1. Blade to my own throat

Encyclopedia of Concepts and Imagery in Andalite Thought-Speech

Entry: Forgiveness ritual

Blade to my own throat

Swift action; righteousness through deed

Aftran Plisam Pool

#AllAges

Welcome to the all-ages message well. Please check the well rules for a list of restricted topics that can only be discussed in the adult wells.

[Chee][Admin] Bachu

[Alert emoji] Attention Aftran Plisam Pool! Thanks to the hard work of a generous benefactor, the Aftran Plisam Pool is now connected to the human Internet! We have not been able to render images in a way that is accessible to Yeerk senses, unfortunately, but I have deployed auto-translation of all text into Yeerkish, based on existing accessibility architecture for sightless humans.

Mielan 71

[Emoji of Yeerk swimming around in circles. Indicates confusion.] There are sightless humans? I thought the whole point of humans was that they could see!

Akdor's Worst Nightmare

Mielan 71, what have you learned about how to talk about other species?

Mielan 71

[Emoji of Yeerk flattening against the bottom of the Pool. Indicates resignation, submission, embarrassment.] Talk about humans like they're people, not like they're computer terminals.

Akdor's Worst Nightmare

That's right.

Mielan 182

[Emoji of sparks dancing around a Yeerk. Equivalent of laughter.] Oooh, Mielan 71, that's your second demerit today for talking about hosts like meat-bags!

Akdor's Worst Nightmare

Mielan 182, might I remind you that you can also get demerits for bullying your spawn-siblings?

[Chee][Admin] Bachu

[Alert emoji] Before you log into the Aftran Plisam Pool's Internet connection, you will need to read and affirm your understanding of our security protocols. In brief, you must not reveal any sensitive information about the war, including your identities as aliens. As far as any human on the Internet is concerned, you are fellow humans logging on. I have deployed filters on your terminals to prevent you from revealing yourselves, but still, I would like to make sure you understand our policies. Of course I leave the care of your children to your discretion, but I would ask that children not be permitted to use the human Internet unless directly supervised by an adult.

[Admin] Eslin 825

That seems to me a perfectly reasonable request, Bachu.

Mielan 34

What do humans do on the Internet?

Seerow's Heir

My former human host mostly used it to view images of other humans engaging in reproductive behaviors. However, I believe they can also use it in much the same way we use the Pool intranet: to access information, and to discuss relevant topics.

Ifflek 508

Oh, this is excellent. I've missed the latest Ally McBeal. Now I can read the recaps online.

AOL Chat Room

The Crash Pad – A Place to Start

OnlineHost

****GreenSky has entered the room.****

GreenSky

Hello everyone. I would like to discuss the ethics of war and conquest. Which chat room would be a good place to do that?

Blksnakexxxx

A/S/L?

SweetEzcape101

Whta a fukin nerd lol

PHaTMoNkEy

r u my social studies teacher? better get back 2 writing my essay 4 ur class roflmao

GreenSky

I am new to using the Internet. I just want some advice.

OOo_KawaiiChica_oOo

hiiiiii newbie! X3 *glomps you*

ILoveMyChevyTruck69

Type 9 if ur a woman with a pic

SailorNeptuneRox

Hey GreenSky, my friend hangs out on an IRC channel where they talk about stuff like that sometimes.

SailorNeptuneRox

Check out the #philosophy channel on the Undernet server.

Illim

As we walked down that long stair to the Pool, something about it bothered me enough – or bothered me more than usual, rather – that I pulled from Julian's mind a memory of walking down to the Pool a year ago, for comparison.

Examining the memory, the difference today was striking in a way it hadn't been, living through the gradual changes every three days. The Pool had once been like a resort under construction; now it was like a fortress. There were noticeably more Hork-Bajir-Controllers here now – not because there were more of them, but because the Vissers were more reluctant now to keep them at satellite facilities. Now there were guards watching people in the Pool, not just watching against external threat. There was less laughter and relaxation to counterbalance the screams and cries of the caged.

Julian's gaze fell toward a familiar cage, and I realized with a jolt that our feeding schedule was aligned again to when it had once been. Cage Four, tef-rane, late afternoon shift. Jeannie, Vilahri, and the others. Ever since I offered Julian his freedom and he chose to become my voluntary host, he's been a world apart from them, on the other side of the bars. But for as long as I still fed on tef-rane, late afternoon, he would seek them out and probe at them, like a sore tooth, no matter how much their glares of hatred burned him.

