After the joint FBI-NCIS assignment Tony had kept in touch with his old colleagues. They met at least once a week for tea with Ducky and Palmer, he arranged movie nights with Abby and random meetings with Tim and as long as it was possible: Kate. Even Jenny called him from time to time to ask about how he was and what he was doing. Later, he would become Uncle Tony to Palmer's daughter and be chosen by the proud parents as her godfather.

The only one who, for a long time, didn't seem to care whether he lived or died was Gibbs, and that – despite trying to deny it even to himself – hurt more than anything.

Fornell and the team members were all great – a real family. They understood Tony's need to belong while they also respected the fact that he sometimes required time for himself and space to think undisturbed. They knew he was in contact with his NCIS friends and they didn't mind. As a matter of fact, they were happy for him; only as long as he didn't plan to leave them, they had said. With them, Tony didn't have to play the role of the class clown or to navigate between keeping up to morals and taking the wrath of a mentally unbalanced team leader upon himself to spare everyone else. Like this, he could grow more and more into the agent Fornell had always known he could be, and very soon he became one of the FBI's most trusted and valued members with many missions of his own. Everyone knew and accepted that one day he would take over Team Fornell, since they also knew that by that time, Sacks who was currently the senior field agent would have his own team to lead.

There was one time Tony knew he would never ever forget as long as he lived. One of the most horrible, yet strangely fascinating periods in his life: a dark, rainy day that began with a terrible phone call at 3 AM…

- Tony? Hi…

- Probie! Hey, what's up? A bit early for a social call, isn't it? Don't tell me something came up for the weekend; I already have five tickets for the game!

- Ahm… Tony…

- And these are very good tickets, hard to come by and-

- Tony! It's Kate… she's… dead…

- …

- Tony…? You still there?

The FBI agent needed a second to compose himself and to decide that no, it was not April Fools' Day and no, McGee definitely wouldn't joke about something like that anyway. He took a deep breath and swallowed a sob that threatened to escape.

- What happened?

- Ari… He shot her, Tony. We were on the roof and he shot her straight in the middle of the forehead. One moment she was standing right next to me and then… she just fell. I still have her blood on my face, Tony! And she's dead and her eyes were open and she's still staring at me whenever I close my eyes and-

McGee sounded hysterical as he recounted the events and Tony felt certain his friend was in shock. Where was Gibbs and why wasn't he with his one remaining team member to help him get through this? Or maybe…

- Probie… Where's Gibbs? Is he with you?

- I… I think he's with Abby because she was crying so hard and Ducky is with Kate and he said I'm not allowed inside and… God, Tony, I don't know what to do! Do you think he's cutting her up? But we know the cause of death, surely he doesn't need to do autopsy on her, does he? And do you think he'd let Jimmy in? Kid wouldn't sleep for weeks; he loves… loved… Kate like a sister.

His friend was definitely in shock and, by the looks of it, close to hyperventilating. Tony needed to keep his own grief bottled up and help Tim because, quite obviously, no one else was. Talk about déjà vu… Suddenly it was him again, alone to pick up the pieces of his abandoned friends after one botched assignment. Would Gibbs never learn?

- Where are you?

- At NCIS…

- Are you alone?

- Yes… No… I don't know… I think I saw the janitor ten minutes ago… I don't know…

- Come to our favorite place, I'll meet you there.

- But, Tony… Boss told me to look for Ari… Though I don't know how… I spent the night on the roof looking for clues and I didn't find anything because it was raining so hard and it was also dark and Kate's blood was everywhere… Tony, why doesn't the rain wash away the blood?

Tony sighed sadly.

- It does, Probie. It does…

- But it didn't, Tony, it's still there! It's everywhere!

- Tim, I'll meet you in twenty, all right?

- But Gibbs…

- Screw him!

NCIS * NCIS * NCIS * NCIS * NCIS * NCIS * NCIS * NCIS * NCIS

When Tony arrived at the pre-arranged place, he easily spotted the drenched, hunched figure of his friend, especially since at half past three in the morning, they were the only guests in the entire 24-hour coffee shop. The FBI agent took some time to observe the younger man from afar: Timothy McGee really looked like he had been to hell and back. Water was still dipping from the hair that was now plastered to his head, and he was shivering which had, in Tony's humble opinion, probably nothing, or at least not everything to do with the temperature. The young man was nursing a huge mug of tea, warming his hands and staring into it as if it held all the answers. Sadly, it didn't.

