Author's note:

Dear readers,

another chapter for you to enjoy. I'm deeply sorry for the long hiatus but study papers, presentations and reading for University, tragic stuff in RL and a severe case of writer's block kept me away from my story. I hope that I will be able to update once every second week from now on, but I can't promise anything, because I have to write four study papers till the end of September. Thanks for reading, following and/or favoriting my story! Your comments are as always appreciated.

Have a nice day,

Vani12

Chapter 18 – Talking about your hunted past can help you heal, III!

Serena's room, Prince Manor, Countryside near Manchester, December 1976

"Damn, Serena. What is wrong with you? A look from his puppy eyes and a sad story about his miserable childhood and you long to throw your arms around him and comfort him like a teddy bear? Hello, this devastated boy in front of you is Sirius Black, your Hogwarts' bully and protagonist of your nightmares. You can't look past his cruel behavior and cutting jokes only because it turns out that the cool, charming and self-confident Padfoot is only a mask. He doesn't deserve it," an angry voice whispered in her right ear. "No, Serena. Don't listen to this vindictive devil. Sirius has ripped the band-aid away from his scars, shown you his real self and vulnerable side. His past bullying actions don't count now. If you mess this up, you will never have a chance at a happy marriage. For Merlin's sake! Sirius is looking like a hurt little boy who longs to be accepted and understood by someone. If you throw him under the bus now, you can kiss your dreams of a peaceful future goodbye. If you squash the glimmer of hope in his eyes, you will never be able to forgive yourself. Go on, comfort your fiancé," an optimistic voice murmured in her left ear.

Serena shook her head mentally. Salazar, had she lost her last marbles already and was arguing with herself in her mind like some old nutter? She screamed at her mind to "shut up" and tentatively reached out for Sirius' hand. She locked her obsidian eyes with his grey ones, rubbed the back of his hand comfortingly and uttered in a gentle voice, "I'm sorry for all the pain you have to endure at your mother's hand. She is a monster for abusing your trust and her role as your caretaker like this. She doesn't deserve to be called a "mum". Merlin, I would love to hex her with a nifty dark curse myself for how much she fucked you up. Believe me, I know what a vicious cycle being unloved by one parent and feeling alone and helpless is. If I'm being totally honest with you, I also sometimes long to be the popular girl and let out my pain on someone else. But I can't pretend that I can understand your reasoning for channeling your hurt, despair, and anger on me completely. I vowed to never make someone feel like I felt at my worst. But I will try to understand your situation and be there for you. All people deal differently with traumatic experiences after all. And unlike you, I have already escaped my personal hell at home years ago. So, don't fret. I won't utter a single syllable about the real vulnerable Sirius Black to your groupies," Serena uttered with a sly smirk and squeezed his rough hand slightly.

Sirius' eyes shown like the stars and he mumbled in an emotional tone, "Thank you for believing in me and giving me this second chance, Serena. Besides Regulus, you are the first person to see me at my darkest hour and not turn away from me in disgust. Merlin, I admire you for your big heart and endless ability to forgive. Don't get me wrong, I know that not everything is going to be sunshine and roses after this heart-to-heart-talk between us. I'm aware that I cut you deeply and have a long, rocky way ahead of me to make it up to you, healing myself and develop better methods to cope with my personal trauma. Believe me, I won't take anything between us lightly and will try to always be understandable of your perspective and way of doing things. I can't put into words what it means to me to know that I will be able to build up a friendship between us and talk to someone who listens to my stories without judgment. At the risk of sounding like a complete sap, I promise to always be real with you. And I'm grateful that you won't let it slip to my fanbase that I'm deep-down a lonely, hurt and self-doubting little boy. It would totally wreck my image, although I'm not so sure that I want to be the cocky, fun-loving Sirius Black anymore because it is really exhausting to keep up a façade for your whole life. Perhaps, I will be a courageous Gryffindor for once and let Hogwarts get a few glimpses at the real Sirius Black." Sirius expressed the last words in a barely audible whisper and averted his eyes from Serena.

Serena sighed. She doubted that Sirius Black could change completely and be brave enough to show his real self at Hogwarts. She suspected that his Marauder friends would be disappointed if their fun-loving, prank-developing and party-enjoying Padfoot turned into a sensible, self-doubting and moody Sirius Black. The Prince heiress believed him that he wanted to change, deal with his personal trauma in therapy and open up to her, but she realized that it would be a rocky way for him back at Hogwarts under the toxic influence of his groupies and cool friends. Every teenager wanted to belong somewhere, be admired by their peers and branded as some "gorgeous, funny and outgoing heartthrob" rather than as some "broody, miserable and reclusive git". Something screamed at her to approach Sirius and comfort him. Besides all the trauma, heartbreak and bad blood in their past, he was her fiancé and she had vowed to support him in his goal of becoming a better, healthier person. Thus, she squeezed his hand tightly and pulled him in a friendly, comforting embrace. She ran her left hand gently up and down his muscular back, tucked a stubborn dark-brown curl behind his ear with her right hand and urged him with a tap on his chin to look into her eyes. As obsidian locked with grey, some deep emotions tugged on her heartstrings. Merlin, why must her stupid heart react to her downcasted fiancé as if she had spotted a hurt, whimpering cute puppy in a forest? It hurt like hell to see him in pain and she vowed to always give him the feeling that she accepted him with his flaws, vulnerabilities, and heartaches.

