Author's Note : Lucifer's sojourn on Earth canonically begins in 2011 (the series begins in 2016). I'm making the event 2005 for reasons.

2009

Lucifer was expecting company.

He'd felt it like a punch in the face: a surge of energy and power that signified his return to archangel status. It meant a few things, none of them good.

The first was the death of Lilith, the first human soul he'd twisted into a demon. He had done it in a fit of pique after he'd been banished to rule Hell, sort of a temperamental "fuck you" to dear old Dad. See, Father? See how flawed these things you made are? Look how easily I can make them into something dark and evil. What gives you the right to tell us to bow down to these weak, insignificant apes?

But after a while, Lilith became sort of a embarrassment. Who wanted the proof of their stupid little tantrum thrown in their face day after day after day? After a millennia, Lucifer threw her into a box then threw that box into his basement, AKA the Pit, and promptly pretended to forget she existed.

What nutter had left her out? Azazel? He needed to have a word with—oh, no wait. Maze had reported that he was dead. Ah well.

Of course, with his power returned it meant that someone had revved the gas on the Apocalypse. It was irritating, really. After all, Lucifer had had Maze slice off his wings with the intention of keeping a low profile. Now the stupid things were back and no amount of hacking or slicing the demon did would remove them.

It also meant that Michael was probably looking to touch down sometime soon. Sanctimonious, uppity, tight-assed prick.

"They're out again," Mazikeen said, amused.

"I realize that," Lucifer said irritably. The damn feathered things just wouldn't stay tucked! He turned towards her and knocked over several bottles of expensive whiskey. "Bloody hell!"

"I could go get the chainsaw."

"No, thank you. At least not until our guests have left. We wouldn't want to be impolite and splatter them with gore, now would we?"

Fed up with his unruly appendages, Lucifer sat on the only chair that had no backing; his piano stool. As he plucked a few keys, Maze kept an eye on the elevator door. She flipped her prized, Hell-forged blades around her fingers. "You know those won't kill an angel," Lucifer admonished.

"Yeah, I know," she replied. Her mask of insouciance slipped a bit to reveal a touch of panic. "But it makes me feel better to hold them."

Ding.

He expected another archangel, or perhaps one of those high-ranking fellows so eager to lick their big brothers' boots. Not this bleeding, beaten mess! The angel toppled, half in and half out of Lucifer's private elevator, without saying a word.

"Bloody hell," the devil cursed as he rushed to his brother's side. For once, his wings listened and folded tight around his body, giving Lucifer the room to pull the other angel from the entryway. He turned him over. "Castiel."

"Help," groaned the angel. "Please."

"Who is this?" Mazikeen wondered as she approached.

"One of the little foot soldiers in Father's army." Lucifer examined his brother from head to toe. "This was quite the beatdown, wasn't it?"

"Raphael," muttered Castiel.

"Middle children are always the more unstable ones." Two fingers to the angel's forehead and Lucifer's little bro was whole again. "There. Mind telling me why Raphy would try to obliterate all of your internal organs?"

Castiel groaned and propped his back against the bar. "I tried to stop it." He eyed Mazikeen warily as she peered over the counter.

The demon licked her lips. "That is one tastyvessel you found there."

"Maze!" Lucifer exclaimed, perturbed.

"Mmm… there are so many things I can do with that body."

As Castiel inched away from the demon, Lucifer pinched the space between his eyes. "Well, now that I'm thoroughly nauseated, why ever did you come here?"

The angel hung his head. "I have been… cut off from Heaven. I deigned to interfere and now I am deemed an apostate." Castiel looked at his brother. "Like you."

"Ah." That would explain it. The rebellious needed to stick together, after all. Lucifer stuck his hand out and helped his brother to his feet. "Well, you can stay here a while if you truly like. Plenty of room."

"Or he could stay with me," purred Mazikeen.

Castiel's face conveyed pure panic. "Um. No thank you. I must go."

The ridiculous looking trench-coat his vessel wore fluttered as Castiel's midnight wings expanded from his back. Before he could go, however, Lucifer put his hand on the angel's shoulder and steered him away from the demon. "Look, Cassie," the devil said quietly, "I'm not interested in this… Apocalypse thing happening. I promise." Castiel nodded warily. "Therefore, you need help making this go away, I'll do what I can."

The blue-eyed angel gave his big brother a small smile. "Thank you." A rush of air and feathers and Castiel was gone.

"End Times coming?" Mazikeen asked.

"Seems so."

The demon stared darkly out at the Los Angeles skyline. Lucifer knew that despite Maze's constant bitching, she didn't want to see humanity obliterated. At the very least, she didn't want society to fall; there was too much fun to be had.

Maze poured out two scotches and slid one over to Lucifer. He took a sip. "We might not be able to sit this out."

"Great," the demon groused. They drank in companionable silence for a few minutes. "Your brother's a virgin, isn't he?"

"Seems so."

"Someone should relieve him of that."

Lucifer plunked his empty glass down. "I'm going downstairs to the club."

"Why?"

"Because I need a lot of sex, drugs, and alcohol to get the brain-stabbing imagery of you with my little brother out of my head!"

The elevator closed behind the devil. Mazikeen was worried, but what could she do? Therefore, the demon pushed thoughts of the Apocalypse aside in order to plan the naked, thorough debauchment and defilement of a black-haired, blue-eyed, angel.

Author's Note : There's no extended plot or anything going on here. Just a bunch of random vignettes crossing Lucifer and Supernatural. I guess you could call it "somewhat sort of procedurals in a LuciSuperVerse." I plan on popping them up whenever the notion strikes. Hope you enjoy!