(so this is the last chapter! FInally omg its been ages i genuily dont remeber the first five or so chapters but anywayyy I hope you like this sorry its suuper angsty)

Peter didn't come out of his room anymore, not unless he was sleeping. Tony tried to at least see it as a sign that Peter subconsciously still sought him out for safety but that small glimmer of hope wasn't enough to make up for Peters crying in the middle of the night.

Peters sleepwalking wasn't always dramatic, sometimes it was quiet and Tony wouldn't know he was even doing it until Friday told him. "Boss, Peter is up."

Tony would sigh and stop whatever he was doing to help the boy. "Where?"

"Hallway, heading right for your room."

He wasn't even in his room, but that was where Peter tended to head towards when he went for his midnight wanders.

Steve poked his head out of his own room as Tony headed down the hall to find the kid and he waved him back in. "I got him, Steve. Go back to sleep."

The soldier nodded, face grim as Bucky pulled him back to bed and Tony rubbed a hand over his face as he got closer to the sounds of crying.

"I can't- I don't have any. How am I supposed to count them if they're not there?"

Tony moved faster, spotting Peter padding down the hall in his sweatpants and socks, shoulders hunched and hands splayed in front of him. He was crying and mumbling to himself about counting fingers.

"What am I supposed to do?"

Tony didn't touch him, not yet, instead, speaking softly and trying to pull Peter back with his voice. "Pete? I'm here, kiddo. You're okay."

The boy stopped walking, sniffling as he spoke, still not looking up from his hands but directing his words to his mentor. "I can't find them."

"You can't find what, buddy?"

Peter let out something between a sob and a whimper, making Tony want to do the same. "My fingers. They're gone and I can't count them. How am I supposed to make sure I'm still here if m fingers are gone?"

Tony ignored the fact that if Peter didn't have fingers it would mean he was disappearing anyway, a point that Peter had missed. He watched a teardrop from Peters' chin onto the carpet.

"They're not gone, Peter. They're right there. Come on, you need to go back to bed."

Peter sniffed, raising his head to finally look Tony in the eye, his own gaze hazy and tired. "Where did they go?"

Tony raised his hands and slowly reached for the boy. "I'm going to put my arm around you and help you to your room, okay? Your fingers will come back if you sleep."

Peter didn't flinch or pull away at the mechanic's touch, which Tony was more than grateful for and he gently steered Peter back to his own room. But he didn't want to go, not yet. "No, I have to count them. Mr Stark told me to."

Tony frowned, too tired to really argue. "Peter, I'm- you know what? It doesn't matter. Here, count mine."

He offered his hand, the other one on Peters back and pressing him forward. Peter happily accepted and counted his fingers over and over until they got to his room.

"Lie down, bud."

Peter let go of his hand, smiling as his eyes slipped shut. "They're all there."

Tony nodded as he helped him lay down and tucked him in. "Good job. Night, Pete."

Peter rolled over and let out a breath, slipping back into sleep but Tony felt more exhausted than ever. It was like he was on constant Peter watch, making sure he was okay, calming him down from nightmares and panic attacks and keeping from danger when he walked about. That's if Peter let him touch him. He didn't always respond to it well.

There were other nights too when Peter sleepwalked through nightmares. He was often inconsolable and Tony would have to figure out new ways to help him.

Tonight was one of those nights. Tony had been dreaming when it happened, his mind replaying an event he'd rather not relive.

"Tony, you have to say goodbye. This is the only way you'll get closure." Pepper had pulled him towards that gravestone, urging him to face reality.

"What closure? There is no closure! We don't even have a body to bury."

The bitter words had sat on his tongue all day, throughout the ceremony and the lowering of the empty coffin but he'd waited until May and Ned and the other kids were gone before he'd said it.

Pepper sighed and looked again at the tombstone.

'Peter Benjamin Parker. A son, nephew, friend and hero.'

"He's next to his parents and his uncle." Tony knew Pepper was trying to console him with the platitude of Peter not being alone but it wasn't true. Peter wasn't in that coffin he was scattered across a dead planet out in space. He was nowhere. Gone.