Soon, Julian promised silently, meeting his former cagemates' burning eyes for just a moment. You'll be free soon. It felt true. One way or another, maybe by their deaths, they would be free soon. The war for Earth was at some kind of turning point. I could feel it already, and when I left Julian for the Pool, I could taste it in the water.

"How's your rane been?" a complete stranger greeted me before I could even get a good soakthrough of Kandrona. I knew what this was. More and more, low-ranking poolies trying to curry favor with the Vissers would hang around the deinfestation pier, waiting to talk to hosties about how they might better serve the Empire today. I'd managed to avoid them before, but they were getting really aggressive now, it seemed.

I couldn't afford to blow the flunky off, not with the level of scrutiny in the Pool right now. I would just have to make the best of it. "May the Kandrona shine and strengthen you, poolmate," I said, smoothly polite. I swam away from the pier, and the flunky kept pace. "My name is Iniss 799. My rane has been very productive. I got new facilitation training from my Sub-Visser."

"Oh, facilitation training. You must have been chosen for the new Sharing initiative! How lucky! Well-met under the Kandrona, Iniss 799. I'm Methit 2002."

"New Sharing initiative?" I said, keeping my electric fields light and curious. "You must be more current on the news than I am – I just got here from a long day at my host's work. I would love to hear more about it, Methit 2002."

"Your Sub-Visser hasn't told you yet? It's very exciting! Visser One's initiative to recruit disabled and homeless humans has been very successful. So she's expanding it to include other humans despised by this primitive society: migrants who have traveled here from other parts of the planet. These migrants' languages are not spoken and their needs not met. The Sharing will provide what they need and recruit more voluntary hosts. And you'll be a part of it!"

With sick shame, I remembered the translations of Sharing materials into Spanish I'd been doing with Julian. It was now part of a larger operation to recruit immigrant communities to the Sharing. People abandoned by the system, who'd flock to an organization that offered acceptance. Visser One truly was a monster. "It's a clever scheme," I said, truthfully, because in unbalanced moments like these it was hard for me to actually lie. "I'll see you soon, Methit 2002." And I swam as quickly as I could to an intranet terminal.

There was no point telling the Peace Movement message well about this. They would already know. It would be better to discuss this in person with a friend I could trust. I sent out a ping to my old friend Helen, who had taught me how to overturn the Empire in my own mind, and met her in a place she deemed free of Empire eavesdroppers.

"I heard about the new Sharing initiative," I told her, clipped. "And got practically pounced on by a Visser-lover as soon as I landed in the Pool. What's going on around here?"

"Hey," Helen said, sensing the tension crackling through my electric fields. She swam a tight circle around me. "Hey. I can see that encounter really stressed you out. I'm sorry, Illim. It's just that none of the poolies want to get 'exiled' to one of those disabled hosts the Vissers keep an eye on all the time. They think showing their loyalty will protect them. More and more Yeerks are just disappearing from the Pool, especially since the news about the rogue Pool has spread. It's a legend now. People want to go there."

"I want to take them there," I said miserably. "But I can't do it myself, and the Andalites – " My fields buzzed with embarrassment. "I'm sorry. I didn't know they were humans either, not until the Empire forced the issue – they always disguised themselves around me. I'm still used to thinking of them as Andalites. Anyway. They're human children. We all know that now. They're on the run from the Empire, and that's taking up all their attention right now. I can't ask them to do another rescue mission to the Pool."

"That may not be necessary," Helen said slowly. "Is it true that the Aftran Plisam Pool is now connected to the human internet?"

"Yes," I said. The Chee had been vague about whose idea it was, but once I figured out who'd done it, I was going to thank them. "How did you know?"

"ClassOne – they have a human host – got a message through the human internet from someone who appeared to be communicating from the Aftran Plisam Pool. But of course we were suspicious. Thank you for confirming." Helen twined her palps with mine, and I could sense her determination and hope. "We have a communication channel open. We have people in the Movement with hosts. We have everything we need to rescue ourselves, Illim."

"It'll be dangerous," I said helplessly.

