Hi Everyone! I honestly love these characters and these books so much and was little sad at the lack of fanfics, so decided to take matters into my own hands (hahahahahaha!). This is literally my first one and just kinda working off the books for these characters. I have a bit of an outline of the story but not sure if I'll actually do it/people will even want it. Let me know if you like the story and want me to continue because my motivation will definitely be influenced by reviews! Hope you like it! Xxxx

Edit: I think it copied across weirdly, hope it is better now!

Chapter 1

She looks down at her phone as it vibrates on her lap. Quickly she turns it over so it is face down and waits for it to ring out. She tries to turn her head back into the conversation that is happening around her. One of her friends, Claire is making everyone laugh with her story of how she climbed out of a guys window when he went to go to the bathroom after realising she didn't want to hook up with him anymore.

Lara Jean tries to join in the laughter but can't tear her mind away from her vibrating phone. She feels a pang of guilt as her phone vibrates again indicating that a message was left but reminds herself of what happened before this and why she shouldn't feel bad.

She looks at the time – 10:32pm. She will wait until 11pm until she'll reply back asking what he wants. In that time, she stands up to get herself another drink and socialise with more people.

If there is one thing that she has loved most about being at UNC, it is the amount of friends that she has made while here. Sure, she was never too socially awkward or felt isolated enough that she wasn't able to be friends with a lot of people, but with all her past of being best friends with Genevieve then Genevieve hating her and being friends with Chris who always did her own thing, she felt that people judged her before they even knew her or that they already knew things about her before meeting her. It was probably all in her head, but it was enough to make her not want to go out and be friends with more people. She also always had her family who she adored spending time with though now she sees that maybe she was using that as an excuse so she didn't have to realise and dwell over what she was missing out on.

At UNC though, it is another story. No one knows anything about her and everyone is so excited and wanting to meet new people that she is so much more outgoing. She waves hi to everyone she sees walking past in her residence hall and has already get a great study group for all of her courses. On top of that, the Asian association has been incredibly welcoming of her and she has been able to find more likeminded students in the Harry Potter club and baking club. Sometimes she still yearns to be at home with her family but knowing she has so many people around her who enjoys spending time with has been a new and one of the best experiences.

She is pouring herself a cherry coke when another friend, Alex from her study group runs over.

'Lara Jean! How are you?' she exclaims loudly, pulling her in for a hug and swaying dramatically side to side.

'I'm good! How are you?' she returns with the same enthusiasm, still swaying with her in the hug.

'I'm so good! Lara Jean, shhhhhhh, I'll make your drink even better, then we can be on the same level and have funnnnnn!' she tries to whisper to her but fails entirely. From her crossbody bag, she pulls out a bedazzled flask and pours some of the contents into Lara Jean's cup.

Lara Jean laughs. She wasn't looking to have a big night tonight but she hadn't had a drink since arriving at the party and maybe that was what she needed to stop feeling so bad about the other things happening.

'What is that?' she asks, taking a sip from her cup.

'Ah-rum-tum-tum!' Alex says. 'My brother stocked my up with a few bottles for this semester, but don't tell! Though if you want any, I'll happily charge a reasonable price!'

She laughs again at Alex. She was lucky to have such a chill brother who offered to buy her alcohol but was also definitely taking a risk at trying to have it hidden all semester, particularly when her residence hall has just enforced stricter underage drinking rules.

Alex then launches into a rant about how stupid their professor is and how amazing Lara Jean is for helping her. Tyler, another member of their study group walks over to them, pulling them in for a big group hug.

'My nerds!' he yells, refusing to let them squirm out of his hug.

'Tyler!' they both excitedly yell back.

'Tyler, how amazing is Lara Jean…' Alex starts again.

She is still talking when Tyler leans over and whispers to her 'Lol, take a drink every time she says "amazing".'

Lara Jean tries hard not to smile knowing that Tyler is taking a jab at the fact that Alex literally doesn't use anything other describing word than 'amazing', but agrees to join in.

Tyler and she can barely keep up with the rate that Alex repeats the word. They both stand their nodding along, pretending to be interested in her long soliloquy of this semester so far and trying not to laugh as they both struggle to keep drinking. She doesn't know how long it takes but sure enough, her and Tyler both finish their drinks and she is still talking. Feeling the light-headedness start to hit her, she tries to excuse herself and sneak away before Alex can get started on something else.

