Sorry it took me so long to get this posted! This chapter picks up right where the previous one left off and was supposed to be the final update, but I've decided there will be one more after this. I'm not sure if I will be able to get the last chapter posted before Christmas because time is rapidly running out, so I'll aim to have it done by the new year. :)

I'm still working on the second chapter of "Good Girl" and I also have a one-shot in mind, so hopefully I can get more updates posted soon.

Merry Christmas! :)

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Amanda keeps her face tucked into Olivia's neck as she awaits an answer, her heart pounding out of control and her thoughts racing in wild circles, unsure of whether or not to regret what she has just said. It's as if time is standing still, neither of them daring to speak as they lay there frozen against each other like two statues under the covers, just breathing into the darkness. Amanda is afraid to move, terrified of Olivia's reaction and anticipating devastating rejection, preferring to remain in this agonizing state of limbo, when the silence of the room is shattered by Noah's abrupt entrance as the little boy bursts noisily through the door without knocking.

"Mom!" he gasps with excitement, the rays from the flashlight clutched in his hand bouncing off the walls and blinding Amanda with the sudden brightness. "Santa's been here already! I just saw the presents under the tree!"

She feels Olivia's body jerk in shock against her own before they simultaneously yank themselves apart, Amanda rolling over onto her side to hover at the edge of the mattress before Noah realizes they have been cuddling together and starts asking questions.

"That's great, buddy," Olivia replies with an enthusiasm that sounds forced to Amanda's ears, the older woman slightly breathless when she answers. "I thought I heard him tiptoeing around out there a bit earlier."

"Really?!" Noah is clearly unable to contain his elation at this prospect, Amanda listening to the pitter-patter of small bare feet doing an impromptu tap dance across the floor. "I tried to stay up late to see him but I fell asleep. I really wanted to catch him!"

"Well, he always waits to come over until after the kids are sleeping," Olivia reasons in a wise, patient tone.

"'He sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake'," Noah instantly starts singing in a boisterous, high-pitched voice, Amanda wincing in response and covering her ears with her hands. "You mean it's just like the song, Mom?"

"Yes, it is," Olivia replies calmly, although it is obvious that her patience is beginning to falter. "But I need you to keep your voice down so you don't wake up Jesse and Frannie. And turn that flashlight off, please. You shouldn't be playing with it."

"Auntie 'Manda said we wouldn't get any presents if we didn't go to sleep before Santa got here, so I just needed to check," Noah adds in a loud, accusatory whisper, the click of the flashlight button following his announcement and the room darkening once again.

"Oh, she did, did she?" Even though Amanda can't see her, she knows that Olivia's eyebrow is arched high in dismay as the false brightness in her tone drops away entirely.

She rolls her eyes, tempted to correct Noah and remind him that she hadn't actually confirmed his assumption, but simply huffs out a quiet sigh instead, wishing for the beckoning arms of slumber to pull her under and put an end to a magical day that has turned sour because she couldn't keep her big mouth shut.

"Well, he did come, and there's lots of stuff for you to open in the morning, but right now it's very late and you need to go back to bed," Olivia advises in a gentle but firm voice, no room for argument.

"But I'll never be able to get back to sleep now!" Noah whines as the frantic tapping of his feet grind to a halt and disappointment takes over. "How many more hours do I have to wait until I can get back up?"

"Lots and lots," Olivia says very seriously. "I mean it, Noah, I know you're excited but I want you to get back in bed right now. We've had a really busy day and you need some rest. If you stay up for the whole night, you're going to be tired and grumpy for Christmas and that doesn't sound like much fun, does it?"

"No, I guess not," he sighs in agreement, sounding completely deflated now. "Okay, Mom, I'll try to go back to sleep."

"That's a good boy." Amanda feels the mattress shift when Olivia reaches out to give her son a hug, and hopes this will finally be the end of all the shenanigans as she listens to Noah leave the room.

