If Only

by Castlefan6

Authors Note: This is my AU version of an alternate ending to Love and Die in LA. Some Angst, some canon but mostly AU. All things are the same till the Gantz ending, Previously notes courtesy of Dust Jackets dot com.

I don't own Castle, I use the characters for amusement purposes only

Chapter 1

Previously from Canon, courtesy of Dust Jackets dot com.

Inside Castle's Suite

Couch in Common Area

I was so in awe of him, Castle, when I first met him. I just hung on his every word. And then later I realized he was just making up stories to mess with me. (she laughs, then grows serious) I can't believe that I'm never going to see him again.

CASTLE

You know what I thought when I first met you?

BECKETT

Hmm?

CASTLE

(cautious) That you were a mystery that I was never gonna solve. Even now, after spending all this time with you I'm … I'm still amazed at the depth of your strength, your heart … and your hotness.

She smiles.

BECKETT

You're not so bad yourself, Castle.

They're sharing a moment, but neither one wants to make a move to define it. After a long moment of just being, BECKETT breaks it.

BECKETT

I should go. It's late. Good night.

CASTLE

Kate.

She's at her door.

BECKETT

Good night, Castle.

She shuts the door, but instead of going to bed she leans up against the bedroom door. With the space, she tries to work through what just happened. CASTLE is still sitting on the couch, his eyes trained on the door she just shut. Inside, BECKETT is thinking, trying to decide if she should let it go or if she should go back out to him. She wants to go back out, but she's not sure what will happen if she does. CASTLE stands, his eyes still on the door. On the other side, BECKETT moves towards the door handle. Her hand pauses but after a moment she just does it. She pushes the door handle down and the door opens. She went back, but she's too late. The room is empty, and CASTLE'S door is shutting. She's let down, but she closes the door once again.

CASTLE

So how close did you come? With Ganz?

She was closer than she wants to admit. And she doesn't want to admit that having him there was a big reason in her final decision.

BECKETT

Let's go home, Castle.

INSIDE – AIRPLANE, LOS ANGELES TO NEW YORK

She's in first class again; this time she has the window seat. Rick left her to fly to his next destination, something very mysterious about how he was so secretive when she asked where and for how long.

He had been his polite self, perhaps too polite, almost like she was a stranger and he was on his best behavior. Something was off with him, he seemed nothing like the man she had almost come back out of her room for, story of her life, almost and too late.

She unfolds the papers in her hand as she reads Royce's letter again.

ROYCE

(voiceover) And now for the hard part, kid. It's clear that you and Castle have something real. And you're fighting it. But trust me. Putting the job ahead of your heart is a mistake. Risking our hearts is why we're alive. The last thing you want is to look back on your life and wonder, if only.

She considers this and looks towards the space where the man who should be next to her would be but is off somewhere doing something, she has no idea what. Was Royce right all this time, and she missed it all? She thinks for a long moment, just taking in the presence of the absence of Rick next to her before she folds up Royce's letter. She tears up, conflicted. Maybe he was right. And now it's her turn to do something about it.

LAX Airport

Three Gates Down from New York Flight, Same Time

Rick is sitting in the waiting area facing out so he could see Kate's flight push back from the gate, soon she would be on her way back to New York, and he one step closer to getting over some fantasy his mind and heart keep chasing. There comes a time in a man's life he needs to grow up and accept things for how they actually are, not how he wanted them to be. Kate Beckett was not in love with him, never had been nor never would be.

He thought he was on to something a few nights ago in his suite, but as always, she broke a tender moment between the two of them and made her exit. Get a grip Rick, you've been dumped before, hell she isn't even dumping you since you can't end what never started.

He really hadn't thought out where he was going so, he couldn't tell Beckett, but at least she could rest easy now, Royce had been avenged through the justice system. Her jet pushed back and as he watched it taxi out of sight, then on the long runway and then she was gone, in flight back to New York and all that her life considered important, he was sure he didn't fit that bill.

Now what the Hell was he going to do for the next few weeks, or however long it took for his broken heart to heal. He couldn't be angry at her, it wasn't her fault she didn't feel the same about him. She had tried hard to make up hurt feelings caused when she was with Doctor Motorcycle Boy after she kicked his ass to the curb a few months ago. Well at least they parted friendly, and she'd understand some day, if she even missed him at the precinct at all.

As he looked up the gate, he was sitting at was departing for Las Vegas in one hour, 15 minutes, so using his VIP status he booked the last first-class seat, and called his favorite hotel, The Cosmopolitan to arrange his lodging.

Dan Tanaka was his personal concierge, and always made sure he was happy, and as his voice came on the line,

"Rick, I understand we had some last-minute changes to your schedule, and you need accommodations for a couple of weeks? I got you covered 52nd Floor Penthouse, if you need to stay longer just give me a couple of days notice, and as always check in as Jamison Rook, or your doorway will be full of ladies undergarments."

"Dan, you have no idea how much I appreciate you, I'll look for the driver when I land, and Thanks again my friend, Greatly Appreciated. I'll see you in a few hours"

"No Problem Rick, always happy to help one of our best customers, see you in a few hours"

Now he had to call Alexis and Martha and let them know that he would be extending his trip and not sure exactly what was going on, he was doing research, yeah, that sounded good, for a new character he had just thought up.