She walks towards the patio, leaving Tyler with Alex in hopes of finding someone to talk to out there while she can get some air. She looks down at the time on her phone- 11:15pm. What? How did that happen? She thinks to herself.

There are a few text messages for her which aren't surprising.

Hey. I tried to call you.

Sorry about before.

I can talk now.

Can you please just call me?

I'll wait till midnight, then I'm going to bed.

Begrudgingly, she heads towards a corridor and tries to find a quieter spot. Maybe because she is lightheaded and doesn't want to deal with drama, or maybe because she just wants to hear his voice, she decides to call him back.

It rings once before he picks up.

'Finally!' he says as soon as it goes through. 'I've been trying to call you for the last hour.'

'Sorry I was busy.' She says. It comes out a lot meaner than she intended it to.

'What are you doing?' he asks, from his voice she can tell that he is lying down.

'I'm at a house party.' She responds very matter-of-factly.

'On a school night? Covey, what's happened to you?' he laughs, clearly joking at the fact she would have never considered doing something like this in school.

She laughs as well. 'I'm not staying past 1am and I guess I'm just trying to catch up to high school.'

She hears him chuckle before he yawns.

'I wanted to hear all about your day, but I can barely keep my eyes open now.' He says.

'Well you had your chance before.' She retorts.

He lets out a big sigh. She knows that he is also looking for reassurance about what happened earlier and she isn't going to give him any particularly when a bit tipsy.

'I know I'm sorry. I just couldn't.' she can almost hear him pout on the other line.

She lets the silence hang there, letting him know that she doesn't buy that excuse.

'Look, how about I call you tomorrow morning and we can talk more then.' He proposes.

She groans. 'You know I have class tomorrow morning.'

She doesn't want to let him down completely so she asks 'maybe tomorrow afternoon?'

'I can't, I have practice and then a strength session.' He sighs again.

'But then it's Friday night and you know that's when my Harry Potter club meets.' She sighs too.

'Can't you maybe miss it for one week?' he pleads.

'Can't you miss your strength session for one week?' she replies. They are about to go down the same road and the same conversation they had earlier. The one where he wants her to stop doing what she enjoys and she likes, but he doesn't give up anything for her.

'Come on, Covey, you know I can't do that.' He sounds defeated.

'Maybe we should just leave it until the weekend and then we can FaceTime then.' She can feel the tension building in her but doesn't want to let it go. She just wants them to work and to just be them, but its so hard.

'Ok, I'll text you tomorrow when I can and we will try fit a call in between everything and then definitely we'll arrange a long time this weekend to talk.' He pipes up a bit at this.

'Ok, I'll hear from you tomorrow, I guess.' It goes silent between them. So much that both of them want to say and so many words that should be said but, nothing comes out. It starts to almost get awkward until he speaks up again.

'I love you with all my heart, Lara Jean.' She knows that he is reminding her of their contract, what they promised each other and how they were sure that it was going to work between them.

This brings a little smile to her face. 'I love you too.'

Then they hang up the phone.

She walks back into the party and plops down on one of the couches with the same group of people around her that were there when he first rang her. It's now 11:30pm which means that she has another hour and a half until her roommate and her are going to meet to uber back together.

She lets her head roll back onto the top of the couch, floating in and out of the conversation. Though her thoughts keep directing her towards one thing – Peter.

She lets her mind wander off as she thinks back over the last few months of college.

They are still together, which in itself is a massive feat. Though she feels like she is adjusting to constant sense of longing and missing which she isn't used to. It's like she is living in the second week of January. She has had the excitement of Christmas including the Christmas Cookie Bonanza, setting up the tree, decorating the house, doing Christmas shopping and giving presents. Then the next excitement of having New Years Eve and going to a party, making resolutions and taking down all of the decorations and finishing the leftovers. But now there is just the lingering feeling of January as it is all over and it won't be happening again until the next year when they hope it will even bigger and better.

That's how it feels. She misses him so much and just wishes the time could pass faster.

When they first arrived at their respective colleges, they were so sure of themselves and what they had. She called him every night and they would always talk for hours about what they had just discovered, who they had met and what they were enjoying most. He sent her letters of at least 2 pages, reminding her of their favourite times together or about something that happened which made him miss her even more.