She remains buried under the blankets on the far side of the bed, making no move to switch positions and roll back over to face the older woman, and after a brief beat of silence, she feels a tentative hand stroking the length of her back. "Hey, sorry about the interruption. The Christmas chaos continues, even after bedtime," Olivia chuckles lightly, but Amanda can hear the tension simmering just below the surface.

"Noah tried to get me in trouble," she grumbles immaturely, rubbing a weary hand over her eyes and still making no effort to have this conversation face to face. "I never said he wouldn't get any presents."

"You didn't?" There is a trace of disbelief in Olivia's tone and Amanda sighs heavily, that twinge of shame piercing her chest once again.

"Well, no, not in so many words...I did kind of imply it, but then I made sure he knew that Santa was still coming," she adds guiltily, hearing Olivia snort in response.

"I would appreciate if you didn't try to scar my child for life, Amanda."

When she doesn't reply and just continues to lay there without moving a muscle, she feels long fingers tapping insistently against her back. "Hey, are you okay?"

Amanda blows out a breath and realizes that the entire bed is shaking again with the force of her trembling, and doesn't even know how to begin answering that question. "I think I should go snuggle up with Frannie on the couch," she finally suggests, not at all eager to leave the warm, comfortable bed and spend the rest of the night without Olivia, but unable to come up with a less awkward option.

"Amanda, that's not necessary, you don't have to leave the room," Olivia counters softly, an imploring, concerned note in her tone. "Can you just roll over and look at me, please?"

When she still doesn't move, Amanda feels Olivia's fingers scratching gently at her back again and feels awful for acting just as childishly as their kids. "Come on, honey, I need you to talk to me."

"I did talk," she mumbles with a sigh, embarrassment and exhaustion and regret twining together into a tight knot inside her stomach. "I talked way too much. Now it's your turn."

"Fair enough," Olivia replies softly, Amanda instantly missing the older woman's touch when the tender hand falls away from her back. "So does this mean you're not going to abandon me to curl up with your dog instead?"

"I guess that depends on what you're going to say," Amanda responds quietly, acknowledging that there is no way she is going to subject herself to the torture of spending the rest of the night sharing a bed with Olivia if she is about to be rejected.

Before the brunette can speak again, Amanda's heart hammering furiously inside her chest as she awaits an answer that will most certainly break her heart, Noah is making a return appearance, the little boy's entrance into the room just as noisy as the last one.

"Noah, what did I tell you about going back to sleep?" Olivia chastises sternly, Amanda grumbling under her breath when she feels the taller form cuddled up behind her roll away once more.

"Jesse wants Auntie 'Manda to come in there," he announces in the same loud whisper as earlier. "She says she's thirsty."

Amanda lets out an audible groan and slowly pulls herself into a sitting position on the mattress, throwing the covers aside with a grunt and swinging her legs over the edge of the bed. "How can she still be thirsty when she's already had a dozen cups of water?"

Her mind is a whirlwind of confusion and sadness as she stumbles from the room and trails after Noah on legs that are trembling with fatigue, wondering what Olivia is planning on saying and scrambling to come up with a way to deal with the imminent rejection while she tends to her daughter's needs. The build-up of anticipation comes crashing swiftly down when Amanda returns to the master bedroom and sees Olivia sound asleep underneath the blankets, hesitating at the side of the bed and trying to decide whether she is relieved or disappointed, unsure if she should exit the room or stay where she is.

Part of her thinks that she should follow through with her suggestion to go curl up on the couch with Frannie because she hasn't heard Olivia's answer yet, but the other part that is feeling needy and exhausted wins out as Amanda climbs tentatively back into bed beside the older woman and lays down on the sheets as gently as possible. That fiery heat is still infusing her body and dotting her skin with sweat, so she takes the chance and unbuttons her flannel pajama shirt all the way, letting the sides fall open just enough to reveal a strip of skin down the middle of her torso but keeping her breasts covered. She is tempted to slip out of the matching pants and just sleep in her underwear, but doesn't want to run the risk of Noah coming back into the room or make Olivia feel uncomfortable if she wakes up at any point during the night.

