We haven't talked much about "us" since we've been back. The three of us are moving back and forth between my apartment and Owen's camper van, which is always parked at the cabin site, ironically only about 40 minutes away from my place. I didn't know he bought a plot of land and was building. But… we hadn't talked in almost 5 months. Last I knew he was taking the camper on some unplanned road trip that was supposed to last God only knows how long. We all keep calling what he's building the cabin, even though it's actually turned into a bigger project for Owen because he decided to add another bedroom and a small bathroom for Maisie. So it's pretty much going to be a two bedroom house, but we still call it the cabin because that's what Owen refers to it as. My apartment has huge rooms, with a full and a half bath, but it only has one bedroom. We were able to fit a twin mattress in the bedroom for Maisie when we sleep there. But she usually ends up on my queen bed, gently moving my arms, climbing in quickly and cuddling up to me. Her heart is always pounding so fast that I can feel it and her face is wet with tears and sweat. She's had horrible nightmares since what happened. She sticks close by Owen when it's daytime, though. She looks at him with these big admiring eyes and follows him around like a shadow. And he can get her to laugh, so when he's around, she's a lot more at ease.

I feel like we're in survival mode.

I have to have both of them in my sightline always or else severe panic engulfs me. Owen has had 2 quiet breakdowns that I know about, all of which he just held me against him and cried, quietly but heavily, always when Maisie was sleeping. And Maisie can't stay in her bed for the whole night.

Her laugh is the only thing that makes me feel somewhat sane again.