Chapter 18: Awakening

A moment passed. Just one, where amber eyes met her's across the void. Then they dropped down.

If she hadn't completely forgotten that she was naked, she would probably have been too embarrassed to notice that his eyes lingered for just another moment. Might not have noticed the molted amber eyes turning faded. Hungry.

And that look kept her from wrapping her wings around her, kept her from shielding herself from his eyes. She primal part of her deep down awakening at that.

Didn't want too until he swerved away from her, hand going up to his face.

The realization washed over her harder than the embarrassment.

Oh god.

She unfroze, wrapping her wings around herself tightly.

Oh god.

He cleared his throat, or coughed.

Oh god.

"Why are you naked?" Azriel croaked, once again clearing his throat.

"I was taking a bath!" She exclaimed, a flush covering her from head till toe now.

"Oh for god's sake," he muttered tensely. Still with his back against her he shrugged out of his jacket, holding it out behind him without turning around. She hesitated, feet rooted into the nothingness.

"Will you please take it?" He groaned.

"Fine," she huffed. Almost tiptoeing over to grab the jacket, wings still wrapped tightly around herself. She ignored the shadows around him, seemingly peeking over his shoulder as she turned her back on him too pull it on.

It smelled like him, of course, and her face heated again. His scent against her naked skin, naked breasts, naked hips.

"Are you decent?" he mumbled, just as she let the jacket fall over her hips. It easily covered everything down to her upper thigh.

"As decent as I can manage," she almost hissed back. She tugged at the jacket as he turned around slightly, as if checking. She could barely look at him as he finally turned to face her, and instead she wrung the water out of her wet hair.

"And why where you at home bathing and not back at the lake?" He raised a brow, eyes just grazing past her then focusing on the nothingness behind her.

"Because you left me there!" she exclaimed. Her earlier anger came rushing back, the anger she'd placed on him even though she knew she was just mad at herself. But she didn't want to hold back now. "It didn't work, your stupid breathing and visualization didn't work!"

He clenched his jaw, arms crossed in front of him. Erin didn't want to look at the muscle rippling beneath his shirt. "Your way didn't work," she repeated coldly.

He didn't say anything, a lock of hair falling down on his forehead as he turned his head to the side. Looking at something she couldn't see. She suddenly realized that maybe he could see something she didn't, maybe this void was different too him.

"What happened when you shifted, exactly?" he asked.

"I don't know!" she groaned. "I was in the bath and the water started boiling and then I was here!"

"You must have felt something, you're shifting when your emotions are heightened. That's what I wanted to avoid-"

"Well too bad." she cut him off. Harshly. She regretted it immediately, but didn't take it back. He finally turned back towards her, looking straight at her.

"What where you thinking about?"

"Nothing" she lied. There was no way he'd understand. No way he'd understand what it felt like, to be useless. To be able to do nothing.

"Fine, don't tell me," he grunted. He sounded annoyed. "Then tell me what you see now."

"The shift?" She cocked an eyebrow, once again pulling at the jacket. His eyes darted to her hands, then quickly away.

"Be more precise, what to you feel? Can you see the room around you?"

"No, I think I can feel that I'm in a room, but I can't see where I am. It's all foggy. And I couldn't feel the water, or the bathtub. It faded away."

"Okay," he nodded. "Anything else?"

"I felt it, when you shifted. I think. Like a wave," she swallowed. He only nodded in response. "Do you see the room? Do you see beyond the shift?"

"I can, if I want too."

"That's how you spy on people?" She commented, brows raised. She thought he almost rolled his eyes.

"Yes."

"Creepy," she mumbled, turning away from him just as his eyes snapped to her.

"Really Erin?"

She hoped he didn't notice her pause, hoped he didn't notice that her cheeks flushed as he said her name. Even in that wry tone, from his lips, it sent a shiver through her. Suddenly she was once again painfully aware that she was naked under the jacket.

"You should probably be serious, if you ever want to get out of here," he drawled, and the flush faded.

"What about the blast, I don't think there was one this time. I didn't feel it," she turned back.

"Probably absorbed by your siphon" Azriel nodded to the pendant. "You should decide what to use it for"

"What?"

"The energy power, with the siphon you could form it to different things. Most choose weapons, but there are shields, armor, anything you'd want I guess."

"You have one for everything," she pointed out. She thought of the seven siphons he usually adorned.

Azriel didn't look at her. "What more do you see?"

"Why do you need so many siphons?" she urged. Gilron had three, and that had been the most she'd ever seen anyone wear before Azriel and Cassian.

"You should concentrate on the shift, if you don't manage to get out of it soon you'll catch a cold."

"No I won't," she turned her head to the side. "It's not cold."

"You should still put some clothes on" he said, his voice dropping. "Your own clothes."

"Oh I'm sorry if my being naked offends you," she answered dryly. "You'd think a five hundred year old male would have seen enough naked females not to be all fussy about it."

She bit her lip. Oh why was she saying these things. Why didn't she just shut up. Why couldn't she stop herself. She didn't have to keep antagonizing him.

