Chapter Three: Afterburn

"And I was carrying the weight of the universe; the typical brittle perfectionist confused by my every decision. One day, I was being the hero; the next, I was playing the coward, burnt out by my overreaction." Alive in New Light; IAMX

THE SILENCE WAS disconcerting. Kakashi's lungs heaved in tandem, a wheezy concert for the lonely clearing. His dark gray eyes were trained on the target in front of him and the evidence of his poor aim was abundant. It was quiet, unusually so. Silence was never really silence to a well-trained shinobi. Silence in the real world was a vacuous echo that the human mind had learned to quash, writing off the extra sounds as a dull humming that one tended not to notice.

Kakashi couldn't help but notice the emptiness in his ears, save for the grating rasp of his own breath. His lungs were quaking hard enough to jar his slight frame. He was exhausted, his body forced to a level of performance that it had not yet attained or experienced. Still, it was not enough. Naruto had possessed this much stamina when he was six, however. Kakashi knew this because he had been assigned to the ANBU squad that was responsible for the protection of his closest friend and most under-served pupil.

He dredged up more chakra, more than he should have. He intended to perform a Shunshin, though his body protested mightily. His joints suddenly ached and his muscled seized up in tandem, wide-spread muscle cramp that erupted all over his body. Kakashi cried out in frustration and pain, sinking to his knees. No matter what he did, his chakra reserves were not growing. The increase he'd experienced was negligible, like adding a strand of shredded cheese to an already meager portion. He'd been at it for a month already and he was no further along than he'd been before.

A side effect of being a Hatake was having smaller chakra reserves, though oftentimes the chakra itself was more potent. His father didn't seem to have that problem—even by normal standards the man had large reserves—but that was probably because Sakumo had been working like a man obsessed since he was in his youth. He knew far more jutsu than Kakashi could fathom to guess, though he doubted it was as much as the moniker from his old life would indicate.

Kakashi grit his teeth together and exhaled through his nostrils, trying to move past the pain. He tried to push off the ground to stand up, but his body didn't want to respond. 'Kakashi, just wait a min—'

He did not wait a minute as Naruto suggested. Instead he forced his body into a standing position, frustration overwhelming his sensibilities. Naruto resisted, trying to overcome Kakashi and force him to stop but he didn't know how. Another push, this one requiring enormous concentration, and Kakashi was on his feet.

He could feel pressure on the corners of his mind as Naruto tried to butt in and prevent him from continuing his training. Naruto could understand the drive to improve oneself, but this was self-destructive. Kakashi was too frustrated to care.

Kakashi knew that it wasn't going to work. He didn't know why he tried again, but his hands were forming the seals for the Shushin again. This time hurt far more than the last. Black danced around the edges of his vision as his muscles clenched, pulling against connective tissue until his joints began to pop and groan. Regret overwhelmed him more loudly than the stillness had. His body clopped back to earth with a loud thump into a face plant. He wet the earth with his tears and then slipped into darkness.

Some people experienced the duration of unconsciousness in a strange dream-like trance. Others experienced it as a time of reflection. Kakashi, as of late, had taken to experiencing it as a tender drifting through seas of dark tones. He could only exist, reveling in the sound of his heart beating. He'd been unconscious a few times, but each time he was sad to leave the peacefulness of oblivion. He likened the experience of resuming conscious awareness to the wistfulness he'd felt in his old life as the last dregs of an orgasm faded away. This time, he did not feel wistful. He felt remorseful. It was as though his body had careened into the ground and the impact was what woke him. Even his veins hurt.

Breath hissed out of him like a cuss. Kakashi could only roll over; lifting himself to his feet was not an option. He, vaguely, made out an object blocking the glare of the sun and for that he was grateful. When the object shifted, he tried to sit up but gave up immediately. It was too painful and required too much strength.

A small hand pressed against his chest as the dark blob moved closer. "Don't wanna do dat!" There was giggling, childish and feminine. "You're kinda stupid, ya know."

"So I've heard," he rasped. The presence felt familiar, though only minutely. He shut his eyes, trying to block out the sun.

"You firsty?"

Kakashi didn't giggle at the childish language. He wasn't worried about offending the child, but his aching ribs.

"Got any sake?"

"Hey! You're not even old enough for dat. But… I like it. I stole some of the caretaker's once. Heh, you shoulda seen his face!" The girl had an adorable lisp. Kakashi cracked open a bleary eye, trying to see who his visitor was. It was obvious she had dark hair and fair skin, but beyond that he was clueless.

"How old are you?" He rasped screwing up his face as a wave of nausea hit him.

"Eh? Aren'cha supposed ta ask my name first?" The face loomed over his, brown eyes scrunched up as she peered at him. She looked quite familiar but he couldn't place her.

"Fine, what is your name?"

The girl giggled mirthfully and swatted at him in amusement. "Wouldn't you like to know!"

Kakashi gasped, scrunching his face up in pain. "Yes, actually, that is why I asked."

He tried to sit up again, whimpering when his muscles protested in unison.

"Baka! You're gonna make it worse!" He was roughly shoved back to the ground.

Tears sprang into his eyes and he laid there breathless. Her forcing him to the ground had hurt so much worse than his attempt at sitting up.

"Sleep. Dat's what dey always tell me when I get hurt!" She chuckled as if remembering some fond memory. "I told 'em not to let the udder kids touch my shit."

"Okay, who are you?" Kakashi demanded, opening his eye again. The roundness of her cheeks and diminutive stature meant she couldn't be more than five.

"You first, mystery man."

"Hatake Kakashi," he ground out.

She responded with pride. "Mitarashi Anko!"

If he hadn't been so amused, perhaps he'd have been startled. He hummed lightly, closing his eyes.

"Hey! What's wrong wif my name?"

"Nothing… You just remind me of someone I used to know. She was a scary lady and you're… not." In his mind, Naruto was chuckling with tears in his eyes while Kakashi stared at him, deadpan. Mitarashi Anko, one of Konoha's most feared kunoichis was now a feisty four year old with a lisp. It was conceivable.

"Hn. You better not make fun of me or I'll kick your ass! Believe it, mister! I'm gonna be a Genin soon, so—"

"Maa, maa, don't get so excited. I'm only kidding." Kakashi sighed, content. He lazily studied her features, noticing that she was missing her two front teeth. That accounted for the lisp. Suddenly he was struck with the memory of kissing her when they were older and his stomach turned in revulsion at the idea of kissing a four year old. He started systematically going over the shinobi rules to rid himself of the thought.

They sat together silently for a while. Anko grew bored with the stillness and pulled a kunai from one of her knee high socks. She began lazily hacking at the grass and Kakashi felt a gentle smile creeping across his mouth. Suddenly aware of his face, he laboriously lifted a hand to his face. The fabric covering was still there. He simply dropped his hand to the ground instead of returning it to his side, knowing he didn't yet have the energy to be moving around too much.

"You didn't touch my mask did you?"

"Nah… Duh caretaker showed me why he wears his and I… He had a lot of scars. I thought maybe you might, too, an'… I wouldn't want no one snooping at my face if I had 'em. Masks are dere for a reason, eh?" She smiled cheekily at him, the smile scrunching up the whole rest of her face. Kakashi nodded, sighing.

"Ano… do you know what time it is?"

She looked down at the grass and her brow creased with concentration. "It was around noon when I found you, but—"

"Noon? I was training at six in the afternoon yesterday!" Kakashi groaned, trying to sit up. His body protested and he froze, trying to stave off the pain.

Anko began to laugh, flopping backwards onto the grass. Kakashi scowled and forced himself to his feet. "Wait! I'm sorry—you don't gotta go!"

"I'm not leaving because of you. Tou-san'll freak out on me when I get home because I didn't even tell him I was going to train."

Kakashi could feel the drop in her mood, even without seeing the way her face crumpled in confusion. "What? I fought… I fought you were like me."

"Eh?"

"I fought you didn't have parents, eiver…"

Kakashi's shoulders sagged. He'd always wondered about her parents. "I'm sorry…. I don't have a mom if that makes you feel better."

Her face reddened and she nodded. Kakashi waited for her to respond, but she didn't. Such honesty tended to die out with puberty; it was replaced by politeness. He found the transparency refreshing. Staying on his feet was difficult, especially as still as he was standing. "I do have to go, but… We can hang out again. Throw some kunai and stuff, yeah?"

She smiled brightly, jumping up to hug him as tightly as she could. Kakashi grunted in pain as the air was forced out of him. "Fank you! Nobody's ever offered to train wiff me before!"

"I won't be aroun to train with you if you don't stop suffocating me!" He gasped, trying to disentangle himself from er oppressive lives. Anko released him sheepishly.

"Well…. Be more careful, then!" Anko sighed as she watched him depart, dragging his left leg a little. "I can go get your Tou-san for you, if you're—"

"I got it," he snapped. Her face darkened and he realized that he'd hurt her feelings. "Sorry. You can come with me if you want. I might need some help. I just don't want him to know I couldn't make it home or he won't let me train for a week."

