Epilogue

James squeezed his gloved hand around Lily's in the back seat of the taxi, an illicit thrill running through him as he did so.

Six months, they'd been hiding things.

Six long. Fucking. Months.

It actually hadn't been that bad at first, since no one knew who they were and therefore no paparazzi or members of the public had any interest in them. They'd been a little more lax: some dinners out in remote parts of the city, covert nights at James's flat, and walks in very populated parks.

Then the show had started promos and everything had been on lock down.

But now—now—things were finally, mercifully over.

Who gave a shit if anyone saw them together now? The finale would air in a couple hours, and then everyone would know how it turned out.

If they hadn't already guessed, of course.

James had no clue what people were saying. He adamantly did not watch any of the episodes or Google anything related to the show. Whenever it aired, Lily holed up with James in his room, while Sirius fast-forwarded through episodes in the living room to watch his own bits.

If anyone ever asked him about the show, he straight-up walked away without a word, regardless of whether it was his boss or his barista asking (the latter hurt more—James loved his seasonal peppermint mocha and hated walking out empty-handed). If people shouted random things at him on the street, he ignored them. If people bothered him on the Tube—well. They didn't anymore because he took taxis instead to get privacy.

Or at least, privacy most of the time.

One time his driver had asked about the show, and James had rolled out of the car while it was still moving.

He'd had to go to the hospital to have them bandage him up, but it was totally worth it on principle.

Ruby had said she hadn't been impressed. But Jack had a suspicion she was only trying to deter him from future escape efforts.

As best James could tell without ever having watched the show, Rita's threats before his "proposal" hadn't been fully acted on. Thus far no strangers had dumped tea over his head in protest of any of his decisions, or anything. Really it was a lot of shouting and unsubtle picture-taking from strangers. And he could live with that.

Because it was all over tonight!

And he had Lily. Wonderful, gorgeous Lily who'd agreed to throw caution into the wind, the sewer, and wherever else they could cram it. Maybe a garbage disposal.

It didn't matter. What mattered was tonight James could proudly show that he'd wised up in the end and chosen the right woman for him.

And she'd chosen him back. Because, although several contestants and many viewers liked to forget about it, consent was extremely important.

The car stopped in front of the Potters' house in Belgravia. James paid the man and grinned at Lily.

"I hope you're prepared for my mum to have acquired an army's worth of baked goods to celebrate the finale. There might only be four of us tonight, but she will expect to have absolutely no leftovers by the time we leave. Unless we escape through the back patio, of course."

"Knowing your mum, she'd have had chains fitted on the patio doors after our last escape," said Lily as she let go of his hand. She opened the door on her side of the car. "Not that I've changed my stance on our abseiling off the roof, mind. It's still a very firm no."

It was Euphemia's fault that Lily's enthusiasm for dangerous secret agent maneuvers had been dampened in recent weeks. The injuries James had sustained following his dramatic taxi exit had been greatly exaggerated by an overzealous Euphemia over the phone, which upset Lily so much that she'd turned up at the hospital in a blind panic.

That really hadn't helped with the whole "keeping their relationship secret" thing. A couple of nurses had the show's ending spoiled for them, but that paled in comparison to the sight of his beloved in tears.

James was convinced that Euphemia had overstated his condition on purpose. She lived for the drama, and still hadn't forgiven either of them for revealing that they weren't really engaged.

"Fine," he muttered as they walked up to the door, their hands linked. "We'll see if you change your tune once you've had your twentieth macaron."

"That's what you think, but I've been practicing the art of stealthily hiding food in my handbag for days," said Lily dryly.

"This is why I love you," he said, fitting his key into the lock. He pushed open the door for Lily and frowned. "Huh," he said as she walked into a dark foyer. "And this is...suspicious."

"Very," Lily agreed, stepping aside to let James follow her into the foyer. She started to unbutton her coat, the thoughtful crease between her brows only visible by the light from the street lamp outside. "Unless there's a power cut—but the other houses would be out. This is absolutely a plot."