Amanda turns her head on the pillow and lets her eyes roam slowly over Olivia's face while she sleeps, her heart clenched with longing at the peaceful, relaxed expression on her features, wanting nothing more than to slide over on the mattress and resume their previous position but choosing to remain right where she is. She allows her heavy eyelids to droop closed and reaches out a hand to brush lightly across the sleeve of Olivia's pajama top before slumber finally claims her, unable to deprive herself of the soothing physical connection despite all of the awkwardness that has occurred between them.

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When Amanda wakes up in the morning, it takes her several seconds to become aware of another person lying against her body; something she hasn't woken up to for a very long time and a scenario that is practically foreign to her at this point, other than snuggling with her daughter. Her heart gives a sudden jolt when she realizes that Olivia's head is resting on her chest, dark hair tickling Amanda's chin and a warm hand spread out over her bare stomach, baby finger tucked into the waistband of her pants. She can hear Noah and Jesse's excited voices in the next room and the scrape of Fannie's toenails across the floor, and figures they don't have much time before being inundated with Christmas morning ecstasy, afraid to breathe too deeply and alert anyone to her wakefulness.

She just needs a few minutes to clear her head and prepare for whatever this day is about to bring, a knot of nerves coiled in the center of her chest that have her shaking again, deciding to take a chance and lifting her hand to stroke softly through Olivia's rumpled hair. The brown tresses feel like silk against her palm, Amanda letting the strands slip languidly through her fingers and cherishing this moment with the older woman; the only moment like this that she might ever get to enjoy. The smooth hand that is still laying on her stomach gives a slight twitch, and Amanda sucks in a sharp breath at the movement, the pleasant tingles that have begun running from head to toe mixing in with the stark terror of Olivia awakening to find them in this intimate position.

She stops the repetitive motion of her hand through the lieutenant's hair and holds herself completely still, but it's quite obvious that Olivia is rising to full consciousness when she feels the other woman's body stiffening against her own, this scenario reminding Amanda of what had occurred when she had stupidly decided to bare her soul the night before. She inclines her head down when Olivia's face shifts on her chest and a pair of sleepy and confused eyes peer up at her, the two of them staring at each other in tense silence before Olivia hastily retracts her hand with a whispered apology, Amanda assuring her that there's nothing to be sorry for.

"Merry Christmas, Liv," she finally murmurs when there is no reply forthcoming, watching as the hint of a smile pulls at Olivia's lips and wincing when the door flies open and smacks against the wall with an audible bang.

Once again, they are yanking themselves apart as another round of Christmas chaos descends upon the room, Amanda quickly buttoning up her pajama shirt as the kids and Frannie troop inside and the three of them leap up onto the bed with squeals of joy and a raucous bark. It is impossible to remain entrenched in her gloomy, uncertain thoughts, the regret that has continued to plague her from the night before falling away as Amanda is tackled by her daughter and her dog swipes a wet tongue along her cheekbone in greeting.

A brief tickle fight and wrestling match ensue when Noah copies Jesse and flings himself onto his mother's lap, the mattress full of flailing limbs and roaring laughter and a furry tail that periodically whips everyone in the face until Olivia has to advise them all to calm down before someone gets hurt. The kids are begging to start opening the gifts, and Amanda drags herself from the bed when Jesse pulls insistently on her hand and won't let go, a giggle bubbling up inside her throat as she witnesses the elation that she never got to experience as a child on Christmas morning.

She exchanges a glance with Olivia as they all shuffle into the living room together, and Amanda call tell by the faraway look in her eyes that the older woman is thinking the same thing; lost in memories of the past and thankful for a present that is entirely different. A swell of hopes rises within her chest as they kneel down in front of the Christmas tree, Noah and Jesse immediately exclaiming over the colorful array of gifts and grasping at the packages with tiny, eager hands, Amanda overcome with emotion at the loving family scene she had always wished for growing up.