Then it all just changed. Not because of her, she reminds herself. After starting off so well, life just got in the way. Well, Peter's life did. The trainings, the sessions and the recoveries on top of class, sleep and being social was taking up so much of his time. He would promise to call her that night and she would cancel everything, waiting for it to come through so they could finally share everything that happened and feel closer, but it was never enough. He never forgot to call her, of course, but the calls just started coming later in the night, or he was just too tired to stay on the call for long, or sometimes would even fall asleep while she was talking. She couldn't blame him because she knows that he is trying his best to do well at Lacrosse and also adjust to college life, but she also realised that she was spending her freshman experience just waiting for him.

After another night of crying, her roommate made her go out and go to every meeting with her clubs, every study group and every party they go invited to as well. It was then that she realised how much she was missing and how big of a chance she had now to really do whatever she wanted. She wasn't just going to parties because her boyfriend was invited, or joining clubs because Margot thought it was a good thing to do, instead it was all for her. Now she wasn't just Peter's girlfriend or one of the Song sister or even the daughter of a mother who has died, but she was just Lara Jean. The exact kind of girl she didn't even know she wanted to be at college.

But she is so conflicted. She loves Peter and she wants to be able to talk to him every day and tell each other everything and never lose the fact that she knows him probably more than any other person in her life, but she also can't stop giving herself a chance to be who she wants to be.

There is so much distance between them now, but they are both still trying to grasp at what is left. They said that they would eventually get the hang of things, maybe getting used to not sharing the little things that happen in life is part of it.

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Bleep. Bleep Bleep. Bleep. Bleep Bleep. Bleep. Bleep Bleep. Bleep. Bleep Bleep.

'Ahhhhhhhhhhh turn it off !' Lara Jean groans, before throwing one of her pillows at her roommate who was asleep.

'Oh, sorry….' Her roommate, Bonnie says groggily.

Bonnie stumbles around towards her desk where her phone is charging and turns off the alarm. She then quickly turns on her heel and jumps right back into her bed.

'Why is it so dark, so cold and so early?' she whines, wrapping herself back up in her covers.

'I don't know' Lara Jean whimpers back.

They both have to get to an 8am class this morning but even at 7:30am, it is too dark outside to make that seem fair.

'Just think, when Thanksgiving break comes and we can sleep in as much as we want.' Lara Jean says trying to get the energy to get out of bed.

'No I can't cause my brothers are up at 6am every morning!' Bonnie cries out, now hiding her head under her pillow.

Lara Jean chuckles at her friend. She has to admit that sharing a room with Bonnie and hearing about the adventures she had with her five younger brothers have made her very appreciative of having just one little sister, even if she is crazy.

'Upsy-daisy!' Lara Jean says while flinging herself out of bed.

She already laid out her clothes last night for this morning and packed her bag, knowing that she wanted to have as much time as possible to sleep. She grabs her toiletries with her and heads to the shower. Usually she wouldn't bother showering for a class this early, but she has a study group after class where they are finishing their group project due tonight and then she has her Harry Potter meeting until late. So if she doesn't shower now then she will spend the whole day feeling gross.

The hot water wakes her up a bit more. She uses her favourite Dove soap, she loves smelling this on Peter so thinks about him when she uses it. She quickly washes her face as well before getting dressed and walking back to her room. When she arrives, she sees that Bonnie has not made any attempts at getting out of bed.

'Bonnie! If you don't get up now, you'll miss your class and you know that you have compulsory attendance!' she urges her.

Bonnie groans and turns over, so Lara Jean tries again.

'If you don't get up, I won't let you have any of the chocolate crossiants I made last night.' She offers.

Immediately Bonnie is out of bed. She quickly grabs her coat and puts on her shoes.

''Aren't you going to change out of your pyjamas?' Lara Jean asks, smiling at her.

'Have I ever gone to an 8am class NOT in my pyjamas?' she quirks back.

Lara Jeans laughs and gives an agreeing nod.

'Now let's go so we have time to heat your croissants up!' Bonnie says excitedly before linking arms with her, picking up both their bags and pulling her outside.