The living room lights to the left flicked on as more than a dozen people jumped up from behind furniture, shouting, "Surprise!"

"Figures," Lily murmured, sounding incredibly unsurprised.

"Oh hell no," said James, and spun around to head out the door.

"Dear," said Euphemia, rushing in from the living room. "Where are you going?"

"You just want to make us watch the finale," James accused.

"Well, you always wanted a surprise party."

"Not like this!"

Euphemia settled a hand on his wrist, tight as a handcuff, while her other prised the door from his hand so she could shut it. "The surprised person does not get to set the terms of the surprise party, James. That's science."

"She's right, you know," said Beatrice, who had stuck her head out of the living room door. Remus waved one hand at them from behind her.

"Go back inside," Lily scolded. "You're in a world of trouble for keeping this to yourself."

Beatrice ducked into the living room, cackling like the conniving witch she was. As she disappeared, though, Algernon emerged from the party, making a beeline for James and Lily. He wound his way around their legs, rubbing his coat against them, before settling on the ground between them.

Lily picked up Algernon in her arms and leveled a flat look at Euphemia. "Surprise parties are generally supposed to be a treat for the guests of honor."

"This is a treat!" Euphemia trilled. "We've got a profiterole tower!"

"Profiterole towers are small fry."

"And not even McDonald's fries," James added with a scowl.

Lily lifted an eyebrow at Euphemia. "You're clearly banking on us not wanting to look rude in front of your guests, so what'll you offer us if we agree to stay?"

Euphemia's grip on James's wrist did not slacken, but she also didn't waste any time arguing. "What did you have in mind?"

"Easy," said Lily at once. "You agree to stop asking James when he's going to propose for real, and we might reconsider our plans for the evening."

"Not worth it," said James. "Don't doubt my commitment to avoiding the show."

"What if she stops asking about a proposal," Lily suggested, "and stops questioning us about our sex life, and stops having a go at you for liking Isabella first?"

"Please stay." Euphemia moved to take both of James's hands, but held them more delicately. "It's the last thing I will ever ask of you."

"That's not remotely true," he said, "but fine. If you meet all of Lily's conditions, I'll break my principles. But only because you're my mum. And the second you break one of the conditions, I will jump out the window."

Euphemia beamed and swung their joined hands side to side. "Done. Now come, Grace and Isabella and Bonnie are all here, too."

"Glory be, my mother is here." Lily sent James a small smile as Algernon leaped from her hands to the floor. "One last nightmare for us to stick out, yeah?"

"One last local case for Jack and Ruby," James said, shaking his mum's hands off him, "before they take their adventures global."

Lily's smile grew wider. "Come on then, Jack. Get your coat off and we'll crack this mother wide open."

James reluctantly handed his coat over to his mum to hang on the rack, waited for Lily to do the same, and headed into the party. Euphemia had filled the room with helium balloons, and a fancy banner that read Congrats On Figuring It Out, James, because that wasn't creepy at all. She had set up a lovely buffet along the front windows, one he would be partaking of quickly and thoroughly.

But first they ran into Bonnie and Isabella, who, like James and Lily, seemed incapable of long-term hand separation.

They all broke apart long enough for a round of hugs before their paired hands found each other again.

Clearly James wasn't the only one looking there, given Lily's next comment.

"You're engaged?" she said, a wide smile bursting across her face. "Oh my God!"

James had just enough time to catch a glimpse of gold on both ladies' fingers before they began another round of frantic hugging, this time accompanied by some mild jumping up and down.

Not that James was complaining.

"That is brilliant," he said. He picked up Isabella's hand to examine her ring—not because he cared, but because women cared about these things.

It was sparkly.

He told her so.

"Thanks," Isabella said, her face flushed with happiness as she took her hand back. "I knew she'd like an Old European cut, so I chose it for both of us." She sent an adoring, sidelong look to Bonnie. "I'm so glad I went on the show." She laughed and held up a finger before James could say anything. "I know, it was torture, but still. I think we're all glad we went through Rita's hell, aren't we?"

"Eh," said James, nudging Lily. "I s'pose I picked up a new accessory that I quite like, but the food at the castle was crap, so."