"I'm not saying goodbye. I'm going to get him back."

Pepper turned to him, letting go of his hand to press her chilled palms on his cheeks as she begged him. "Please, Tony. I know you loved him, we all did. But you have to say goodbye. Thanos is gone, they're all gone. We have to move on."

Tony had loved Pepper for a very long time but at that moment he hated her. He hated everyone. They were saying goodbye and getting on with their lives but he couldn't, he wouldn't until he'd made it right.

He pulled away from her, shoving down his grief and turning it into fuel for his mission. "I'm getting him back. I'm going to save everyone."

:::::::::::

Tony's eyes flickered open, not with the usual jolt and gasp of his nightmares. No, something had woken him. He sat up, listening to the empty silence of the compound, hoping to figure out what it was.

"Tony?" Pepper rolled over beside him, hand immediately going to his back to rub soothingly like she did whenever he had bad dreams. "Another nightmare?"

The mechanic leaned down to kiss her temple, voice hushed next to her ear. "I'm okay, go back to sleep."

She hummed, smiling as she fell asleep once more and Tony slipped from their bed and out into the hallway. And that's when he heard it.

"Make it stop."

It was undoubtedly Peters voice though it was wet and broken through with whimpers. Tony moved towards it, finding Peter stumbling down the hall towards his mentor's room.

Even if Peter refused to talk to Tony during the day, his feet always took him to him at night.

"Peter?" Tony was a few feet ahead of him now, hands reaching out to steady his shaky legs.

Peter hiccuped, tears dripping down over his flushed cheeks. His feet were clumsy and slipped beneath him as he reached out for his hero, sobs spilling from his mouth.

"Mr stark I can't make it stop. His voice was stretched thin around his sobs and Tony caught him as he tripped and fell, reminding him sharply of their time on Titan.

The boy landed heavily in his arms, whole body shaking as Tony lowered them both to the floor, one hand on the back of the boys head as he clung to him.

"What, Pete? What can't stop?

Peters' hands curled into tight fists in Tony's shirt and his breaths came as strangled drags of air that sounded painfully strained. He was going to have a panic attack if he didn't calm down. "I'm gonna disappear again and I can't stop it. It won't stop but I don't want to go please don't let me disappear again."

Tony's heart just about died inside his chest. How many times was this kid going to have to relive his own death?

Peters sobs were so loud Tony briefly worried he might wake everyone in the tower and he quickly pulled the boy into his lap, arms right around him.

"I'm not gonna let you disappear, Peter, I promise. I'm gonna hold on to you and no one is going to hurt you ever again. You hear me? I'm gonna hold on as long as you need. You're okay."

He nodded and pressed his chest against Tony's, burying his face in his mentor's neck. Peter wrapped his arms around Tony's back, hands gripping his shirt as his chest heaved with the force of the gasps that came between sobs.

"Don't let go. Don't let me go, Mr Stark, I can't go back to that place. I can't-" he cried again and Tony squeezed him tighter. "Y-you gotta hold me together so I don't disappear again."

Tony closed his eyes and prayed to whatever god was listening to take Peters pain away. Just to let him heal. But Peters tears continued to wet the skin of his neck and so he held tight and gently rocked the boy in his arms, voice soft and slow.

"I got you, Pete. I'm not letting anything or anyone take you away. I promise, buddy. I'll protect you, always. You're okay, I'm here. I got you."

Tony pressed his cheek to the top of Peters' head, muttering reassurances over and over again as they rocked. Peter just held on and cried everything out, lean frame shivering against his mentor in fear.

He was so scared and so tired and confused the only place he wanted to be was in Tony's arms. So that's where he stayed, even when Tony's arms and legs began to go numb the avenger hung on.

It took an hour for Peter to stop crying and another thirty minutes for him to fall into an exhausted sleep in his arms. Tony brushed his hand through Peters hair at the back of his head and waited for the kid's choppy breaths to even out before moving.