She clapped giddily, though she did refrain from hugging him this time. As they walked along, she chattered on and on about her life at the orphanage while he tried to take it all in. It was completely bizarre to him that Anko was so… adorable. The Anko he knew was cocky, boisterous, and unorthodox. Not to mention drop-dead sexy. This was strange.

By the time they made it to his house, the sky was dark. Anko had her arm wrapped around him, tucked beneath his arm in an effort to keep him on his feet. He was a little taller than her so it was awkward. Kakashi felt uncomfortable but Anko didn't seem to mind. His father's disapproving look upon his arrival spoke volumes.

"Where've you been?" Sakumo folded his arms across his chest, trying his best to not smile when Anko blushed and stepped back from Kakashi.

"Training."

"For two days?"

"Huh?" Kakashi raised a brow in confusion, trying to steady the shaking of his legs.

Sakumo grinned slightly. "I heard you went to train two evenings ago and no one's seen head or tail of ya since. Til' now that is."

Kakashi's flabbergasted look caused Sakumo to frown. "But... I thought you said you found me at twelve?" he asked, turning to stare at Anko in confusion.

"W-well... I did find you at noon. Yesterday. You didn't move around none, so I got worried and had to make sure you were alive. When no one came to get you... I just stuck around."

Sakumo rolled his eyes in annoyance. "How many times have I told you not to overdo it when you train?"

"Thirty-six. I've been counting," muttered Kakashi. "Uh, thanks for sticking around."

"All right, say goodbye to your friend. I'm going to talk to you about this when you get inside." Sakumo commanded before walking inside and shutting the door behind him.

Kakashi turned to Anko, his blush rising above his mask. He blushed further when she smiled knowingly. "Did I mention how I made sure you were alive?"

The wheels in Kakashi's mind began to crank as he thought of all the weird way the Anko he knew would have woken him up. He was distinctly glad that Anko had not yet reached puberty.

Any prior wonderings he had to how she'd have woken him evaporated when she began to tickle him. He grunted in pain as he attempted to fend her off. When he began to gasp for air, she giggled ruthlessly and bade him farewell. "Later, Kakashi-kun!"

"B-Bye, Anko-chan!" His sides ached where she'd been prodding him. None of that had tickled.

When Anko was out of sight, his father opened the door and leered out at him with a knowing smile. "Anko-chan, eh?"

"Shove it, old man. Pervert."

"Maa, I guess you don't need an old man's help," pouted Sakumo, turning away with his hands lifted in a defensive gesture.

"Wait, Tou-san! Please..."

Sakumo smirked, gently positioning Kakashi over his right shoulder. "That's more like it, Kakashi-kun."

"This didn't happen. If you tell anyone, I'll deny it."

Sakumo chuckled as he carried his son inside. "Whatever you say, shinme."

"Well you look like yourself, but you're somebody else. Only, it ain't on the surface. Well, you talk like yourself; no, I hear someone else, though. Now you're making me nervous." You're Somebody Else; Flora Cash

'Anko-chan, eh?' chuckled Naruto, giving Kakashi an impish grin.

Kakashi toyed with the scroll in his hands, flashing a dark look at Naruto before he redirected his gaze back at the scroll. They were currently seated in his mindscape as Kakashi continued to read through the scroll; he was holding it in the hands of his physical body and so scouring over it, trying to pick out new details didn't require him to completely memorize it. Not that that mattered, because he'd pretty much memorized it anyway.

'Can we not do this, Naruto?'

Kakashi scowled again, trying to figure out how to best attempt the next jutsu on the scroll. Six weeks had passed since his arrival and his father had grown tired of watching him try to perfect the first jutsu. Kakashi had anticipated this. It was a little bit of reverse psychology. Indeed, he did want to master the jutsu, but by appearing obsessed with mastering that particular jutsu his father became and exasperated and more excited to teach him the harder jutsu, knowing that his son would master them and try to perfect them.

Kakashi had managed to create a small patch of mist with the latest jutsu, the Kasumi Kaben (Mist Petal). Why it was named as such he had no clue. The instructions provided for the jutsu demanded a Tori seal and nothing else. How he had managed to channel his chakra into a decent patch of mist before—or technically in the future—was beyond him.

'Why not? You know all about me and Hinata's relationship and you knew more about it than I did for a long time,' laughed Naruto, smiling widely. 'I was kind of stupid about feelings. But I'd love to—'

'It's personal, Naruto.' snapped Kakashi, throwing the scroll away from him in disgust. Naruto paled when he noticed the presence of a memory trying to form. Kakashi groaned before shooting Naruto a withering, bitter look. Naruto whined, low in his chest, as Anko's visage took form; she stumbled forward, falling onto her hands and knees before trying to crawl back to her feet again. The battlefield erupted around them, and he watched with chagrin as Kakashi relived the moment. Anko's head was viciously severed from her body and it landed in front of him, rolling the few remaining feet to smile to rest against Kakashi's foot. The older man would have sworn that the damned thing had smiled at him, but he knew that was probably his mind playing tricks on him.

Naruto didn't speak, unsure of how to respond to the way his sensei's face crumpled. Kakashi wasn't an emotional crier and Naruto didn't know how to comfort him. Kakashi spared him the awkwardness and ejected from his mindscape and promptly vomited. That wasn't a memory he liked to remember, though he supposed it had to come up sooner or later. He couldn't remember the face of the man who'd killed her; all he could see whenever he thought of it was her face.

He could vaguely make out an apology from Naruto, but he didn't want to hear it. He pushed the boy's presence to the back of his mind and began to attempt producing the Kasumi Kaben. Gripping his fingers into the formation of the Tori seal, he exhaled before he focused his chakra. "Kasumi Kaben!"

At first nothing happened, but then a very small patch of mist began to form at his feet. It was a thatch of about the size of his fist, but it was dense. Kakashi frowned in contemplation as he stared at the collection of water particles hovering in the air. Looking at it made him feel just a little bit thirsty.

"Kuso! How could I forget?" he muttered, smacking himself in the face as he scurried off to get a drink. He could almost hear the kind of smart remark that the Anko he knew would have been flinging at him with a silly grin on her face. He was nowhere near water right now—which made it much harder to perform the jutsu. If he was near pre-existing water it would make this jutsu that much easier to perform.

It took him nearly ten minutes to get to the edge of a river, but he didn't care. He stood at the edge of the water, staring out across the river as he collected his chakra. He formed the Tori seal and the proudly proclaimed "Kasumi Kaben!" only to groan in irritation when the cloud of mist he formed was six inches by six inches.

The next time he channeled as much chakra as he could into it, only for the water to rise up out of the river ever so slightly and then settle back down. Hm. Interesting, but not the effect he was going for.

"What am I doing wrong…" He pondered for a moment before stepping out onto the water, forcing his tired body to comply. His chakra control was precise enough that he could walk and stay afloat if he concentrated, though he missed being able to walk on water without batting an eyelash. "Kasumi Kaben."

Mist formed again, though over a bit of a wider area. Was he perhaps using too much chakra? Kakashi tried it again, using as little chakra as he possibly could. The mist formed again, a bit more widespread, but less dense. Interesting. 'Naruto, when you tried to do the regular Bunshin, did it get worse and worse with the more chakra that you tried to pour into it?'

'Sometimes,' replied Naruto, his tone subdued. 'The better I get at a jutsu like that the more I can pour into it. But... if I can't get the jutsu right in the first place I can't pour a bunch of chakra into it because my chakra isn't doing the right thing in the first place. As much as I hate to say it, you wanting me to get the basics of jutsu down before I tinker with it worked much better.'

'...Thanks.'

Kakashi forced the communication to evaporate and turned back to his practice. He needed more concentration. He wasn't angry with Naruto, per se, but he didn't want to discuss anything yet. It helped to know that his student was repentant, at least.

He tried the jutsu about four more times before he began to feel the familiar tug at the back of his conscious and the aching in his joints that informed him that his chakra was running dangerously low. Trudging back to the bank, Kakashi hung his head in frustration. He was up to a square foot of mist but he couldn't produce more than that. It clung to the ground, as it was supposed to, but it needed to coat the ground around him in a circle about fifteen feet across in diameter.

"Not planning on passing out from chakra exhaustion again, are we?" a voice purred from behind him. Kakashi turned slowly, resisting the urge to flick a kunai into his hand as he was so used to.

Minato smiled at him cheekily, scratching the back of his neck as was his way. Kakashi grunted and relaxed his posture. "Maa, I'm not that stupid."

"Are you sure? I kind of get that vibe from you," teased Minato, chuckling when Kakashi looked away, pretending to pout. "You've been acting kind of weird lately. Is everything okay?"

Kakashi sighed, plopping down on the ground without replying. Minato wordlessly joined him with a slight thump. When Minato began to skip stones across the slow-moving river, Kakashi looked up with shame in his eyes.

