Enough Already

Summary: And now she was sitting here, again, staring at that greeting, again, not able to figure out what to write, again.

A/N: This is the result of a lottery of sorts. One pile for episodes, one pile for prompt. And...this is the result of 3.01 and 'long distance'.

Disclaimer: Gilmore Girls is not mine. Not now, not ever.

How do you know if a guy is right for you?

You just have to feel it.

All I feel is my back breaking out.

You'll know, okay? You just have to let it happen. And then, probably when you're not looking, you'll find someone who complements you.

Meaning?

Someone who likes what you like, someone who reads the same books or listens to the same music or likes to trash the same movies. Someone compatible.

Okay.

But not so compatible that they're boring.

Someone who's compatible but not compatible.

Yeah, kind of. I mean, you respect each other's opinions and you can laugh at the same jokes, but I don't know – there's just something about not quite knowing what the other person's gonna do at all times that's just really exciting.

She was sitting there, in the closet, playing her and Paris' conversation over and over in her head, while staring at that greeting on the otherwise blank paper in front of her, and she felt like such a fraud. She knew Paris assumed she was talking about Dean, and it was a fair assumption, considering. They'd talked on the phone at least a few times every week, she'd written him long letters, and received even longer ones from him.

And now she was sitting here, again, staring at that greeting, again, not able to figure out what to write, again. She had only one more day left in Washington, and she was still staring at the same greeting she wrote on her first night here, six weeks ago.

Dear Jess

Even the words were taunting her now. Was that really the way to start a letter to a guy who was not your boyfriend? She didn't know, which was part of the reason she was sitting here, staring at an almost blank sheet of paper.

It was bordering on pathetic, and crazy, and she had no idea what to do. She had just needed some time to think, to process, and then some time had turned into a week, and then two weeks, and now it was almost time for her to go home, and she was no closer to figuring it out than she had been when she ran away from Jess at Sookie's wedding.

Except, that wasn't completely true. She knew what she wanted. Unfortunately it wasn't that easy. She knew what her mom would say if she told her what happened, and how she really felt. She could imagine the disappointment. And then there was Dean. Sweet, dependable Dean, who in her mother's eyes could do no wrong, but lately had only managed to make her feel guilty.

In frustration she closed the folder and threw it down on the floor, leaning her head back against the wall, eyes closed as she tried to sort out her confused thoughts. Finally she just couldn't take it any longer, and she quickly got up and hurried out in the room and over to the phone. She hadn't used the number in a long time, but she still knew it, and soon she stood there, listening to the ringing. One, two, three and then two more signals went through without an answer. That's when she started having second thoughts. And that's when she heard his voice.

"Hello?"

She froze, her mind suddenly completely blank.

"Who is this?" Jess asked, his voice sounding annoyed.

Rory was fighting to get any sound out, but it was as if her brain had momentarily shut down. She just sank down on her bed and kept chewing on her pencil, not even knowing when she started doing it.

"Is that you Shane? Come on, I can hear you chewing for Christ's sake."

The mention of another person suddenly snapped her out of it, and she quickly removed the pencil from her mouth. "Who is Shane?" Rory asked, feeling something very similar to fear creep up on her, dreading the answer.

Jess didn't respond right away, and when he did, his voice was quiet. "Rory?"

"Yeah," she confirmed, not knowing what else to say.

"Why are you calling me?"

Rory floundered at that question. It wasn't at all what she'd expected. "Oh…" she mumbled. "I just…"

"Just what?" Jess asked, that annoyed edge back in his voice. "Wanted to catch up?"

"No…or yes… I just…" Rory opened her mouth several times to continue, and then finally just blurted it out. "I wanted to talk to you…about what happened at Sookie's wedding."

"Huh, and here I thought I wasn't supposed to say anything about that," he muttered.

"Well," Rory mumbled, "that's sort of…" She didn't get further before Jess interrupted her, and she listened with increasing anxiety as he talked.

"Or wait, are you calling to make sure I don't say anything about it when you get back? Don't want me to mess up the great reunion with your boyfriend, huh?"

