Detective Conan Rum AU

By: FunahoMisaki

(A/N: I own nothing and what if everything we knew about Rum was just what the BO thought was true about him? It was what Rum wanted everyone to think. The only ones who know the real Rum are Vermouth, Curacao, and the Boss. And…well…there's a reason Vermouth acts around Shinichi as she does. AU OOC)

"Hello there boss man. How are things with the hobbits?" Vermouth answered her phone with a grin as a certain ring tone began playing, causing the callers eyebrow to twitch slightly.

"Not too bad Wicked Witch. Tell me though. Are you missing a certain colorful acquaintance of ours?" The young voice asked right back causing Vermouth to smirk slightly. Aww. The little one wanted to play along with words today. He was so cute when he let her play with him, something that used to be so rare to happen.

She got to 'play' with him more now than ever though.

"I take it you found our missing little birdy? That was fast since she only went out of contact last night and I found the top she had been wearing for the assignment a few minutes ago. Made quite the mess didn't she?" Vermouth asked with a brief frown as she looked across the water to the theme park that somehow always seemed to be the starting point for where big things or strange things always went down.

"I was on an outing totally unrelated when we came across her. Our missing birdy is missing her memories." The voice said sighing and Vermouth felt her eye twitch as well. Great a highly trained amnesiac spy who had forgotten more about the Organization than most members ever learned… and that was before she got amnesia.

"How are we doing this?" Vermouth asked as she lit a cigarette while sighing heavily.

"We'll see how things pan out first and I'll make up a play from where things go and how she reacts if she gets her memories back. I'm sure the rabid dog is already yanking at his chain and snarling his orders. See if you can't get a muzzle partially on him." Rum said causing Vermouth to twitch slightly although even if someone saw her, they wouldn't have noticed. There were only three people who could spot her small tells at the moment, and not a single one of them were anywhere near her.

"You owe me for this." Vermouth said although her voice was carefully neutral.

"I'll get you an extra special mother's day gift. Well I was planning on it anyways…but I think you'll really like this one…baa-chan." Rum said and she could tell that the little bastard was smirking. Oh she was definitely going to get him back for this.

"Just watch. I'm going to show up for Parents and Grandparents day and embarrass the hell out of you brat." Vermouth said making Rum chuckle on the other end of the phone.

"How is that any different from what you usually do?" Rum asked amused at this threat and making Vermouths lips curl upwards.

"I still have those pictures of the time where you were learning how to dress and act like a proper young lady." Vermouth said her voice a near purr and a satisfied look on her face when she heard a choking noise.

"You are cruel obaa-san." Rum said causing Vermouth to grin slightly.

"I know." Vermouth said smugly only for her smug look to vanish when she heard a chuckle from Rum again.

"But do you know the dirt I have on you?" Rum asked and she could tell that he was smirking again.

"What dirt?" Vermouth asked frowning as she tried to think of any dirt Rum could have on her that wasn't linked to her…shady activities in the organization.

"Let's just say that the tabloids would love getting their hands on some of the pictures of you with a certain grandson of yours or even your little girl. Or if I want to be really devious to just you…then I could always bring out the photos of you dressed as that clown on my sixth birthday." Rum said making Vermouth's eyes go wide at that and her jaw dropped in horror.

"You are cruel." Vermouth said her mouth dry at the thought of the pictures of that incident getting out. She shivered at the thought of pictures of her with her beloved daughter and grandson getting out to where her many enemies could get their hands on them.

"I get it honestly." Rum said with what she knew was a grin on his face. At that she did let out a snort. After all he wouldn't have released those photos, not without giving her some damn good warning.

"Little bastard." Vermouth said affectionately.

"Mom and dad were married as you well know." Rum said promptly making Vermouth let out a snicker. Her little girl had married that, admittedly smart, man despite her attempts to kill him. Although she didn't mind so much now. Not when she got such a sweet grandson that took after her far too much for her son-in-laws comfort.

"I need to get back to watching after our little bird. She's not going to be happy when her memories come back and she realizes what happened." Rum said his voice turning serious and making Vermouth give a small smirk. Oh was poor little Rum going to be in the doghouse for this.

Sure originally Curacao had been brainwashed by the previous Rum…but she had been genuinely happy to serve the newer Rum once they had deprogrammed her brainwashing. Oh don't get her wrong, she had let out plenty of steam beating the hell out of training dummies and whoever got on her nerves after she was deprogrammed…but when she had been able to think clearer and had gone to thank the one that freed her and helped her adjust to having free will again… well… she had been quite surprised.

She hadn't been expecting her savior to have been close to her age, nor had she expected to find out that her savior was actually the new Rum. She was wary for a while, as in roughly a year, but she had warmed up to the new Rum and happily played the part of his right hand and confidant. He hadn't realized it but by being genuinely concerned for her wellbeing and showing it, such as the time when he nursed her back to health himself after a particularly close call with the wrong end of a MI6 bullet that had missed her heart by less than an inch, he had earned her eternal and unwavering loyalty.

Something that she showed with the frequent use of calling Rum her master or 'dono' and 'sama' titles in Japanese. Vermouth was sure that the 'all-purpose secretary', as she had dryly labeled Curacao one time, used the titles so much because of how embarrassed Rum got when she did so. Even if she was considered the best intelligence officer who wasn't completely specialized like Vermouth was, Curacao often acted as an overly glorified secretary or personal assistant.

Of course she also served as a close range bodyguard for Rum whenever they were out together or when she was just near him in general. That part had been assigned to her by the Boss and Vermouth themselves personally.

Vermouth quite honestly wouldn't have been surprised, and was in fact both expecting and betting on, if Curacao had developed a crush on Rum for saving her and helping her so much. The silver haired woman had already confronted Vermouth more than once demanding to know where her master was.

"Try not to get shot kiddo. You nearly gave us all heart attacks the last time hat happened." Vermouth finally said making Rum give a small snickering sound.

"Oh I didn't mean at me, much. You know Curacao can't stay mad at me for long. Gin for poisoning and trying to kill me on the other hand…" Rum trailed off a bit making Vermouth smirk.

"Well your girlfriend would have to get in line Silver Bullet-kun. Now have fun and don't do anything I wouldn't." Vermouth said smirking as the slight squawk from the other end of the phone.

"She's not my girlfriend and there's only one thing you wouldn't do grandma!" Rum said embarrassed.

"Well actually…" Vermouth began with a grin only for Rum to cut her off. He knew the tone in her voice all too well and it usually ended up with him the color of a fire truck.

"Nope I don't want to hear it granny. Talk to you soon. Love you, bye!" Rum quickly hung up making Vermouth laugh out loud.

Her grandson was a little bastard but then again he did learn from the best. She, her daughter, and her son-in-law had all taught him everything they could when they went to Hawaii on family vacations after all.

She was still going to burn those pictures of her in the clown getup though.