I am fully aware that these Poldark shorts are ridiculous, but I hope you enjoy them all the same.

Warning: Breaking The Forth Wall Ahead.

"What the Hell is this crap"!? Drake roared as he slammed the script down on the table. Sitting across from him, Sam sipped his tea. "Something wrong?" He asked innocently.

"You know damn well what's wrong! Just last episode I was doing great. I was on the verge of being happy. Happy! Do you realize how long it has been since any character in this show was genuinely happy? Now my life is f##ked"!

"Drake, watch the language." Sam admonished sanctimoniously.

"F##k the language! I was free, free! I'd finally gotten over Morwenna, I was getting married for Christ's sake! Then, at the worst possible moment, our prayers are finally answered and that bloated pig Whitworth dies, somehow actually making things worse than they were before! One asshole bites the dust and his mother takes his place"!

Sam sighed. "You know how these things work. We're in a period piece, and period pieces feed off our pain and emotional distress. It's the lifeblood of the industry."

"I know, Sam. But I was an hour, a literal hour away from getting hitched and moving on with my life. I swear to God, someone on the storyboard staff hates me. Over the course of one episode I've gone to Hell emotionally, jilted my fiance at the alter, got my home burned down, and have nothing to show for it except a rejection from the same girl who rejected me a season ago. I am officially up shit creek without a paddle"!

"Well," Sam said. "Look on the bright side, we got to watch Whitworth squeal like Little Lotta as the horse dragged his fat ass to Hell."

"But his death, no matter how entertaining it was, failed to help us"! Drake exclaimed. "The fat bastard is still mucking things up from beyond the grave"!

"Welcome to the 18th Century as according to the BBC." Sam said.