"And I clearly picked up the world's most romantic boyfriend," Lily flatly intoned, nudging him back.

James grinned at her, and then turned it to Isabella and Bonnie. "Where are you two going to live?" James asked. "Joining us in civilization here in London?"

"Not Oxford," Bonnie said. "They punt wrong."

"They do not," Isabella said playfully. "It's Cambridge that needs to get their heads around things."

"Also my dog hates Oxford," Bonnie told James and Lily. She angled her head slightly and winked, clearly trying to hide it from Isabella. "He likes the country, so we're going to move somewhere near Slough, maybe."

Isabella nodded. "But my fitness center is going to be somewhere more urban. I've looked at a few possible locations in Wembley, and Fleamont was so kind to look over my business plan."

"Of course he did, the man's angelic," said Lily. "That's so exciting about your fitness center, Bells, I'm so proud of you."

"Thank you." Isabella lifted her chin slightly. "I'm proud of myself."

James had further burning questions but could not find the delicate words to approach them without sounding like an arse.

Luckily Lily shared his love of gossip. Also she was Isabella's friend. But Lily did love getting the latest—she was a journalist, after all.

James had no excuse besides that he'd inherited it from his mum.

"And how's everything else going in Oxford?" Lily asked, with a sensitivity and tact that James could not have achieved with years of practice. "Any new developments?"

Bonnie gave a bracing squeeze to Isabella's hand, which did not bode well.

Isabella put on a light voice—another bad sign. "Well," she began. "As you know, it was a shock to my parents, of course, how things all turned out. And they didn't, erm…"

"They were pricks," Bonnie supplied.

"They—yes. They were," Isabella conceded. "But my brothers actually stood up for me—"

"Which is to say they didn't cut off contact."

"—and after a few months, when I told them I'd proposed, my dad reached out."

"He's coming to the wedding." Bonnie glanced at Isabella. "And if he's a prick, my uncle Dean will toss him out. Literally—he's a wrestler."

The most interesting thing about Bonnie and James had had no clue. Not really a shocker, considering they'd never been interested in each other, but still.

Isabella sent Bonnie a look of disapproval, but Bonnie just kissed her cheek and grinned.

Isabella shook her head. "You two are of course invited," she told Lily and James. "And Bea and Remus and most of the other girls."

"Not Helena, though," Bonnie quickly put in. "Can you believe she tried to crash the party earlier?"

"She did?" James's eyes widened and he spun on his heel to scope out the room. He half-expected to see Helena leap out from beneath a table and tear the banner to shreds, but luckily all was calm. Not even the ruination of that cringeworthy banner would have been worth Helena's presence.

Maybe Bonnie could ask her wrestler uncle to come and destroy it.

"I'm not remotely surprised," said Lily flatly, before James could ask Bonnie if her uncle lived nearby. "I ran into her outside James's flat last week—"

James whipped back around. "You what?"

"Yeah, I had to scare her away."

"You never told me!"

"Because you were drunk on victory and peppermint schnapps, my love, and I didn't want to kill the mood," said Lily softly, slipping her arm around his back. "Of course we'll come to the wedding," she added, speaking to the girls. "We'd never miss it. Even if we're out of the country, we'll fly back in."

"We're setting a date soon, so we'll be sure to give you both plenty of notice," said Isabella.

"And you've got another five or six months before you leave, right?" Bonnie added.

"We've had to bring it forward a few months, actually," said Lily. "My job is basically a dream, and I saw an opportunity to tie my writing into travel—sort of like a diary where I document how I'm educating myself on a bunch of different issues through experience. I pitched it to my editor and she really liked it."

"Of course she did," said Bonnie. "That's so cool!"

"It means I'll be working a bit while we're away, but otherwise it'll just be me and this weirdo having adventures for a year," said Lily, smiling up at James.

"Life is rough," James said in a gravelly voice. In a perkier voice, he added, "But her Bachelor article comes out tomorrow and I, for one, look forward to seeing you both at Rita's funeral next week."