He wasn't going to let go until the kid told him to so he simply forced his achy legs to get him on his feet. He adjusted Peter in his arms until he was carrying the kid down the hall.

Peter shifted in his hold at the movement, pressing his face closer to Tony's neck where it lay on his shoulder as he sighed.

"Tony."

The mechanic pressed his lips to the kids head, whispering voice immediately calming him. "Shhh go to sleep, spider-baby."

Peters' arms were looped around the mechanic's neck and his hands once again curled around Tony's shirt as he pressed closer.

There was no point in trying to get the boy into bed because that would require letting him go and Tony had no intention of doing that. So instead, he made his way to the living room and settled then both on the couch, allowing Peter to stay clinging to his chest.

Their lives, ever since the failed mission to stop Thanos, had been chaos and grief and it was nice to have a moment of peace, even if it was right after a nightmare and sleepwalking. Tony would take what he could get. He wrapped his arms around Peters back and took comfort from the now calm rise and fall of his back and the small warm puffs of air that the kid was breathing against his neck.

Peters warmth chased away the last of the chill from Tony's dream and he closed his eyes, letting the soothing sounds of a living Peter send him to sleep.

:::::::

"Should we wake them?"

"Nah, leave them. They need the sleep and I think both of them could use the hug."

"They look so sweet, don't they?"

Voices trickled into Tony's awareness and he scrunched his eyes tightly shut, hoping they'd just go away and let him sleep a while longer.

"Whoops, I think he heard us." Was that Wilson?

"Shut up! You're gonna wake them!" That was definitely Clint.

"Guys, leave them alone. Bucky, can you start the coffee? Thanks, hon."

No one called Bucky hon but Steve. Tony sighed, his dreams too far away to chase any longer and he opened his eyes.

"Sorry, Tony. Didn't mean to wake you."

They were in the lounge, where Tony had taken Peter after his latest sleepwalking debacle. Oh right, Peter. Tony rubbed his hands over Peters back as the teenager shifted in his sleep, cheek pressed to his mentor's shoulder. His hair was tickling Tony's neck and he pressed his cheek to the top of the boys head, just holding him close.

"S'okay. What time is it?"

Steve glanced at his watch as the other Avengers pretended not to stare at the two on the couch. "Just after seven."

Tony groaned and rubbed a hand over his eyes. "It's too early. Everyone go back to bed."

Clint came over with a cup of coffee, poured by Bucky, and he smiled as he handed it to Tony. "Sorry, Pops but we have training today."

Tony narrowed his eyes at the archer. "Don't make Dad jokes at me, you are a father."

"Hmm...too loud. Peter sleeping." All eyes shifted down to the teenager mumbling grumpily from Tony's neck. Everyone froze, waiting for the moment Peter woke up and shoved Tony away like he had every time he'd woken up.

He sighed, trying to go back to sleep when he realised his arm was around someone. His eyes opened and he pulled back, seeing that it was Tony.

"Mr Stark- I- I'm going back to my room."

He got up from the couch, leaving Tony feeling cold and he couldn't take it anymore. He reached out and grabbed the boys wrist, voice raising. "No, you're not going anywhere, Peter. This has to stop!"

Peter pulled back, angry and stubborn. "I don't want to talk to you!"

Tony couldn't hold it back, it was too much, it had waited too long. "I know you don't! And I know you don't want any help but you need it! You need help, Peter, because you're hurting and I can't just watch you walk away because I'm hurting too!"

Peter tugged against Tony's hold again, even though he could dislodge him if he wanted he didn't. Just like how he didn't leave the compound when he could if he really wanted to get away from Tony and the other Avengers. Because deep down Peter wanted to be near them he just didn't know how to ask for it. His trauma, his grief was like tape over his mouth and handcuffs on his wrists. He felt trapped and weak and scared and if he showed anyone it would mean he was a victim. And he didn't want to be a victim not when he was supposed to be a hero.