"Sirius, don't look so defeated and afraid. Never fear that I won't be the first to defend you against any stupid comments at Hogwarts when you act all broody and sad. Hell, I know how mean and heartless our peers can be, but I'm working with my friends on turning Hogwarts into an open-minded, empathetic and tolerant community. We have created concepts to raise awareness of the disastrous psychological effects of bullying and implement strategies against violence and peer pressure at Hogwarts. We never want to hear again kids saying that they hate their time at Hogwarts because they are afraid to be hexed or mocked because of their physical appearance, unique personality or blood status. Everyone should love their time at Hogwarts as a chance to train their magical talents, meet friends for life and dive into the wonders of the Magical world. I'm not some naïve, bubbly girl who believes in pink candy rivers and a community at Hogwarts without conflict, envy, and heartbreaks. But my friends and I firmly believe that we can turn Hogwarts into a more open, real and healthy environment for most students. And I'm sure that our Anti-Bullying Club or our First-Aid Club could use your help. Hell, we would surely be swamped by students if words got around that Sirius Black joined in on our projects. But your friends would surely accuse me of putting you under a Mind-Altering Potion first," Serena let out a silly laugh and shook her head.

God, if Sirius really decided to be a part of their community strengthening clubs, she was sure that Potter would accuse her of dosing him with a Love Potion. The immature, bullying toerag surely wouldn't be able to understand Sirius new outlook on bullying and inter-house relations without suspecting foul play. Lost in her thoughts on Potter's reaction to a new, not-Slytherin hating Sirius, she didn't notice Sirius's cracked smile and his look of pure wonder. Damn, he looked like a love-sick puppy who had laid eyes on his crush for the first time. His grey eyes were misted with happy tears and expressed true adoration, happiness and a feeling of belonging somewhere. He tightened their embrace, breathed in her flowery scent and closed his eyes in bliss. His feelings threatened to overwhelm him and he knew that he must seem like a starved man who had spotted some chocolate to any observer. But for the first time in his life, Sirius didn't care about his self-image and tried to play the charming heartthrob. He knew that Serena wouldn't laugh in his face or ridicule him for his softness. She had uttered to be there for him, help him to be a better man and find peace within himself despite his cruel actions in the past. She was a true angel and he couldn't fathom how big her heart was to let him, her Hogwarts bully, in. But he wouldn't fuck this chance at a healthy relationship and close friendship with his lovely fiancée up with his self-loathing and question her reasoning. The Black heir vowed to enjoy the moment, work hard on being a man Serena could trust and like and show her with his actions that he was deadly serious with seeking help for his psychological trauma, stopping his bullying and showering her with gratitude.

He caressed the smooth skin on her back, basked in the bliss of being so close to her for another minute and loosened their embrace to look her in the eyes. He could get addicted to the sparkling light and deep blue sparkles in her obsidian eyes. He longed to be the reason for her jokes and happy laughs, for her clear, happy laughter sounded like music in his ears. He caressed the soft skin of her rosy cheeks with lights motions, smiled at her and uttered in a shaky voice, "Thank you for showing me your funny and vulnerable self. I promise to always cherish our light moments together and punch James in the face if he accuses you of messing with my mind. Although James is my best mate, I must admit that he is an immature, privileged git who doesn't appreciate the lucky stars life gifted him in a loving family and good friends enough and loves to come up with a good conspiracy theory concerning Slytherins most of the time. I hope that he will accept my brooding self and support you and your friends in your aim to make Hogwarts into a welcome society for everyone.

