Christian and I live a very blessed life. Every day I wake up and I can't believe that this is the life I'm leading. I never have the worry about money again. Christian has shown that he can be a loving husband and father to our two children. However, after I had Charlotte 6 months ago I started to become avoidant and depressed. I look at my body in the mirror and I barely know who I am. My stomach has a pooch and I have stretch marks. I feel as though Christian may be finding me less attractive than when we met 5 years ago. I want to eat better and exercise but I have not had the will power to do so. I feel I should do better especially since I have everything I need and more.

"Ana!" Christian called "Ana!"

"Here" I called back from the couch in the living room.

"Ana! Charlotte needs you, she's been crying for the past 25 mins didn't you hear it" He said little upset.

"Sorry!" I sighed as I put my book down and got off the couch. "Where's the nanny anyway!

"we only have her around part time. Remember? Your wishes" He replied

"Yeah Sorry!" I said feeling a bit guilty

I felt so lethargic as I climbed the spiral staircase of our large home. I entered the nursery and she was laying in the crib screeching. I walked over and I could clearly see that the diaper needed to be changed. That was most likely the reason that she woke up. I quickly changed the diaper and started to rock her back and forth in my arms. I still needed to finish my Manuscript and I desperately needed a nap. My arms started to ache as I continued to rock her back and forth. Plus, I had two manuscripts that I had to read before my meeting with the authors next week. Mrs. Jones must be here somewhere.

"Mrs. Jones" I called

"Yes! Mrs. Grey!" She said coming up the stairs.

"Can you take Charlotte? I just can't do this right now. I have others things to do"

"No Problem Mrs. Grey! I'll keep her occupied so that you can have some peace and quiet"

"Thank you!" I said

I went back downstairs to get the manuscript that I was reading. I see Christian coming up the stairs to greet me. I smile at him seductively. He looks at me with surprise.

"Where is Charlotte! I thought that you were going up to the nursey to spend time with her?"

He said confused.

"I can't Christian I'm too busy with my manuscript so I changed her diaper and gave her to Mrs. Jones" I explained.

"You know you have not been spending time much with the kids lately. They miss you" He said

"Later!" I said smiling "I promise"

"Is something wrong?" He asked with sincerity and love in his voice

"I just have a lot of work to do" I said with a sense of urgency

"Red Room after?" He asked with a spark of excitement

"Maybe!" I teased

How could I tell him that I have been feeling depressed since Charlotte was born. I was so embarrassed. I love Christian with all my heart but I have lost my desire to do what I used to love. My libido has plummeted since Charlotte's birth and I know that has been hard on Christian. Especially since we had kinky sex for most of my pregnancy with Teddy. I cleared my head

I didn't finish the manuscript till 3pm, and I was exhausted. I curled up on the couch for a quick nap, leaving the manuscript on the coffee table.

"Ana! Ana!" Christ said gently rubbing my shoulder trying to wake me.

"Yes!" I said

"It's dinner time! Mrs. Jones is making lasagna, one of your favorites" He said helping me off the couch.

We went to the dining room to have dinner, Teddy and Charlotte were already at the table waiting. I took a seat beside Christian.

"I think that you should cut your hours at SIP down. The kids need you at home" Christian stated

"I love my job Christian! I don't want to give it up" I explained

"You have a much more important job at home here. There is plenty of money you know that" Christian said.

"I will try to make more of an effort at home, I'm sorry" I said feeling a little guilty and embarrassed.

"I know how easy it is for you to pass the kids off the Mrs. Jones or Andrea but they have been asking for their mother" He said clearly upset "I have made you an appointment with Dr. Archer. I'm no expert on this subject but maybe it would be helpful to talk to somebody"

He got up from the table and leaned in for a hug. I felt the warmth of his strong embrace surround me. I felt my eyes well up with tears, this was not the response that I was expecting, I had no idea how much my depression had affected my family.

"Thank you Christian" I said