"You've gained five pounds since last week," Recovery Girl says with a hint of pride. "It's good progress. With your quirk, I want your BMI around 25—if you're injured, you'll need the extra fat."

Nemuri smiles at me blindingly, her pride quite a bit more obvious than Chiyo's. "I'm so proud of you, Akito-chan!"

I still flinch a little every time she calls me by my first name. Even though her voice is completely different than Tomura's, no one has called me that since I've been here except him. I'm not native to Japan, but I've lived here long enough before my capture to at least recognize the over-familiarity and violation of him referring to me so personally. Nemuri has earned it, though. When someone knows your darkest secrets, it tends to speed up the bonding process.

Also, Nemuri has been here every step of the way since that day after my suicide attempt. I owe her so much… Well, it's no exaggeration to say that despite only knowing her for a week and a half, I would happily take a bullet for her.

She'd be super pissed if that happened, though, so I don't mention that I would be, if not eager, very satisfied to give my life for her.

(I'm still suicidal. Just not actively.)

"So," Nemuri says, turning to Recovery Girl, "Do you think she can start doing a little more activity?"

"Not much," Recovery Girl replies sternly. "You can walk around campus now, though, if you want. But I'd prefer if you stayed on bed rest until you're a little stronger."

"That's fine," I tell her. "It's not like I'm frothing at the bit to lose all the weight I've gained." Reaching the target calorie count Recovery Girl has recommended is actually a challenge. She wants me eating six thousand calories a day: two-thousand for just existing and four thousand extraneous. It takes thirty-five hundred unused calories to gain a pound, so by all rights I just be putting on weight like a champ, but it's almost like my body is resisting it.

Or maybe it's because it's really fucking hard to consume that many calories and not have it all be junk food. It's not like I'm hungry enough to appreciate being allowed to eat anything and everything that I want—in fact, eating is often a chore. For all my determination to at least attempt to live 'normally'—whatever that means—there's still damage.

A lot of damage.

With a few parting words, Nemuri leads me out of the nurse's office and down to the first floor. "There's a lot to do around here," she tells me. "Is there anything in particular you'd like to see first?"

A thought occurs to me. "Is Class 1-A doing anything interesting today?" I ask. "I promise I won't interrupt, but I'd like to check in on them after the whole USJ incident. Make sure they're okay."

Nemuri squeals and turns to pinch my cheeks. Unfortunately for her, there's not a lot to pinch—my cheeks have filled out only a very little, and I'm still gaunt. "You're so cute!" she says excitedly. "They should be with All Might doing some hero training. If you want, we can join in the observation."

I hesitate a little at the thought of seeing All Might. Has anyone told him what I've been through? Even though he doesn't know Tomura's true identity right now, I know he finds out eventually. It would break his heart to find out that his mentor's grandchild is a villain, and not just a run-of-the-mill petty criminal, but a murderer, the leader of the soon-to-be notorious League of Villains—and a rapist, which is almost worse than any of that. And with the way he reacted to me, he can't be anything other than insane. On top of that, I absolutely never want All Might to find out what I've been through. Just the thought of his disdain at knowing my weakness, my dirtiness, makes me feel ill.

I don't really know why I feel like that. If he, or anyone, holds my torment against me, it's their problem and a reflection of their character, not mine. Or so Nemuri has told me.

Still, I feel like I can take judgment from others. Just not All Might.

Overall, it's for the best that All Might and I keep our distances. For both of us—the more I consider it, the more I think it'll be better if All Might doesn't get to know me beyond cursory victim in his periphery. Finding out the truth about Tomura is going to be hard enough, but if All Might ever learns what Tomura put me through—it wouldn't even be about me in particular, but that Tomura had done it to anyone, the beloved grandson of his mentor—well… I don't think anyone deserves that.

Especially not All Might.

"Well," I hesitate. "I wouldn't want to be a bother. We can just—"

"Oh, no. Did you just imply that your presence is a burden? Because that doesn't sound like someone who values themselves." Nemuri raises an eyebrow at me.