The conversation went exactly like he thought it would, Alexis checking all the details to make sure he was OK, and Martha adding her jabs about running and hiding from his detective would never solve anything, what a role model for true, everlasting love Rick thought to himself with a laugh.

If he hadn't lived through most of Martha's disasters it would be comical, but the irony now was the last charlatan she thought the sun had risen in, had taken her life savings and she was forced to live with him. He had tried to buy her own apartment, but truth was he truly believed that she was now afraid to be on her own. Even as meddlesome as she was, he had to protect her, she was his Mother.

Rick enjoyed a light snack in the Executive Lounge and three fingers of his favorite single malt liquor, (don't call it Scotch) and was almost dozing when and attractive attendant called his name, and informed him his flight would be boarding in 5 minutes. She also left her business cars, and winked, "Should you ever need any personal assistance, please call".

Innocent enough to all around, but Rick knew exactly what she meant, unfortunately, as attractive as she was he finally understood the old saying of wives and girlfriends, "I'm not in the mood" as he certainly could think of many things he would enjoy, unfortunately Beckett, or the fantasy of Beckett had put his sex drive in low gear.

As he boarded the plane and found his seat, 2B, aisle by left wing facing pilot, he stowed his laptop and personal belonging overhead. Janice, one of the flight attendants took his sport coat and hung it neatly on a rack, returning the claim ticket to him. His drink was set neatly on the flight napkin on the center, as a beautiful blonde woman climbed though the open space to take her seat 2A.

"I'm so very sorry I had to climb over you like that, it wasn't very lady like" she apologized.

"No, no apologies needed, and if it helps, I turned my head toward the aisle, but I think the perv next row over across the aisle was straining to see, almost had a heart attack" he smiled.

Such a beautiful laugh erupted from the blonde lady, she laughed from her soul just like, oh stop that he chastised himself, but couldn't help but smile as she continue her laugh.

"That's funny, thanks for making a terrible day better, much better, eh, my name is Darlene Marzano," as she extended her hand in a hand shake.

"Rick, Rick Rogers" as he returned her handshake. She leaned into him and whispered,

"OK Mr. Castle, but I am a big fan of yours and I know who you are, so we'll keep it Rogers to protect you from getting raped by some of the horny females on board"

Now it was Rick's turn to laugh from his soul, and Darlene smiled as the tears came out of his eyes, he was laughing so hard.

"Well you made a pretty Shitty day, sorry for the language, into a good one yourself Darlene. May I ask why you heading to Vegas, work or pleasure?"

"Well, I guess business at first, then some pleasure, I hope. My husband wants our marriage annulled, and he has the contacts in Vegas to push it through, it's where we got married 5 months ago."

"Your husband? Wants a divorce after 5 months with such a beautiful lady like yourself. He has to be crazy, I'm sorry that's none of my business, I should keep my thoughts to myself" Rick apologizes,

"Oh, that's perfectly OK, in fact I really have been suffering from self esteem issues since Wayne told me, I thought my God, I got fat and I'm not desirable to men, then he really floored me, he told me he was leaving me for another man.

I mean I was feeling low enough thinking I hadn't satisfied him, and another woman had taken my man, but when he told me it was a man, and our marriage was a mistake, I couldn't have agreed more.

He sent me the paperwork and we agreed on the property settlement so now all we need to do is have the judge sign off, and oh Please don't mention it's because he wants a man, part of the settlement was confidentiality of his sexual preference."

"No, of course not Darlene, I don't know that many people in Vegas anyway, just needed some time away to clear my head, your secret, well your husband's secret is safe with me."

"What's her name Rick,"

"What, I mean what do you mean Darlene?"

"Guy talk to get over getting dumped is coded, clear my head, women use find myself, so what is it, rather who is it? From the look on your face she's done a pretty good number on your heart."

"Well, you're not wrong, but it's really stupid, I mean she never even liked me but I kept this fantasy alive that someday she would wakeup and see me, for all the things I had done for her and realize, I had been there waiting for her all along.

She's a homicide detective I work with in New York, her Training Officer was killed, and she tracked the killer back here, I had to come with her to keep her safe. Well long story short she caught the killer, but when the time to go back to New York came, I couldn't keep living that fantasy, I needed to move on, put some space between us, so here I am, headed to Vegas."

"And you think that is going to help Rick?"

"Long term I know it won't but if I can distract myself for a little while then I can start forgetting her a little at a time."

"Well, I don't want to sound forward, but if you need someone who isn't expecting anything but companionship, I'll be out here for two weeks, I'm at the Cosmopolitan Hotel"

"You're kidding right?"

"Why would I kid about that, it's a beautiful hotel, and the staff is fantastic"

"No, I'm sorry I'm at the Cosmo as well, in fact I have a limo waiting for me when we land, do you need transportation there? I mean we could share a ride as new friends?"

"That would be great Rick, I appreciate it, but don't be so shy, OK, you're a great guy who needs someone to care about him, I think I know just the trick", as she leans in and kisses his cheek, "we'll go slow but steady Rick, promise" her eyes are sending little Ricky a message all together different, it's full speed ahead to him, but that will have to wait, as he pretends to read the newspaper spread over his lap to conceal the evidence of the impact of him.

TBC