Tony's voice was loud and croaky, pain rippling through his voice and threatening to break it. "I lost you. I lost my kid. And now you're back and you don't even want to talk to me...Pete, you're breaking my heart here. And I know, deep down, you do want to talk to me because everytime you sleepwalk you come to me. Please."

The Avengers had all left the room and it was dead silent before he tugged again against Tony's hold on him, face turned away. Tony sighed and let go, slumping down on the couch as Peter turned to leave.

He was two steps from the door when the words came out, ones he'd been holding on to. Tony's voice was so quiet he wasn't sure if Peter would even hear them but he tried anyway.

"I went to your funeral, Pete."

The boy stopped, back facing Tony, his face still turned away but he stopped walking so, Tony kept talking.

"They had a ceremony and lowered an empty coffin into the ground, next to your parents and Ben. And they had your photo up, the one of you on your birthday when I surprised you with that cake. You looked so happy in it. The city had a funeral for Spider-Man too. So many people came. They had funerals for all the lost Avengers but you were from Queens. You were special to them. Theirs."

Peter turned, eyes wide. He'd had to exist in the time stone after his death but he hadn't thought about what had happened after he disappeared. He hadn't wanted to.

"And then I had to live for five years with you...dead. Gone. And everything was...without you Pete, everything was just dark and there was no light at the end of the tunnel. Not unless I got you back. So that's what I did. After your funeral, after Pepper tried to make me say goodbye I shut everything else away, everyone else, and I went and looked for the stones."

Peter hadn't expected that. Tony had given up everything to get him back?

"You left everyone? To find me? What about Pepper and the team?"

Tony shook his head, rubbing a hand over his eyes as they burned with tears threatening to fall. "They kept telling me to move on and I couldn't. You were the only thing that mattered."

Peter hadn't seen that kind of raw vulnerability from Tony since he'd been stabbed on Titan. And just like then, Tony looked pained and tired and desperate.

He faced Peter, not caring to hide his tear-filled eyes. "So, believe me when I tell you I know that hurt that you're going through. I don't know what it's like in the time stone but I know what it's like to be empty. So, just talk to me. Before this kills you and me."

Peter didn't move from the doorway but his head turned enough for Tony to see the wobble of his bottom lip. His voice was strained. "I can't. It'll just hurt you more."

He was getting through to him, he knew it and Tony wouldn't give up until Peter gave in. "All you have to do is ask for help. It won't cure you but you won't be alone anymore. It gets easier we can work on it together so please, just...just talk to me. I don't care if it's going to make me sad. I don't care about what it does to me just let me carry some of that weight for you."

Peter sniffled, refusing to turn around as he spoke, shoulders hunched around his ears and head ducked low as if he were a bomb about to go off and he was bracing himself.

"We weren't us in there. I mean... we were but we didn't have bodies. We were just...souls, trapped and scared. There were so many in there but we couldn't really talk, you know? A lot of us cried, most of us were begging for help or to get out but it was more...sounds than words. I couldn't talk to anyone. Couldn't tell if the souls around me were people I knew or if they were people at all. It was so lonely."

Tony felt as if his throat were closing up but Peter was finally letting him in and he would not lose it. Not now.

"God, Peter I'm so sorry."

Tony watched those slim shoulders begin to shake as Peter began to cry.

"And I…" He sobbed the words out, aching and dejected. "I died."

Tony pressed his lips together, taking a breath in through his nose and smoothing his voice out before answering. "I know."

"I felt it."

That he didn't know. "What?"

Peter sucked in a gasp, hands going to his shirt and squeezing the material in his fists. "It hurt so bad. I could feel it coming. My spidey senses told me. I felt death coming from all around us, I felt it happening to everyone else and then it was crawling up my spine and I knew I was going to disappear."

He turned then, finding Tony's gaze and holding it, hands still gripping his own shirt like he was tearing at his chest. "I tried to hold on. I tried to stop it but I...I wasn't strong enough. I couldn't stop it. I'm sorry."