Tony prepared himself to be the strong one for the both of them and sat down across from Tim.

"Hi, Probie…" – He said slowly, since the other didn't seem to have noticed his arrival.

"Oh, Tony. It's you…" – Having made this spectacular observation, the young NCIS agent went back to staring into his mug.

Tony sighed.

"You should drink it before it gets cold…"

"Oh… Right."

But he didn't, just continued gazing into it.

"So…" – Tony trailed off, not having any idea what to say to make it easier for either of them. – "We're here…"

"Yeah."

"It sucks."

"It does."

Tony was saved from having to come up with something when a smiling, beautiful young waitress came to take his order. Normally, he would flirt with her and smile his hundred-watt smile. This time, he just glanced at the menu that hung above the counter and said the first thing that was written there: hot chocolate with cinnamon and vanilla. After the woman had left to get him the drink, he wondered why the hell he had ordered it when he didn't even like hot chocolate at all; though he supposed it didn't really matter in the grand scheme of things.

They sat in silence, each deep in their own thoughts until Tony's drink arrived.

"Has Gibbs called?" – He inquired after taking a sip. It was as horrible as he thought it would be. Making a face, he pushed the offending liquid away. – "Have they found something?"

Tim just shook his head.

"I don't like tea." – He said suddenly, after another few minutes' silence. – "I don't know why I asked for it… It is supposed to help when you're depressed but…"

"It only helps when you like it, McGenius."

"Oh. Nobody said that… But I like hot chocolate."

"Wanna swap?"

"Sure."

Relieved, Tony pulled the strong and luckily still hot Earl Grey close and breathed in the delicious scent.

"Much better." – He concluded.

McGee seemed content with his hot chocolate as well if his noisy slurping was anything to go by. When he looked up again, he had a mustache of chocolate decorating his face. Tony realized with a stab of pain in his chest that any time other than now, it would be hilarious and he and Kate would make fun of their friend together. But now it was in the middle of the night and McGee had tears running down his face and Tony felt totally lost and Kate was… Kate was dead.

And it was anything but funny.

"She's not coming back, Tony."

"I know, Kid. I know…"

Tim tried to choke back a sob but didn't quite manage it.

"I don't know what to do." – He admitted quietly. – "I'm alone now. Alone…"

Tony shook his head.

"I don't know what to do either. But I do know that you're not alone, Tim. I'm here with you."

NCIS * NCIS * NCIS * NCIS * NCIS * NCIS * NCIS * NCIS * NCIS

The funeral was a solemn affair. Tony only observed it from farther away, since he didn't feel like he should be close when it was mostly the NCIS team and Kate's family around the casket. So, he stood a few meters from the crowd, unseen by most and listening to the priest talking about what a great young woman Agent Caitlin Todd had been, how tragic her death was and the terrible loss everyone was feeling now, thinking all the while that the old man had no idea. No idea at all!

Kate hadn't been a 'great young woman'! What did that mean, anyway!?

Kate had been fierce and loyal and funny and sneaky and feisty and most of all: a friend. She'd been bitchy sometimes and mean and nasty. She'd also been understanding, supportive and appreciative. She had joked with Tony and helped him prank McGee. They had annoyed Ducky and made fun of a very green Palmer together. Their antics had been called 'sibling rivalry' by many, and laughed at by even more. Kate had been Tony's first NCIS partner as an equal. Before her, Vivian Blackadder had always felt more like a judging, scornful superior who had done her best to belittle Tony whenever possible and hadn't made a secret of her not so favorable opinion about him. And Gibbs… Well, things with Gibbs had been much better before but still: as a team leader and senior agent, their friendship had naturally never been anything like that with Kate. Kate had been special.

She definitely hadn't been a 'great young woman'.

And her death? 'Tragic'!? What the f- Accidents were tragic! Self-caused deaths were tragic! Being murdered in cold blood was unforgivable, unacceptable, unbelievable, infuriating, maddening, outrageous… take your pick. 'Tragic'!? That word was meant for more everyday occurrences, not for being shot in the forehead by a sniper right after taking a bullet for your boss! Damn it!