I glare at her. "Okay, first, you know I don't value myself. So don't give me that."

"You have to act your way into right thinking, Akito-chan, you know that," she teases, but I can hear the underlying seriousness in her tone.

"I know," I say. My stomach knots at the thought of facing All Might, though. "Can I maybe…" I pause, unable to say it right now. "Can I just hang out with you? Or maybe Aizawa-san?" I liked Present Mic when I met him, too, but he has a lot of energy and even though I can appreciate his cheeriness and hype, my emotional state doesn't really connect with his. It was fine in the group watching the three friends bantering and having fun, but I don't think I'd do well with him one-on-one. I've seen both Aizawa and Yamada around during the week, with Aizawa especially going out of his way to make sure I'm taking care of myself when Nemuri isn't present, and whenever I see Yamada, it starts well before turning downright awkward. It's not that I dislike him. He's just a little… much, right now.

"Nope! You're going to go see All Might and Class 1-A. I'm sure they'll be happy to see you again after what you've done for them."

"I didn't really do anything for them…" I mutter. I refuse to take credit for something I had nothing to do with.

"Well…" Nemuri links her arm through mine and starts to lead me toward Ground Beta. "You'll see. I think you have at least one admirer."

Midoriya Izuku. Of course.

I don't know how to feel about meeting the protagonist of the series I'm currently living in. It's one thing to see and like him on a screen, but in real life? Who knows how he'll really react to me? What if he doesn't like me personally, despite helping All Might? It was an accident, after all. I'm no hero like him.

I think that if he doesn't like me for any of the multitude of reasons he shouldn't, my heart will break, just like if All Might discovers what Tomura did to me.

"I don't think this is a good idea," I protest, but one of the things about being malnourished and weak is that I have no way to break free of Nemuri. She's strong, strong enough to be a Pro Hero, and I'm not really anything more than skin and bones.

"Too bad. Let's go!"

We reach Ground Beta and Nemuri leads me up to the observation room. It looks like it's the battle trial just before Izuku and Bakugou's fight.

"Hey, All Might! You mind us visiting?" Nemuri greets cheerfully.

The huge man—and wow, he really is huge, larger than life in stature as well as in heart, I'd noticed it before but this isn't a dangerous situation like it was last time—turns and grins widely.

"Midnight! Good to see you!" he greets. Then his eyes meet mine and I feel my cheeks grow warm. "And Akito-san! Are you here to watch the trials?"

"Sorry, not me this time. But I was wondering if Akito could hang around for a little while? It's a recovery thing."

"Of course!"

Suddenly, all eyes shift from Nemuri to me. I shrink back, crossing my arms and hunching over a little as I cower beneath the gaze of all these strong characters that I liked so much Before. Now they're seeing me, this broken, pathetic mess before them, and I'm mortified.

I see Todoroki Shouto's keen, appraising gaze. Bakugou glances at me, huffs, and turns away dismissively, seeing my weakness. I shouldn't have expected anything else, but it still hurts. Momo looks at me with concern, the kindness in her eyes making me feel small, unworthy. Tsuyu and Kirishima wave, Tokoyami, Oshiro, Sero, and Sato nods, Denki and Mina grin, Denki and Mineta leer in a way that makes me feel nauseated despite the harmlessness. In one way or another, everyone takes stock of me, and I can't help but think that they all find me lacking.

With the exception of three.

"Oh gosh, it's you! Zen-san!" Ochako exclaims, darting forward with arms outstretched like she wants to hug me. "Hi! Nice to meet you! Deku told me all about you!"

God, what does Izuku even know that he could share with her? I don't even want to think about it. Would any of the adults I've interacted with since I got here have told him any of the dirty details?

I go bright, devastating red. I'm absolutely humiliated.

"You're the healer, right?" Iida says, stepping forward. He bows politely. "My name is Iida Tenya. It's good to meet you. I'm glad you're safe now."

That sends a few murmurs throughout the rest of the class. My eyes find the ground and refuse to leave it. How do they know so much about me? And whatever they do know, why are the deigning to talk to me? I'm nothing compared to them.