There's nothing that gets Bonnie moving like good food, Lara Jean thinks to herself letting her to be dragged along.

Her UNC Baking club have been working their way through French inspired goods since the end of Halloween. They started with madeleines, then macaroons, then baguettes and have since graduated from savoury croissants to chocolate croissants. They are allowed to use one of the residence hall's kitchens which means they can stay up late just waiting for their creations to come out. The club has truly embraced Lara Jean's love for baking. She was never game to try to make croissants or anything on her own but is slowly learning to get out of her comfort zone of chocolate chip cookies. The majority of the club is made up of girls who are all very lovely and get on well. One of the best parts of living on campus particularly with broke students is also that there are also stomachs to feed. Bonnie swears that she is going to be gaining a Fresher fifty with Lara Jean as her roommate, but she is constantly going to gym and playing sports so Lara Jean doubts that is true. Though having the baked goods has definitely made her a favourite to most around the hall and its almost a tradition to see her going around the rooms with a tray of goodies every Tuesday night and Sunday morning after their meetings and sometimes even more often based on her mood. Lara Jean always found baking to be incredibly therapeutic but even more enjoyable based on the fact that she could share what she made with everyone. She is reminded of when she always did the same thing with her family, but she guesses now she has a MUCH bigger family to cater for which she doesn't mind at all.

Bonnie quickly pulls their croissants out of the microwaves and they both use them to warm their hands in serviettes.

Bonnie bites into hers and moans with pleasure. 'Lara Jean, what would I do without you? I mean, do you realise how awful and lifeless my mornings would be with out and your baking?' she exclaims.

Lara Jean blushes. The other great thing about sharing her baked goods with the people here is how appreciative and grateful they always are. After 18 years of baking, Kitty just critiques or mocks her for her baking even when she enjoys it.

She takes a bit of her croissant as well. The pastry is just so perfectly buttery and flaking, it practically melts in her mouth before a delicious flow of chocolate from the sentence is released from the centre. She sighs in content as well. This was definitely the best way to start this morning.

Then her and Bonnie go running to their classes.

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In between her study group and her Harry Potter meeting, she has a bit of time to herself to grab dinner and make her way across campus to the library.

While walking across, she tries to call Peter. It's on the last ring when he finally picks up.

'Hey'

'Hey' she replies. She can't stop the smile spreading over her face as she hears his voice. 'How was your day?'

'Good, good. Lara Jean, I'm sorry I'm just doing a session with some of my teammates, remember, we'll be done in another hour. Can I call you back then?' he asks.

Her smile drops. 'Yeah, sure, that's fine. I'm just going to my meeting though so I'm not sure if I'll be able to answer let alone talk long until late tonight.'

'Oh, no, ummm, we can talk now then. What's been happening?' He asks.

Already she feels an ache of longing in her stomach. There was so much that she wanted to tell him. She wanted to tell him about how amazing her chocolate croissants were this morning and how she even made the professor jealous while eating it in her class, but then he wouldn't even know that she made croissants because she didn't tell him on Wednesday about that time, or even the time before that when she ruined the batch she made which is how she knew how to make this one perfect. She wanted to tell him about the funny joke she told at her study group where she made a pun about "Shakespeare being Shakes-queer to Shakes-spear through the Shakes-fear of the Century." But she can't remember telling him about them learning about Romeo and Juliet or the nuances of the characters portraying qualities of the modern era or how much she fell in love with the play.

She hesitates. Part of her wants to just spill everything and tell him all the little things that have happened but she knows that he is in the middle of his session and probably just wants summary of everything, just like she will want as well as she doesn't have long until her meeting starts.

With a sigh, she says 'Oh nothing much really, I just had class this morning and then my study group was super productive and managed to finish our project on time which was a W.'

'Oh that's great Covey! How did you hold up after a late one last night?' he exclaims back.

She laughs. 'I might have crashed at about 3pm and needed a sugar hit but other than….' She tries to say positively.

'And I thought that I was struggling to wake up this morning. You must have been hell to deal with.' He says while laughing.

She pouts. 'Maybe… Anyway, how are you going?' she asks. She tries to keep it open to avoid noticing how little they are actually sharing with each other.

'I'm as fantastic as can be, Covey. We just had practice and I had a class and it was all pretty good.' He says. Though he tries to sound sure of himself, she can hear the tension in his voice.

