yours is the light

He winced as the coughing and retching faded away only to be replaced by the steady sound of running water, and he could only hope that she would soon be over the worst of whatever bug she had caught. Rean had seen Alisa ill a number of times over the years, but he had never seen her sick, and the difference would have had him pacing a hole into the (very expensive) flooring if not for his overwhelming desire to stay by the door.

"You okay?" he finally called out, and he immediately winced at his carelessness because A: that was truly a stupid question and B: he had been with Alisa long enough to know how she reacted to stupid questions, even now. She hadn't changed that much.

"Do I sound okay?!" the archer snapped, her voice easily carrying even through the thick alloy, and to be honest it was kind of hard for Rean to blame her.

"Fair enough," he conceded with a shrug and a forced chuckle, and he wasn't entirely sure who he was trying to calm down. "Is there anything I can do?" he asked, as the metal slab hissed open to reveal an utterly miserable looking Alisa Reinford (Alisa Schwarzer on the legal documentation, though he could count the number of times anyone ever used that name on one hand, himself included).

"You can remind me to stock up on toothpaste and mouthwash the next time I go shopping," the blonde groused, moving to slide past Rean with as much grace as she could manage. "At the rate I'm going through them both, I'll be out sooner rather than later."

She stopped when Rean's fingers landed on her shoulder, and when Alisa turned to face him, his heart clenched at the sight of her pale complexion and the noticeable bags around her eyes.

"All things considered, I think those should be the least of your concerns," the swordsman said, bringing his hand up to her forehead. "Well, at least you don't have a fever…"

"N-No," she stammered, pulling away quickly with a sharp exhale. "That's not – I mean, I checked…"

Rean watched in wary silence as Alisa tried to choke out a coherent reply, his confusion rising by the second. For a moment he found himself thinking back to the earliest days of their relationship, when her temper was much fiercer and her reactions just as intense, but not even a bizarre return to old habits would explain her hesitation now, because she didn't seem at all angry.

As a matter of fact, if he had to guess – he'd have thought she was scared, and that was what concerned him because Alisa didn't scare easily.

"I-It's nothing that would give me a fever or anything like that, okay?" she finally mumbled, her cheeks flushing as she walked over to the kitchen to have a seat at the table, her elbows resting on the cloth-covered wood.

He frowned, following her lead and sitting across from her with a sigh. "You sound pretty sure about that. I don't suppose you've seen a doctor yet? Even if you know your body the best, a second opinion never hurt anyone…"

She exhaled roughly, averting her gaze in a tell that Rean had figured out years ago. "I've actually already seen one."

Huh. This was news.

"Really?" he asked, unable to keep the surprise out of his voice; normally it was like pulling teeth to convince her to take time to get checked up. Rean had been preparing for more of a battle, all things considered. "Well, that's good to hear. Are you just coming down with a touch of the flu, or…?"

Alisa mutely shook her head, and the Ashen Chevalier fought back an involuntary shudder when a foreboding chill awakened in the pit of his stomach and slowly crawled up his spine.

"No," she answered after what seemed like years, seemingly unable to meet his eyes. "Not exactly," and how two words managed such a perfect blend of vague and alarming Rean would never know.

"Not exactly," he repeated, willing himself to remain calm in spite of every sign indicating that there were serious reasons to start worrying; the last thing he wanted to do was lose his head. "Did he give you any specifics?" he continued, looking intently at his wife.

She laughed, and it was far too quick and jittery to have been remotely convincing. "Actually, yeah. According to her, I should be through with the nausea after – oh, fourteen weeks if I win the metaphorical coin flip?"

… Okay, there was no way he had heard that correctly.

"Fourteen weeks?" Rean echoed once more, not bothering to hide his bewilderment at this point. "Now I'm definitely in favor of a second opinion, because the worst case of the flu I ever had kept me in bed for maybe two."

Alisa sighed and smiled, the gesture ending arges before her eyes. "What can I say? Morning sickness doesn't affect every woman the same way, so…"

He was about to say something reassuring before his brain kicked into gear and reminded him that 'morning' and 'sickness' meant something very significant when used together like that, and –

Oh…

Oh.

Oh.

"And there it is," Alisa noted wearily, watching as her husband's expression went from repressed concern to dawning realization to completely blank in the span of approximately three and a half seconds.

Well, at least he stayed conscious. She would gladly take all the blessings that Aidios was willing to grant her, no matter how small. Hell, if it hadn't been happening to her, she might have even found the situation a little funny.

