Chapter 1: In Which a Seriously Hairy Meeting Takes Place

"Wow. I kind of thought it wouldn't actually happen."

"Me tripping all over myself, or just turning up in general?" Harry asked from the rug in front of the fireplace.

"Both."

"I told you I would. You're going to have to start trusting me on these things, Padfoot."

"Harry," Sirius said, helping the boy up. "I've just met you, and this is crazy… What is going on?"

Harry looked around and patted imaginary dust off his clothes. He had flooed in to Sirius' new house- more like ranch- in Wyoming. Apparently land was cheap here, and Sirius had used some of his reparation money to get on the property ladder.

"Nice digs. Well, I say nice. It looks like they're going to film a reboot of Bonanza in here."

"I bought it a month ago, I've not really had time to decorate."

"Oh well, maybe I can help. I've got almost three months of summer, and I don't want to overstay my welcome at the Weasleys'."

"That's great, but I still don't know how you got me out, or what is going on."

"You," Harry paused dramatically, "are being too serious."

"I can't help that, it's in my nature."

Harry smiled, and Sirius snorted.

"Alright. I'll explain, but let me check for bugs." Harry waved his wand, and a pulse of light shot out.

"Looks like we're good."

"Harry, you're underage."

"First of all, we're in a different country, second of all, I dodged the trace so far, thirdly, we're mentally about the same age."

Sirius scowled, "Well, that's just rude."

"I'm a time traveler. Everything went tits up, and I couldn't beat Voldemort because of the Horcruxes, so I sent my mind back in time in order to save everything. I'm 3o-ish depending on how you count."

His godfather was processing the words. Harry could tell by the blank look and the blinking. "... That's so stupid. I love it."

"I'm glad. Let me go into a bit more detail…"

••••••••••

Sirius rubbed his face with both hands. "That's…"

"Stupid, amazing, brilliant, horrible, hilarious?" Harry supplied.

"All of the above and more," Sirius decided. "You know, I can't get over the fact that I fell into the veil. Stupid ministry shouldn't even have it out like that."

"Yeah, I had a small hope that you would somehow have followed me into this timeline, but I guess not."

Sirius blinked. "That doesn't even make any sense."

Harry shrugged. "Nothing makes sense around me. I'm a maelstrom of chaos."

"That sounds scarily accurate, actually." He grinned. "I'm glad you're keeping up the Marauder tradition."

Harry scoffed. "You and Dad were arseholes at school."

"What? We were the life of the school!"

"You two were frequently bullies, and you tried to get Severus killed. I have eyewitness memories of the two of you acting as badly as Draco Malfoy did in the previous timeline."

"That's… taken out of context!"

"Your only excuse is youth, and that many teens are cruel," Harry shrugged. "I'm not saying it's inexcusable. But don't act as though the Marauders should be emulated. One of them was Pettigrew."

Sirius winced. "Low blow, Harry."

Harry cut the air with his hand. "Just the truth. I was a jerk while in Hogwarts too. Most kids are from time to time." He sighed, "Enough of that. Other than updating your home decor, what do you think we should do?"

"Shouldn't we put some thought into where his horcruxes are?"

"Ugh. Eventually. I think I'll have it solved once I get a hold of the diary though. But it's summer break and we don't have to worry about that for a few years. Probably."

"Probably?"

"Yes. It'll most likely take longer than last time, with Peter locked up. Let's have some fun!"

"Like what?"

"Well, I had been thinking Vegas, but it will probably be better to wait until I'm at least 18, if not 21."

"Americans have weird age limits. You can buy a gun before you can drink."

"We sell wands to eleven year olds. And we just had a conversation about kids being dicks. I bet if as many children had access to magic as had partial access to their parent's guns we'd see a whole world of shit. Carrie wouldn't be a horror film, but a documentary. You don't need to know dark spells to do damage, I once killed a man with the tickling curse."

Sirius raised an eyebrow.