James had bet Algernon fifty quid that Rita would have a stroke by the time she finished reading the article, which portrayed the show in all its hellacious detail. Well, all the detail aside from Sirius and Remus having sex with contestants on the show. That part did not need to be public information, James had insisted to Lily more than a handful of times, until she'd thrown a pillow at him.

"Your ego doesn't have to worry," she'd told him. "I'm not putting it in there."

"Ego—this has nothing to do with me, this is all about Remus and Bea. I was never bothered that my mates betrayed me by shagging the women I'd been technically dating on the show—"

Lily had hummed disbelievingly and kept on writing.

"We've loved what we've read of it so far," said Isabella.

"Seriously, you're so talented," Bonnie agreed. "I can't wait to see that miserable cow taken down a few pegs."

"Girls," said Euphemia, sweeping over to lay a hand each on Bonnie and Isabella's shoulders, "could you follow me into the kitchen and help us move the cake?"

"There's cake?" said James and Lily hopefully and in unison.

"Of course. Beatrice's mother was kind enough to make it." Euphemia smiled indulgently at Lily. "If only I'd been able to let you in on the secret, dear. We could have had you jump out of a cake."

"That would be a waste of good cake," said James.

"And so insanitary," Lily agreed, frowning.

"You know, I thought half the fun of having a daughter-in-law as clever as Lily would be that she'd side with me against him, but she flat-out refuses," said Euphemia cheerfully, as she wrangled a giggling Bonnie and Isabella in the direction of the door. "I can't begin to tell you how I suffer…"

As the three women disappeared into the kitchen, Lily dropped her arm to her side and turned to face James fully, one eyebrow lifted in question.

"I'm an accessory, am I?" she said, with a lilt of amusement in her voice.

"They think I meant jewelry," he said in confidence, "but I was really talking about a legal type of accessory to crime, Ruby Raptor."

"Well, I'm still offended. I'm a full accomplice, not a mere accessory. You think I'd only learn about your adventures after the fact?"

Despite her words, her eyes were alight with happiness. The other party guests chattered away in the background. Someone had put on an earlier episode of the show and muted it—Isabella and Lily were talking in the castle kitchen on screen—but no one was really watching. Why would they, when real life was around them and so much more interesting than some quickly-filmed and absolutely-contrived "reality" TV show?

He and Lily had been through hell together: Rita's machinations, Helena Hodge's existence, France, and now this torturous party.

They didn't have everything figured out. They kept arguing about which part of town they should live in after they finished traveling. He still hadn't met Lily's sister, which was really weird but she was insistent on keeping him away from her. And he had no clue what sort of career would really interest him in the long-run, even after taking multiple Buzzfeed quizzes.

Life hadn't all neatly wrapped up at the end of filming. That wasn't how things worked.

But at least Lily would be there with him to work through it.

"Fair enough," James faced her and placed both hands on her hips, drawing her closer for a kiss, "partner."

Lily made it ten minutes into the finale before she couldn't stomach the embarrassment and hid away in the bathroom with Algernon.

It was fine, though. James joined her in there shortly afterwards and tasked himself with making her a dress out of toilet paper—a fun activity, he said, with the added bonus of wasting his mother's toilet paper to teach her a lesson.

When Euphemia came looking for them, Lily merely banged three times on the locked door with her fist and cried, "We're having sex!" This wasn't remotely true because Peter had been leaving the bathroom when she'd arrived and there was a funky smell in the room, but it made Euphemia so happy that she left them to their own devices.

Lily and James had gotten quite good at dealing with his mother together. As in all things, they could accomplish so much more when they worked as a team.

No amount of teamwork, however, could save them from the post-finale speeches.

Euphemia was the first to take the microphone when James and Lily—proudly sporting her toilet paper gown over her dress—returned to the party. She gushed about Lily's charms and qualities, spoke at length about how fulfilling it was to see her only son find love with the right woman, and dropped several unsubtle hints about weddings and grandchildren.