"So yeah," she continued after a beat, the still flummoxed Rean having not yet regained the ability to speak. "Just so we're clear… that last part means what you think it means."

He nodded once, slow and mechanical, and Alisa wasn't sure if he even registered what she had just said.

She could sympathize with him for sure. It had definitely taken her by surprise to discover that her bug wasn't just a bug, though it wasn't as if it had been unwelcome once the shock had (eventually) worn off. They had discussed having children before, and it never failed to warm her heart to see the look on his face when they did, to see his eyes grow soft with thoughts of the future, of parenthood –

But then again, idyllic musings were nothing compared to the reality of morning sickness, hormones, and the fact that in less than nine months she was going to bring into a world a tiny, screaming infant – after hours of agony, apparently – and it was going to be their responsibility to make sure that their child turned out right.

Their child. Goddess.

She swallowed hard, squashing down both the excitement and apprehension as best she could, still very aware that Rean still hadn't said anything since she had dropped the bomb.

"Rean?" she murmured, unable to fight back a small snicker when he saw him jerk to attention immediately, his trance having been broken. "Uh… thoughts?"

"Yeah! Um, I mean, of course I have – this is – I – you – we – "

Alisa held up her hand, trying to head off an aneurysm – or cardiac arrest, whichever had a higher chance of occurring first. "Maybe one thought at a time, okay?"

He shook his head, breathing rhythmically in what Alisa recognized as an Eight Leaves meditation exercise. "We're going to be parents? But, I mean - how?"

She raised an eyebrow at that. "You were there," she reminded him, because life-changing occasion or not Rean should have known better than to leave out low hanging fruit in front of a trained archer.

"… Yeah. Guess I was," he mumbled with the faintest trace of amusement and a shrug of his shoulders. "So. We're really going to be...?"

She nodded once, matter of fact as ever. "Uh huh."

"… I'm going to be a dad?"

Another nod.

"I'm going to be a dad," Rean said next, the corners of his mouth slowly turning upward as the realization well and truly hit him, and blasphemous as it was Alisa doubted that he had ever spoken Aidios' name with such reverence; as much as the Goddess meant to the world, she knew the words 'dad' and 'mom' meant even more to Rean.

"Yeah," she replied in something that was between a snicker and a sniffle, the raw emotion of the moment finally overwhelming her as eyes started to sting and fill, and scant seconds later –

"H-Hey!" Alisa half shrieked and half laughed as Rean held her aloft and spun her around (because of course he would) with his own joyful laughter ringing in her ears all the while. "Put me down, will you?! The kid's making me sick enough as is, the spinning's not helping…!"

He complied immediately, setting her down with a flourish, and when she gazed into those eyes it took everything she had not to start crying right then and there.

There it was. That was the look.

"Wow. You're going to be a mom," he whispered, his hands coming up to cup her cheeks.

She sniffed and nodded, her composure now hanging by the slimmest of threads.

"You're going to be the best mom, you know," Rean continued, lowering his head to kiss her crown through her blonde hair, and when she heard his voice crack at the end, so did her resolve.

"What about you, huh?" Alisa asked, tears spilling down her cheeks as she embraced Rean with a shaky giggle, resting against his familiar warmth and listening to the calming rhythm of his heart. "Don't make it sound like I'm the only one who's going to do a good job, because you're going to be an amazing dad. A little bit speechy, maybe, but amazing."

He laughed again, the affection impossible to miss when his arms wrapped around her waist. "You had to throw that last bit in there, didn't you?"

"It's not my fault if the truth hurts," she mumbled, brushing a hand across her eyes quickly before looking at Rean again, and she'd have put good mira on his smile being bright enough to light up Roer in a total blackout. "That's okay, though. If we all managed to get used to hearing a bunch at Thors, then I'm sure it won't be a problem for a kid that's going to get raised on a steady diet of them."

"I-I'm not that bad! Anymore, I mean," Rean protested upon seeing the blonde's raised eyebrow.

"I'll believe it when I see it. Something for you to keep in mind, anyway," she teased, letting herself settle back against him with a happy sigh.

"Duly noted," Rean conceded with a chuckle, the Ashen Chevalier recognizing a lost battle when he saw one. "I don't suppose you've got a plan for informing our families and friends?"

"I'm pretty sure my mother all but knows already – grandkid radar, I guess," Alisa answered with a fond noise, her mind recalling the way Irina's eyes had glinted behind her glasses when her daughter had listed off her list of symptoms. "I actually think she might have suspected before I did, which means that…"

"Sharon probably knows, too. Or has a very accurate prediction ready to go, at any rate," Rean finished, shrugging in resignation. "That definitely makes it easier on us. Plus, they'll be able to protect me from Gwyn."

