A/N: I'll see what I can do about those other rewrites, but I'm not making any promises since as I've said before, with the holidays coming up, things are starting to get hectic at both of my jobs right now.
Saskatchewan Catch (Rewrite)
*Saskatchewan. A Canadian province that borders the United States to the south. And here we are somewhere in a Saskatchewan forest where there's a LOT of tall trees and very rare bugs. The sorts of rare bugs that Timon and Pumbaa haven't yet caught/eaten. And here, we see Timon climbing up one of the trees to find one of these bugs.*
Timon: (grabs his binoculars and looks at the very top of the tree) Ah, the Saskatchewan Sky High Beetle. The tastiest, most gut satisfying beetle in the universe.
*But wait! Where's Pumbaa? At the bottom of the tree watching Timon climbing it because warthogs can't climb trees.*
Pumbaa: Careful, Timon! To your left! No! No! You're OTHER left! That's it! Be careful!
Timon: (still climbing up the tree) I hope Pumbaa appreciates what I'm going through for our dinner.
Pumbaa: (calling from the bottom) Uh, Timon? I hope you know I appreciate what you're going through for our dinner!
Timon: (reaching the very top at last) Of course, of course. (Finds the Saskatchewan Sky High Beetle) Hello there. I'd like you to meet my two good friends. (Gets out a salt and pepper shaker thingy behind his back) Salt and pepper.
*And then the unexpected happens! A flying squirrel flies right past Timon frightening him so much he falls right out of the tree!*
Timon: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! (Lands face first on one of the branches not far from the ground) Oof.
Pumbaa: (still calling from the ground below) Wow! Timon! That was amazing!
Timon: What? My gymnmastic abilties?
Pumbaa: No. That flying squirrel. Did ya see it? (Gets excited) Wait! Look! Here comes another one!
Timon: (looks behind him) Where? (Notices a female flying squirrel falling right towards him)
Female Flying Squirrel: (screaming like a girl) LOOK OUT!
Timon: Oh no!
*Yep. Crash. Right into a tree. The female flying squirrel then falls off the tree leaving behind a very squashed Timon about to fall off in a few seconds.*
Timon: (dazed) Going down? (Falls out of the tree)
Pumbaa: (sees Timon falling again closer to the ground) Uh oh. Don't worry, Timon. I'll place a large sort thing here for you to land on. (Pulls out a big bed and a bedroom drawer from seemingly out of nowhere, waits for a few seconds until finally Timon lands, missing the bed and landing in the drawer while the female flying squirrel lands in the bed instead)
Timon: (coming out of the drawers all dazed and in a silly pink dress) But I wanna wear the pink one, mommy! (A few pinecones from the tree land on Timon's head) OW!
Pumbaa: (apologetic look) Sorry.
Timon: Next time, go use a KING SIZED BED! Now, step aside. (Walks on over to the tree again)
Pumbaa: Uh, Timon? Are you sure you wanna climb all the way back up there?
Timon: Pumbaa, I didn't travel all the way to Saskatchewan to end up with an empty stomach!
Pumbaa: But Timon!
Timon: (annoyed) YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES?
Pumbaa: You've fallen 16 times.
Timon: And your point is?
Pumbaa: You need someone to help.
Timon: Like who?
Female Flying Squirrel: (comes out from the bed she landed on) What is this? Can't a girl get a break around here?
Pumbaa: How about her?
Timon: Yeah. I need a flying squirrel like I need a hole in the head.
Pumbaa: But Timon, she's a flying squirrel. That means she can fly. And she can fly up there and get the beetles for us.
Timon: Stop with the chatter, Pumbaa. I've got an idea! Now, she's a flying squirrel. Therefore, she can fly up there and get those beetles for us.
Pumbaa: (groan) I'm gonna have to get used to Timon stealing my ideas a lot, aren't I?
Timon: Beg pardon, ma'am. The name's Timon and this is bestest best pal Pumbaa.
Pumbaa: My pleasure.
Female Flying Squirrel: (sarcastically) Yeah. Charmed.
Timon: We couldn't help but noticing that you are quite the accomplished flier. Ahem. You're landings could use a little work. But regardless, would you please fly up to the tippity tip top of these dangerously high trees and shake down a few hundred beetles for us? We're starved.
Pumbaa: Famished even.
Female Flying Squirrel: Uh huh. What's in it for me?
Timon: (groans in frustration) See, Pumbaa? This is the problem with folks today. Everybody's always out for something.
Female Flying Squirrel: Well, YOU want something. So do I.
Timon: Alright. What is it?
Female Flying Squirrel: Well, to tell you the truth, I'm not a very good flier at all.
Timon: Gee, ain't that the truth?
Female Flying Squirrel: I mean, you two both saw how badly I landed, didn't you? (Timon and Pumbaa nod) What I really need is someone to give me flying lessons so I can fly much better. Someone like...(notices the flying squirrel that knocked Timon out the tree earlier) well, like him. See how well HE flies?
Pumbaa: Psst, Timon. Isn't that the guy that almost knocked you out of the tree earlier?