"Ten Peace Movement poolies have been Kandrona-starved this quarter," Helen said. "We know the danger we're in. And it's no more than what you face every day."

I stayed the rest of my feeding time like that, just letting her hold me by the palps, supporting me in the way only a Yeerk can do for another Yeerk. As the time came to go to the infestation pier, she could feel my dread about having to tell Julian about the Sharing's new initiative, how it would make him feel knowing how we would have to use his Spanish against immigrants like his mother and his late wife.

"We all have to make ugly bargains living under the Empire," Helen said gently. "I'm sure your host knows that by now. It'll hurt, but he'll understand."

So carefully, carefully I rejoined my mind to Julian's. And he said, «I heard a terrible thing. From the other voluntaries.» He pulled up the memory of his fingers being forced to type translations of propaganda in the language his mother taught him. Forced by me. Then Inez, who'd had to work so hard to find her way as a Peruvian immigrant in California, how she would have leapt at the offer of help –

«I know,» I said. «I'm so sorry.»

Ax

After the humans of the valley consumed their morning meal, I took Loren aside and said, «Are you ready to apologize to Tobias?»

Jaxom's head and tail drooped. Loren's face flushed with irregular pink splotches. "Past ready. I just haven't figured out how, exactly."

«My people have a ritual for this occasion. Do you know of it?»

"I – oh, sweet Jesus, that one. You might want to try something else."

The fur along the bend of my spine stood on end. I said, «You may make amends in your preferred way, and I in mine. Nonetheless, I believe the apology will have the best impact if we make it together. Tobias is in the valley today. Now is our opportunity.»

Loren brushed some pine needles out of Jaxom's fur. "Fine. Fine, you're right. I need to stop going over it in my head again and again and just do it."

I considered how to find Tobias. It would be impolite to simply fly around the valley in my harrier morph and dive to wherever I spotted Tobias. Even if it was undoubtedly what Tobias would do in my place, I had to do this my own way. So I approached a tree rustling with two Hork-Bajir harvesting bark. «Excuse me. Have you seen Tobias?»

One Hork-Bajir looked to her companion, tilting her head in a question. The companion spared me a glance as she carved a strip of bark with her elbow blade. "Friend Tobias walk to firs east of human eating fire. Human shape."

«Thank you,» I said. It was like tracking down a War-Prince at the military academy: everyone knew where the important people were.

When we found Tobias, he was anointed with flowers, and he was in the middle of some human exercise routine, his body folded in a strange shape. I had seen him in a flower garland once before, and as it had then, it squeezed my hearts. I wanted to anoint Tobias with flowers from Firi Dria when it finally blossomed one day, since he had no Guide Tree of his own. There were no words I knew how to say that would prove how much I truly loved him, despite all the pain I'd caused him. If only he could see me gather fallen flowers from the tree that bloomed with my soul, and lay them on his body so the flower-language of my tree spoke to him, that would speak how I felt better than thought-speech ever could. But I had to make do with what I had.

"Tobias?" Loren said.

Tobias froze. He blinked. He hadn't noticed us. Even in human morph, that rarely happens. He unfolded himself slowly from his contortion. Elhariel fluttered to a tree branch closer to us and said, "I'm with Rachel right now. So if you're here to make me feel like crap about it, do your worst, but she will keep a grudge and she will make you sorry."

«I do not see her anywhere,» I said. As an Andalite trained to use his stalk eyes in constant vigilance, I can perceive a scene more thoroughly than any human could.

Elhariel flew to Tobias's shoulder. She tapped gently at his temple. "Here." She and Tobias stared at me defiantly. I could almost imagine I saw Rachel's ferocity behind his eyes.

Loren took a deep breath. She said, "That's fine. She can stay if you want."

I would have much preferred her to leave, but it did not seem to be the correct time to say so.

Tobias pressed his lips together, staring us down, assessing. Then he shook his head and said, "No, she'll go." He held his hand up to his ear. I forced myself to watch, to confront the reality of what it was that he and Rachel did. Loren did too, for a moment, then looked away, only Jaxom's poorer eyes still on them. The demorphing process was even more grotesque than usual, but Tobias watched it too.