And about the loss they were feeling? The priest couldn't even begin to understand that! Yes, Tony had lost one of his first and best friends. A sister. But McGee had lost a sister and a role-model. Someone who used to stand up for him and who hadn't been afraid to confront even Gibbs when needed. He had lost his anchor and along with her, all his confidence. Even now he was sitting slumped in his chair in the front row, doing his best not to look up at the casket because he still couldn't accept the truth. And Abby? She had lost one of the only female friends she'd had: the one who had put up with her extravagant ways; and even more than that: admired her for them. Who'd been willing to make a fool of herself and dress up as a vampire when Abby had asked her to accompany her to a party. Who had drawn her pictures and had plotted with her against Tony…

Ducky and Jimmy had lost a friend whom they had admired a lot.

And Gibbs… Gibbs had lost another daughter. And, Tony thought, this might be the last straw of the man's already fragile sanity. How he'd get up from here, Tony couldn't even imagine but as he was watching the once strong and confident older man stare blankly at the black coffin, he, despite everything that had occurred between them lately, didn't feel anger towards him anymore. He felt something worse: pity. He knew Gibbs would hate that more than anything.

No, the priest definitely didn't know any of them and the FBI agent wished he would just finish with the obligatory formalities and shut up finally.

"I hate funerals." – Came a voice from behind him. Tony didn't have to turn around to know who it was. He couldn't claim to be surprised by the appearance of his boss; he knew the team worried about him since he'd gotten the news. – "They always bore me to death. No pun intended."

He smiled despite himself.

"Yeah. Even the music is bad. Kate would hate it." – He whispered back. – "If she were here, we'd have wreaked havoc by now. Did you know we were actually banned from all public ceremonies?" – Fornell raised an eyebrow but didn't seem too astonished. – "Yeah… It all began when we ended up at an NCIS party with green hair and pink clothes… It was a bet." – He reminisced smiling.

"Whose idea was it?" – Asked Fornell amused.

"Hers, of course."

"Why do I have the feeling she'd insist it was yours?"

"Let's say it's still unclear." – Deadpanned Tony. – "The point is, the director; Morrow, back then; wasn't as impressed as some other agents."

"No, I don't imagine he was." – The FBI team leader knew very well their own director would hit the roof if something like that were to happen at one of their ceremonies. He also knew he would love it. – "And Gibbs?"

Tony shrugged.

"Said he didn't see the difference. He did headslap me afterwards tough."

"Because you caused trouble?"

"No. Because we didn't involve him." – Tony smiled. – "It was a long time ago… Before Ari and before the problems began… It was… Those were still good times." – He finished, turning back towards the mourners to see the casket being lowered into the ground and people throw white roses on it, as they slowly left in pairs or small groups.

Fornell squeezed his shoulder to show support before walking away, leaving Tony completely alone to watch the cemetery workers expertly shovel earth and fill the hole, creating Kate's final resting place. It was heartbreaking and still, Tony couldn't bring himself to leave. He watched the whole process and when the gravediggers were done, walked closer to the wet mound. For now, only a small wooden cross marked the grave as Kate's.

Tony sat down crossed-legged in front of it, never even thinking about his expensive suit pants becoming soiled. He reached out and traced Kate's name with his fingers.

"Shit, Kate…" – He gasped. Finally alone, he didn't have to pretend to be strong anymore. – "How did this happen? How did this all happen to us…?" – He felt hot tears roll down his cheeks and smiled at the bittersweet knowledge that Kate would tease him mercilessly about being 'a big softy'. He could practically see her smirk and hear her laughter. – "You, me, the Probie… and Gibbs. We used to be a team. Thick as thieves. Four against the world, right? We pledged allegiance to our own rules. No… To Gibbs' rules, actually." – He chuckled. – "I could still recite most of them, even though we never found out what rule number 3 really was. Was it 'Never be unreachable' or 'Never believe what you're told. Always double-check'?

"It's both, DiNozzo."

Tony whirled around to find Gibbs standing behind him. For how long had the man been there, listening to him!?