"It's stupid, but I just worry about him dying. I can't let myself be weak. Last time—" Kakashi caught himself before saying 'Last time he died." "Well, last time I lost a parent I didn't remember them enough for it to hurt. If he dies I want him to know I can take care of myself so he doesn't feel bad. And I want to keep my clan alive... without him the clan dies because all of our jutsu isn't contained in scrolls. Chichi has to teach me most of the stuff..."

Minato nodded gravely, his hand tightening around the stone he was about to skip. His grip was so tight that his knuckles turned white. "Aa... My family is the same way. Story for another day, though. I just wanted to check on you before I went off on mission. I won't be back for a month or so... thought I owed you a heads up."

Kakashi smiled beneath his mask and nodded. "Arigato, sensei."

"If you keep vomiting like that I'm going to have you see a doctor, Kakashi."

Kakashi blanched and fiddled with his hands. Minato's nose was as good as Pakkun's. He needed to do better. "H-hai."

Minato nodded and ruffled his hair before disappearing in a whirl of leaves. Kakashi sighed and picked himself up off the ground, wondering about his sensei's abrupt reaction to the mention of family jutsu. Come to think of it ,the man never talked about his childhood, save for where it concerned Kushina.

He supposed it was something to think about. He hadn't realized until just now how little personal information he actually knew about his sensei.

"So, stop right now. Now's the time to let go and stop right now. Now's the time to break free. Oh, oh, free…. How much do you really know you?" The Clocks Were Asleep; Regina Spektor

"FOR THIS MISSION, you three are going to have to accompany..."

Kakashi zoned out slightly as he glanced around the room. He'd already read the mission scroll. Yamanaka Inoichi had been assigned as their Chunin sensei for the mission, which Kakashi supposed was normal. He and Inoichi, along with Nara Shikaku, Akimichi Choza, and Inuzuka Tsume were supposed to be accompanying some random merchant from the Mizu no Kuni back to Hi no Kuni. Why they couldn't find ninja from the Land of Waves to escort the man was beyond him, but that was neither here nor there. The mission was to take about two or three weeks—time that Kakashi could spend doing things much more valuable than walking at a snail's pace. It was peace-time; the Second Shinobi war had fizzled out a year and a half ago. They wouldn't be back at war for the next three years.

Kakashi shifted his weight as he adjusted the backpack on his shoulders, bringing his attention back to the current situation.

"You'll be leaving in an hour. Make sure you have all the necessary supplies and then head to Mizu no Kuni to escort Minikui Oroka back to Hi no Kuni. Understood?" [Yep. It's an OC. Sorry; there's not enough random old farts laying around waiting to be used as pawns in my plot.]

There was a resulting chorus of "Hai!" from the five ninja standing before Sarutobi. They promptly turned on heel and filed out of the office. Kakashi marched straight to the gate of the village, boredom already weighing heavily on his shoulders.

He sighed as he leaned against the wall next to the gates of the village, wondering what this mission had in store for him. Kakashi yanked off his backpack, dropping to the ground unceremoniously as he slid down the wall. He allowed his legs to bend, forcing himself down into a squat. He held his hands in a meditative posture, one that allowed him to collect his chakra and grow it. This wasn't a mission he'd had last time and he was genuinely at a loss as to what would happen. It wouldn't do for him to randomly die before he could fix anything, though. He felt the ping of a familiar chakra signature appearing near him but didn't acknowledge it.

He pressed his palm to the earth, pushing his chakra into his palm and into the dirt beneath his hand. A pleasantly thick clod of dirt form on his palm, though there was also a smattering of soil on the back of his hand. He frowned, cutting off the chakra to the soil. With a subtle shake of his hand it plopped down to the earth in a sad, broken heap. How could he use that to his benefit?

The pressure of his katana pressing into his back became bothersome enough for him to push off from the wall, stooping to pick up his pack before straightening again.

"Maa, that's a cool jutsu, eh, Kakashi-san?" drawled Shikaku from a few feet to Kakashi's right.

Kakashi shrugged, maintaining the cool façade he was known for. "I convinced chichi to teach me the family jutsus... I'm not sure but I think we specialize in konbijutsu."

"Hmm. Combination jutsu? That's interesting... how can you do that without seals already? That usually takes people years to do." Shikaku's brows were furrowed with curiosity.

"Eh, my teachers said I was a prodigy but I think I'm just obsessive…" Kakashi chuckled in an embarrassed way and scratched the back of his neck. "Dad says I don't know when to quit."

As if on cue, a large yawn stretched his mouth. He was still struggling to sleep. The nightmares were particularly awful some nights—he knew better than to allow himself to sleep on short missions but he supposed he wouldn't be able to help it this trip. He'd probably end up taking a solider pill to stay awake through the night and the first few days until they got hotel rooms and he could battle through the nightmares on his own, without worrying too much about his shrieks waking his teammates.

Shikaku eyed him thoughtfully before making a soft humming sound and leaning against the wall, his hands braced behind his head. "You're almost late, Inoichi."

"Tch. Like you care, lazy ass. I had to make sure the flower shop was all locked up before I left or Kaa-san would have been chasing me around with her gardening sheers again."

Kakashi repressed the urge to smile at the idea of a terrified Inoichi being chased around by a livid woman with sheers. It was almost too funny.

"So where's Chouza and Tsume?" asked Kakashi, the amusement evident in his voice.

"Chouza's getting some grub first and Tsume... is doing whatever the hell it is that Tsume does in her free time," surmised Inoichi, smiling broadly. "I have no clue what that is. Hmm. Oi, Shikaku, think I oughta get a new set of shinobi gear? Mom said this stuff is starting to smell rank no matter how many times I wash it... The ladies don't like a guy who smells bad."

There was a loud bark and the sound of heavy footfalls at the end of his words that caused him to wince. "I can vouch for that, Inoichi-baka. You oughta take your mother's advice," Tsume snickered scratching her dog behind the ears. He was tall enough to meet her knees, but was currently resting his paws on her stomach so that he was tall enough to receive a scratch.

"Yeah, least I don't sleep with my dog," teased Inoichi in a sing-song voice. He laughed nervously when Tsume's expression darkened and she snarled.

"Oi, oi, calm down, geez," soothed Shikaku. "Chouza's on his way, I already see him. After he gets here, let's just get to the damned destination without killing each other, ne?"

Kakashi chuckled as Tsume and Inoichi grumbled in annoyance. Chouza marched up to the group, a polite smile seeming to be permanently etched into his face as he munched on a bag of potato chips.

Finally, they were off. The first two hours of the trip, they traveled along at a surprisingly slow pace until Shikaku realized that Kakashi seemed almost bored with the rate they were moving. After asking Kakashi and discovering that indeed, Kakashi wasn't tired at all, they moved at a much quicker pace.

They traveled for another four hours before Tsume announced that Kuromaru, her ninken, had to relieve himself. Inoichi decided that, since they'd made better time than he'd initially anticipated, they could just rest there for the night.

'Kakashi, you oughta wait until as late as you can to take the soldier pill. Otherwise, you'll be useless if you get attacked when you're dead tired and can't take another soldier pill,' warned Naruto. Kakashi took mental note of that and made it a point to wait until after dinner and when everyone else was laying down for bed.

'Aa. I think I'll hold off on the more chakra intensive techniques until we actually get to Mizu no Kuni.'

Kakashi strode off into the bushes to take a whiz and look around for edible berries. After about ten minutes of looking, he deduced that the only edible food was the food in his pack. He made his way back to the clearing where the others were gathered and pulled out a ration bar. It tasted relatively disgusting, but compared to his father's cooking it was a decent meal.

Seeing Kakashi's almost appreciative expression, Chouza blanched and wrenched the bar out of his hands. "You can't eat that!"

"... Why not?" Kakashi was smirking to himself beneath the mask, despite the confused façade he put up. He missed this side of Chouza.

"Because! Kakashi-san, it's an injustice to the proper food of the world! Here, have one of these—" Chouza produced a bag of chips and an apple. "They don't contain as many calories but it tastes much better. If you still insist on eating the ration bar—" He spat the word out like it was a swear word. "then at least eat it first so you can get rid of the taste with this."

Kakashi chuckled openly, accepting the bag of chips and the apple. "Arigato, Chouza-san. Err, why do you hate them so much? They're not that bad..."

"What?! Not that bad!?"

"Great, you baka, now look what you're done!" groaned Inoichi, covering his eyes with his hands. Kakashi pretended to look ashamed of himself.

Chouza began to leap up and down, proclaiming the terrors of ration bars. Regaining his composure, he plopped back down to the earth next to Kakashi as Shikaku started the fire. "Ne, Kakashi-san, don't you think they're awful?"

"Eh. You've not had chichi's cooking." Kakashi shuddered, truly terrified by the thought. "It's ironic. We're supposed to have some great farming heritage or whatever but he can't cook to save his damn life."

Shikaku snickered, flicking a pebble at Kakashi who anxiously dodged it with a kunai. "You're more paranoid than I thought, heh."