Tony moved forward, reaching for the boy as he shook his head. "Don't be sorry. Why are you sorry?"

"I didn't want to go. I didn't want you to see it. But I didn't want to be alone. I'm sorry, I died. I didn't mean to do that to you."

He was scaring Tony now and he moved closer, a few feet away from the boy. "Peter what are you talking about?"

He sniffed, eyelashes sticking when he blinked. "When you die, your life ends, its over and you don't have to deal with the consequences. Everyone you left behind has to keep going without you there, with this crater in their lives that you used to fill. When Uncle Ben died I felt like id lost everything. I didn't want to do that to you. Im sorry I hurt you."

Tony hadn't had any idea that Peter had felt his death, let alone felt it coming. He thought he'd been scared, sure, he thought he'd just drifted away but the fact that it had hurt? That was too much.

Tony closed the space between them and pulled Peter towards him, holding him close, words pressed close to his ear.

"It wasn't your fault."

Peter sniffled against him, hands coming up tp grip the back of Tony's shirt. "I let you down. I let everyone down. I hurt Aunt May and Ned and-"

Tony shook his head and pulled back enough to look into the Peters eyes. "Kid, stop. That wasn't you. You didn't do anything wrong. You did everything right. Do you know why it hurt so much when you died? Because we love you. Because I couldn't do anything to save you. But that will never happen again you hear me? I'm never going to let anyone hurt you ever again."

Peter wanted to believe it but he didn't know how. "How can you promise that? How can you be sure?"

Tony was adamant. He had never been more sure of anything in his life. "Because no matter what, I'll always do everything I can to save you. Even if I have to travel through space and time again. I'll do it. And I'll always be here, Pete. Whenever you need me."

Peter had been hurting for so long and it was all he needed to hear. He wasn't alone anymore. Tony pulled him back to his chest and held on tight. "I'm not letting go, kid. Not ever."

::::::::::::::::::

Tony was right. Talking hadn't cured him, not by any means but it had helped and Peter felt lighter, less weighed down. He saw hope in his future because now, he had people there for him and he wasn't going to push them away any longer.

The Avengers were all gathered in the living room, chatting away, but they fell silent when Peter entered, Tony behind him with his hand on the boys shoulder.

"Um, guys? I'm really sorry for how I've been acting. The battle with...well, it mixed everything up in my head and I can't stop thinking about it all. It never goes away and I thought I could handle it by myself but I can't and...I think I need some help."

Natasha smiled from where she sat on the couch, voice soft. "That's what we're here for, kiddo."

So, Peter went to therapy and he learned new ways to deal with his trauma. The Avengers helped him out whenever they could and he learnt to ask for help when he had panic attacks. He went to bed when he was supposed to and if he had nightmare or sleepwalked they'd be there to help him.

It wasn't easy, it took work and the help of medication that Bruce prescribed him but he got better with each day. Even if they were small steps, even if he sometimes lost ground he was getting there.

Each day felt like a battle and sometimes he lost but at least he wasn't carrying the load by himself anymore. He could finally live.

(I hope you liked it! I'm so happy that so many of you liked this and followed along and comments and leftkudos so thank you to everyoneeeee I'm sorry it was super sad but hey at the end peter realised the best thing you can do is ask for help. So, if you're going through something let your loved ones know. It can be scary but it can really help. anyway love you all and if you want an extra sad thing here you go

. ?u=https%3A%2F% %2F1-OOFUU9JQ0%3Ffbclid%3DIwAR0r4HHAN2fTzfyPiCVYGqAxP5jjbxeKbyjf_qdmPlNU7_GmemYxP3Y8tD0&h=AT3hySWAYMwXWV4hqcXTV0WZQWuwwqCBvSWX2MRN8tUa5EQp1Ov3vWzk200T8KUhpzM3qvXmwueoLvWjf8ev0iL08FB-FrBVn1TnaQtY0DyDeIK2IZLgiUTWKQipkCIDoXdc

listen to that anf think about tony singing it for peter try not to cry i bet you'll lose i did.)