Next up was Beatrice, who proudly recapped the hand she had played in their romance and continually used terms like "shipping" and "endgame." This made Lily feel as if Bea was monologuing rabidly about two fictional characters, rather than two of her dearest friends in the world—one of whom she lived with.

Finally, Sirius took the spotlight. He had prepared a video presentation of his top ten moments from the show, and all but one of them focused solely on Sirius's best smiles, witty quips, and tailored suits.

The tenth clip was of James retching after he'd climbed off a horse, which immediately prompted James to decry Sirius as a filthy traitor, especially since he'd used Careless Whisper as the backing track.

The choice of music offended James more than anything else.

"It's my favorite song, not his," he whined, for the third time in five minutes. "That he would use it against me is unforgivable."

Lily didn't need to be told that it was his favorite song. James thought it was great fun to serenade her with it when he was drunk on peppermint schnapps. And sometimes on victory.

"If you're going to tell people what your favorite song is, you can't complain when they use it to burn you in their audiovisual presentations," said Beatrice, with a wave of her champagne glass.

"Particularly not if that person is Sirius," Remus agreed.

They tilted their heads towards one another, each standing with an arm wrapped around the other's waist. Remus was wearing yet another of the many blazers that Bea had purchased for him, this time in a cool powder blue that matched her cocktail dress perfectly. Beatrice was a big fan of coordinated couples' outfits and wasted a lot of time trying to convince Lily to adopt the same passion.

"My angel is so right," Bea enthused. "As always."

"As are you, darling," Remus returned, and dropped a kiss on Bea's nose.

"Oh, sod off." Lily knew they were right, but would not abandon her boyfriend in their shared hour of need. "You look like the twins from The Shining."

"Says the woman wearing toilet paper," said Bea.

"It's compostable," James said. "Very sustainable. Much better for the environment than your outfits."

"My angel is so right," Lily drawled, mimicking Beatrice's sickly sweet tone. A sudden brush against her leg alerted her to Algernon's presence, and she bent down to scoop the handsome feline into her arms. "Besides, Algernon likes my dress just fine. Don't you, darling?"

"That isn't an indicator of quality," Bea pointed out. "He approves of every single thing you do."

"Because his taste is second to none."

"You treat that cat like you're his mother and it's creepy," she retorted.

"He treats her," James said haughtily, "with the love and respect she deserves. You're just jealous he doesn't care for you as much."

"I'm not jealous," said Beatrice, frowning. "I just don't understand why she'll cook filet steak for a cat, but not for me, her best friend in the world."

"Because you have opposable thumbs. How's he meant to cook his own steak?" Lily pressed a kiss to Algernon's fluffy head and he meowed happily. "Besides, Remus cooks for you all the time."

"And I repay his kindness in a myriad of fun and erotic ways."

Remus's cheeks became tinged with pink, and he coughed discreetly into his closed fist.

"And on that awkward note," said Lily, "Jack and Ruby have an urgent matter of national security to attend to. Please excuse us."

James slipped an arm around Lily's shoulder. "Can't share the details, of course. We're professionals. Dear, did you bring the rappel gun?"

"I never travel without it."

"You're going to try to steal the banner, aren't you?" said Remus with a sly smile.

"I didn't hear that, and I won't respond to it," said Lily, and turned away from them both, while Algernon meowed his agreement in her arms.

James kept his arm around her shoulders until they'd snuck past Grace and Euphemia, exited the living room and found solace inside Fleamont's mercifully empty study.

Lily set Algernon down on the floor and he immediately darted from the room because he was an unmitigated genius who knew when Lily and James needed privacy. Particularly when their master plan to steal and destroy a banner had been rumbled.

"There's one thing I won't miss while we're away," she told James as he closed the door, shutting out the sound of his mother's tipsy laughter that floated in from the living room. "Hearing their weird sex adventures through my bedroom wall. I've learned so many dirty Spanish phrases that I never needed to know."

Remus was moving into the flat Lily shared with Bea in Lily's absence, so they would be able to continue their raucous lovemaking uninterrupted.