Timon: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Give him a medal. Alright now, let me see if I've got this right. We snag expert flier up for you so he can give you better flying lessons and you snag us a barrel full of beetles, hmm?
Female Flying Squirrel: That's the deal.
Timon: Okay. It's a deal.
Pumbaa: So, uh...how are we gonna get the two of them together so that she can become a better flying squirrel?
Timon: Pumbaa, Pumbaa, Pumbaa. No one can resist a nice evening picnic while looking over at the beautiful sights of Saskatchewan near the edge of a cliff.
Pumbaa: Oh. That sounds easy.
Timon: Yes it does. First we gotta capture that other flying squirrel.
*A few minutes later after finding a trampoline for Timon to use to jump up and grab the other flying squirrel seemingly out of nowhere...*
Timon: Gimme some room, pal. (Does a great big jump. But not big enough to reach the flying squirrel)
Pumbaa: (as Timon comes back down to try a bigger jump) Did ya get him?
Timon: Not yet. (Does a bigger jump on the trampoline and almost catches the squirrel the second time, but misses) Gotcha! Oh. Now I don't. (Falls back down again)
Pumbaa: (as Timon comes back down to try an even bigger jump one more time) Did ya get him?
Timon: Not yet. (Does EVEN BIGGER THAN BEFORE jump on the trampoline and it looks as if Timon's finally gonna get him) I'VE GOT YA NOW, MR. SHOWOFF! Uh oh. TREE BRANCH! (Crashes into the tree branch) Ow.
Pumbaa: (calling from the ground below) Did ya get him?
Timon: (really annoyed at this point) Not! Yet!
*So, even later on, what are they trying this time? Catapulting Timon up to the sky so he can catch the flying squirrel with a net. Will it work? Well, you'll have to read on in order to find out.*
Timon: (as Pumbaa stands on a rock getting ready to catapult him) Let's go over it one last time, Pumbaa.
Pumbaa: Have you considered the pravailing south wind as well as the position of the plank as it relates to our differing body weights?
Timon: (looks across to the audience for a quick second and then back to Pumbaa) I'll make a note of it, Einstein. Now, just get ready. (Notices the flying squirrel above) There he is! Jump, Pumbaa, jump!
Pumbaa: (jumps off the rock) HAKUNA MATATA! (Lands on the plank catapulting Timon into the air)
Timon: YOU'RE MINE NOW, SQUIRRELY! (Flies right past him) Oh. Missed. (Notices himself flying towards some very tall mountains) OH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
*Yeah. This doesn't end well for Timon in the slightest. Much, much, much, MUCH later on, Timon resorts to much more serious methods. Putting up a big tall sign.*
Pumbaa: Aw, gee, Timon. It sure is great that you're going to so much trouble just to get a couple of kids to have a nice picnic by a cliff and maybe even go for a flying lesson to become better flying squirrels.
Timon: No, no, no, no, Pumbaa. You have missed the point completley. The only reason I wanna get those two squirrels to snack on some food is so WE can snack on some food. Behold! (Shows Pumbaa his big tall sign that he's going to put in the middle of the forest)
Pumbaa: I don't get it.
Timon: The sign says ''Stop! Fresh Nuts Below!''.
Pumbaa: So?
Timon: So, our hairy little friend up there reads the sign, comes down here to get the nuts and WHAM! We nab him! (Pushes his big tall sign in the middle of the forest where the flying squirrel may see it)
Pumbaa: And this way, you won't smash your head painfully into a treebanch or get propelled miles and miles away only to land in prickly bushes.
Timon: Uh...yeah. Right. (Sees the flying squrriel approaching) Here he comes! Quick, hide! (They both run off and hide in some nearby bushes)
Flying Squirrel: (flying around while singing in a heavy french accent) Ah, how I love flying through the forest on such a beautiful day like today. And...(sees Timon's big tall sign) YIPE! (Crashes into the sign) Oof! (Falls down to the ground below) Double oof! (Suddenly a bunch of traps appear out of nowhere trapping the squirrel where he is)
Timon: Hmm. Y'know Pumbaa, you probably could've done without the electrified shielded dome.
Pumbaa: Probably.
Flying Squirrel: (in a even thicker french accent like Antione from Sonic SATAM or the troubadour turtle from Mickey Mouse and the Three Musketeers) Let me outta here! Hey! Somebody let me outta here!
Pumbaa: Now what are we gonna do, Timon? How are we gonna get him to the picnic?
Timon: Just follow my cue. (Goes up to where the squirrel is still trapped) Hello, sir. Where are ya from?
Flying Squirrel: Hmph! You are the person that's trying to capture me, is that right?
Timon: Only so that Pumbaa here could let you know that...
Pumbaa: It's your lucky day!
Flying Squirrel: Ziz is lucky? Ha! I AM IN A CAGE!
Timon: All part of the luckiness of the day. You see, we represent the forest picnic association, affiliation, corporation and such. And you have been awarded a free complimentary and grandest picnic by a cliff where you can take a look at all the breathtaking sights of Saskatchewan.
Flying Squirrel: Free picnic? Ooh. I have never won anything in my life.