Again, she hesitates. 'That's cool! How's the team shaping up now?'

'Oh we're going to be Champions, I guarantee.' He woops.

She laughs again. She is outside of where her club is meeting and already a few minutes late now.

'I'm really glad to hear that. I have to go now though.' She starts.

He says something to the people around him that the phone muffles. 'oh ok, yeah thanks for calling me, Covey. We'll Facetime tomorrow, yeah?'

'Yeah that sounds good!' she says enthusiastically.

'Ok, I love you.'

'I love you too.'

'Bye'

'Bye'

And just like that she feels more water swept between them.

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She is still smiling as she gets back from her dorm that night. She had the most fun with her Harry Potter club tonight. They spent the majority of the time arguing over whether the movies were right to exclude the storyline about Teddy. It was a very emotional and very endearing conversation. Lara Jean could see that although she is a fan of Harry Potter, she is not as big of a fan as some people. Though it was hilarious watching the arguments that her friends came up with before they scrolled the internet for funny parodies of the movies.

Her, Josh and Margot used to spend hours and hours talking about the Harry Potter books and movies. They always argued over what houses they would be in, though it was so obvious that Margot was Ravenclaw, she was Hufflepuff and Josh was Gryffindor. This all happened when they were about eleven and twelve, so after all the movies finished they never really spoke about it again. Peter made a good effort and read every single book in the series knowing how much she loved them and constantly referenced them daily, but he never was passionate enough about them to argue as he probably knew that she would always win. She giggles to herself as she thinks about him, his Moaning Myrtle ways. She never thought that she would ever be saying this but she actually finds herself missing his adorable pout and the way that he used to kick up a fuss. Usually to make her laugh, of course but she wonders if she would still know what would make him do that just as she used to.

She walks into the lobby of her residence hall and decides to check if she has any mail. She ordered more washi tape as she is almost out of all the 8 rolls that she bought with her. She didn't think that she would go through what she bought with her so quickly but with writing notes and putting up things around her room, it turned out that she needed a lot than she anticipated.

There is no slip telling her to pick up a bigger package from the front desk but there is an envelope for her. She looks at the back and sees the UVA address. Her heart almost skips a beat.

Despite being so tired, she feels a bit more bounce in her step as she takes the stairs to her room. She opens the door quietly and notices that Bonnie is asleep. She carefully steps out of her shoes and grabs her towel, toiletries and pyjamas to shower. She leaves the letter on her bed waiting for her to come back to just before she falls asleep.

She tries to take her time with the shower, but can barely take her mind off the letter. She attempts to reason with herself. It's just another letter, it might not fix everything or say all the things that you want it to and that's ok. She tells herself. She doesn't want to put too much pressure on it and for it to implode.

Brushing her teeth for two minutes feels like forever but soon she is done and skipping down the hall to her room again. She places her clothes from the day in her washing basket, leaves her toiletries in their usual position before cuddling up under her blankets with her night light on and the letter in her hand. She rips it open and takes a deep breath reminding herself of what she was saying in the shower before folding it open and reading.

Dear Lara Jean

I miss you so much. I know that it's hard for you too and I know that we always knew that it was going to be hard, but I never thought that it would feel like this. I know that I am not doing well on my part and that I need to make more time for you and I'm trying. I'm just a bit lost at the moment with school, friends and lacrosse. We will make this work. I promise I love you.

They always have chocolate chip cookies at every meal for us and every time I see them I think of yours. I think of how you just had to take your cookies to the next level and try all those different recipes. Honestly, I don't even both having any here because I know that yours are so much better, I don't really know how yours a better like I can't describe it like you do, but I just know. They aren't as crunchy and it doesn't feel the same. I hope you are proud of the fact that you have ruined cookies for me, hahahahaha.

Just like those cookies we will probably need to try a few ways to figure this out as well, I don't know exactly what yet but we will find a way. I can't wait to see you for Thanksgiving.

Love, Peter.

She can't stop smiling after reading his letter. It was better than she expected and she knows that they can do it, they just need to keep working at it. They are going to try Facetime this weekend and she is going to tell him everything, she decides. Even if they have to stay up all night she doesn't want anymore space between them.

She is smiling as she drifts off to sleep.