"Gibbs…" – He cleared his throat and quickly wiped his face. – "Did you want to be with Kate alone? I can leave…"

"No… As a matter of fact, I wanted to be with you alone." – He sat down beside Tony with a grunt, clearly not caring any more about his dress pants than his ex-colleague did. – "But I don't mind her company."

Tony looked back at the cross.

"She always knew what we were thinking anyway. No secrets."

"True." – Agreed the NCIS team leader. Then he said out of the blue: – "I made mistakes. Many. I know that now."

Tony was stunned. He had never, ever heard the older man admit to having been wrong about anything. And now he was here, close to breaking his own rule number 6!?

"Gibbs-"

"Apologizing is not a sign of weakness, Tony. I was wrong to teach you that and even more wrong to follow my own advice." – Said his old boss, knowing very well what Tony was about to say; like in the old times. – "Admitting a mistake and apologizing for it takes lots more courage than to pretend nothing happened. I think I'll change this rule for one of the number ones. To avoid confusion."

"You don't have to apologize to me."

"Oh yes, I have to. And I want to: I'm sorry Tony. Sorry for how I treated you and that I chased you away." – He held up his hand when he saw Tony open his mouth to protest. – "Don't say it. I know what I did. I know now. Mostly thanks to her." – He nodded towards the new grave. – "She never hid her opinion, did she?"

"No. She definitely didn't." – Tony smiled, remembering Kate's tirades about some of his dates. – "At least she was straightforward and I always knew what she thought."

"Touché."

"So… There's only Probie left… I'm sure you'll want to be extra attentive with him… Help him through this…?" – He phrased it as a question but his glare didn't leave much room for speculation about his real intentions: to warn Gibbs that he was about to lose the last member of his team if he wasn't careful.

Luckily, the team leader got the message and nodded earnestly.

"I'll take care of him."

"Thank you."

They watched the sun start to sink lower and lower, slowly lengthening the shadow cast upon them by Kate's cross.

"Ari's dead." – Declared Gibbs.

"Good."

"Ziva will join the team."

Tony glanced at the NCIS agent.

"Ziva…? The Mossad chick?"

"Yes. She'll be a liaison officer."

"But why?" – Tony didn't understand how a complete stranger who wasn't even an American citizen could be considered the fill Kate's shoes.

Gibbs sighed.

"It can't be just McGee and me."

"It was only the two of us for a long time before Kate came along." – Tony reminded him. – "And we were doing just fine."

"Yeah. But it was you." – He shook his head to signal he wasn't finished yet. – "It's nothing against Tim. He's a fine agent and I know he'll be an incredible one one day. But he still needs to learn."

"I was younger than he is now." – Tony pointed out.

"Still."

"Okay… It's your decision."

"Aha."

The sun disappeared behind the nearest building at the other end of the street and the temperature suddenly dropped. Tony shivered noticeably and even Gibbs pulled his coat tighter around himself. Still, neither of them moved.

"I'm sure your new team will be just as great as it used to be." – Offered the younger agent honestly.

Gibbs nodded.

"I'm proud of you, Tony." – It was said so quietly that at first, Tony wasn't even sure if he had heard right. But then he saw Gibbs' smile. – "I told Tobias I expect an NCIS-FBI competition. Bowling."

"You'd like to lose?"

"Oh, no. I'd like to show you all how it's done properly."

"We'll see!"

"Oh, we will."

About a quarter of an hour later the rain started to fall and it tapped rhythmically on the gravestones around them.

"It rains a lot lately." – Tony observed. – "I hate rain…" – He added as an afterthought. – "It's cold and dark and wet… Brrr…"

Gibbs stood and offered a hand for Tony to take. Tentatively, the younger man grabbed it and heaved himself up with his old boss' help. He realized his legs had fallen asleep in the awkward position they had been sitting, so he tried to shake them a bit to get rid of the annoying tingling sensation. Gibbs laughed at his antics.

"I like rain. Do you know why it is?"

"No… Why?"

"Because it cleans the world and when it goes away, the air is pure, and everything is good as new again. Come on, Tony. Let's go home."

They both made their way out of the cemetery feeling a strange mixture of melancholy and joy.

The End