"Merlin, I'm aware that we Marauders with our cruel pranks, out-right bullying, and cocky behavior are one mean group that turns life into hell for many people. If I'm totally honest, although it must seem that Hogwarts is my Wonderland where I can get away with murder, bask in the admiring glances of air-headed groupies and boost my self-created image as the reckless, Quidditch-obsessed party-animal, I feel lonely, miserable and self-disgusted at myself most of the time. I'm not stupid and know that I make Hogwarts into hell for many people and that my superficial admirers would dump me like a sack of potatoes if they knew that my self-confidence is near zero, my self-loathing near ten and my love for partying near one in a scale from one to ten fifty percent of the time. Hell, if they could get a glimpse at the depressed boy lying sobbing in his bed muffled by a Silencing Charm to not disturb the sleep of his best friends or the frustrated boy throwing a Trashing Spell at a mirror in the boy's bathroom to not see his pathetic visage, they would certainly mock me or treat me like a broken, fragile boy who needs to be fixed. Hell, some of the airheads might even think that they could heal me with their love like a hurt little bird. I'm glad that you stand by me without giving me the feeling of being someone to laugh or dote at. I promise you to join your squad and start fighting for an open-minded, welcome Hogwarts."

Sirius whispered his last words in a bearly audible way, caressed her cheek gently and gazed at Serena with a fiery look in his grey eyes. Serena blushed slightly but decided to let him touch her face. Merlin, she was far away from being a touchy person and months ago, she would have punched Sirius Black in the face if he even dared to caress her cheek as if he cared for her. But she sensed that he needed to feel close and accepted by his fiancée. He needed the skin-to-skin contact and the reassurance that she felt comfortable under his touch and in his company. She couldn't push him away, hurt his feelings and throw them back to square one on their new path of healing and friendship. And if she was totally honest she liked that he touched her so gently and effortlessly, being real and vulnerable with her. His touch didn't hurt her or let her flinch away in an attempt to shelter from a cruel prank or evil blow, on the contrary, it sent a warm feeling through her veins. But Serena didn't want to dwell too long on the meaning of her conflicted emotions. Seeing the fire in his eyes, she realized that Sirius really wanted to change. He wanted to be an active member in turning Hogwarts into a better place for all students. And if Serena knew one thing for sure it was that a passionate, ambitious and determined Sirius Black would be a real plus for their project.

Thus, she cracked a loop-sided grin at him and expressed in an excited tone, "I can't wait to gift you our membership pin and send you through Hogwarts with your arms full of posters and tape. I hope that you love to recruit members in a snake-badger-hybrid outfit, for we have decided to show our Hogwarts unity in blending together our House animals." Sirius' eyes widened in shock and he looked at Serena as if she had grown a second head. Seeing her expectant, hopeful face, he decided to swallow his Gryffindor pride and demonstrate his desire to be a better person by wearing this ridiculous outfit. Everyone had to start at a low point and if he needed to be the mascot of a unified Hogwarts for a month, he would aim to be it as his most charming self. Hence, he cleared his throat and replied with a smirk, "Hell, Reg and you are really creative in bringing Hogwarts together. Although I must admit, that I'm not a fan of looking like a fantasy beast and recruiting members for your clubs at Hogwarts, because I feel self-conscious of turning myself into a carnival spectacle, I will gladly wear an eagle's head if it means that I can attract more attention to your clubs. And seeing you in an eagle-badger outfit with a lion's head will be a happy sight for my sour eyes. I'm sure that you will look lovely with a lion's head and we will be the most admired engaged couple at Hogwarts. I bet that you will be the cutest lioness Hogwarts has ever seen." Sirius chuckled mischievously and tucked an unruly strand of ebony hair behind Serena's ear.

His fiancée let out a short laugh and slapped his hand away playfully. "I will let you know, Mr. Smartass, that I would undoubtedly be the fieriest lioness Hogwarts has ever seen, thank you very much. I wouldn't be some cute little cub that couldn't defend itself. But alas, your fantasies of seeing me as a lioness will be a pipe dream for now, because I only meant to pull your leg. We haven't thought about dressing up or turning into hybrids of our house animals till now, but your reaction shows that my jest might have some merit. Nevertheless, thanks for joining our fight for a fairer and happier Hogwarts. Your willingness to slither through the corridors at Hogwarts as a snake-badger-eagle hybrid shows me that you will put your whole enthusiasm and charm into our project. And I promise you to always have an open ear for your sorrows and jokes. You can contact me in your darkest and happiest hours if you want to have someone around to talk to.

"I promise you to never make fun of you and be patient with your whole personality improvement and finding peace with yourself project. I already have an idea of how we can contact each other without being noticed by others at Hogwarts. I will work it out in the next few days and present a solution to you. Never forget that you don't need to put on a fake mask whenever I'm around you. We are in our engagement together and we can only make it work if we trust each other, build a friendship between us, work on being happy, self-confident and healed human beings and are honest with each other. You will never have to suffer alone, Sirius." Serena ended her pep talk on a somber note and squeezed his hand lightly. She could see that Sirius was overwhelmed by his emotions, for he squeezed her hand back tightly, gazed at her with watery, grey eyes and mumbled in an emotional voice, "Thanks for granting me this second chance and believing in me, Serena. I promise to be a better man, deal with my issues and stop being a bullying git. I want to be a fiancé worthy of you."