"What do you mean?" she found herself saying, stunned by the anger she could hear in his voice.

"Oh, come on. It's all your mom's been able to talk about for the past week. How her precious daughter is coming home on Friday, and she's managed to get her out of dinner with the grandparents, so she can spend the night with the most perfect boyfriend in the world."

"Jess…" she tried, feeling tears gathering in her eyes.

"What? Are you gonna tell me that's not what's gonna happen?"

"I…" she started, but found herself unable to get the words out in the proper order.

"Yeah, didn't think so."

"Jess, please, just…"

"Shane's my girlfriend."

Rory froze for the second time since she called him. "What?" she finally said.

"Just thought I'd let you know. You did ask after all."

"But…what, why?" she stuttered.

"Why?" Jess asked incredulously. "You're really asking me that?"

"But I thought…" Rory began, but stopped short when she realized what she was about to say.

"You thought you could run off to Washington for six weeks, without a single word I might add, and I'd just sit here and wait for you to finally make up your mind?"

"No!" she protested, but it was met with a snort from the other end of the line, and she couldn't really blame him.

"Yeah, right," Jess muttered.

"I was confused," Rory finally said, barely above a whisper.

"Huh."

"No, I was!" she insisted. "I've been with Dean for almost two years, it's not something you just throw away," she defended. "And my mom…"

"And your mom loves the golden boy," Jess finished for her. "Lucky you. Everything works out well, doesn't it?"

"You think this is how things should be?" Rory asked.

"No," Jess muttered. "But what I want never mattered before, and I've gotten used to it by now. So yeah, I got tired of waiting for something that would never happen. Happy now?"

"No," Rory said quietly. And she wasn't. Jess had every right to be angry with her, she knew that. She just hadn't been prepared to get her behavior thrown back at her. "It wasn't supposed to be like this. I didn't want…"

"Wow, for once the town princess didn't get everything she wanted," Jess scoffed. "But then again, you still haven't made up your mind, right?"

"But I have!" Rory blurted out, way louder than she intended.

It took Jess a moment to answer. "Huh."

"Why do you think I'm calling you?" she asked, voice lowered again.

"I don't know," Jess said slowly.

Rory took a deep breath, trying to collect her thoughts, deciding how to proceed. "Paris asked me tonight how you know a guy is right for you," she eventually said, "and when I answered her, I slowly realized that I was talking about you."

"What?"

When he didn't say anything else Rory sighed. "When did this turn into such a mess?"

She could hear Jess inhale on the other end. "When you decided that not hurting anyone else's feelings was more important than being happy," he eventually answered.

Rory blinked, breathing in sharply, finally seeing things from another perspective. Then she sighed again. "And in the end it only managed to make everything worse," she said sadly. "And I hurt you."

"Well…"

"God, I'm sorry," she continued. "I've been so completely oblivious, I can't even believe it. Mom tried telling me, but I refused to listen. I mean, I skipped school to go find you in New York! Hell, I even kissed you!"

"Did you just swear?" Jess asked, sounding a bit shocked.

"That's what you heard from that rant?" Rory asked in disbelief. "I basically tell you that I like you and all you hear is a swearword?"

"No, I heard the rest as well, I just…"

She gasped as a sudden thought hit her. "Don't you want…"

"I didn't say that," Jess quickly interrupted her.

"Then what?"

"I just wasn't sure I heard right."

"Oh."

"So, what are you saying?"

"What do you mean? I thought I was pretty clear."

"What about…" Jess began, then took a deep breath. "Dean?"

"Oh…" Rory floundered, realizing she had almost forgotten about him for a while there, which once more made her feel guilty. "Well, I guess I'll have to talk to him tomorrow."

"Oh," Jess acknowledged. "Ok."

Rory shifted uncomfortably on the bed. "What about…Shane?"

"I'll take care of it."

"Oh," Rory mumbled, then frowned. "Why are you… I mean…" She could feel herself blushing as she babbled on, and quickly backtracked. "Sorry, I shouldn't ask you that. It's none of my business, and…"

"She asked," Jess answered simply. "I didn't really have any reason to say no."