Timon: Well, now you have. Congratulations. Here. Let me help you outta there. (Helps the flying squirrel out of the cage) Now, if you'll kindly follow Pumbaa, he'll show you to where our picnic is.
Pumbaa: This way, you lucky winner.
*By the time Pumbaa and the flying squirrel arrive at where the picnic is taking place, it's already nighttime. Yeah, nighttime sure does fall fast nowadays. Timon is already here by the cliff waiting with a picnic basket and a nice red and white blanket similar to the one in My Little Pony.*
Timon: Bonjour! Welcome! For our lovely little evening picnic, we're having nuts on nuts with a side of nuts likely covered with the macadamia sauce.
Pumbaa: That's made with nuts.
Flying Squirrel: Wow. All ziz for a picnic? Don't people often have fancy like food at ze dinnertime?
Timon: Uh, have you looked at the sky? It's dark. It IS dinnertime.
Flying Squirrel: But I thought ziz was a picnic.
Timon: It's a dinner picnic.
Flying Squirrel: Ah, zat makes more sense.
Timon: Ah! It appears our guest has arrived to chow down with you.
Flying Squirrel: Guest? Wait a second. I thought it was gonna be the three of us on ziz picnic. You never mentioned any...
Pumbaa: Presenting early learner flyer, Piper the Female Flying Squirrel.
Flying Squirrel: Early learner at ze flying?
Piper: (the female flying squirrel pops up from behind a bush) Hi there! I need your help to learn how to fly properly.
Flying Squirrel: Ze do, do you?
Piper: (nods) Yup, so how about we have some food and then discuss how you can help me to learn how to fly properly?
Flying Squirrel: Ah, zat would be wonderful. Please, have a seat, Piper.
Piper: Thank you. (Sits on a chair that breaks just a little because she's a little...ahem...FAT!)
Timon: (yelps) MY CHAIR!
Piper: Sorry!
Flying Squirrel: (jumps up from his seat) Allow me to help ze up! (He helps her up while Pumbaa rushes over with a new chair to replace the broken one) Are ze all right?
Piper: Yes, yes, just my ego that got bruised.
Flying Squirrel: So, you're looking for someone to learn how to do ze flying, hmm?
Piper: Well, yeah. (Nervous giggle) To tell you the truth, I'm not that very good.
Flying Squirrel: Oh, I'm sure it can't be, how you say, THAT bad.
Timon: It is. Really. She crashed into me this morning.
Flying Squirrel: Oh. Well, not to worry. Ze accidents, zey do happen from time to time. Sure. I might be up for something like flying lessons.
Piper: Really?
Flying Squirrel: Sure. Hey. Wanna go to see the other squirrels and catch up on some gossip first?
Piper: Boy, would I? I would like to know what the other flying squirrels around here have been up to.
Timon: Time out! Time out! Lemme get this straight, ''Mr. Expert At Flying''. You wanna save the flying lessons until after catching up on some daily gossip from other squirrels when you could've done the gossiping right here and make this girl's dreams of becoming a better flyer come true? Well, I hate to tell ya this. But the nuts aren't on you're plate. They're in your head!
Flying Squirrel: Hey! We barely just met each other. I always take whoever I first meet to see my other flying squirrel friends and catch up on some gossip before doing anything like uh...how you say, ze flying lessons.
Timon: Gossip shmossip! You're making a major mistake here, brother!
Pumbaa: Uh, Timon? Calm down.
Timon: (tearing out some of his hair in anger) I AM CALM! IT'S THE SQUIRREL HERE THAT'S BEING IRRATIONAL!
Piper: What's your problem? He's just being nice to me.
Timon: But what about your desire to become better at flying? And what about our deal where you give us some rare Saskatchewan beetles for us both in return for helping you fly better? You're just gonna ditch us and your flying dream and do some boring gossiping with others first? I will NOT be a party to this charade!
Pumbaa: But Timon, catching up on gossip with friends is a thing that most people do when they first meet each other.
Timon: What Wikipedia on the internet did you read THAT malarkey out of?
Pumbaa: Pretty much all of 'em.
Flying Squirrel: Really? Beetles? Zat's why they wanted you become a better flyer?
Piper: Yeah, I know right. Come on, buddy. Forget flying lessons. Let's go see the other squirrels and catch up. (Both fly off laughing together)
Timon: (still arguing with Pumbaa) Well, that ain't for me, Pumbaa. No siree. Not for me. Hakuna Matata. No worries. Now, that's a motto to live be.
Pumbaa: Uh, Timon?
Timon: Ah, that poor guy's making a BIG mistake, Pumbaa.
Pumbaa: Timon!
Timon: What?
Pumbaa: I'm still hungry.
Timon: Me too. I'm starved. (Notices the flying squirrels have flown off) Hey! Wait a second! Where'd they go?! HEY! SOMEBODY OWES US SOME BUGS! (Groan) Alright! I'll start climbing.
Pumbaa: Oh boy. Here we go again.
THE END
A/N: All right, this is official over! See you all tomorrow! R&R everyone!