She can see future Christmases playing out exactly like this, sprawled on the floor around the brightly lit tree as the kids tear into the presents with enthusiasm and Olivia makes cups of hot chocolate in the kitchen while chastising everyone to wait for her to join them. The entire city is blanketed in fresh snow, the world of white outside the windows creating a cozy atmosphere inside, Frannie laying her head in Amanda's lap as they watch Noah and Jesse's joyful expressions when they open a gift, and she can't help wishing that every single Christmas to come will be just like this one.

When the kids have opened the last of the presents and are gulping hot chocolate while they build precarious towers with new sets of Lego, Amanda shifts uneasily on the floor and looks over at Olivia. Those intense feelings of nervousness and regret are starting to creep in again now that everything is settling down, Noah and Jesse engaged with their toys and Frannie snoozing beneath the Christmas tree.

Her heart lurches inside her chest when Olivia gives her a soft smile and reaches under the tree, maneuvering around Frannie's slumbering form and pulling out a square-shaped package that is wrapped in paper dotted with festive snowmen. Amanda's brow wrinkles in confusion as Olivia hands the object to her, sure that there had been no more presents hiding underneath the artificial branches and shiny decorations, and remembering that she has a gift for the brunette back at her apartment with all of Jesse's stuff.

"What's this?" she asks in surprise, taking the package from Olivia and regarding it with curiosity, not expecting to receive anything from the older woman.

"Well, what does it look like?" Olivia teases with a roll of her eyes and a wave of her hand. "It's a Christmas present, silly."

"You didn't have to get me anything, Liv," Amanda murmurs as she feels an embarrassed blush staining her cheeks, although she is already digging her fingernails into the paper, eager to see what it is. "And my present for you is at my place, so it doesn't seem fair that I get to open something and you don't."

"Well, you didn't have to get me anything either," Olivia chides lightly, nudging Amanda's knee with her own and causing her blush to deepen even further. "Come on, just open it."

Amanda can't help the childish grin that spreads across her face as she rips the wrapping paper to shreds with the same amount of gusto that her daughter had earlier, her smile widening and that tiny ray of hope blooming as she listens to Olivia's delighted laughter. When the gift is sitting in her lap, free from the last remnants of paper and tape clinging to it, Amanda feels a lump of emotion rising in her throat as she gazes down at the item she is holding.

A beautiful silver picture frame is encasing a large black and white photograph of the five of them; she and Olivia, and the kids and Frannie, that had been taken at the same park they were playing at the previous afternoon when the snowstorm had hit. The weather is clearly different in this picture, though; everyone dressed in shorts and T-shirts with lawn chairs set up in the background and a hoola-hoop lying in the grass beside them, and Amanda suddenly remembers the exact day that it was taken.

The squad members from the Special Victims Unit had been having a barbecue in the park on the 4th of July with their families, and Carisi had brought his fancy camera to shoot some photographs of the group. Amanda and Olivia were chatting together with their kids, and she recalls her fellow detective coming over to them to ask for a group shot, Noah and Jesse immediately misbehaving upon his request. She and Olivia were trying to wrangle their children into position while Frannie had run in hyper circles around them, and for some reason, Carisi had chosen to snap the picture right at the most chaotic moment.

Amanda and Olivia have their faces turned toward each other, both of them laughing with their arms wrapped around the kids, and it is clear that they had been able to find some amusement among the annoyance. The old-fashioned quality of the photograph reminds Amanda of the pictures she used to look at in her grandmother's photo albums, gazing with longing at the scenes of her family having fun together and enjoying more lighthearted times before she had been born.

"Thank you so much, Liv, it's gorgeous. I love it." Amanda's voice is choked up when she speaks, swallowing hard around the lump in her throat that is growing ever larger and trying to hold back the wave of tears that are suddenly threatening to fall.