Azriel's shoulders tensed. "I'm not offended." he grumbled. "And I am not fussy"

"Right," she drawled with an eyeroll. Her voice calm but her mind running amok. Stop antagonizing him. Stop teasing. Stop everything. Do what he says.

"Then why are you blushing?" The words left her mouth before she could stop them, that now familiar flickering inside her awakening. She bit the inside of her mouth, almost drawing blood as she cursed herself.

Why.

Why couldn't she just keep her mouth shut. She'd been so good at it for nineteen years before she came to Velaris.

"I am not blushing" he almost spat out. But even as he turned away, she saw the redness on his cheeks. The flaring inside her rejoiced. It wanted more. It loved the flush still covering the spymasters cheek as he turned back to her, brows narrowed, hair falling down on his forehead.

For a moment she might have forgotten who he was, the old powerful shadowsinger. She might have thought he was just another Illyrian like her, young and uncertain. For a moment, she gazed at those amber eyes, and felt something inside her straining.

Then he finally said, with a dangerous calm "If you ever want to get out of here, you should probably start visualizing."

Whatever that had been, it snapped.

"I said that didn't work!" she growled.

"That's how you got out of here the last time, remember?" He arched an eyebrow. She grit her teeth.

"Not really." Most of it had been a hazy, panic flooded fog.

Azriel sighed, shoulders heaving.

"Imagine a door. Or an archway, a gate. Anything you'd usually walk through. You're not actually walking through something, you're just phasing through the shift. But it helps to visualize the act of actually walking through something."

Erin let out a breath too, maybe because his voice had warmed slightly. But also because she kind of remembered a door, or a wall. Something. She definitely remember a feeling, like the one when she'd crossed into the shift.

She didn't say anything as she closed her eyes, and tried to imagine a door. Just a door, any door.

She practically felt him watching her.

"I can't concentrate when you're looking at me."

He sighed, loudly, but she heard his clothes rustle as he turned away.

She thought of her door. She thought of the door to their cottage in Southshield. She thought of the warmth that had always embraced her as she stepped over the threshold.

She felt it all as she shifted.

She opened her eyes, and watched the veil thin around her, watched the white nothingness fade, felt it fade. Felt the tiled floor materialize under her feet. Felt it as she stubbed her toe on the bathtub.

She let out a low curse, just as the Shadowsinger materialized beside her.

Suddenly the bathroom felt extremely crowded. His wings would probably touch each wall if he spread them out.

"You moved" he stated. Seemingly unbothered by the fact that they where both pressed into the bathroom, tiled walls locking them in.

"Moved where?" she narrowed her eyes. She was still in the bathroom.

"You said you shifted in the bath right?" his eyes flickered to the bathtub between them, still filled with water. "And now you're beside it. Which means you moved through the shift"

"Oh," she breathed. She did't quite know what kind of difference it made, but by the thoughtful look on his now dark eyes. He did.

They both heard the keys in the front door, and they both shifted. Azriel's eyes quickly swept over her, then cleared his throat.

"I'm going. You should change into something dry. We'll keep going tomorrow."

"But-" Erin opened her mouth to stop him, but he'd already vanished.

The door creaked open, followed by light footsteps and then it slammed shut. Erin looked down at the jacket, Azriel's jacket.

"Erin?" Mor called out, voice dancing. Of course she already heard that Erin was there, but they'd fallen into the habit of announcing themselves anyway.

"Yeah I'm here," she called back, and bolted for the door. "I'm just going to put something on!"

She fled across the hallway and into her room, closing the door tightly behind her. She shrugged the jacket off and threw it alway across the room, it tumbled down on the floor. She quickly pulled on underwear, black tights and a thick sweater. She was a little cold, the burning inside her had turned ashen.

"Hey," she called as she walked into the kitchen. Mor was already making tea, two cups on the counter.

"Hi," Mor smiled warmly "I've barely seen you these last few days."

"You've been busy, it's understandable." Erin waved it away, sitting down on one of the chairs and pulling her leg up to wrap her arms around.

"It's been…" Mor sighed "A lot."

Erin let her eyes step across Mor, she looked amazing, as always. But there was a stiffness to her movements, a tiredness in her eyes. Erin took a deep breath, "Is there anything I could do to help?"

Mor's eyes flipped to her as she turned with the cups, placing one in front of Erin at the table.

"Have you talked to Cassian yet?" Mor asked carefully.

"There's nothing more to say. He made his opinions very clear" Erin tried to sound nonchalant, but failed miserably.

"It's hard for him, to see his people acting this way. He's always been trying to make it better in Illyria and this is all proof that it hasn't worked." Mor sighed "He blames himself more than anyone."

Erin swallowed hard. "He should know better than to think they can change."

Mor was silent. There must have been something to Erin's voice that made her swallow her reply. They drank their tea in a tired silence. And even though they didn't speak, Erin did find some kind of consolation in that she wasn't alone.