Kakashi glared at Shikaku, realizing that he needed to more properly guard himself around the older boy. He hadn't forgotten that Shikaku was a genius but he hadn't taken it into account either. "Chichi routinely wakes me up with a flurry of kunai. Preparedness and all that."

The group around him raised a collective brow as they began to prepare the rabbit that Tsume had retrieved. Kakashi ate his food in silence, now feeling sufficiently awkward. 'Naruto, your idiocy is rubbing off on me.'

'Only natural, I suppose,' chuckled Naruto, not even bothering to hide his amusement. 'While regrettable, our traits will begin to rub off on each other the longer we're together.'

Kakashi sighed heavily, stabbing his kunai into the ground so that he could bury his apple core. It was poor form to leave food laying around as it attracted both ants and animals; Kakashi didn't want either in his tent later on.

"Oi, Kakashi-san, are you gonna eat your portion of rabbit?" asked Choza, his eyes projecting his hopefulness for a 'no' from Kakashi. Kakashi shook his head no, wandering off to construct the group's tent as they cleaned up dinner.

After completing that task, he made his way to the small creek that was perhaps only six feet wide and a few inches deep. He wet his hands, cleaning them thoroughly before pulling down his mask and scrubbing his face clean. That task taken care of, he made his way back to the tent so that he could read more about fuinjutsu.

Shikaku entered the tent as Kakashi unraveled the storage scroll, watching with interest as Kakashi pointedly ignored him and began to read. It was only eight, but he didn't see the need to be alert if Inoichi and Tsume were still piddling around by the fire. Nukenin were their biggest issue at this point; it was unlikely though no unheard of that enemy ninja would be found inside the country.

Kakashi tried to contain his irritation that Shikaku wasn't even trying to hide the fact that he was observing him. Attempting to ignore him, he continued to read. He absorbed some of what he read, usually when Naruto made a point to mention the more useful tricks of the trade.

After a while, he got fed up and stomped out of the tent. He didn't return until two hours later, when everyone else looked asleep. He swallowed the pill before he went inside. Now all he had to do was lay there for a few hours and then they could proceed. It was boring, but it beat the weird looks and lengthy explanations he'd have to provide if he chose the alternative. He elected to meditate and grow his chakra for the following day.

"Take your piece or you'll starve, take your piece, take it kid. There's paths we're cross again." These Paths; The Yeah Yeah Yeahs

"SLOW DOWN, INOICHI, it's not a race," snapped Shikaku, yawning loudly. "Some of us actually like sleeping."

Inoichi chucked a sandal at him, laughing when it hit the dark-haired ninja between the eyes. "Chicks dig a guy who can take lead!"

"Troublesome, troublesome... if I wanted to smell your feet this early in the morning I'd just go to your house. No wonder you like flowers so much. I think your compensating for—"

Kakashi groaned loudly, rubbing at his temples with the palms of his hands. Everyone else was still in their pajamas, but he hadn't even changed out his clothes from the day before.

Chouza rolled his eyes and slapped him on the back good naturedly, not noticing Kakashi's visible flinch. "Lighten up, kid. Here, have some—"

"I'm not hungry. Let's just go, please."

Chouza wilted, hanging his head slightly in dejection. Inoichi gave Kakashi a dark look, but he didn't care. He just wanted to get the mission done as fast as possible and return home so that he could get back to work on mastering his family's jutsu.

'Kakashi; you're breaking character. Get it together,' ordered Naruto, taking on his more authoritative roll again. Kakashi inwardly sighed and imagined castrating the blonde. All pretenses of command evaporated and Naruto sheepishly giggled and receded into the darker recesses of Kakashi's mind. Kakashi repressed a grin, deciding that he and Naruto were finally even. He made a mental note to be nicer to the kid.

After the others had changed back into their mission attire, they set out for the remaining three days of travel for Mizu no Kuni. Their destination was near the border, so it wouldn't take that long to travel if they paced themselves well.

Kakashi moved forward to take point while took Tsume and Choza took the flank positions. Inoichi hovered near the back with Shikaku. Inoichi ordered Kakashi to scout up ahead and scout for anything out of the norm and the youngest of the ninja complied wordlessly, doubling his speed.

He scouted ahead for about twenty minutes before falling back when he saw nothing. "It's all clear up ahead."

"Good, good."

That was that. They traveled along for another six hours before stopping around two in the afternoon to make lunch. Kakashi could only pick at his ration bar; there was a nagging feeling in the pit of his stomach that something was going to go wrong. It wasn't the kind of thing he liked to think about, but it wasn't something that he could just ignore.

"You alright Kakashi-kun?" asked Chouza, his brows crowding together in concern. The gray-haired youth forced himself to nod, even smiling brazenly beneath his mask to prove a point. "I was just wondering. Bit weird for a kid to be so quiet."

"Maa, it's a habit, I suppose," Kakashi remarked off-handedly, standing up to tuck his half-eaten ration bar back into his pack. "Is it time to go yet?"

"Nah. We got another twenty minutes. Hang tight," Shikaku informed, wandering off to refill his canteen. Kakashi sat back down, idly wondering where Inoichi had gone.

Kakashi practiced his seal-less Fuketsu Hira a few times, pleased with his steadily increasing progress. When Shikaku returned, he smiled at Kakashi, nodding his approval. Kakashi smiled back half-heartedly, though he didn't trust the elder boy's suddenly warm gesture. Shikaku seemed to notice and his smile faded slightly.

Oh well. Kakashi stood abruptly, grabbing his pack and slinging it over his shoulder. He wanted to be ready when it was time to go. They were traveling at snail's pace. He wasn't looking forward to tomorrow; at this rate he was going to be up all night again because it was obvious that they were not going to make it to the village by tonight or possibly even the next day.

He'd be better off to not practice his jutsu at all if he was only going to be screwing around with it. If he was going to be training, he needed to train hard enough to force himself into a state of exhaustion that would prevent him from dreaming.

Noticing that he was once again scowling, Kakashi schooled his features into a cool, collected mask and bent to readjust his ninja sandal. When he straightened, his teammates were packing up their belongings and getting ready to go.

Tsume tossed a treat to Kuromaru, who yipped gleefully and began to chase its tail. Choza smiled to himself, pulling his pack onto his broad shoulders. Again they were moving, this time at a bit of a better pace though not by much. After a mere four and a half hours, they were stopping again, much to Kakashi's chagrin.

Dinner passed quickly, leaving him a few hours left of daylight to burn. Kakashi left off for a while to read his book in the peace and quiet of a tree, ignoring the obvious presences of Shikaku and Inoichi as they talked nearby. They were obviously up to something, but he couldn't openly try to figure out what it was, especially when they were watching him.

When they moved further away, Kakashi sighed and placed the book in his lap. The sky loomed above him, endless and hauntingly pristine. There wasn't a cloud in sight. The lazy thrum of fatigue settled upon his shoulders, blanketing him in a comfortable hum that buzzed at the edges of his conscience. He resisted it for as long as he could bear until he felt the corners of his mind beginning to fizzle with the beginnings of sleep. Kakashi sighed wearily and closed the book before jumping down from the tree and walking slowly back to their camp. He ought to put the book back in his bag, eat some of his ration bar, and then go train for a while. Depending on how tired he was after eating, he was intending to training himself into the ground so that he could sleep.

Shikaku and his pale-haired brother were playing a game of Shogi. Tsume watched from the side as she brushed her ninken, tossing out rude remarks about both players at appropriate times. Kakashi shook his head, trying to clear the image of the three from when they were older and burdened with responsibilities. If he could choose how he'd like to remember them, he would choose something like this. He smiled faintly, realizing that he could get a quick nap before anyone else went to bed instead of training himself to exhaustion.

He quickly marched into the tent, dragging his pack with him. He didn't bother to change his clothes for he knew that he was going to be back up in an hour or so.

Kakashi dug a watch out of his bag and strapped it to his arm. He set the timer for forty-five minutes. When the time had elapsed, a small needle would protrude from the back of the watch and into his skin, silently waking him. It was something his father had gotten him when he became a Chunin.

Cocooned in the deceptive warmth of his sleeping bag, Kakashi willed himself to sleep—as any good shinobi could—and immediately succumbed to sleep.

His dreams were strange and muddled, though surprisingly not filled with the death as he had anticipated. He was surprisingly too tired for that. They did, however, contain bizarre imagery that he didn't find even remotely pleasant. When the pin pricked him, he awoke with a start, having forgotten he'd even set an alarm.

A startled gasp escaped him and he had to shake his head to clear the feeling of distress. Tsume hissed in surprise but didn't otherwise bother him. He knew that she found him a nuisance and didn't trust his abilities; it was a folly of many shinobi to look on young teammates as unskilled. Even he had fallen into the uselessness of such thinking before.

"You stink, kid," she chided. Kakashi rolled his eyes, repressing the urge to flip her off. He wondered if he'd have done that as an actual child and felt a pang of loss when he realized it was too long ago to remember how he'd actually behave.