She tried and failed to hold back a snicker. "Right, because he's always made a habit of playing the overprotective grandpa card on you..."

"Hey, he's told me he wants to play it at least once and this'll be a good a time as any."

"Ugh," Alisa muttered with a playful eye-roll. "That totally sounds like something he'd say. Who tells their grandson in-law these things, anyway?"

"Someone that's going to be very excited to be a great-grandfather," Rean answered, briefly distracted by her slim fingers toying with his shirt sleeve. "My parents are going to be ecstatic," he continued, his earlier grin coming back in full force now. "Elise too, and you know that Alfin's going to want honorary aunt status when she hears the news."

"Don't forget about everyone else," Alisa added with a smile, remembering all too well how their extended family reacted the last (and also the first) time this happened. "Should we expect the same chaos from when Emma had hers, do you think?"

"Even more, if anything," Rean sighed. "Everyone else is going to be better prepared this time, and I'm sure those two will enjoy being the observing aunt and uncle instead of the frazzled new parents."

"You remember Emma's reaction when she found out that Machias was somehow getting less sleep than she was and he was trying to play it off by saying that he was already used to long hours thanks to work and school?" Alisa reminisced, the witch's worried indignance fresh in her memory.

"I do. I also remember him arguing that he was perfectly fine right before Vita and Roselia took matters into their own hands – er, staves – and decided to make him play catch-up. I'm actually still not sure if Emma approved or not."

She waved a hand in exaggerated dismissal. "Win/win for them. He was out like a light and getting some much needed rest, while they got to hog the cute baby all to themselves. Besides, it's not like Celine did anything to talk them of it."

"Why would she?" he quipped. "She probably wanted to play with her niece too."

A brief moment of silence, before…

"Rean?"

"Yeah?"

"… I'm still kinda scared," she admitted with a sniffle, the enormity of the next nine months (and the lifetime that was to come after) having not escaped her in the slightest.

"So am I. What do you say about being scared together, hmm?" Rean coaxed, drawing his wife into his arms again as her heart did a flip. "It's not going to be the first time, and it definitely won't be the last."

Well, didn't that sound familiar?

"Just the two of us panicking and trying to keep our heads above water while everyone else gets to watch the trainwreck, huh?" Alisa mused, settling against his broad torso with a quiet exhale. "Yeah, I guess I can work with that."

They weren't going to be traditional parents for sure; that battle was a lost cause already. But unconventional didn't necessarily mean bad, and like he said… they'd be doing it together. Life had taught her that tended to work out pretty well.

She heard him chuckle, and when his hand settled on her abdomen with a barely audible "Hi there. Don't suppose you can hear us, can you?", it took her a few seconds to register that she was crying again.

"I-I'm pretty sure it's too early for that," Alisa managed through her unbridled joy, a watery laugh coming to the forefront. "Maybe try again in a little while? I mean, I'm not even close to showing yet…"

"Nothing wrong with a head start," Rean murmured, his fingers reverently brushing the moisture away. "Hey, now. None of that, okay?"

"Happy tears, Rean," Alisa reminded him, giving him a squeeze. "Happy tears are always harder to stop."

"I'll take your word for it," and for a few beats neither could bring themselves to speak, both of them all too aware of the titanic shift that had just taken place.

Alisa was never quite sure what she should have been expecting when he found out – the earth quaking perhaps, or maybe the clouds parting – but when Rean lowered his head and kissed her softly, she decided that this was all she needed; all that she would ever need, really.

"I love you, Alisa," he breathed against her lips, the words a balm to soothe all of her doubts and fears and quiet her worried heart, and for a fleeting instant she was taken back to a quiet night in the Class VII dorm, to a treasured memory that she could relive again and again without end. "I do. More than you could ever know."

Goddess, it had been so beautiful. But then again, so was this.

"I love you too," Alisa said (you're everything, she thought) and when she saw him swallow hard and his eyes start to glisten in the room's fading light, she reached up to tap him on the nose, snickering a little at the noise he made in spite of herself. "Don't you start," she teased, standing on her tiptoes so she could kiss him again and again, and she let her eyelids flutter shut contentedly when he buried his nose in her golden mane.

"… I hope they end up having this," Rean told her, and she was confused until his fingers combed their way through her cascading locks, gingerly undoing the twin tails and letting them fall free down her back.

"What, my hair?"

Rean nodded. "Yeah. I really hope they get your hair. It's eye-catching."

She smiled.