"Oh."

"Look, it's nothing serious, for either of us… It's just… She just got dumped and I was, well…you know…"

"It's ok," Rory hurriedly cut in, not really wanting to hear the end of that sentence. "You don't owe me an explanation."

"I know, I just didn't want you to think…"

That almost made her laugh out loud. "Jess, you've been in Stars Hollow for almost a year and as far as I know, you haven't been with anyone, until now that is. And not for a lack of options, I'm sure."

"What's that supposed to mean?" he asked, and this time she actually did laugh.

"Hello, have you looked in a mirror lately?" Rory asked incredulously.

"Are you telling me I'm good looking?" Jess wondered, and she could hear the smirk in his voice.

She had basically just told him just that, and there was no way she could take it back now. It was true anyway. "I'm pretty sure you could have anyone if you wanted to," she muttered, oddly embarrassed.

"Huh."

"So, why didn't you?" Rory asked, curiously. By now she had a pretty good guess, but she just couldn't help wanting him to say it.

"I thought that would've been obvious," Jess muttered, then took a deep breath. "The only girl worth having, to use your choice of word, was already taken."

"Oh."

"Look, this is really weird, ok? Talking about this on the phone like this, or at all for that matter. I don't even know how we got here, I don't…"

"Jess?"

She could hear him sigh on the other end. "Yeah?"

"I get it," she said. "This is weird. But, I think that maybe, talking like this actually helped. I don't know if I could've told you anything of what I just did if you were standing in front of me."

"Yeah," Jess almost chuckled. "I have to agree."

"So, that said…" Rory began hesitantly. "Would you like to meet up somewhere, and talk, in person?"

"Oh," he mumbled, then exhaled loudly. "Yeah."

"Ok," Rory said, feeling herself starting to smile.

"Ok."

She was about to suggest tomorrow afternoon, but then though better of it. "Well," she began, "I was gonna suggest tomorrow, but I think that would be too soon. With, you know…"

"Yeah," he agreed. "I get it."

"So, how about Saturday?"

"I'm working the morning shift, but I'm free after two."

Rory nodded, instantly feeling ridiculous, because obviously he couldn't see her. "After two then."

"Ok."

The conversation sort of stalled after that, and Rory didn't know what to say to get it going again, but she knew she wanted to keep talking to him.

It was actually Jess who broke the silence. "So…"

"What are you doing now?" she quite asked.

She could hear Jess laugh. "Other than talking to you?"

"Yeah," she grinned, because she couldn't help it. "Other than that."

"Reading."

"Should've guessed."

"You really should have," he agreed. "What about you."

"Well…" she started, not sure what to say, but then decided to go with the truth. "I was hiding in a closet."

"You were what?"

"Paris is on a date, and she was afraid Jamie wouldn't want to date her anymore if he saw me, so…"

"So she got you to jump in the closet?"

"Yeah?" Rory confirmed. "Apparently I look too dateable."

"Well, you do that," he said, and Rory could feel her cheeks suddenly grow hot.

"Oh, well…" she mumbled, not sure what to say to that.

"Wait, Paris?" Jess suddenly questioned. "The crazy girl who accused Luke of running a brothel?"

"Oh, yeah," she laughed. "That's her."

"Huh."

"What?"

"Nothing," Jess started, but then continued. "I mean, you gotta admire a guy brave enough to actually ask her out after talking to her. She's…intense."

"That she is."

"So, what were you doing, confined to the closet and all?"

"Oh, you know… I was…trying to write a letter," Rory stuttered. "To you, actually."

"Oh."

"I started it my first night here, and I still haven't gotten further than the greeting, and I know that sucks, and I should've just written whatever, but I could never find the right words and now I'm almost going back home, and I still haven't written anything more than two words."

"Wow, you haven't forgotten how to ramble like a maniac," Jess commented.

"Thanks," Rory muttered, not sure how to take that comment.

"I'm glad you called instead."

"Yeah?" she smiled.

"Yeah."

"So, what're you reading?" she asked, settling in comfortably on the bed, as they launched into another book discussion.