Disclaimer: no one mentioned belongs to me, I guarantee it.
Still Unexpected
Chapter Nine: Choices
~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~
It was hard to feel too upset with Gordo's tongue in her mouth (honestly now). That evening found the couple both completely free, in Gordo's room with the full intention of studying for their biology test the next day, but as always, ended up making out.
It felt good, but still, she couldn't help but wonder how many more times she was going to be with Gordo like this; couldn't help but start a mental countdown.
They broke apart, and Gordo ran a hand through his hair, smirking a little. "So how was practice?" he asked, annoyingly nonchalant, while Lizzie's world was collapsing around her. Of course, he didn't *know* that it was, but all the same.
Lizzie tugged down the hem of her shirt anxiously. "Uh, okay, I guess. Hard. Regionals is next weekend, so..."
He nodded. "I know."
She gazed at him, pleading. "You're gonna be there, right?"
Gordo blinked at her like she was speaking gibberish. "Of course."
Lizzie bit her lip. "Swear?"
He laughed shortly. "Liz, of course. I wouldn't miss that for anything. Why would you even ask?"
"'Cause," she said lamely. "I...I dunno." She looked away. "Just..."
He waited patiently, but she couldn't go through with it. Here she was, wanting to tell him that more than anything, she'd wanted NYU to toss his application in the trash. "N--nothing. Nothing." Lizzie sighed, shuffled her feet, shifted her weight, averted her eyes.
"Lizzie," he said, one word, heavily weighted with limited patience.
"Okay, fine, the thing is..." she sighed again. "The thing is...I'm afraid you're going to go off and forget about me."
He raised one eyebrow incredulously. "Forget you? Forget you?" He laughed. "Are you crazy?"
"I don't know. Am I?"
Gordo shook his head, as if he couldn't quite believe what he was hearing. "Lizzie, you are, to use a sucky cliche, and if I ever use it again, please stab me in the forehead...but you're the love of my life. I was *meant* to be with you, I know that. The very idea that I could ever possibly forget you is...well, it's nuts, is what it is." He wrapped her into his arms. "Lizzie, I love you. And nothing is going to change that."
Lizzie nodded, unable to speak. She cried softly into his shoulder. She hated herself for being so weak about this, and about showing her weakness, but at the same time she was relieved to finally get it off her chest.
He rubbed her back gently for awhile, then took hold of her shoulders and held her out at arm's length.
"Just say the word, Lizzie," he whispered.
"What?"
"Just say the word, and I'll forget it. I will. I'll call up the school personally and be like, 'you know what, New York, screw you. Lizzie needs me.' And I won't look back. I'd do that for you."
It was tempting. It was so tempting... And she knew he would do it, too. Gordo gave up so much for her, and she knew deep in her heart, aside from all of her insecurities, that if he was throwing that option at her, he would go through with whatever she decided.
But as much as she didn't want to let him go, she also didn't want him to have given up his entire future for her. "Gordo, don't be ridiculous. This is your dream."
"My dream is to be a director. You don't necessarily need film school to accomplish that."
"But this is what you've always wanted."
"That's where you're wrong. *You're* what I've always wanted, McGuire, and now that I have you, I don't want to lose you. Don't you realize that I'm just as scared as you are? That I'm just as worried that while I'm thousands of miles away in New York, you suddenly find a guy that's hot and funny and everything you've ever wanted? Don't you know that I lie awake at night, waiting for the day that you figure out that you could do better?"
"Gordo, *you're* hot and funny and everything I've ever wanted. Really. You're my best friend! You've always always *always* been there for me, and I'm never going to forget that. I love you more than anything. Even chocolate," she said with a tiny grin, which he reciprocated for a fraction of a second before putting on his serious face once again.
"I won't go," he insisted. "You just say the word, and I'll drop the whole stupid idea."
"No, Gordo, you should go. I know this is important to you, no matter how much you're trying to hide it. I know you want this."
"I don't want it if you don't."
"Jeez, Gordo, if you flake out on New York and miss something good, I'm never going to forgive myself."
"You know, there are other options. I mean, what's committing us to separate coasts? There're some damned good film schools here in California. Hell, this is the state that houses Hollywood. And if that doesn't pan out, there are plenty of colleges in New York that would be thrilled to take you. Nothing is set in stone yet, McGuire."
"I know, I know," she said, running a hand through her hair in frustration. "I'm just scared, is all."
"And I'm not?" he said. "We're all scared about the future. Look at Kate. She loves Parker, but she's afraid to let anyone know because she's worried about taking on the responsibilities and pressure that's gonna come with being Hillridge's first officially gay couple. That can't be easy."
"Are you saying that her situation is harder than ours?" Lizzie said, pouting slightly.
Gordo shook his head. "That's not what I'm saying. I'm just saying that everyone is scared of what the future holds, is all. But you shouldn't worry too much. We're soul mates, right? Which means that no matter what happens, we'll find each other again. If not in this life, then in the next."
Lizzie looked at her shoes, taking this in. She hadn't thought that Gordo believed in the concept of soul mates, but his firm support of their destiny was nothing if not comforting. Slowly a smile crept onto her face, tiny but there, and she glanced at Gordo. "I love you."
