Soy Peor remix, Bad Bunny

"….Sigue tu camino que sin ti me va mejor

Ahora tengo a otra que me lo hace mejor

Si antes yo era un hijue'puta ahora soy peor

Ahora soy peor, ahora soy peor por ti

Sigue tu camino que sin ti me va mejor

Ahora tengo a otras que me lo hacen mejor

Si antes yo era un hijue'puta ahora soy peor

Ahora soy peor, ahora soy peor por ti…."

He'd been shading his aching eyes from the sun but somehow he still saw her from about a block away. Her slim hips sashayed in that I-own-the-world way that set Monse apart from the other girls he knew and the air around him went from the lazy buzzing insects of a summer morning to electrically charged. Ruby and Jamal flanked her. As Oscar slowly rolled the car through the intersection, scanning his side for signs of Prophet incursions into their territory, Cesar watched Jamal argue something with passion, arms waving. Longing to be there hearing the story first hand coursed through him but also a little trepidation. What if Ruby and Jamal had already told Monse that he'd opened his big mouth?

"Isn't that the girl you were studying real hard with Cesar?" Bash asked from the back seat, laughing into his hand as he did.

Oscar's gaze snapped to the trio. "You need to get out?" Oscar asked, a sneer twisting his lips. "Pass on DeeDee's invitation for a girl on girl convo?"

"No." His voice was rough. He'd lost count of the beers tossed to him last night but whatever it was, it had been way over his limit and the last thing he wanted was to face Monse when his head was pounding and he was still sweating out the poison.

"Yeah, make the bitch come to you." Bash's chuckle turned to low whistle as they drew level and Monse's profile came into view. "Fuck Cesar she fine. You know how to pick them."

He didn't remember Monse being so…lush. His eyes feasted as Oscar pulled nearly level with the three walkers. But then he caught his brother licking his lips as he too eyed her shape. Pride that she had ever thought he was worth her affection was clouded by resentment for his brother. Oscar would never understand how secondary appearance was to who Monse was. He sank into his seat, not wanting to see her subjected to his leers.

"Fucking bitch!" Suddenly the car was jerking to a stop and Oscar was yelling at her as Monse crossed to the driver's side. "You crazy?" Behind her, Ruby and Jamal scowled at him from the sidewalk. Her jaw was clenched in that way that made her cheeks hard, her back ramrod straight. And just like that he was sure they'd told her what they had heard and she was pissed. He could see it emanating from her in waves. Cesar ducked his head further, his stomach lurching from anxiety rather than the after effects of a hard night.

She leaned down to the windowsill. "Oh yeah, let's see what you got baby girl." Bash whispered from the back seat. No, no, no! Cesar protested internally. These guys would chew her up, spit her out, and they would ruin the one thing, the one person outside the Santos that might still give a damn about him.

"Just wanted to let Cesar know I'm back in town." She smiled at Oscar. He hated that she was smiling at him. Hated that she was even within ten feet of his brother. He sensed her anger in the way she refused to look at him. Behind her Ruby shook his head while Jamal tried to make eye contact.

And Oscar, he was goading Cesar. Cesar could feel the smug confidence in his voice when he started asking Monse what was different. Revulsion rippled over his skin Bash openly stared and Oscar adjusted himself on the seat next to him. It was disgusting. These guys had plenty of ass thrown their way. Monse was his and that was the only reason Oscar would even hint at any interest. It was impossible to spend weeks with a man who barely tolerated his presence, viewed him as an obligation and conscience he didn't want, and not be attuned to the mutual resentment simmering beneath the surface.

Monse pushed back from the car and they began to glide forward. He wanted to turn around, see if she was stalking off or ranting to Ruby and Jamal, but he just sat there, the lead inside his veins an impossible inertia to break. He wanted to say something, to tell Oscar how far out of line he was, but at the same time he wondered if it was better not to react at all. His brother certainly had a reputation for being stoic, for not showing his emotions. Maybe it would be better to follow in his footsteps. The guys seemed to respect that detachment. They didn't challenge Oscar, even though he rarely expressed much anger. His word was taken as absolute and no one dared tease him or push the limits.

"Got some new talent coming up in this neighborhood since I left. Wouldn't you agree Cesar."

"Yeah sure." He stared at his shoes, not willing to let his anger and resentment for Oscar show. The last thing he needed was a repeat of their last confrontation.

"You know, I've been thinking that we need to replenish our ranks, get some young guys in. Dash managed things pretty well while I was gone, but he wasn't great at recruiting." Cesar's stomach turned. No matter what he did would he always be a disappointment to someone?

Bash shifted forward in his seat. "I've been telling the old man we need more enforcers for months. Now that word is out about your return we gonna need them for sure."

"And more runners and watchers and a few drivers." Oscar added. "A week from now I want to see some new guys at my house. Make sure there's plenty of beer, blunt, and ass. Nothing reels them in like wanting to fit in, letting lose, and wanting to impress the hynas." He grabbed his pack of smokes and began tapping on the bottom to drive one out. Then he held the pack out to Cesar.