"It was early-ish in the war. I didn't have the stomach for torture. Yet. I needed some information. It turns out if you keep someone laughing for long enough, they can get hypoxia. I didn't get the information from them, but the next guy in line was very forthcoming."

"... You're a little scary."

"I was a lot scary. I'm better now." His mouth twitched, and he let out a small snort before grinning. "Mostly. Consider this a rehab vacation for two."

"I can get on board for that. If not Vegas…?"

"Seattle? It's summer, the weather might be nice."

"Bit of a trip, and I'm not made of money."

"You live in Wyoming. Everything's a trip. Except we're wizards. And as to money, I'm bankrolling everything. I'm a time traveller, we looked up the stock market records before coming back."

"You're the best godson ever."

"We can't be too conspicuous. It just means we get to have some fun without any worries. No yachts or limos or Dom Perignon magnums. "

"Kill joy."

"Oh please. I'm not going to be stingy, I just wanted to cut you off before you started daydreaming."

•••••••••••

There were about three weeks left of summer vacation left when they returned to England. After spending a week in Seattle, they continued the tourism in NYC, DC, and went back to Miami so Harry could see the mind specialists again.

"We've been having a great time Harry, why do we have to come back here?"

They were standing in front of Black Manor.

"Because we need a home in England, and you already own it. Plus, as annoying as I'm sure you think it will be, you are a Lord of a most ancient and blah blah kill me now family. This is a very useful tool. We're going to use it to our advantage."

"Oh gods. Politics?"

"As little as possible, but yes. We can probably get you a representative for most matters. I have some ideas about that as well. Let's go in."

"Harry, how much do you know about this house?"

"Eh, some? I spent a fair amount of time in it. The library is… interesting."

Sirius winced, "That's one word to use."

Harry smirked. "Come on, open it up."

Sirius tapped the front door with his wand, and the sound of locks, bolts, and some sort of chain mechanism could be heard activating. The two walked in quickly, wands drawn.

Harry put a finger up to his lips, and turned to the horrible old troll's leg umbrella stand with his wand. "First things first," he whispered.

He stood there, wand pointed for over a minute, as the macabre piece of furniture slowly transformed into a large metal dome.

"What are you doing?"

"Shh. This is important. Your late mother left some presents behind since your incarceration."

Sirius blinked, but still didn't see the point.

Harry cast a levitation charm on the dome, and grabbed it. "Cast a sticking charm on it, will you?"

Sirius rolled his eyes, but accommodated his godson.

Lining it up with the curtains on the central wall across from the door, Harry stepped forward and pressed it against the wall.

There was a faint sound of curtains opening, then a slightly muffled yelling began.

"Silencio!"

The wailing stopped, and Harry let out a sigh of relief. "Your mother left an animated portrait behind. It's very resistant to magic, and has a permanent sticking charm onto the wall. And the umbrella stand was tacky as hell."

"As well as cursed to trip people. Ah, my mother. Lovely woman. A really loving family, this was."

"Your ability to say that with a straight face is astounding."

Sirius grinned. "Any other changes since I was last here?"

Harry shrugged, "Don't know. I got here after the Order of the Phoenix cleaned it out a fair bit. But it was abandoned for however long, and I know there were infestations of doxies and other pests."

"Are you sure we have to stay here?"

"We need a place in England, and property prices are stupid expensive. We're going to redecorate with extreme prejudice, pay to have the wards tuned up and updated, and eventually slap a fidelius on it. Hocus pocus, alakazam- one bachelor pad slash safe house. We might even, if we're feeling generous, let the Order use it a bit."

"... You're taking things a bit for granted."

"Sirius, you loathe this place, and would be happy to see it burnt to the ground."

"Now you're talking!"

"Redecorate with extreme prejudice. Modernize it, and make it into something that would have all your ancestors rolling in their graves. Afterwards, it's just a large property in London."

