Oakheart padded onstage. The curtains were drawn, but he could hear the chatter of cats waiting. He straightened his tie and smoothed his fur, going over one last time what he was going to say.

"Why are we doing this again?" a whiney voice asked. Oakheart turned and sighed. Crookedstar looked nervous and was fiddling with his tie. It was identical to Oakheart's, except it was wonky.

"Because, Rainflower is the worst mother ever, and I want to see her die," Oakheart said, fixing his brother's tie.

"And where on in about ten seconds," he added and pulled a hand mirror out of fur.

"Three, two, one," he murmured to himself. The curtains rose and he smiled at the crowd.

"Hello and welcome, she-cats and toms, to the first ever episode of 101 Ways to Kill Rainflower!" he said and pulled Crookedstar to his side. The old Riverclan leader smiled uncertainly.

"And now, the she-cat we will be killing!" Oakheart shouted enthusiastically. Brokenstar padded onstage, pushing a cage. Inside the cage, sat a very angry, very confused Rainflower.

"CROOKEDSTAR! WHY DID YOU PUT ME IN A CAGE?" she shrieked. Oakheart tutted.

"Always jumping to conclusions, Mother." he sighed disappointedly. "In fact, IT WAS I, WHO PUT YOU IN A CAGE!" Rainflower gasped, shocked.

"NO! HOW COULD MY FAVORITE SON PUT ME IN A CAGE?" she exclaimed.

"Did you rehearse that?" Crookedstar asked. Oakheart ignored him and turned back to the crowd.

"Every episode Rainflower will compete on a course. It will change every episode, so no death is repeated. She will just keep dying unless she either admits Crookedstar is more handsome than me, or find a blue lady-bug, which is hidden in one level." Oakheart explained. "Brokenstar! Hand me my remote." the evil Shadowclan leader chucked a tv remote towards him. Oakheart caught it and pushed a button with a flourish. At the same time backstage, a black cat sitting in a booth filled with levers and buttons pushed a particularly large and shiny red button, and onstage a huge course came out of the ceiling and stopped behind Oakheart. He struck a dramatic pose and nodded at the crowd, who had no idea his remote was fake. Rainflower stared at the course, wide-eyed and pale. She gulped.

"Now, before we begin, I have a gift for you, dear watcher," Oakheart said looking at you.

"If you want to see specific ways for Rainflower to die, leave a review! Now, on with the show!" Oakheart pushed another button and backstage, the black cat in the booth pulled a lever. A crane hand came from the roof and picked up Rainflower's cage. It connected the cage to the side of the course and disappeared back into the roof. Rainflowers door opened and she stepped into the first part of the course. It was a circular room, filled with worms.

"Oooh, spaghetti!" Rainflower mewed, then looked confused. "How is spaghetti supposed to kill me?" Oakheart sniggered.

"Drown you, maybe?" Crookedstar suggested. He didn't know what Oakheart had put in any of the obstacles. Rainflower stepped forward and started wading, chin deep, through the worms.

"Eew, why are they moving?" Rainflower whined, as worms crawled on her back and over her face.

"OW! WHAT? OW, HEY! STOP! NO, THE SPAGHETTI IS EATING ME!" Rainflower shrieked. "SOMEBODY HELP!" but it was too late; the worms were eating through her fur and skin, dragging her down to be the prey of killer worms.

"Wow. that was quick." Oakheart mewed, staring at the last spot he had seen Rainflower. Crookedstar was also staring at the worms, jaw hanging open.

"Okay! Good thing I have a revive button!" Oakheart mewed cheerfully, pushing a button on his remote. Rainflower appeared at the start of the next level, flashing slightly, like a character in an old video-game.

"Whew! For a second there I thought I had died!" Rainflower mewed, Oakheart rolled his eyes. The next level was a maze, and the hedge walls were wrapped in an electric fence. Rainflower padded into the maze, turned right then left, and accidentally brushed the hedge. She shot a foot in the air, fur sticking out and electricity flying around her. She landed, fur black and ears shooting small sparks of electricity. Oakheart leaned forward hopefully then sat back, looking disappointed, when Rainflower stood up shakily.

"I'm still alive!" she yowled and padded on. She turned left again and came face to face, with the biggest, angriest, and most electrified blast ended skrewt in the history of blast ended skrewt's. It turned to Rainflower, took one look at her, and blasted her with fire. Rainflower stood there for a second, completely black, then disintegrated on the spot. Oakheart grinned and pushed a button on his remote and the dust that was once Rainflower reformed at the end of the maze. She looked around, saw the next level and padded into it. There was an ice-cream truck in the middle of it. She squealed and ran towards it, quickly killed the owner of the truck, and started eating all the ice-cream. She ate and ate and ate, until, two hours later, she was perfectly round and looked almost dead. The crowd and Crookedstar had all fallen asleep, while Oakheart watched Rainflower with bright eyes. The huge fat cat groaned and looked at the last ice-cream cone, and shoved it in her face. She exploded, with such force, it blew a hole in the course, and with such noise, the Crowd and Crookedstar woke, just in time to see half-eaten ice-cream and bits of Rainflower flying towards them. Oakheart managed to open the umbrella he was holding in time to stop himself from getting covered. No-one else was that lucky.

"EEEEeeeeeEEEEeeeeEEEEEeEWWwwwWW!" everyone shouted and stampeded to the bathrooms. Oakheart grinned sheepishly and pulled a walkie-talkie out his fur.

"Er, can we have a cleaning crew in here?" he said, then looked up.

"Um, see you all next time...I guess," Oakheart called to the crowd.

Hi! thanks so much for clicking on my story! this was inspired by AcornpounceQueenOfDeKitties Fanfic called Warrior deaths, so if you like reading about cats dying in hilarious ways, go check that out! and, as Oakheart said you can request specific ways for Rainflower to die.