When the morph was complete, Abineng tossed his head and snorted. Rachel said, "If you two make things worse, I swear to God I'll – "

Elhariel landed on Abineng's head and whispered something in his ear. Rachel relented, nodded stiffly, and left. Tobias held out his palm for his dæmon and stroked a fingertip along her back.

Loren gathered Jaxom up in her arms and took a step toward him. "We came to say we're sorry. Ever since we went to visit my old friends from my support group and they reminded me how long I wished I could be a mother to you – I realized I haven't been much of a mother to you at all. Not when I wouldn't even listen to you. So I went to talk to the new-frees. I've been listening to them. I – I can't say I get it, but I think I might understand. Why you do what you do. I don't think it's wrong. And I wish I'd let you explain it to me."

Tobias stared at Loren in his disconcerting hawk-like way, still petting Elhariel gently. "I believe that you're sorry," she said. "And that you've changed your mind. But it doesn't undo what you said to me."

"I know," Loren said. "I remember. I said you didn't know how to love people. I was wrong." Tears overflowed her eyes. "There are so many ways to love, and you have yours, and that's the way it ought to be."

Elhariel leaned into Tobias's fingers suddenly, a longing for comfort that rarely showed so clearly in her. Tobias's face did not change, stony and laser-eyed. "I'm glad you talked to them."

It was my turn. I imagined myself doing the ritual for forgiveness. Telling him what I had done wrong, what I had done to make it right, and baring my throat to his blade. Tobias would know what that gesture meant. In my mind's eyes, he recoiled from that tilt of my head, from the invitation to violence it represented. Loren had been right. The Andalite ritual would feel right to me, but not to him. And this apology was not about me.

I bowed my head instead, in the human gesture of submission, though keeping my stalk eyes aloft. «Tobias, I told you did not want your love any longer, because I thought it was tainted by what you do with Rachel. I was a fool. When I heard you speak with Tom, I realized you may know more about love and compassion than anyone I have met. I will not say I truly understand why you believe what you do about Yeerks and infestation, but that day I decided you must understand something I cannot yet see. I followed your lead in kindness and set out to help the Yeerks of the Aftran Plisam Pool. I have connected them to the human Internet, so they can grow to learn and appreciate as much from human culture as I have. I have done this to make it right between us, and to show you in deed as well as thought that I am sorry.»

Finally, movement in Tobias's face. His eyelids fluttered rapidly. His breath caught. "Ax, I – I missed you. I missed you so much and I thought you'd never speak to me again. Or if you did, that you'd always look at me like – the way you did that day."

«I missed you, too, Tobias,» I said. «And I have to live knowing it was my own stubbornness that pushed you away.»

Elhariel let out a soft laugh. "I gotta say, I can't wait to see what those Yeerks do on the internet. I've gotta go visit and see."

"Go visit," Tobias murmured. "That's it. Yeah. Okay. If the Yeerks have internet now – you have internet in your scoop, Ax. Talk to them. Get to know them. Come back and tell me about it."

I didn't have the first idea what a Yeerk and I could possibly have to say to each other. But if that was what it would take to earn back Tobias's trust, I would find something. «Very well. Thank you for hearing us.»

"It was about time," Tobias said softly. "I'm going to go find Rachel now."

"Have a nice date," Loren said.

Tobias flushed. "If you tell me to use protection again, I am going to – "

«Do you believe Tobias requires protection?» I asked Loren. «If so, I will happily stay and – »

"I'll be fine," Tobias said, and stomped off through the leaves.

"That went better than I'd hoped," Loren said. "But what are we supposed to talk about with Yeerks?"

«You did not answer my question,» I said. «Does Tobias require protection? If so, I am qualified to help.»

Loren sighed deeply. "Don't worry about it, Ax. He'll be fine."

Jake

At some point after the crying, after the questions about how come Tobias got the morphing power back, after the prayers to the Ellimist (which had been so far beyond disturbing they'd left me speechless) and the recap of the battle, after the words Tom tore from his chest about incinerating the dead as his clock ticked down to nothing, after the interrogation about every decision and how it could have been made differently and the argument about whether the Hork-Bajir had even been worth saving, after the explanation of where Delareyne had gone and why they couldn't get her back, after the litany of all the close calls the Animorphs had had with getting trapped in morph, after Tom's half-hearted reassurances that it wasn't so bad, really, he'd be fine – after all of that, I sat with my family around the embers of a dying fire and listened as my parents told me and my brother we couldn't fight in this war anymore.

