— CHAPTER ELEVEN —

Another Like Him

By holiday's end Remus still had not gotten a letter from his father back, apart from Christmas cards and presents. Though this was slightly disappointing, Sirius cheered him up by saying, "Mate, don't worry. The Wild Wind always messes up owl deliveries."

True enough, the Wild Wind had been whipping around the Hogwarts grounds for a couple of weeks. It had blown away several of the vegetables in the garden near the greenhouses, and even awoken some Wandering Willows — though thankfully none of them had decided to wander close to the school.

"Yeah, with the way it's been going recently, you'll get a reply maybe next year if you're lucky," said James on the way to breakfast.

Another upsetting thing about not going home for the holidays was that Remus was unable to send Ruby back home to the rabbits and the Wandering Willow forest. Though a term ago, Ruby would've been thrilled at the prospect at having to stay longer, she merely purred weakly and stayed snuggled up in Remus's bed for days on end. Remus felt his heart fall each time.

"Oh, great, our first lesson's Defence," said Sirius whilst pulling out his timetable from his robes. He had been let out of the hospital wing once more, Madam Pomfrey hesitantly prescribing different dosages of new potions. She'd made him promise to not spend too much time in the freezing cold.

"Great way to start the term," remarked James, walking only with a slight limp. James's leg had healed miraculously fast due to Madam Pomfrey's tonics and spells, and Remus, not for the first time, marvelled at her fast work.

"Absolutely cracking," sighed Peter, sinking into one of the seats at the Gryffindor table.

Personally, Remus thought there was something about Professor Jewel that Remus couldn't put his finger on. Maybe if he thought a little harder…

"What's are today's bets, men?" asked James, sidling next to Peter. "Nice guy Jewel or absolute arse Jewel?"

"You know," quipped Remus, "I'll go out on a limb and say: in the middle. He'll still hark at Peter for getting a question wrong, but only take five points this time 'stead of ten."

James grinned appreciatively. "Wonderful suggestion. Oi, Sirius, pass the butter."

"I don't get questions wrong that much," Peter was complaining.

Remus smiled, but he was worried he'd offended Peter. "I know. I was only joking."

"Sirius. The butter," repeated James.

Remus turned his head to look at Sirius, who was glowering at something in the distance — ah, no, someone. Regulus Black, laughing with his friends, adorned in a thick black jumper. From their vantage point, they could see that on the breast of the jumper was a logo — the same one monogrammed on Sirius's luggage, his family's crest. From Sirius's expression, clearly this had to be a Christmas present, one that Sirius had not received.

"Oh," said James. "Sirius, mate—"

Remus exchanged an alarmed look with Peter. He, of course, had no idea how this would feel. He'd said it before, and he still didn't. Of course, Remus knew what it was like to be on the outside, to not be included, but never particularly in favour of someone else. And never in such a blatant, purposeful way. This seemed like a direct attack on Sirius, and Remus, for the first time, rather than just feeling swirling confusion, felt an angry fire being lit in the pit of his stomach.

"It's all right," said Remus gently, unsure of what to say.

"It's not," said Sirius sharply. Remus flinched.

"It's just a jumper," said James.

"That's not — that's not the point," snapped Sirius. Remus privately agreed but said nothing.

"I know it's not," said James firmly. "But, hey, look at it this way: do you really want a jumper from your witch of a mum?"

Sirius seemed to think about it for a few moments, before the crease in his eyebrows softened. "I guess not."

"Actually, nah. I reckon that house-elf of yours knitted that sweater with his creepy little fingers," said James, shuddering dramatically.

The corners of Sirius's mouth twitched. "He does have pretty creepy fingers."

"Plus," added Peter slowly, "it's got your family crest on it for all the world to see. Don't you reckon that's a bit poncey?"

"Very poncey," said Remus.

"The ponciest," confirmed James, shaking his head. "I am quaking at the level of ponciness—"

"All right, shut up," said Sirius, but he had begun to smile again, and he was laughing as he and James began to play fight.

Remus was impressed with James's ability to cheer up Sirius in a matter of minutes. Maybe he was even a little jealous. James was so … good at this sort of stuff. Remus's eyes never left Sirius as he ceased the fighting to chuck away a wad of snotty tissues in a waste basket.

"G'morning, Remus," said Lily, taking a seat beside him. "Haven't seen you in a while."

It's because you've been hanging out so much with Severus, thought Remus. It was true; Remus had seen them together quite often in the past few weeks. Severus had also become a regular in the hospital wing due to chronic nosebleeds, making Sirius and James's exit all the more relieving.

"G'morning, Lily," he said to her. Suddenly she gasped; her wide green eyes stared at her watch.

"No, not good morning," said Lily hurriedly, stuffing a piece of toast in her mouth. "It's already first period. Let's go!"

"You are the only person I know who gets excited from going to class," Remus said to Lily, smiling.