"No." He shook his brother off.

"You bring that girl too Cesar. With her brand new little tetas, she'll be a real star." Oscar's lips were pressed together around the cigarette but there was a mocking lilt to one corner that set off an angry buzz in Cesar's brain. No, Monse was probably too good for him but she was definitely too good for Oscar.

"She doesn't need to be there."

Oscar began to slow the car and Cesar's head began to throb. "Perhaps you didn't understand Worm." Bash leaned forward so he could be heard clearly over the street sounds in the open windows. "When Spooky says to do something, you do it."

"Monse isn't that kind of girl. Besides, you heard her. She's underage."

Oscar and Bash both started laughing as if he'd said something uproarious. "If she's putting out for you, she's that kind of girl. Besides, she's no younger than you. Maybe the thing you don't understand mano, is that you don't get to make decisions for no woman."

"No, they don't like that much." Bash agreed.

"So if you don't extend the invitation, I will. Age just be numbers. Any girl who's already entered the field and isn't claimed is fair game as far as I'm concerned."

"I don't need to ask to know her decision. You heard her. She's not available."

"You saying someone has claimed her already?"

Oscar's smug smile made his resentment burn. "Yeah, yeah me. Why the heck you think she's stopping to tell me she's back in town?"

Bash snorted. "You think you get to claim a girl? Primo you got privileges other fools don't, but you gotta be all in to do that. You know how that works."

The buzz was back in his ears. He didn't want to be all in, lord knew he didn't want to let Oscar rule his life. But he wouldn't bring Monse any closer to the sordid side of his life with his brother than he had to. Shit. He had to do it. "Yeah I know."

"You sure little brother? You sure this is a commitment you want to make?" He knew what Oscar was talking about, even without the details. This was how food got on the table, clothes on his back. In some ways it was no different than Jamal's certainty that he would play football like his dad or Ruby's that he would one day be an accountant like his.

"You already know my list, Bash, Puff, Holdup, Droopy, and Sad Eyes." He pushed himself to sit upright, catching the smug smile Oscar gave Bash in the rear view mirror. "Time to make it happen." He stared the other way out the window but he didn't see anything as they cruised and Bash made a call. He wondered how long before Oscar realized he wasn't cut from the same cloth. He'd tried to resist but that wasn't him. Six weeks. He'd only managed to hold off for six weeks.

"You know what else it takes?"

"Three deeds. Yeah, I know." One for self, one for family, one for God, he'd heard it a million times, seen it too. Jumping in was just the start. Once he showed his commitment to the Santos he would be under judgment until Oscar decided he'd proved himself. Then the real work would begin.

After driving for what felt like hours, they neared their destination, a liquor store on 19th street. Oscar shoved two crumpled up McDonald's bags into Cesar's hands. One had an empty coffee cup sticking out the top but he could feel the weight of a small brick of something underneath. "Drop is at that dumpster right there. Be quick."

As soon as they pulled up to the rear parking lot he rolled out of his seat. When Bash tipped the seat forward and slipped free as well, the bottom dropped out of his stomach. "Here, you're gonna want this." Oscar tossed him his black hoodie. Now? He'd thought it would take at least a few days to set it up.

Oscar didn't speak to him again until they were pulling back into the neighborhood, his ribs now aching with every speedbump and pothole. "Primo, set up Lil Spooky here with some cans. He's got work to do tonight.

"Where?"

Spooky smiled at him like he was the proudest brother ever. "Better tag that hyna's house before some broke ass wannabee or Prophet decides he's gonna try to get up in a Santo's girl, ya know."

Well, guess he could count that one as his deed for himself.

"Everybody gets high sometimes, you know

What else can we do when we're feeling low?

So take a deep breath and let it go

You shouldn't be drowning on your own

And if you feel you're sinking,

I will jump right over into cold, cold water for you

And although time may take us into different places

I will still be patient with you

And I hope you know

I won't let go

I'll be your lifeline tonight

I won't let go

I'll be your lifeline tonight

Cause we all get lost sometimes, you know?

It's how we learn and how we grow

And I wanna lay with you 'til I'm old

You shouldn't be fighting on your own

And if you feel you're sinking,

I will jump right over into cold, cold water for you

And although time may take us into different places

I will still be patient with you

And I hope you know

I won't let go (I won't let go, no, no, no, no, no, no)

I'll be your lifeline tonight

I won't let go

I'll be your lifeline tonight

Come on, come on

Save me from my rocking boat

I just want to stay afloat

I'm all alone

And I hope, I hope

Someone's gonna take me home

Somewhere I can rest my soul

I need to know

You won't let go (I won't let go, no, no, no, no, no, no)

I'll be your lifeline tonight

You won't let go

I'll be your lifeline tonight

I won't let go

I won't let go"

-Cold Water, Major Lazer feat. Justin Bieber & MØ