A smile slowly grew on Sirius' face. "Okay, I can get behind that. I wish you could have told me before I bought the ranch though."

"Nah, we'll want a place in the US as well. The food's better."

"When it isn't trying to give you a heart attack."

"Have you ever had a donna kebab? Scotland literally invented deep fat frying."

"They drive on the wrong side of the street."

"True. They're farther from France though."

"That's… Damn. Good point."

"Hah. Point for me. Could you call Kreacher? He can help out."

"Kreacher? Fuck." Sirius quickly glanced at Harry sheepishly.

He shrugged. "Technically kinda older than you. I just try to stay in character for school, and Hermione. You syphilitic pig cunt, you," Harry said dryly.

Sirius snorted, then broke into a few chuckles. "Don't change the subject. I don't want to have anything to do with Kreacher."

"To be fair, he wants nothing to do with you. But he's not that bad if you treat him well. Also, there were questions about him and Regulus."

"Regulus? What's he got to do with the price of fish?"

"It's a long story, but Regulus and Kreacher might be the key to finding one of the horcruxes. Plus, your constant abuse of Kreacher was one link in the chain that led to your jump through the Veil."

"Ugh… Fine. Kreacher! Come!"

The elf in question popped into the room with a look of surprise.

"Master? Argh, traitorous master returns! Exile, muggle lover, blood traitor!"

Sirius closed his eyes and let his breath out very slowly. Harry could see his hand gripping his wand tighter, and intervened.

"Kreacher, we'd like to clean up Black Manor and restore it. Could you help us?"

The house elf stopped his rant to look at Harry. "Master is now bringing in brats! No, not just any brat, the one who brought defeat to the Dark Lord! Miserable Potter brat! Miserable traitor master!"

"Kreacher, shut up!" Sirius shouted.

Kreacher obeyed, but glared.

"How are we supposed to work with this?"

"It will take time, but it's important."

Sirius growled. "Fine. I have a solution." He grabbed his wand and held it towards the ceiling. "I do hereby transfer ownership of Kreacher the house elf to Harry James Potter. So mote it be."

A small flash of light from Sirius' wand swept across the room, and Harry faintly felt a change in the back of his mind. "Oh you complete and utter wanker."

"Potter is new master?"

Harry sighed. "Apparently."

"Stupid ex-master. Stupid new master."

"Undoubtedly," Harry agreed.

Kreacher paused, confused at the admission, before shrugging.

"Well, there you go. You can be nice to him if it's so important."

Harry took a deep breath, then let it out. "... Fine. I can work with this. Kreacher, please start dusting. We're going to make the manor habitable again."

"Hmph. Yes master." He popped out of the room.

Harry shook his head. "All right. Let's start making the place safe. Shall we leave the library for last?"

"Probably for the best."

•••••••••••••

That night, Harry lay in a bed he must have used over a dozen cleaning spells on, reading the strange book the headmaster had given him for christmas. He sighed as he put it down. Calling it 'dense' had been an understatement. It reminded him of descriptions of the books ancient muggle alchemists would write, half in code, half crazy ramblings from trying to turn lead into gold by playing with mercury.

So far, he could tell it had topics about the languages of magic, summoning, wandless magic, ritual magic, daemonology, wand lore, spell crafting, blood magic, and more. The most annoying thing perhaps was that the entire thing was disorganized, as if several notebooks of genius mages had been unbound, shuffled, and rebound again.

He had tried spending some time each day with it since Albus had explained what it was, but it was exhausting work. He had to keep several translation spells going at once, while simultaneously trying to make heads or tails of the writing itself.

Still, he could see there was information in there. Perhaps important information. Most nights he would sift through the book and come up with a small nugget of knowledge. So he chipped away at it, and hoped the headmaster would be more forthcoming in their next conversation.

"I wonder, is this some sort of karmic balance for already knowing my school work?" he muttered at the book. It remained silent, which wasn't always a given, and he put it on his bed side table with a sigh before turning out the light.