She can't remember another Christmas in her adulthood where she has felt this out of sorts and her emotions have bounced from one extreme to the other, springing back and forth with such fervor that she is danger of suffering whiplash. Amanda had gotten so used to spending the holidays alone before Jesse was born that she had barely given it a second thought anymore, but Christmas had become special in a way it never was in the past once her daughter had arrived and there was someone to share the holiday season with.

This situation is different, however, and is the first time in her life that she has spent Christmas with someone who means the world to her in a romantic sense; someone she wants to raise a family with, someone she has fallen head over heels in love with. This stunning revelation hits Amanda like a ton of bricks and has her sucking in a sharp breath as she realizes that her feelings for Olivia go far beyond that of a mere crush or simply wanting to date; that if the older woman asked Amanda right here and now to marry her, she wouldn't even have to think twice before saying yes.

"Don't thank me, thank Carisi," Olivia chuckles in reply, the brunette fixing her with a strange look as Amanda raises damp eyes so they are gazing intently at each other. "He's the one who took the picture. I just asked him if I could look through all the photos he took last summer and pick out my favorite one. He mentioned how much we look like a family in this particular shot and I agreed with him..." The other woman trails off and tilts her head to the side in concern. "Hey, are you okay?"

Amanda stares at her blankly, wondering why she is thinking as far ahead as marriage when Olivia hasn't even confirmed one way or the other if she has feelings for her as well. Before she can begin to formulate any kind of response, her cell phone starts ringing from Olivia's bedroom and she remembers that Al had said he was going to call this morning, the doctor having completely slipped her mind yet again.

"Excuse me for a minute," Amanda mutters as she gently lays the picture frame on the coffee table and scrambles to her feet, studiously avoiding that penetrating dark gaze as she hurries down the hallway.

"Merry Christmas, sweetheart." Al's voice is radiating with happiness and warmth when she answers the phone, and Amanda rubs a hand over her face as she tries to stifle a sigh, so distracted by the scene that has just occurred in the living room that she is having trouble focusing on the current discussion. "How are things going over there? Are you having a good time?"

"It's going well," she replies carefully, listening to the cheers from the kids when Olivia announces that she is making pancakes for breakfast, and unsure if she wants to stay hidden in the bedroom or rejoin them for the meal. "Jesse is wearing borrowed pajamas and just opened a bunch of borrowed presents, but she's having the time of her life."

"That's great," Al chuckles in return, Amanda feeling a pinch of guilt at how glad he clearly is to be talking to her, and bracing herself for whatever is about to come next. "So the snow has finally stopped falling and the plows have been busy clearing it all away, and I think it should be safe for you and Jesse to travel pretty soon. The two of you might be able to get here in time to join me for a big Christmas brunch."

"Oh...well, that would be nice, Al, but Olivia just started making pancakes for everyone and I think it would be rude if we left right now..." Despite the incredibly awkward night and morning they have shared, Amanda can't imagine spending the rest of Christmas Day without Olivia and Noah, her heart aching at the thought of being separated from them.

"Honey, you've just spent Christmas Eve and Christmas morning with Olivia, so I think it's fine if you leave." Al sounds decidedly less cheerful now, his voice taking on a note of impatience and authority, and Amanda bristles at the sudden change in tone.

"Look, Al, I think it's just going to be too hard to try and get over to your place today," she replies evenly, giving Noah a brief wave and holding up one finger before turning away from the little boy when he appears at the door and motions for her to come back out to the living room. "I'm guessing the roads will be in pretty bad shape for awhile, and Jesse is having such a great time here. She has someone close to her own age to play with and I don't want to take that away from her. And I would need to go home first and get showered and dressed, so I don't have to wear my boss' clothes to your place. My outfit from yesterday is still wet from playing in the snow. How about we come over tomorrow instead? I think that would be a lot easier for us."

"Amanda, it's Christmas," Al sighs heavily, sounding distinctly annoyed now. "You shouldn't be spending it with your boss. You should be with family."

