized as being from a navel ring as well as the edge of what he determined was a tattoo. With his glance traveling further down her body he first saw an ankle bracelet on her left ankle before coming to the two gold toe rings on each foot that lead to her teal painted toes.

As he looked back up, he immediately noticed the look she was giving him as she said, "my eyes are up here Derek.".

Oh crap, he knew that look. Having two sisters and having dated countless women he was familiar with the look of a pissed off woman. But none of them were as scary as the woman currently standing in front of him.

Unlike all of the other women in his life, Emily carried a gun and could hold her own in hand to hand against him. At least he didn't need to worry about her shooting him. Hotch wouldn't let her.

However when movement to his side caught his attention, he noticed that Hotch had come over to join them after talking to Reid and JJ. From the glare now on his face, Morgan was certain that Hotch had heard Emily's last comment. And now all the sudden Morgan wasn't as reassured that Hotch would actually prevent Emily from shooting him if she was so inclined.

He gulped as he looked back at her. At this point his charm was going to be the only thing to save him. He smiled as he turned towards her and said, "love to teal toes Princess."

Emily huffed before she answered, "did you stop by for a reason or just to look at my toes?" as she was not in the mood for company tonight. She paused before continuing after a smirk crossed her face, "I didn't realize you had a foot fetish but it explains so much."

"I don't have a foot fetish Prentiss." Morgan grumbled back at her now wishing that he had gone to get Reid and JJ instead and left Prentiss to Hotch.

Emily crossed her arms over her chest and asked, "then why in the hell are you at my door?"

Before Derek can say anything Reid rushes up and looks back and forth between Derek and Emily unfazed by her sleep attire before he glances over at Hotch and asks, "are we ready to go?"

"Go?" Emily questions loudly before noticing Rossi slowly coming out of his room a couple of door down the hall fully dressed

"Yes, isn't that what you were talking about?" Reid asked.

Emily huffed before looking down at her clothes and mumbled, "no. I'll be out in five" before letting the door slam closed.

####

Dave Rossi gathered the rest of the items he needed as he prepared to leave his hotel room, uncertain about prompting this late call out for the team yet understanding that it was nothing good.

As he slowly opened the door, Dave noticed Derek standing at Emily's door. Emily appeared to be annoyed at him and on closer examination he discovered the reason why.

As a long term ladies' man Dave clearly recognized what he was seeing. Derek was checking her out. Even with Derek's reputation Dave would have thought all things considered that he would be able to do better than to be openly gawking at her. And apparently she wasn't the only one who was having an issue with it.

When Hotch walked back towards them, he took in the scene in front of him as well. As he did Dave noticed unexpected expressions cross their boss' face - lust, attraction, jealousy in quick succession then a stormy look passed over Hotch's face before it turned to a glare. It had happened so quickly that if Dave hadn't been looking at him when it happened he wouldn't have seen it.

As they waited in the hall for Emily to join them, Dave covertly observed him as Hotch continued to glare at Derek.

When he had come back to the team, Dave had recognized JJ as being what he had known previously to be Hotch's type. He had even subtly mentioned it to Hotch as Dave quickly picked up on that Hotch was having issues with his marriage. Hotch had immediately dismissed it.

It hadn't taken long for Dave to recognize that there was nothing but professional respect between those two agents. However now it appears perhaps that Dave had placed Hotch's potential attraction on the wrong agent.

As they waited he thought through Hotch's interactions with Emily that he had witnessed. Dave shook his head at not remembering anything obviously out of the ordinary that would indicate a personal relationship between the two. However since he had come back to the team Hotch had been somewhat distracted with his separation and now divorce. However Dave couldn't come up with another plausible explanation to explain his reaction just now.

His thoughts were interrupted when Emily's door opened and out she walked looking like the Agent Prentiss with whom they were all familiar much to everyone's relief.

As they walked towards the elevator, Dave was in the rear watching them though it didn't give him any information as they weren't walking next to each other. With the elevator descending Dave smirked as he vowed to himself to keep observing them. If there was something there, he would figure it out.

####

As Emily stopped to refill her coffee cup, she sighed at the memory of parents that she and JJ had interviewed that day. Interviewing the parents of children had died was a task that Emily found had never gotten easier and was always emotionally draining. Additionally some of these interviews affected her more deeply than others.

And today that was the case in the interview with the Morris family. The mother, Laurie Ann, was paralyzed with grief over the loss of their young daughter. She had barely engaged with Emily and JJ even as they described the potential threat to the family from their UNSUB. While they each knew that everyone processes grief in their own way, Laurie Ann worried them as her current demeanor could make her a target for their UNSUB.

But what Emily specifically hadn't been able to get out of her head since was how disconnected Laurie Ann appeared to be with her young son, not even being able to look at or touch him. And Emily had found during that interview that memories of her own childhood were triggered.

Even having been slightly older than the little boy they saw that day, she could remember how distant her mother was with her starting after her brother's death. Emily had several memories of her mother looking away from her or walking out of a room when she walked into it. Months later when her mother had taken another position in another country and left her and her father, it hadn't fazed Emily as it had been months since her mother had interacted with her.

Emily shook her head, willing tears not to fall at the memory. At the contrast between that version of her mother and her earliest memories when her brother was still alive. The memories of fun and laughter from all of them that never came back after that devastating loss. All pictures of her brother were hidden away which also included many pictures of her first three years.

Emily was pulled out of her thoughts as Morgan called out to her to come with him on an assignment from Hotch. As she walked out with Morgan, Emily hoped that the outcome for Laurie Ann and her young son would be less strained than the one she had had with the Ambassador for years.

####

As they settled on the jet for the return trip to Quantico, Emily reflected on the case. When they found the path that had led them to the UNSUB, they had found that he already had Laurie Ann Morris in his clutches. While Emily had been worried about her since their interview days earlier, what had happened tonight reassured Emily that Laurie Ann had made a step forward.

Emily and JJ had explained to the family what this UNSUB was doing. Tonight Laurie Ann had found herself in her car with him. She could have given into the grief and become his next victim but she didn't. She fought back. She had crashed her car to disorient him which allowed the team to reach them and arrest the UNSUB.

And that action of fighting back, fighting to live, gave Emily hope for Laurie Ann and her family. She was further encouraged by Laurie Ann's reaction when Emily spoke to her after the UNSUB was arrested. When Emily had gently reminded her that her son still needed her. A sentiment that Laurie Ann had responded to and for the first time Emily saw her interact and embrace her son. There was still a long road ahead for the Morris family but hopefully those were just first steps.

Even with that Emily felt agitated. As expected Morgan had approached her earlier on the flight about her reaction at the house a couple of days earlier. As expected, she hadn't been able to give him an answer before he walked back to his seat.

She took a deep breath after checking her watch, noticing that they should be arriving in enough time for her to finish her paperwork from the case before her early morning appointment with Alicia that she had made earlier in the day. With all of the feelings that this case had brought up, she thought it would be helpful to talk to the person who understood the circumstances. She knew she wasn't going to be able to sleep well until she did.

AN: Thanks for all the feedback on the last chapter. Next chapter will be around the '3rd life' episode. I'll post as soon as it's ready.