"I know."
Still Unexpected
Chapter Nine: Choices
~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~
It was hard to feel too upset with Gordo's tongue in her mouth (honestly now). That evening found the couple both completely free, in Gordo's room with the full intention of studying for their biology test the next day, but as always, ended up making out.
It felt good, but still, she couldn't help but wonder how many more times she was going to be with Gordo like this; couldn't help but start a mental countdown.
They broke apart, and Gordo ran a hand through his hair, smirking a little. "So how was practice?" he asked, annoyingly nonchalant, while Lizzie's world was collapsing around her. Of course, he didn't *know* that it was, but all the same.
Lizzie tugged down the hem of her shirt anxiously. "Uh, okay, I guess. Hard. Regionals is next weekend, so..."
He nodded. "I know."
She gazed at him, pleading. "You're gonna be there, right?"
Gordo blinked at her like she was speaking gibberish. "Of course."
Lizzie bit her lip. "Swear?"
He laughed shortly. "Liz, of course. I wouldn't miss that for anything. Why would you even ask?"
"'Cause," she said lamely. "I...I dunno." She looked away. "Just..."
He waited patiently, but she couldn't go through with it. Here she was, wanting to tell him that more than anything, she'd wanted NYU to toss his application in the trash. "N--nothing. Nothing." Lizzie sighed, shuffled her feet, shifted her weight, averted her eyes.
"Lizzie," he said, one word, heavily weighted with limited patience.
"Okay, fine, the thing is..." she sighed again. "The thing is...I'm afraid you're going to go off and forget about me."
He raised one eyebrow incredulously. "Forget you? Forget you?" He laughed. "Are you crazy?"
"I don't know. Am I?"
Gordo shook his head, as if he couldn't quite believe what he was hearing. "Lizzie, you are, to use a sucky cliche, and if I ever use it again, please stab me in the forehead...but you're the love of my life. I was *meant* to be with you, I know that. The very idea that I could ever possibly forget you is...well, it's nuts, is what it is." He wrapped her into his arms. "Lizzie, I love you. And nothing is going to change that."
Lizzie nodded, unable to speak. She cried softly into his shoulder. She hated herself for being so weak about this, and about showing her weakness, but at the same time she was relieved to finally get it off her chest.
He rubbed her back gently for awhile, then took hold of her shoulders and held her out at arm's length.
"Just say the word, Lizzie," he whispered.
"What?"
"Just say the word, and I'll forget it. I will. I'll call up the school personally and be like, 'you know what, New York, screw you. Lizzie needs me.' And I won't look back. I'd do that for you."
It was tempting. It was so tempting... And she knew he would do it, too. Gordo gave up so much for her, and she knew deep in her heart, aside from all of her insecurities, that if he was throwing that option at her, he would go through with whatever she decided.
But as much as she didn't want to let him go, she also didn't want him to have given up his entire future for her. "Gordo, don't be ridiculous. This is your dream."
"My dream is to be a director. You don't necessarily need film school to accomplish that."
"But this is what you've always wanted."
"That's where you're wrong. *You're* what I've always wanted, McGuire, and now that I have you, I don't want to lose you. Don't you realize that I'm just as scared as you are? That I'm just as worried that while I'm thousands of miles away in New York, you suddenly find a guy that's hot and funny and everything you've ever wanted? Don't you know that I lie awake at night, waiting for the day that you figure out that you could do better?"
"Gordo, *you're* hot and funny and everything I've ever wanted. Really. You're my best friend! You've always always *always* been there for me, and I'm never going to forget that. I love you more than anything. Even chocolate," she said with a tiny grin, which he reciprocated for a fraction of a second before putting on his serious face once again.
"I won't go," he insisted. "You just say the word, and I'll drop the whole stupid idea."
"No, Gordo, you should go. I know this is important to you, no matter how much you're trying to hide it. I know you want this."
"I don't want it if you don't."
"Jeez, Gordo, if you flake out on New York and miss something good, I'm never going to forgive myself."
"You know, there are other options. I mean, what's committing us to separate coasts? There're some damned good film schools here in California. Hell, this is the state that houses Hollywood. And if that doesn't pan out, there are plenty of colleges in New York that would be thrilled to take you. Nothing is set in stone yet, McGuire."
"I know, I know," she said, running a hand through her hair in frustration. "I'm just scared, is all."
"And I'm not?" he said. "We're all scared about the future. Look at Kate. She loves Parker, but she's afraid to let anyone know because she's worried about taking on the responsibilities and pressure that's gonna come with being Hillridge's first officially gay couple. That can't be easy."
"Are you saying that her situation is harder than ours?" Lizzie said, pouting slightly.
Gordo shook his head. "That's not what I'm saying. I'm just saying that everyone is scared of what the future holds, is all. But you shouldn't worry too much. We're soul mates, right? Which means that no matter what happens, we'll find each other again. If not in this life, then in the next."
Lizzie looked at her shoes, taking this in. She hadn't thought that Gordo believed in the concept of soul mates, but his firm support of their destiny was nothing if not comforting. Slowly a smile crept onto her face, tiny but there, and she glanced at Gordo. "I love you."
"I know."