"I am with family," she mutters through clenched teeth, her own annoyance and the overall exhaustion and frustration with the circumstances starting to seep through.

"Olivia Benson and her son are not your family," Al laughs humorlessly, Amanda trying to control the anger that is swiftly rising to the surface and keep from blurting out something that she'll regret. "It's just your lieutenant and her kid, Amanda. She's just someone you work with. You belong with someone who's in love with you; someone who wants to be a part of your family."

Amanda squeezes her eyes shut, barely able to catch herself before she lets out a string of curse words in reply, unable to believe that this is happening right now and her head spinning dizzily as the room whirls around her. "We're supposed to be taking things slow, Al," she mutters into the phone, making sure to lower her voice so no one else can overhear what she is saying. "We haven't even officially gotten back together yet and you're already telling me that you're in love with me? Seriously?"

"I'm very serious," he answers firmly, Amanda sinking down onto the bed and trying to ignore the subtle scent of Olivia's perfume that rises up from the sheets. "I love you, Amanda, and I swear that I've changed. I know I screwed up very badly in the past, but I'm ready to be in a committed relationship now."

"Well, I'm not," she replies softly, quickly correcting herself and adding, "at least not with you."

There is a lengthy pause as if Al is digesting this information, the older man clearing his throat roughly and dread evident in his voice when he speaks again. "So what are you saying?"

"I'm saying that I'm in love too," Amanda whispers nearly inaudibly, the words sounding both odd and right as she finally puts a voice to all of these confusing feelings that have been simmering deep inside for so long. "I'm saying that Olivia Benson is so much more than just a boss to me-"

Before she can continue any further in her description of how much Olivia means to her, there is an abrupt click in her ear and dead silence on the other end of the line, Amanda slowly placing her phone down on the nightstand and staring at the floor, her heart thumping erratically against her rib cage and breath coming out strangled gasps. She hears movement in the doorway and assumes that Noah has returned to ask her to come back out to the living room again, surprised when she lifts her head and sees Olivia standing there instead.

For a moment, they just gaze at each other without saying anything, Amanda taken aback by how gorgeous the older woman looks in her wrinkled pajamas, dark hair laying around her shoulders in unkempt waves and a streak of pancake batter smeared across one cheek; so unlike her work persona. She doesn't think it's possible to ever grow tired of seeing Olivia like this; domestic and relaxed with a spark of light shining in her eyes that is often missing when they are at the precinct and buried in horrible cases that Amanda is grateful to have a break from.

"Hey, sorry to interrupt," Olivia says quietly, taking a hesitant step into the room. "I just wanted to let you know that breakfast will be ready soon. And I also wanted to make sure you're doing okay. I'm sorry if my Christmas present upset you. I know we really need to talk but there just hasn't been a good time..."

"You're not interrupting," Amanda assures her softly, shifting slightly on the mattress but making no move to get back up. "And I love the present, Liv, really. It didn't upset me at all. In fact, I think it might be the best gift that anyone's ever given me."

A relieved smile spreads across Olivia's face and Amanda finds herself smiling back in spite of the turmoil she is in, picking nervously at a loose thread on the quilt with her fingers. "You have excellent timing, actually, because Al just hung up on me."

"He did?" Olivia sounds concerned as she steps farther into the room and closes the door partly behind her, a frown marring her beautiful features. "What happened? Why did he hang up on you?"

"He told me that he's in love with me." Amanda's voice has fallen to a whisper once again as she stares at the other woman's inscrutable expression, wishing she could peer beneath that mask and know what the older woman is thinking and feeling.

"Oh, really?" Olivia's tone is utterly devoid of emotion now and betrays absolutely nothing when she speaks, the light in those wide brown eyes dimming. "So what did you say?"

Amanda takes a deep breath and decides to be just as honest as she was the night before, prepared to face whatever the consequences might be as the ultimate confession comes tumbling from her lips. "I told Al that I'm in love too...but not with him. You're the one that I love, Olivia. It's always been you."