Tsume growled in response to the eyeroll. "You're dead meat, brat!"

She grabbed for him, trying to wrestle him into submission. Kakashi laughed mirthfully, darting around her grasp as he searched for a water source. Tsume's death threats only served to make him cackle even harder as he imagined the look on her face. He scrambled out of the tent and she followed, her gangly limbs reeling as she grabbed for him.

He darted up a tree, pushing off of the trunk almost lazily as he launched himself back in her direction. She squawked in outrage as he careened toward her, arms raised proudly over his head. He grabbed onto her shoulders and proceeded to rub his sweaty little armpit all over her face. "How ya like that?"

Kakashi's laughed was cut short when she ripped him off and threw him into the very tree he'd just run up. His back took the brunt of the impact and then he slumped to the ground in a disgruntled heap of limbs. Tsume smirked in satisfaction, though the smirk was short lived when he burst into laughter again. She stomped off in a huff, though he swore he could see the corners of her mouth flick upwards just the tiniest bit. Shikaku and Inoichi both chuckled heartily.

"Ah, that was good I needed a break from kicking ass," laughed Inoichi.

Shikaku narrowed his eyes and glanced at the board. "You mean getting yours kicked?"

"Maa, details, details."

Kakashi smiled thoughtfully as he grabbed soap from his bag. 'You're rubbing off on me, Naruto. It's not all bad, though, I enjoyed that.'

'What can I say? I enjoy a good laugh. So do you—you never really punished me for my pranks.'

Kakashi made his way to the water, the apples of his cheeks still lifted in a smile. Perhaps he could take up pranks to alleviate his sour moods. 'I must admit, sending all those pregnant women Henged as men to get check-ups by Tsunade was somewhat of a classic. I'm no sure I can top that.'

He could see a hazy vision of Naruto tapping his chin with a wry grin. 'Only time will tell, ne?'

When Kakashi finally found the water, he disrobed save for the singlet that his mask was attached to, and leapt right in. He allowed his body weight to pull him beneath the surface where he began to lazily scrub his hair. 'At the risk of sounding petulant, I'm not a huge fan of leaving my junk far off in the future. It just feels… weird."

Naruto laughed outright at that, nodding knowingly. 'I miss this side of your humour, sensei.' Kakashi smirked and let himself sink a little deeper into the water. He owed it to Tsume to remove as much of his scent as possible after the stunt he'd pulled.

"This game I play, I do it every day. I promise I'll be fine, bear it every time. When you turn the lights down low, lemon colour, honey glow. See this state I'm in, is crawling in my skin. Fevers took me back and turned me inside out." Lemon Glow; Beach House

KAKASHI RUBBED HIS eyes, wishing and praying that they could just get there already. He'd gotten forty-five minutes of sleep in the past three days and it was beginning to show, despite the soldier pills he'd been doing his best to space out. He couldn't overdo it or he'd develop an immunity to the pill. Prolonged use—or abuse, rather—did that. But if he took them all once he could overwhelm his body with the additional chakra and strain on his coils and organs. However, staying awake for too much longer would render him useless.

"Kakashi-san, are you alright?" inquired Shikaku, resting a hand on the boy's shoulder. Kakashi flinched, the overly tired portion of his brain momentarily pondering the possibility of Shikaku hearing his thoughts. He shivered and tried to straighten up, writing the thought off for the paranoia that it was.

"Aa, I'm just tired." Kakashi rubbed his arms as though he was cold. "How long until we get there?"

"Bout an hour. You good 'til then?"

Kakashi nodded, though internally he wasn't sure. "After we get there, how long 'til we leave again?"

"Few days. The merchant plans to leave on Friday so that gives us two nights and three days," quipped Chouza. He smiled toothily and tossed the kid a bag of chips.

"Perfect. Thanks, Chouza-san!" Kakashi immediately tore into the bag of chips even though he wasn't hungry. He'd need all the extra calories he could get if he was going to make it to the village, going all-out for the next hour.

Chouza smiled, turning back towards where they were headed. "Looks a bit like rain, huh?"

"What're you talkin' about?" laughed Inoichi, launching into the air and executing a front flip. "It's beautiful out!"

Kakashi remained silent, anxiously shoveling chips into is mouth.

[._.]

"I NEED A room, please," said Kakashi. He had to hop and use his elbows to prop himself up on the counter to make eye-contact with the concierge of the seedy little hotel.

"Go home, kid. I can't give rooms to runaway little—"

"I'm a ninja," pressed Kakashi. His patience was wearing dangerously thin. If you beat a man with his own foot, did it mean he was kicking himself? "I need a room, please. I have the money and I'm considered an adult in the eyes of my village."

Instead of releasing killer intent as he was wont to do, he used his chakra to influence the man's thinking. It was a subtle form of genjutsu, though because it didn't require handseals it fell under the category of a ninja trick more so than a jutsu.

This seemed to do the trick and the surly man gruffly held out a key which Kakashi accepted with a smile. He was about to hand the money over when a long arm extender over his shoulder, pressing the cash into the man's outstretched hand.

Kakashi sneered underneath his mask as he looked up at Inoichi. He couldn't repress the surge of anger that rippled through him. He didn't know why he was so irritable, but he was more than happy to chalk it up to the stress and sleeplessness.

"What's wrong with you, brat. Aren't you supposed to say thanks or something?"

"Thanks."

Kakashi turned on heel and stalked off towards the stairs, at war with himself. He knew he needed to relax and calm down but he wasn't sure why he was so angry in the first place. Inoichi trotted after him, putting a hand on his shoulder.

"Wait! You shouldn't do stuff like that to people, Kakashi."

"Inoichi… He was already giving me the room, why does it matter? I may be young but I am a Chunin," muttered Kakashi, turning around to fix the older ninja with a pointed look. "I'm not helpless, I promise."

Inoichi lifted his hands defensively, tilting his head to the side and gazing at him with something akin to pity. It made Kakashi's stomach churn with discontent. "Look, Chunin you may be… but you can ask for help. You aren't alone. Why don't you trust us?"

Kakashi's eyes widened. Trust? They thought he didn't trust them? Kakashi forced his face into a calm mask, realizing that it was true. He didn't trust them. He opened his mouth to respond then thought better of it and turned around. He felt Inoichi moving after him again, as though to stop him once more, and neatly side-stepped the motion. Inoichi swore softly but it was of little consequence to him.

He fumbled with the keys, taking at least more than twice the necessary amount of time to open the door. Once inside, he yanked off his pack and leaned against the door, wearily sinking to the floor. Kakashi ground the heels of his palms into his temples in confusion and frustration. What was he doing?

'Kakashi, I think that this could become a problem. I am influencing you, but I think that it isn't just me. Kurama's influence, whether intended or not, is seeping into our personalities. We're going to have to address this at some point. You remember how short my fuse was when I was a kid, and that was with the Kyuubi suppressed.'

'I can't help it. I'm not trying to set him off! I just… these puny humans are so stupid!' protested Kurama. Kakashi wilted, feeling all at once frustrated and powerless and murderous.

Kakashi chuckled darkly and dragged himself off the floor. "I think I'm losing my mind."

A shower and sleep would definitely feel good after the past two hellish days.

He exhaled happily as he entered the bathroom. He cranked the water up to the highest heat setting and peeled off his stinky ninja gear. After slipping into the shower, he lathered up his hands and scrubbed at his scalp, relishing the sting of the hot water. The overly warm feeling of his skin eased the feel of his mind rebelling against the other two presences in his head.

As he was gently scrubbing his face, he felt a soft prickling sensation at the back of his mind. It felt familiar to when Naruto was trying to force himself into the forefront of his mind. Kakashi shook his head and let the water clean the soap from his skin. He didn't know if it was the way he shook his head or something else, but the prickling sensation turned into a sawing sensation. He gasped, needing to brace a hand against the wall of shower. It felt like he'd been punched in the stomach. Naruto was trying to tell him something, but he was in too much pain to focus on it. He quashed Naruto's presence as he tried to rationalize what was happening. His vision swam and he coughed when it felt like his breath was forcibly taken from him. He couldn't even move.

He grunted with exertion, forcing his fingers into a fist. He fought down the urge to vomit, coughing again instead. The spray of his cough tinged the water red and he sucked in a panicked breath, reeling backwards. He cried out as he crashed to the floor of the bathroom, taking the curtain down with him.

'What the hell…' Kakashi used the back of his hand to wipe the water off of his face. He frowned when he realized it was blood and not water. His nose was gushing blood.

"Do you know why I stumble, when I'm way down on my knees? I've been racing through a half life and it's taking it's toll on me." Half Life; Twin Shadow

HEAVY SHEETS OF rain fell from the sky, assaulting the small fishing village with its wetness. Kakashi stood at the window of the small café, his arm lifted above his head to support his weight as he stared through the transparent barrier with a look of abject despair. They'd only been there for a few hours when the weather had taken a turn for the worse.