"It's the only exercise he's allowed with his heart condition," said James. "But I can't say I'm heartbroken that I get you to myself for so long. The opposite, really. Heartfixed?"

Luckily for Lily, her own heart was in the best shape of its life, though her boyfriend could be always counted on to help it skip a beat or two with an unexpected act of kindness.

Boyfriend. Best friend. Soon-to-be travelling companion. One-day husband.

Lily's wedding finger had been bare for a while—that gaudy monstrosity of a ring had fetched an obscene amount of money for their upcoming trip—and Euphemia never missed a chance to wonder after its replacement. She'd already taken Lily's mum shopping for mother-of-the-bride hats, which had prompted James to suggest that they'd elope to Vegas if his mum wasn't careful.

For her part, Lily suspected that her finger wouldn't stay bare for very long, but that was for her and James to decide in their own time, and on their own terms.

"Heartfixed works," she said, smiling fondly at him. "Do you have any idea how excited I am to hold your hand and taste fresh air at the same time, or kiss you in public without feeling like a hardened criminal?"

He sauntered toward her, thumbs hanging from his pockets. "It's criminal how you make me feel," he said. Then he made a face. "No, I take it back, that was awful."

She choked out a laugh and took a step backwards, moving just out of his reach. The back of her legs brushed against the desk's edge.

"That would never make it as dialogue in Jack and Ruby's blockbuster movie franchise," she informed him. "Try a bit harder and I'll snog you, maybe."

He closed the step between them, sliding a hand alongside her cheek into her hair. "You want to hear something that'll turn you on?"

"In your parents' house? In the middle of a party? In this economy?" She quirked a sly smile at him. "Obviously."

He leaned in toward her, wild tufts of hair tickling her face as he placed his mouth close to her ear and said in a low voice, "We won't see our parents for months."

It wasn't what he said, but the way he said it, the way his lips brushed against her skin and his fingers threaded through her hair, and the warm, familiar feeling of his body tucked against hers—exactly where they both belonged, so close but not nearly close enough—that really did her in.

James often liked to say that keeping up with her was a challenge, but he could make her perfectly dizzy with the barest of touches, so he was batting with an advantage.

"Oh," said Lily softly. "That's...that sounds nice."

"Mhm. Months with no parental or friend interference. Just you, and me, and wherever we are. No one conspiring against us except other professional secret agents."

"Just you and me," she repeated, and shivered when he pressed a kiss to the side of her neck, her eyelids fluttering shut. "James?"

"Hmm?"

"I love you."

She felt the curve of his smile against her skin. "I love you, too," he said. "And I will follow you anywhere."

"Even France?"

"You love me too much to ever make me go there," he murmured, and kissed her neck again. "And I love that about you." He paused. "But I'd still follow you to that cursed abyss, if I knew it would make you happy."

He really would have done, much as he despised the place. That was just James, who spilled over with the best of intentions, and loved her more than he disliked anything.

Lily had wanted a croissant, once upon a time, so he'd given her two dozen. She'd wanted a hand to hold as she wound her way through life, and his was never very far from her reach. She'd wanted to love someone so much that loving them made her chest hurt, so James had managed that too, though it was mostly Lily's sides that ached. He made her laugh an awful lot.

"I couldn't possibly be happy if I knew you were suffering, but I've got another suggestion for our first mission abroad," she told him. James pulled away to look into her eyes, and Lily crooked a questioning eyebrow. "What do you think about—"

"Santorini?"

She smiled coyly, her fingers making idle exploration of the back of his shirt, clenching in the fabric, pulling him flush against her. "Oh, Jack, it seems you've read my mind again."

"So long as we can keep our banging indoors, I'm all yours in Santorini, Ruby."

"We're indoors and all alone this very minute," she reminded him. "Though we do still have that banner to steal."

"First things first," he said. "Then we abscond with that monstrosity."

They were so thoroughly well-matched in every way that Lily knew, without fail, that this would not be her last time saying a particular word to him. A word that conferred partnership and consideration and fairness. A word they both equally respected and honored.

She pressed a kiss to his lips and whispered, her mouth smiling against his, "Deal."