…

Erin stared into the dark that night, tired to the bone but still didn't want to close her eyes. There was no light from the sky tonight. No stars and no moon. Just dulled darkness that crept up and swallowed her whole.

She kicked the covers off, the warmth suddenly suffocating. The air cooled her skin but did nothing to erase her running thoughts. She'd tried for hours to shut them out, to shut out the thoughts of the shadowsinger. But every time she closed her eyes, she saw his face. Saw the molten amber eyes turning faded, feral. She played it over and over in her mind. She couldn't stop.

His eyes had dropped, that curl of hair falling onto his forehead as his eyes grazed across her naked body, slowly, hungrily.

Erin shifted again, her body once again flushing, despite the chill in the air. She clamped her legs together tightly.

Finally she drifted off to sleep, still thinking of amber eyes.

.

Erin dreamt that she was in the shift, in the nothingness that both scared her and welcomed her. It spread out before her like an empty landscape, no soul as long as her eyes could see. And for a few moments, she felt relaxed, laying down on the airy ground below her. She closed her eyes, she'd be safe here.

She felt it nipping at her fingertip.

She cracked her eyes open, watching as the shadow danced around her fingertips. She moved her hand up, letting it swirl around her fingers and then up her wrist.

At first the touch was so light she barely felt it, just a slight tingling as it blew across her skin. But then the shadow grew larger, denser as it played across her arm. She let it travel up her shoulder, and she shuddered as it kissed her neck.

It kissed it's way across her neck, her collarbone, and up the other side. Getting denser, more corporeal by the second. Erin let her head fall back, allowing the shadows to keep their journey up her jawline.

She gasped as it flickered by her lips, almost electrifying. The shadows smelled like him, like the shadowsinger.

The shadows paused, traveling by her cheek, across her eyelids and back down, once again kissing her lips. Erin closed her eyes.

She was hot, her skin was burning feverishly despite her thin nightclothes. And the shadows where cool, soothing as they traveled down her neck. She sighed, marveling at the tender chill.

Suddenly shadows came curling from everywhere around, dancing around her toes and traveling up her hair.

She leaned back into the ground she didn't feel. She only felt the shadows, only felt them as they explored and cooled her body. She felt it especially as the shadows traveled down her across her shoulder, and then nipped at her breast.

She bit her lip, her back arching.

The shadows thickened, circling her breast. It felt like a touch, like ghostly fingers cupping her through the thin fabric of her shirt.

She gasped this time, her breasts tightening under her shirt.

Oh.

Despite the soothing shadows, she was burning. A fire that started deep, deep down, below her stomach. A pulsating beat in her very core. She moved her legs, the pounding so hard she didn't know what to do. Her fingers clawed at the nothing below.

A shadow snaked across her stomach. The bare inches between her thin shorts and top. It trailed kisses across her stomach, down beneath her navel.

She shuddered as it traveled over her shorts, over her hip, and caressed her burning thigh. More shadows came traveling, across her stomach, playing at the hem of her shorts. Quietly tracing patterns across her legs, higher.

She held her breath, her back arching as the shadows played across her, sneaking across her burning skin and traveling slowly up the inside of her thigh. She moved her legs just slightly, wanting them to continue, wanting them to ease that incessant pounding now located between her legs.

So close, they swept, hard and cool against her skin, against the edge of her shorts. Her back arched in anticipation as the shadow densed, almost like ghostly fingers across her thin shorts and then-

Erin startled awake. Consciousness hitting her like brick.

She was slick with sweat, her skin prickling like she was on fire, and her breath came out ragged and hard.

She clamped her legs together immediately, the pounding in her core so hard she could barely think of anything else. She closed her eyes and tried to gasp down as much cooling air as she could.

Just a dream. It didn't mean anything.

The pounding continued, reverberating through her whole body as she lay back down. Still breathing hard she laid back down.

This had never happened to her before. A dream about… that. She bit her lip, she didn't even want to think about it. Didn't want to think about what her body wanted right now. Just go back to sleep, she ordered herself.

But she found herself listening through the dark apartment, it was empty Mor still wasn't home. Not that it mattered, she told herself again.

The pounding continued, and the brief but soothing feel of a shadowy hand between her legs lingered. What would have happened if she hadn't woken up?

She realized she'd bundled her hands into the sheets, her knuckles turning white. She'd… explored herself before. A few times, if she'd had the privacy. Mostly out of curiosity, it had been fine but… she'd never really felt the need before.

Not like this. Not like this incessant, thought consuming feeling burning through her whole body.

Erin didn't know how long she lay there, trying to quench the fire inside her. Maybe she wasn't even fully awake anymore as she finally gave in. And the thought of shadows and molten amber eyes brought her over the edge for the first time.

AN: HEY GUYS! I'M BACK. And with a saucy chapter, gotta come back with a bang right?

I'm really sorry about the delay for this chapter, but things ended between me and my boyfriend and I've had to take some time to work through it.

Because of the long wait I had to change some things, so I haven't changed the setting to M yet, but I'll probably have to soon. So once again remember to save the story, or favorite or follow so you'll find it and not miss any updates.