Beside Remus, Sirius snorted. "You sure? Think you're being a bit of a hypocrite, Remus."

Usually, Remus would have rolled his eyes or formed some other joking, derisive reaction to Sirius's comment. But Remus's eyes had danced over to Lily — and she looked suddenly closed off; her shoulders drooped, her head looked away, as if what Remus had said had forced her to retreat into a shell. Surely enough, she said nothing else as she scurried off to class ahead of them.

Bugger. Had Remus said something wrong? Oh, Godric, why did Remus mess things up so often? As Remus watched Lily's fleeting figure, he sighed. This was why Remus should keep his mouth shut, why he should guard his thoughts and words close to his chest. This was why Remus had to keep all these things from the people around him. Maybe then he'd stop being such an utter, utter failure.

Remus had a suspicion, and it nagged at him the entire Defence lesson, and even after. Remus's prediction about how friendly Professor Jewel decided to be today was incorrect. He seemed all right today, but he was a bit twitchy, and kept nervously looking back and forth, as if afraid something was going to attack him at any moment. But he offhandedly let them do some reading up on the Tickling Charm and its uses in fighting, and that was that. Remus's eyes kept glancing back to Professor Jewel that entire lesson, and the lessons after that too.

One History of Magic lesson, Remus's eyes trailed over to Sirius, who was hurling rubbish into the waste bin at the corner of the class. Remus rolled his eyes once he realised that Sirius and James were trying to see how far away they could chuck it, and tittering whenever they missed.

"Oh, wait, Lily I have to tell you something!" hissed Remus over Professor Binns's monotonous drone.

The image of the waste basket had reminded him of the bottomless pit, which reminded him of that hole in the hallway behind the portrait of knights. He regaled to Lily in a whisper about how he and James had stumbled upon one of those craters before the holidays began. Remus, though he wasn't that interested in these strange holes, knew Lily would be.

Sure enough, her green eyes went wide, her quill falling from her fingertips.

"Remus, that's it! That's why we had to stay at school 'stead of going home for the break — someone's going around blasting holes in the ground. I reckon the teachers are terrified."

Remus hummed. "But for what? To scare people?"

"I think so," said Lily slowly. "What else?"

He shrugged. What did Remus know?

As the full moon neared, Remus's arms began to twitch ever so often. He felt the itchiness rise up all over his limbs as the moon got fuller and fuller each night, but he tried his best not to let it show, lest Sirius see and put two and two together.

One day, after a particularly gruelling lesson with Professor Jewel, who snapped at them every time someone made even a peep (again, this piqued Remus's suspicions) the Marauders went to dinner. Frank enthusiastically came up to Remus to tell him about his first Gobstones Cup game, and Remus had to quickly usher him away, so the other Marauders didn't catch notice.

Remus's first round of the Gobstones tournament was to occur on a Saturday morning. Last Gobstones Club meeting he and a Hufflepuff boy named Ryan Singh had decided on a classic Ravenclaw's Round, no Keepsies. Unfortunately, this coincided with a Quidditch practice that James had specifically wanted the Marauders to come and watch, because James had a new broomstick trick he wanted to show off or whatnot.

"C'mon," begged James the night before, in their dorm.

James added, "Even Sirius is coming, and he hates Quidditch."

"Oi, I do not!" Sirius pouted, both his arms and legs crossed.

"Only pulling your leg." James, grinning, shifted over on the floor and slung an affectionate arm around Sirius's shoulders. "But, yeah, Lupin, c'mon."

Remus shrugged and absent-mindedly caressed Ruby's head. "I'm really sorry James, but I have to study in the library. I'm behind on Potions." (This wasn't true. Remus was hardly ever behind on anything. With friends like James and Sirius who were automatically good at everything, you had to work hard in school.)

"With who?" interjected Sirius instantly.

Remus stared at him for a split second too long. "Lily."

Sirius's mouth twisted to the side and his eyebrows furrowed. There was a tense silence before Peter broke it by saying:

"Well, I guess Remus can't come." Peter looked mildly sad, which oddly pleased Remus.

"Lame," said Sirius offhandedly, but there was a glint in his eye.

"Oh, Remus," cooed James dramatically, looping his free arm around Remus's shoulders, so that he now had both Sirius and Remus in his arms. "What ever will we do without our biggest Quidditch fanatic—?"

"Hey, 'fanatic.' That's a big word, James," teased Remus, attempting to unloop himself from James's grasp.

Sirius barked with laughter, reaching out to tickle Remus. "So mean, Lupin!"

Remus smirked. "Yeah? I'm the mean one?"

"Duh."

"Guys," said James, gasping. "I think Pete's feeling left out of our Marauder group hug. C'mon, Pete, you can't escape us."

And then suddenly they were all laughing and tackling one another, and Remus obviously knew that it was super poofy to think so but: wow. Remus loved having friends. He loved how it pulled his lips into a smile. He loved feeling like he belonged. However, a pervading sting began to creep up his forearms.