I hesitate for a long, awkward moment until Nemuri nudges me. "Um… yes. That's me." I pry my eyes from the ground and look up at Class 1-A as a whole. "U-uh, my name is Zen Akito. Thank you for having me."

"It's so great to meet you!" Ochako says, introducing herself.

"Everyone, Akito-san has done me a great favor. Why don't you all introduce yourselves?"

I'm overwhelmed as the class goes around saying their names and suddenly thanking me for a 'favor' I did through no fault of my own. All the attention is making me breathe heavily and I don't know what to do. My chest is tight and it doesn't feel like I can catch my breath. My eyes reattach to the ground and don't leave it.

And there's Izuku's reverent gaze from my peripheral vision that I can feel like lasers on my back, the heat enough to make the hairs on the back of my neck stand up.

"Alright, everyone, let's refocus on your classmate's trials!" All Might booms, interrupting Ochako's and now Momo and Mina's attempts to speak to me.

What is wrong with these people? Why are they even deigning to look at me, much less speaking to me like I'm somehow their worthy of their attention, like I've done something right?

Once everyone's attention is focused back on the screen and Momo has been instructed to guide the conversation, All Might approaches me. "How are you doing, Akito-san? I hear your recovery is going well."

If he knows anything about my suicide attempt, he doesn't indicate it. That's a relief; I don't want any of the kids to know that about me. When I die—okay, if, because Nemuri would scold me if I ever said anything like that—I want it to be a quiet affair, out of the spotlight. I don't want anyone to know, really.

Just go missing. Anyone who cared, like Nemuri or Aizawa, would know what I'd done. But they're not the kind of people to go spreading it around. I'll—I'd—pass in anonymity, a unknown passing through the world in the space of a few years, unwilling, unnoticed, unfitting for this world.

"Uh, yeah. I guess so," I say, a little more confident in tone than I expected to.

Something about All Might makes me loosen my crossed arms and stand a little taller, my shoulders unhunching. There's a warmth in my chest when I hear his voice him. I feel safe, and a small piece of me feels like it'd be okay if I stick around in this life for a little while longer. It doesn't make any sense and I don't understand it, but that's how I feel.

I feel so many things that I don't understand anymore. Maybe I never understood them.

"Oh, don't undersell yourself," Nemuri scolds. I swear, she's almost like a mom. Not my mother, but she has the same mother-hen tendencies around me that remind me of some kind of matron. "Akito-chan has gained five whole pounds in the last week!"

All Might brightens. "That's great, Akito-san! That must have been hard. I'm proud of you!"

My cheeks pinch uncomfortably and they heat like bonfires, somehow an even brighter red. It takes me a minute, but I realize I'm smiling widely. Wider than I have since waking up in this world, if the way my cheeks ache is any indication.

"Thank you," I say meekly. "I'm going to keep working hard. Plus Ultra, right?"

"Yes! Exactly!" he says, his deep, booming voice caressing me like a safety blanket. "Plus Ultra!"

My cheeks are starting to really hurt, and I'm basking the glow of being in his presence. Being here, standing in front of him, talking to him—the great All Might praising me? My savior praising me?—makes me feel like I've stepped out from under a great, looming shadow and into the sunlight.

"Plus Ultra!" Nemuri repeats, giving a victory sign. I duck my head, less embarrassed now. Everything will be okay if All Might says it is.

"Now, if you'll excuse me, I must go back to teaching," All Might says. "It was nice to see you, Akito-san. Keep working hard! Ganbatte!"

I bow. It just feels right. "Thank you very much, I will."

All Might returns to Class 1-A, taking back over from Momo, and I turn to Nemuri. The class has moved on. "Can you take me back? I think that's enough for today. I'm exhausted."

Nemuri nods and she's beaming. "Sure, let's head back. You've done a lot. I'm proud of you, too. Being around so many people and managing it was really good, Akito-chan."

