deck the halls with rice and shinies

ch4 - perfect gifts

The time had come once again for Amycus to shop for a Christmas gift for Maisie. And this time, the caterpillar tongue man was prepared.

He got Alecto dressed, though he also provided a blanket, so that if she got hot she could just remove it instead of pitching her dress at some unfortunate shopper. Amycus deposited his sister in a shiny stroller, so she wouldn't wander off or insist he carry her. He also made sure to bring along all her rice, chew toys, cookies, and anything else he thought she might need.

That went well for about a store and a half.

As might be expected, Amycus liked to lick everything in sight when he went to a store. He licked the clothes, he licked the racks that held them, he licked the walls and the floors and the salespeople who asked if he needed help finding something. After Amycus licked the sixth customer, he was politely asked to leave.

It was just as well. Clothes did not quite capture the essence of Maisie.

Amycus pushed his sister down the corridor, peeking into windows and dragging his tongue over every visible surface. The only one who avoided a tongue bath was Alecto, and she'd already had one this afternoon.

"Would the Maisie like some perfume?" he asked himself upon seeing a perfume advertisement.

"Who wants flowery muggle water?" Alecto asked, disgust on her face.

"Flowery muggles, dear sister."

"She's not a flowery muggle!"

That was true. Maisie, like any respectable Malfoy, was far from a muggle. So Amycus went back to his search, and Alecto returned to her rice.

The wares offered here just didn't seem like things Maisie would need. Amycus found a set of napkins, but what use would his wife have for them when she had cereal wipes?

Another store sold makeup. Amycus stopped in, considering purchasing some for his wife.

For some reason, the makeup store was very crowded and Amycus ended up hitting three people in the face with his tongue. Alecto found some fingers to chew on and seemed to approve when their owner yelped in pain. While she nibbled, her brother viewed the selection of makeup.

This simply would not do at all. The lipstick was so red that Maisie's lips would be visible from across town. The foundation would leave Maisie looking (and feeling) like a tree. And none of the eyeliner Amycus could find was black enough for a Death Eater.

"Goodness," he said, passing some discarded makeup to his sister to chew on. "Is there nothing here to purchase for a Maisie?"

-x-

The caterpillar tongue man zigzagged from store to store, searching desperately for his coveted gift. With every store, he was met with disappointment. And Alecto was beginning to grow restless.

"I don't want to look at yucky muggle stuff!" Alecto whined at some point during a visit to a shoe store.

Amycus sighed and licked a shoe. "I don't either, Alecto."

The next store wasn't any better. Neither was the next one. By now, Alecto was flinging rice and looked close to tears. Perhaps she needed a break.

Amycus found a seating area and sank into a chair. He only just spared enough time to free Alecto from her stroller and allow her to stretch her legs.

And that was when he saw it.

A black necklace was something ideal for any Death Eater in need of one. The only trouble was that on Knockturn Alley, most of such items were cursed.

But this was a muggle shopping center. Nothing here was going to hurt the Amycus's precious Maisie.

So he replaced Alecto in her stroller (to her dismay, and it did lead to Amycus having his finger bitten) and led her in search of the necklace.

The store selling the necklace was almost entirely unoccupied, save for a muggle cashier and a random customer. It was difficult for Amycus to stop himself from licking these people, so he tried to be as efficient as possible.

All was well until he realized that he was expected to pay for his purchases with muggle money.

Amycus, being the self-respecting Death Eater he was, did not possess such currency. He had given his sister some coins to chew on a few times, but those were all bitten beyond recognition by now. He wasn't even sure he had seen muggle paper money before. And now he was expected to hand some over?

He reached for his wand to kill the man. But a protest from Alecto stopped him before he could pull it out.

"Amycus, no!" she insisted, tossing some rice at him.

"Whyever not, dearest sibling?" he frowned, peering down at her. "Does it not please you to hear the tortured cries of these worthless beings?"

"Well, yes," Alecto said. It was true that the dying screams of muggles were often used as a lullaby to put her to sleep. "But if you wrap the muggle up and give it to mommy for Christmas, then you won't have to go shopping anymore."

Amycus could tell that his sister just wanted to be done with shopping. But she'd given him a very good idea. He knew what he would give Maisie for Christmas now.

With a bit of nonverbal magic, Amycus twisted both muggles into pretzels and temporarily shrunk them to fit in a shopping bag. It dangled from his arm as he and Alecto turned to leave at last.

-end-

yeah, idk.