Minkui Oroka, their client, was seated across from Tsume at a table. He politely sipped his tea while attempting to make small talk with Tsume who was doing a remarkable job being professionally pleasant. The man was a bit repulsive, even to one without her astute sensory perception. He smelled slightly of cheese and something vaguely acidic, even from a few away for a person with normal sense, and his appearance wasn't much better. He was portly and potato shaped, short in stature and broad about the waist, and had an ugly, misshapen nose and oily skin that gleamed in the low lighting. His smell—something that didn't quite nauseate the others who were wise enough not to stand too close—had to be absolutely putrid to Inuzuka that the man seemed to appreciate a little too much. He was revolting, to be sure, but she was unable to be as honest as she wanted because offending the clientele wasn't exactly acceptable.

The merchant had adamantly expressed that his wares couldn't handle the rain—apparently he sold many books and scrolls—which meant that they had to wait until the rain let up to travel.

The two teenage males of the team were spread out lazily in their booth, limbs casually strewn about as they continued their game of Shogi. Inoichi swore when Shikaku claimed a general. Time to change tactics, it seemed.

"Kakashi-san, why the long face?" whispered Chouza, stepping forward with his bag of chips extended. Kakashi shrugged, accepting a chip. He forced chakra into his fingertips and then further more into the food they were interacting with. The chakra allowed the food to pass through the special material of the mask without removing it. He could wash his face in a similar fashion but sometimes it was just easier to remove the mask when he was tired for such secrecy.

Kakashi sighed loftily, cringing when the nauseous feeling returned. "I just have things I want to do when I get back, as childish at that sounds."

"That's not childish. You are much… You're more mature than I expected you to be."

"Eh?"

"I've worked with Shinobi your age before. They are mature, yes, but you are very much more so. You should play more. Too much seriousness makes for wrinkles." As he said the last two words, Chouza suddenly bent towards Kakashi, mashing his hands against his face as he made a puckered expression. "Do you wear a mask before you have frown lines already, Kakashi-san?"

Kakashi giggled as Chouza spoke to him, the young man's hands still pressing his face into strange positions. His face resembled that of a puckered up fish. "Haha! No, I just… I wear my mask because Chichi says I'm too open. Shinobi Rule 25—A shinobi must never show emotion. (Y'all, there are only six actual rules so I'm gonna start making them up as I go. I'll let you know which ones are bogus ones I've made up.)

Chouza chuckled, ruffling Kakashi's hair. Kakashi glared at the older boy in mock-outrage as he attempted to coax his hair back into place. He gave up when it refused to cooperate. Chouza crumped the empty back of chips into a small ball. He turned to head back to the table and then paused, turning back. "Rules are good and all," he said softly, "Just don't forget that too many rules can drive a man to break each and every one of them. Showing emotions and having them are vastly different."

Kakashi stared after Chouza, wondering if the Chouza he'd known had been so thoughtful. He vaguely remembered Chouji being as soft-hearted but in all honesty, he'd assumed the boy had gotten it from his mother.

'Akimichi's are very emotional beings, Kakashi... Chouji and Shikamaru understood me when no one else ever did.' Kakashi was surprised to hear a hint of disbelief in Naruto's voice. He didn't say anything, knowing that his mental tag-along would explain without prompting. 'You know, it's funny... I was always so focused with gaining Sasuke's approval that... I think I overlooked the two best friends I could have ever had...'

'Hind-sight's twenty-twenty, Naru-chan... You were all best friends in the end, though, ne?'

'Yeah, right up until I let them die for me.' There was such bitterness and grief in Naruto's voice that Kakashi didn't bother to comfort him. Naruto just wanted some time alone right now, which was perfectly reasonable. Kakashi wondered if Naruto was even beginning to process anything—the poor man spent all his time soothing Kakashi, it seemed.

Kakashi shook his head when the strangle prickle at the edge of his consciousness appeared again. He pressed the heels of his palms against his temples for what felt like the millionth time, trying to rid himself of the strange sensation. It was becoming painful again. Kakashi swore when he realized he had a nose-bleed again.

He grabbed a napkin from a nearby table, pressing it up to his face. He was glad the mask he wore in his youth was black, because otherwise the blood would have been obvious on his face until he had a chance to wash it off.

Kakashi tried to breathe through his mouth, but now he could taste the blood as he inhaled through the blood-covered fabric. Furiously, he sank down into a chair, yanking more towels out of the cheap dispenser as he sat there. This restaurant had high-chairs and normal tables—very unlike the low to the ground tables that were in restaurants where patrons sat down and took their time to eat. This was a place for travelers, and as such, had the cheap toiletries that coincided with cheaper meals. It was designed so that one did not linger.

The napkins weren't working and his blood was beginning to drip onto the surface of the table, so Kakashi pushed back from the table and moved towards the bathroom. As he made his way, he saw Shikaku give him a curious look. Inoichi had left the table for some reason. Kakashi's stomach churned as he looked away and he wondered idly if he'd vomit when he got to the bathroom. Naruto didn't pipe up for once, which he found suspicious. He made a note to inquire about that as soon as whatever this was let up again.

Once inside the bathroom, Kakashi slipped into a stall and yanked his mask down. His head was throbbing. There was a sharp, stabbing sensation at the base of his skull that he couldn't shake. He wadded up some toilet paper, pressing it to his nose with one hand and leaning heavily against the wall with the other. With a grimace he realized that his hand would leave a bit of a bloody print. What the hell was this?

"You in here, Kakashi-san?"

"Aa—m-my nose won't stop bleeding. It's weird, I had one earlier, too," confessed Kakashi. Lying didn't to Chouza would not serve him well here.

"What? That is strange… Do you have any other symptoms?" Kakashi thought he was being paranoid, but he could have sworn he heard suspicion creeping into his portly friend's voice.

Kakashi exhaled through his mouth, weighing the pros and cons of sharing his other symptoms. If it was serious, they might have to get him medical attention. If it wasn't, he could move on and have one less thing to worry about. He'd rather have fewer things to worry about if he was to stay awake much longer than necessary. He'd already sound-proofed his room at home in an attempt to stop waking his father, but here he didn't have that luxury. Kakashi replaced his mask and stepped out of the stall. "Ano… I have this prickling sensation—in the back of my mind. At the base of my skull."

Kakashi watched shrewdly as his teammate's face darkened for a moment before it cleared, the brooding expression replaced with a sunny smile. "Nothing to worry about. You just need more protein, Kakashi-san. Probably a fatigue headache. The nosebleeds could be because of changes in altitude or humidity."

The younger ninja nodded, smiling in thanks and as a gesture of good faith even though he was now going through a wide list of possible causes of his malady. "Good. Oi, keep this between you and me, okay? I don't need Tsume going off about me having impure thoughts or anything.

Chouza nodded and swiftly departed, a weary look crossing his face when he thought Kakashi wasn't looking. There was no way that this was simply nothing if Chouza was acting so suspiciously about it. When Chouza quickly strode out of the restroom, Kakashi glared at the space where he'd stood, absently pressing a hand to his nose, which was still bleeding beneath his mask. This mission had quickly gone to shit. They had to wait out the storm, which meant more trauma in regards to staying in character and not being too loud at night when played by his nightmares, but now he had to deal with this strange sickness. He was praying it wasn't permanent. There was no way it was due to changes in altitude—in his old life he'd climb craggy cliffs one handed.

Kakashi emerged from the bathroom, noting suspiciously that Inoichi had returned but neither he nor Shikaku seemed interested in the game of Shogi. Shikaku looked extremely agitated but he wasn't talking to Chouza which Kakashi supposed was a good thing.

"I need to rest," he murmured, yanking the door open before anyone could argue with him. He scurried back to the hotel as fast as his legs could carry him. He wanted to be alone for a while.

The next day was very much the same. The rain didn't let up, though his bleeding had stopped shortly after exiting the café. It had yet to commence. Naruto had been rather subdued and had no idea what to make of the strange things Kakashi was feeling. He'd remarked that each time it happened he wasn't paying attention; he was busy thinking about things or he just wasn't paying attention for whatever reason.

Kakashi's eyes were trained on the text of his book as he read in the lobby of the hotel, ignoring Tsume's incessant bickering with Inoichi. They were honestly like a married couple, despite their vehement claims of hating one another. It irritated Kakashi. It was frustrating to be reminded that he didn't belong here—he knew things he shouldn't. He'd always be different now.

"Fuin, huh? What got you interested in that?" asked Shikaku, his voice drawling out the words in a lazy tone. It suggested that he could care less whether or not Kakashi responded. Kakashi knew that was, in fact, not true. He shrugged in response and Shikaku narrowed his eyes at Kakashi's nonchalance. "Family jutsu?"

"Hobby. Novelty."

"Aha."

"Where'd you pick up that hobby?"

"… Is this your hobby? Twenty questions?" retorted Kakashi with as light a tone as he could manage, snapping the book shut. He could hear Naruto pestering him, ordering him to relax. He tried to obey.