"All right, all right, stop," Remus said, finally escaping James's grasp. "I have to brush my teeth. Pete, could you take Ruby for a bit please?"

"'Course," murmured Peter, taking the calm little rabbit in his lap.

"Quiet now, isn't she?" remarked James, peering at Ruby.

"Yeah," said Remus, scratching the back of his neck. "Dunno what happened."

Remus staggered over to the bathroom, and immediately splashed the cool sink water in his face. The itchiness was getting worse each month. For once Remus couldn't help but yearn for the full moon to come, just to end his monthly agitation.

"You all right?" asked Sirius from the door.

Remus started and then sighed in relief. "You scared me. Yeah, I'm fine."

"Remus, can we talk?" asked Sirius abruptly.

Remus had been dreading this. Each and every time Sirius confronted him, Remus felt the threads of his friendship slip away. What would it be this time? Gobstones Club? His visits to his mother slash cousin slash unnamed relative? Remus was playing a seriously dangerous game (of Gobstones!) by joining the Gobstones Club — each time Sirius asked an interrogative question, pointed out a flaw in Remus's story, Remus felt his metaphorical Kingstone teeter closer and closer to the edge of a pit.

"Of course," said Remus, but he wasn't looking at Sirius. He was only looking at his face in the reflection of the mirror. Remus rarely looked in mirrors. Wow, that jagged scar at his chin from so many moons ago — was that really still there? Hey, his dirty blonde hair was getting way too long. He really needed to get more sleep, because the circles around his eyes were getting darker and darker. And, if you looked quite closely, Remus had begun to resemble his father.

"You can tell me anything, yeah?"

Remus gulped. "All right."

Sirius's face contorted. "That was your cue to tell me what you've been hiding, mate."

"Sirius, I'm not hiding anything," said Remus, finally turning around to face Sirius. "Okay? Stop asking, please."

Sirius's mouth twisted to the side, but then he huffed in defeat. "All right. If you say so. 'S'long as you're all right, yeah?"

"Yeah," coughed Remus, feeling sort of cosy inside.

"All right."

"All right."

"All right," insisted Sirius, then his face broke out into a smile, which Remus couldn't help but return. Hopefully, Remus thought, that was that.

The day of the full moon had arrived. Remus, though agitated and slightly snappy, managed to calm himself down eventually just in time for first period Defence Against the Dark Arts.

Remus's eye was trained solely on Professor Jewel from the outset of the lesson, from the first idle wave of Professor Jewel's short wand to the furrow of his thick eyebrows.

"Kids," snapped Professor Jewel lazily, and the class shut up. "Today, we'll be practicing the Full-Body Bind Curse. Any volunteers? No? Do I really have to pick one of you?"

"Definitely arsehole Professor Jewel today," sighed Sirius quietly, causing Peter to snicker.

Remus, far from the resigned acquiescence of the rest of the class, was thrilled. His theory seemed to be getting righter and righter by the second.

His hand shot up in the air, quivering with excitement.

Professor Jewel's bushy eyebrow quirked up. He had evidently not been expecting anyone to volunteer. "Come up, then."

Remus was almost too fast at pulling out his chair and scrambling towards the front of the classroom.

"Swot," hissed Sirius, smirking, but nothing could dampen Remus's grin.

"The incantation is: Petrificus Totalus," said Professor Jewel, his wand dangling precariously between his fingers. "Repeat after me. Petrificus Totalus. Louder!"

Remus was thrumming. He couldn't stop the excitement building up in his chest.

"All right," said Professor Jewel. "You ready, kid?"

"Yes!" said Remus, hoping he didn't sound too enthusiastic.

Remus watched every little movement of Professor Jewel's with bated breath. He watched every twitch of the eyebrow, every movement of his mouth; Remus couldn't help the grin building on his face. He watched Professor Jewel raise his arm, the sleeve of the robe falling down to reveal muscular biceps, uncharacteristically large for a man so skinny.

He watched Professor Jewel's ears twitch. He watched Professor Jewel's mouth open to cast the spell, revealing perhaps slightly pointy teeth. He watched as Professor Jewel's blue eyes revealed something almost … primal within.

Because why would someone defend the beasts of the wizarding world so devoutly? Why would someone promise that these purported beasts are not truly dark? Why would someone have the gift of being able to Whisper to the other species of the world? And why would someone so kind sometimes be so cruel at other, specific times?

"Petrificus Totalus!" said Professor Jewel in his booming voice.

Remus felt his limbs snap together immediately, felt his control over his body disappear in a split second. He felt his body fall, felt it bang against the hard classroom floor. Remus's body was so still, so immoveable, but the heart in his chest beat faster than another. Nothing could remove the smile on Remus's lips; nothing could stamp out the warmth spreading in his chest, the sense of belonging that drowned out any itchiness at all.

Because well, it was clear as day, wasn't it? Professor Jewel was a werewolf, just like him.