I only respond once we're out of sight, arms crossed protectively against the world. "I don't know…" I say quietly. "I feel like I've hit my limit for the week. I just want to curl up and be alone, maybe read a book or play a video game."

"It's okay," she soothes. "This was a lot, and quite frankly I didn't think it through too well. I'm sorry if I've overwhelmed you."

I decide to actually figure out how I feel before telling her if it was a mistake or not. I feel the trembling in my hands, the tension in my curled shoulders, the tightness of my arms around my body.

I feel the warmth of All Might's words. "I'm proud of you."

"No, in the end I think it worked out alright," I tell her. It's the truth, a truth I feel deep in my bones. "Actually, um, this might sound kind of weird, but I feel kind of like I accomplished something here? I don't know why."

She turns to me not with a wide grin but a small, kind smile. "You did accomplish something. Think about it—you haven't been around more than one or two people at a time for a while, right? And you just managed to be around two dozen people. That's huge, Akito-chan."

I scoff, but don't really mean it. "Yeah, for like two minutes."

"It's something!" Nemuri insists. "It's so much more than you know. You'll look back on this moment someday and really see how big of a deal it is. Do you know how many people in your situation can't manage to leave the house? They're too scared to face the outside world, with reason for that fear."

"I wouldn't have done any of this if it hadn't been for you, Aizawa-san, and Yamada-san."

What I really mean is that I would be dead or dying.

"That's why support, having friends, is so important. You need others to love you even when you don't love yourself."

A sudden, silly urge overtakes me. "Are you saying you love me, Nemuri-san? Why, I'm flattered."

Nemuri leans in suggestively, lips parted tantalizingly. Mineta would be knocked out from bloodlust if he could see the look on her face. "Of course I love you, anata. I don't know what I'd do without you…"

I can't help but laugh. "Okay, okay, I'm good," I say, pushing her away by the face. She laughs along with me.

"Don't play with fire," she teases with a wink. "You don't want to get burned."

I want to tease her back, get into some of the banter I'd seen between her, Aizawa, and Yamada, but I don't have the energy left. Still, I've noticed something.

"You doing that, you know, leaning in like that… it didn't make me uncomfortable. Do you know why?"

Nemuri turns thoughtful. The apartment complex is in my sights and I'm looking to curling up in bed and basking in the dark and silence. "Maybe it's because I'm a woman, too. Sometimes gender matters with this kind of thing."

I nod in understanding, too weary to say anything more.

Nemuri walks me all the way up to my apartment and leaves me on the door, telling me she'll see about finding some of her old favorite books and lending them to me. I'm more grateful than I can say. I really am exhausted; being around so many people had sent me into a state of high anxiety. Talking to All Might, hearing his words of praise, wrapped me in a cloak of comfort, though, so I don't break down the moment I'm alone. I had kind of expected to.

Part of me feels like it's glowing in the darkness of my apartment. All Might really is the best. He's the perfect person, I'm convinced. He told me that he was proud of my progress. Part of me can't help but want to listen to him. If he says I can do it, then can't I?

I know the glow will fade. It can only be temporary. But maybe it's something I can think back on when things get hard, to try to hold on. A smaller but no less vocal part of me wants to impress All Might, show him I can be strong, even though I'm actually weak. Weak people can be strong sometimes too, right?

All Might is my ideal. I hope I can one day stand in front of him and have some of the same pride for myself he had for me today.

It occurs I might have the smallest kind of crush on him, and that's extremely humiliating—why would he ever look my direction? And how can I even dare to think I'm deserving of anything like his affections?—but sometimes, something as silly as a crush can be a reason to hold on.

As the glow wears off and I start drifting to sleep, sinking into the silence of isolations and hopefully without too many nightmares of Tomura, hopefully completely dreamless, I think that I'll need all the help I can get to stay in this world anything like long-term.

I won't suppress it. If a crush on All Might gets me to hold on long enough to heal a little, to let my newfound friends help me get through this…

Maybe, just maybe, I can experience something like a normal life.

(It's something I want.)

(It's something that could… possibly actually happen?)