"It's a normal thing, really. Comrades are allowed to share things about themselves," said Shikaku. The genius sighed, considering the youth before him. "You, however, seem perfectly content to isolate yourself at every chance."

"That is not true," spat Kakashi, his face reddening. "Shinobi Rule Number 4—A Shinobi must always put the mission first. Being friends with your teammates doesn't fall under that category."

Kakashi stood up abruptly, intending to go back to his room. Why was he was behaving this way? It was almost like he couldn't stop himself. He actually wanted desperately to sit down and tell Shikaku everything. He didn't want to be alone. He wanted to share about himself but he could not.

Shikaku stared at him, waiting for him to respond. Kakashi's shoulders were shaking as he walked towards the stairs. "If you really feel that way about the Shinobi Rules you have work to do. You're breaking Number 25 right now."

A shinobi must never show emotion.

Kakashi stopped, trying to squish his anger. How did Naruto deal with this much undo anger from the Kyuubi on a daily basis? The youngest member of the team turned around, being careful to mask his emotions and tone. "Is there something that you are looking for Shikaku?" He purposefully forewent the honourific, tired of the games. Shikaku was smart enough to figure many things out—encouraging a friendship with the man would only ensure that he endangered Shikaku by involving him more than necessary. Shikaku figuring out that something was up was not on his list of priorities, but he didn't know if it was too late already.

"Well, I know I'm curious as to why you have as much personality as a deer carcass," mused Tsume, grinning to show that she was playing. Kakashi couldn't find it within him to laugh. When his face remained stony and cold, she rolled her eyes and turned back to her argument with Inoichi but it was obvious the blonde was only half-heartedly protesting his half of the conversation.

Shikaku calmly shrugged, lacing his hands behind his head as he leaned back in his chair. "Just can't figure you out, Hatake, that's all."

"You're looking under the underneath too much. I am just a very boring person," lied Kakashi. Shikaku seemed to accept that answer, so Kakashi calmly walked out of the lobby and back to his room.

[o_o]

KAKASHI SHIFTED HIS weight back and forth, feeling rather foolish for seeking out Chouza so late at night. He intended to lie and say that he didn't want to eat any of his ration bars, even though he was starving. He simply didn't want to be alone and Chouza didn't pry like the others. Chouza had better food than the outlandishly priced vending machines.

He lifted his hand to knock on the door, pausing when he heard the harsh tones of angry whispering. Kakashi simultaneously repressed his chakra presence and pushed chakra into his ears to increase his hearing ability. He moved to the left of the door, pressing himself against the wall so he could hear more.

"Shikaku! He tried to use it on a child." That had to be Chouza. "Not only that, he used it on a comrade!"

"Attempted," corrected another voice. It sounded like Inoichi. "I couldn't actually do it, remember? That kid's mind is either very strong or he's got something wrong up there. It's like… the thoughts I was hearing didn't make any sense. I couldn't even get in. It was like there were… too many thoughts or something. It was muffled. I couldn't get close enough to—"

"He's just a kid," reasoned Shikaku.

"Yeah? You didn't feel the kickback I did when I first tried to get in there. He hasn't been trained against mental techniques, Shikaku. There's either something fundamentally wrong or—"

"That doesn't matter! You're not supposed to use those kinds of techniques on your teammates," snarled Chouza. There was the sound of flesh hitting flesh; Kakashi assumed that the boy who was fast becoming a decent friend had hit the blonde.

"He's right, Inoichi. Frankly, what you did was wrong. The kid's paranoid as it is. Minato-sama told us to keep an eye on him, not to intrude."

Kakashi reeled back from the wall, seething. He had to be careful to repress the killing intent that longed to break free but it was hard. He struggled down the hallway, trying to contain his rage. Minato... this was Minato's fault. He was the reason they were acting so weird. They were spying on him. He should've known.

"The old, the young, the brave got stung all around you. The lights fell down upon the world and did surround you. Take care of all the lonely souls and love will hold you. Oh, how you walked through the dark and love destroyed you." Take Care; Tom Rosenthal

"NARUTO! TURN AROUND!" a voice shouted. Kakashi turned around, instead, watching in horror as Inoichi and Chouza advanced upon him. Chouza was already bleeding heavily and Inoichi's hair had been scorched off, leaving a small, bottle-brushy ponytail.

"Report! How's the line holding?" demanded Kakashi, though the voice wasn't his own. Inoichi's eyes widened and he flung a kunai dangerously close to Kakashi's ear—the sound of it whizzing by was closely followed with a garbled scream of pain—before he began his report.

" Neji's trying to hold the line but he can only do so much. TenTen... she's trying to take care of the wounded and fend off attackers at the same time. I called in as many reinforcements as we could but it's... it doesn't look good." Inoichi shifted guiltily, trying to contain his emotions.

Chouza swore, extending his arm to punch an enemy ninja in the throat as Kakashi nodded, bring his hands up as dual orbs of energy amassed and swirled in each hand. He leaped over his fellow ninja, taking down two enemy Jonin at the same time.

Kakashi leaned on his knees, panting slightly. He swore when he saw that an entire hoard of ninja was charging for them. He began to form another ball of energy and vaguely heard himself scream as he charged at the ninja, despite Inoichi and Chouza's anxious gasps.

He spun around and around, stabbing and slicing with a kunai. Inoichi and Chouza were surrounded by ninja as well. He did his best to avoid getting hit by the various ninjutsu that the ninja were throwing at him until he was forced to unleash a "Futon:Daitoppa" to blow them back while he regrouped. He didn't notice the blast of fire headed directly for him—he was too focused on his current task.

A strong pair of arms forced him out of the way. Kakashi grunted as he hit the ground, rolling over immediately to see what had flung him. He watched with horror as a blast of flames consumed Inoichi's body, leaving behind a charred husk of a man. The tears were streaming down his face even before the fire faded.

Chouza screamed in anger, shouting Inoichi's name as he darted forward to seek revenge upon the enemy. Kakashi did the same, unleashing a hail of kunai on the faceless ninja. With a poof it disappeared. A kage bunshin. A damn clone. Was it some kind of sick joke?

Glancing back at the still-smoking corpse of Inoichi, Kakashi knew it wasn't. He screamed in anger and forced chakra into the kunai, hardening them. When he looked up again, he began to cut and slash at the ninja that were once again closing in around him. Chouza popped a pill into his mouth before Kakashi could tell him not to. It was the last one, the third pill... When Chouza's body erupted with pent up chakra, Kakashi could feel the hot smattering of tears smoothing its way across his skin with more force than ever before. It was too much. Too many... too many were dying.

Kakashi sat up with a jolt, the scream of pain dying on his lips. He moaned softly, collapsing back onto the bed as he suppressed the urge to cry like a little baby. "I wish I could forget..."

'I'm sorry... I wish I didn't have to assign you this mission but you're the only one, Kakashi,´ murmured Naruto, his tone morose. It had been his memory; he was the one to witness the deaths of Inoichi and Chouza. Kakashi furiously scrubbed the tears from his cheeks, dragging himself out of bed. He stumbled to the bathroom, lazily flicking on the light even as he began to strip out of his clothes. Only a hot shower could rid him of this dirty feeling.

[0_0]

"OI, WE'RE LEAVING in twenty, so get your ass in gear!" yelled Inoichi, banging on Kakashi's door. The door opened with a jerk, Kakashi giving him a bleary eyed glared.

"I awake. You don't need to shout."

Inoichi smiled, reaching out to ruffle Kakashi's hair. "You're a cute little grouch, ya know that?"

Kakashi avoided the playful ruffle with an irritated scoff. "Hn."

Acting like Sasuke did when he was a Genin always seemed to deflect the advances of friendship. Perhaps there was a perk to having the stuck-up clansman on his team after all. Inoichi stared at him pensively before shrugging and heading back to his room.

Kakashi Shunshin'd to the downstairs lobby and leaned against a wall, still blinking blearily. At least he wouldn't need another solider pill. He could last the day and possible the next night without it if he played his cards right.

Much to Kakashi's displeasure, they traveled at a snail's pace and even after a day's worth of travel they were going to be spending another a week at least guarding the merchant as he traveled to Konoha. The first day had traveled uneventfully, albeit slowly. Now, as they trekked along through the dense foliage of a beaten path in the forest, Kakashi couldn't help but feel that something was off.

"Tsume-san?"

The Inuzuka turned to look at him without answering. She raised an eyebrow, implying that he could explain. Kakashi lifted his hand, curling up all of his fingers but his index finger. This finger he rotated in a circular motion. It was a common signal among trackers to indicate that a perimeter check might be necessary. Tsume smirked, appreciating his knowledge of her field. She whistled to get Kuromaru's attention and then murmured 'check,' and the dog yipped dutifully before charging off ahead of them.