"Well, I hope they get your eyes. They're pretty."

He laughed aloud at that, the sound music to her ears. "Are they? And to think I hadn't noticed all these years."

"I didn't think you did either, but remember; I'm your wife, and before that I was your girlfriend. Noticing things like that is kind of in my job description," Alisa 'reminded' him with a playful poke to his side, giggling as he jumped.

"If you say so."

She said nothing after that, and the conversation lapsed into the familiar, companionable silence that they'd learned to both crave and cherish over the years; when so many of their days were spent running around putting out one fire after another, they had learned to treasure the fleeting quiet moments, the times when the two of them could take a deep breath and simply be…

… Except it would be the three of them soon, wouldn't it?

The corners of her mouth turned upwards. How long would it take them to get used to that, she wondered? Another question to add to the dozens she already had for their bespectacled friends – and their feline companion, of course.

"… You okay?" she heard Rean finally ask, concern rearing its head again, and he relaxed instantly when a palm came up to cup his cheek in reply.

"Never better," the blonde assured him, meaning every word. "We'll see if I'm still saying that tomorrow morning, though."

"Fair enough," he replied, barely stifling a chuckle. "I'll be sure to make that toothpaste and mouthwash run soon then, along with finding some time to see your mom and Sharon too. Might as well start making things official, right?"

Alisa gave a slow nod, seeing the logic. "We probably should, shouldn't we?"

And yet, neither one moved.

"… That being said," Rean hedged, not sounding like he was particularly inclined to go anywhere, "soon doesn't necessarily mean now, does it?"

"Nope," Alisa practically purred, flicking her gaze upward as Rean rested his chin on top of her head. "Like I mentioned earlier, I get the feeling they've suspected for a little while now, so one more day of 'is she or isn't she' won't kill them. I vote we take it easy and spend the night in."

"Just us, huh?" Rean asked, teasing, and Alisa could hear the smile in his voice when his hands alighted on her stomach again, infinitely gentle.

"Exactly. Just us," Alisa hummed, her own hands coming to rest atop his and her next words a greeting to the stranger they couldn't wait to meet, a peaceful expression on her face all the while. "Isn't that right, sweetheart?"

"silently if, out of not knowable
night's utmost nothing, wanders a little guess
(only which is this world) more of my life does
not leap than with the mystery your smile

sings or if (spiraling as luminous
they climb oblivion)voices who are dreams,
less into heaven certainly earth swims
than each my deeper death becomes your kiss

losing through you what seemed myself;i find
selves unimaginably mine;beyond
sorrow's own joys and hoping's very fears

yours is the light by which my spirit's born:
yours is the darkness of my soul's return
–you are my sun,my moon,and all my stars"

- E.E Cummings

AN: I know he's got his critics, but god help me do I love Cummings' work, idiosyncrasies and all. Those last three lines...

Also, I need to stop leaving fics 80% done for weeks on end; they just get harder and harder to finish when you know you're so close already because you can use that as a justification to put them on hold. Got a few more ideas in the pipeline (a Crow/Vita idea, random shortfics, more bookworm love) so let's see if I can learn my lesson for next time!

And, of course:

OMAKE

"That's wonderful!" Emma exclaimed with a delighted laugh, her joy for her friends shining through in every musical note. "I'm so happy for you both! How are you holding up so far?"

Alisa gave a weak chuckle. "Uh, y'know. First trimester, so..."

Emma sighed in sympathy, understanding immediately. "Ah. Having trouble keeping meals down, I take it?"

"I remember when I used to like food," the archer lamented with a shake of her head. "I really do. I miss those days so much."

"Hehe. Well, if it's any consolation, the nausea does get better as time goes on, and once it goes away, it usually stays away."

"That's a relief. I don't think Rean could take almost a year of anything he made for breakfast getting turned down on principle."

"Oh, he won't take it personally. Papa certainly didn't, right?" Emma cooed fondly, eliciting a giggle from the infant she was presumably holding, and cliche as it was Alisa felt her heart melt.

"Aww, she sounds happy as ever. But speaking of Papa – where's Machias, anyway?"

"I think he's in our study. Celine ran off a few seconds ago, so I'm guessing she heard and went to pass on the news – "

As if on cue, the witch's reply was cut off by a distant yet triumphant laugh that just skirted the boundaries of insane, followed by a downright manic "Finally! Now they'll know!"

Emma fell silent as her daughter giggled again, and Alisa could only smirk in response. How loud did he have to be yelling to have been heard from wherever the study was, anyway?

"… H-He meant congratulations."

"I'm sure he did."