The precaution was of little importance. The ninja were upon them with little warning in a matter of seconds. When the merchant let out a surprised shriek, Kakashi twisted around, already launching himself backwards at the missing-nins before the others could comprehend what was happening. He landed with a kunai in hand. The ninja turned to him, amusement on his face as he opened his mouth to mock Kakashi's small statures. The words died on his lips; Kakashi simply jumped up, slit his throat, and kicked him away before turning to the next one. There were only three and their skills were laughable at best when compared to the caliber of enemy he was used to fighting.

The death of the other two ninja were quick and proficient; he was trained to kill. When he was done, he took a moment to take stock of the situation. Had he had a kill yet at this point? Surely he had—he'd fought in the war. Hadn't he killed by now?

Kakashi frowned, unsure of how to proceed. Everyone else was quiet, stunned. Anxiety washed over him and he shuffled anxiously. He was caught. Desperate to do something, anything, to ignore the panic growing within him, he squatted down next to the body of the first ninja. There had to be some kind of identification or scroll or something. If not, they were missing ninja. He prayed there wasn't a scroll. He hadn't even thought about killing them; he reacted. He acted on a whim and it cost three men their life. Killing felt different when he wasn't at war. He didn't enjoy it either way.

When he didn't find a scroll on the man, he added the ninja tools to his own supply and even took their money. It was a bad habit he'd picked up from Naruto. He pulled out a bingo book, checking the index to see if the description matched any of the entries. Finding non, he tsked under his breath and moved to loot the pockets of the other ninja.

"K-Kakashi! What the hell was that?" demanded Inochi, his hand on Kakashi's shoulder. Kakashi wormed his way away from the unwanted contact, twisting to share at his elder incredulously. His hands were shaking.

"We were attacked—what else was I supposed to do?"

"Talk—negotiate! Disable. You don't just kill them!" Inoichi rasped in desperation. "This—this isn't acceptable." He flung his arms wide to encompass the bodies on the ground. Kakashi's face darkened as he turned back to the ninja before him, realizing indeed that he was not supposed to have killed at this point. "You took them down like flies! You didn't even hesitate."

Kakashi's heart hammered in his throat and he could feel tears of grief gathering in his eyes. He wasn't grieving the loss of the ninja but of the future—he was certain he'd screwed it up now. He was vibrating with shame and confusion; he had no idea how to proceed. "It's my job. Never show weakness."

"Enough with the fucking ninja rules. It's inhuman."

Kakashi squatted down next to the last ninja and went through his pockets, pocketing all of the ninja tools and exhaling in slight relief when he realized there wasn't a ninja scroll. They were nukenin.

"A-are you looting them, Kakashi-san? That's… wrong." Chouza shifted uncomfortably, moving to stop Kakashi.

Kakashi looked at the dirt, sulkily. "What difference does it make if it's in my pocket or buried in the ground?"

"Maa, maa, you both make too big of a deal out of nothing. He's a shinobi. He passed the exam, same as all of us. He's just doing his job," pointed out Shikaku. Kakashi relaxed for a moment, appreciating the older shinobi's defense. The relief faded when he remembered that Shikaku was spying on him for Minato.

Kakashi straightened again, turning to the merchant who had yet to speak. "Are you ready to continue?"

When the merchant nodded shakily, Kakashi marched off down the path without looking back. Inoichi paused to seal the bodies in a scroll and then they all set off together.

"You guys are a bunch of pussies. I wish my boyfriend was as no-nonsense as this kid is," mused Tsume, patting Kuromaru behind the ears. The dog yipped in agreement. Kakashi was too angry to have the graciousness to blush.

Though I did the best I could I'm alone. So please don't wake me. It's my fault, and I know, please let me be. And I know you won't hold blame, it was my fault and I know I don't deserve love." It's My Fault; The Pierce Brothers

KAKASHI SHIFTED UNCOMFORTABLY, trying to avoid his father's concerned gaze.

"I hear you had your first kill... first three, more accurately."

He nodded, trying to look guilty. He didn't feel anything, really. He was a bit sad that he had to kill them, but they'd made their choice when they attacked the merchant. He was a shinobi. That was his job.

"I also heard that you cried a bit."

"Sorry."

"No, it's natural..." Sakumo patted Kakashi on the back, sighing softly. Kakashi knew it was natural. It would have been strange for him not to cry at some point. He hadn't even had to fake it. The stress of the whole situation coupled with the grief he felt over having potentially ruined everything got to him within a few miles after heading out and he'd cried a fair amount of real tears.

"Are you all right, though? You seem rather quiet."

Kakashi nodded, toying with the idea of confiding his findings to his father. Would his father find it weird that he was being spied on? Would it be strange to tell his father that his teacher was behind it? Kakashi ruled out telling Sakumo anything, wondering absently if the man was in on it, too. "Yeah, I'm fine. Kill or be killed, right? Shino Rule number thirty-six: A ninja must never show any weakness."

"Yes, that is true but the rules are not everything. Think of them as guidelines."

"Okay. Hey, speaking of guidelines... can you teach me the next jutsu on the scroll? I got the Kasumi Kaben up to about a foot by foot, but I think it needs some tweaking."

His father smiled, nodding. He didn't notice the slight desperation for a change of conversation, misreading it as eagerness for training. People saw what they wanted.

[.-_-.]

"So you made your first kill while I was away?" asked Minato, calmly avoiding a well-placed punch from his student.

Kakashi panted, avoiding the reciprocal jab of Minato's hand. "Yeah."

"Hmm." Minato kicked out at Kakashi, catching him square in the chest. Kakashi was sent flying. His sensei calmly placed his foot back on the ground, his efficient motions using only the space and effort required to perform them. "How do you feel about it?"

"Fine, I think. They attacked first. They decided what would happen to them."

Minato frowned slightly, quickly grabbing a kunai to deflect the one that Kakashi had flung at him. He flicked his own back at the boy, the slight motion producing a silver blur that the boy was hard-pressed to dodge. "Is that so?"

Kakashi exhaled loudly, his shoulders sagging. "Look what do you want from me? I did what was asked of me."

"I didn't ask you to kill them. It's just... rather unusual for someone so young to show a complete lack of regard for the lives of others."

"I don't have a disregard for the lives of other's! I've just not got qualms about killing people who jeopardize my mission or the safety of my teammates! What do you want me to do? Tie their hands and then sit them down and read them bedtime stories while we slip away quietly? You would have done the same damn thing. They're not nice people; that's what you always say. 'They'll cut you down in an instant, Kakashi! You always have to be prepared!' Shinobi Rule number 16!" Kakashi panted, the energy required to repress the malicious energy of the Kyuubi requiring some effort. "What do you want from me? I did my job. What would you have me do?"

Minato remained silent as he regarded the boy. He tilted his head to the side, tapping a finger against his cheek. "I think it would be best for you to have another sensei."

Kakashi froze, his lungs seizing up. "W-what?"

"It's for the best," said Minato, nodding in confirmation. With that, he disappeared, leaving behind only the gentle swirl of leaves. Kakashi sunk to the ground, sucking in a shuddering breath. This was all wrong. What was wrong with him? Why didn't Minato want to teach him anymore?

For the first time since killing the three missing ninja, Kakashi let loose real tears of loss. It was so incredibly unfair. All he had done was his job and now he was ostracized for it. Naruto didn't offer any words of reassurance; he was too flabbergasted by the situation to even understand it.

Kakashi didn't need to understand the why behind the events to understand that this betrayal hurt worse than when Sasuke had betrayed the village.

[-_-]

KAKASHI STARED AT the Jonin before him with a blank expression, not really caring either way about the old man. Yuhi Shinku, Kurenai's father. It was strange, he'd never really met or even heard of the man until his death the night Kyuubi attacked.

The man eyed him long and hard, his strange red eyes roving over Kakashi's grim features before a light smile graced his lips. He tucked a stray lock of hair beneath his bandana-like hitai-ite and then sighed contentedly. "Let's get started shall we?"

Kakashi begrudgingly unsheathed his sword and Shinku did the same.

Author's Note: Minato isn't gone permanently. Sorry if this is all arbitrary and dramatic; I tried to tone it down from when I originally wrote it. It will make sense later on- I'll tell you why Minato left if you're dying to know but I am also going to explain it later. Sorry it is SO long. I got discouraged and honestly gave up for a while. Also, thanks for showing grace both now and in the future as I adjust to writing on a different word processor. My computer crashed and I had to reset it and I lost word. :( I had a lot more music in there but then cut it out. It's disjointed on purpose, so if it's not the sound you were expecting that is purposeful. Chunks got a bit jumpy here at the end but it's to highlight the growing disorientation. I am also not going to put a song for EVERY cut scene because that was discouraging as hell. If I don't put a new song, you can stick with the old one or read it in silence (if you're even playing the music).

Things will get moving a little differently here, as compared to the original version. Buckle up, my dudes. I love Ino-Shika-Cho. They're just being good people, looking out for this little kid who's growing up way too fast.

Kasumi Kaben: Mist Petal