"It's too dangerous," Mom said. "This family has already lost so much. We can't lose any more. We just can't."

I doubled forward and laughed, long and twisted and ugly. It felt like when you're really sick and you have to cough up all the mucus and crap in your lungs. Merlyse, perched on my shoulder, said, "Why do you think I threw myself into this fucking meat grinder in the first place? I – "

"Jacob Berenson!" Mom said. "We do not use language like that in our house!"

"I don't know if you've noticed, but we're not in our house anymore! We can't be, because it's crawling with Yeerks right now!"

"I know," Mom said tearfully, clutching Malachet to her chest. "You got us out here. We're safe now. So why can't you give it a rest?"

"We're safe for now," I said hoarsely. "The Yeerks will probably find this place eventually. We'll have to be ready for when they do."

"Fine," Dad said. "The war is still on. I get it. But why can't this be on somebody else? We've been through enough."

They're like us, two years ago, Merlyse thought sadly. They're like lost little kids.

"Like who?" I demanded. I held up my hand and started ticking off fingers. "Toby's already the president of a nation of freed slaves. She can't be the general of this whole war on top of that. You guys and the other parents don't know any of what's going on. The former Peace Movement Controllers know enough, but no one else trusts them because they love Yeerks. The Chee are pacifists. All that's left are the Animorphs. You think I shouldn't be doing this, huh? Who should we put in my place? Let's see. How about Marco, you think he would take it any easier? His mom is still out there in the line of fire. Same with Cassie. Rachel? You think she should be in my place?"

Tom cut off my rant. «Mom. Dad. Jake is the best person to do this. Our best hope. He knows how to make the right call. I've seen it. I believe in him.»

Mom took Tom's thick fingers in her hands. She shook with passion. "How can he have made the right calls if he let this happen to you?!"

Tom growled and shook Mom's hands off. «Take that back,» I heard him say. «Don't you say that to him!» But if Mom wanted to apologize, it was too late. I was already walking away, and crumpling the whole jagged mess into a little ball of hurt just below my breastbone.

I went to the yurt where Rachel and her family were set up, because she was the only one besides Tom I could really talk to about this. Before I ducked in, Merlyse peeled off to perch on Abi, who couldn't fit inside. Rachel and Naomi were hanging out on one bed, while on another Dan read a book to Sara and Jordan, even though Jordan was too old to be read to. I stopped for a second to look at Rachel and my aunt, whose blue jay dæmon watched over the younger children. Merlyse was a lot like him. But the blue jay just survived the winter. The gray jay needed it.

Uncle Dan paused and looked up from the book. Gheselle got up and walked a circle around me, purring in a low, soothing rumble. "How's Tom and Delareyne?" she said. There was a slight emphasis on Delareyne, as if saying her name would help her remember she still existed, somewhere beyond our senses.

I looked at Aunt Naomi. "Mom and Dad are making it worse," I said. "They're telling him he can't fight in the war anymore. Like he's a little kid and they can ground him. They won't listen to me."

Naomi's face hardened. She held out her hand for Caedhren and stood. "I'll talk to them, Jake. You just take it easy here with us." Caedhren clacked his beak a little threateningly. I wasn't sure Naomi would help the situation, exactly, but at least she'd keep my parents busy for a little while. Tom could use the break.

"I'm really sorry about Tom," Jordan said in a small voice, clutching Tseycal as an otter in her arms. Her eyes were rimmed with red.

"Me too," I said, taking Naomi's place next to Rachel. I studied Sara and Dan. Sara, with Zyanya a spider nesting in the tangle of her hair, was glued to his side, his arm wrapped tightly around her. With his free hand he found his place on the page again. His fingers trembled a little. When Gheselle went back to him, she worked her claws on a canvas bag at the foot of the bed, kneading and scratching with a faraway look in her yellow eyes.

"So they're gonna be assholes about this, huh?" Rachel said, crossing her arms.

"Looks like it." I lowered my voice. "What's up with Uncle Dan? He looks worse off than your sisters. Was his Yeerk really bad or…"

"Essa sucked, yeah," Rachel said. "He broke Dad up with his boyfriend up in Seattle, and he did it in the shittiest way ever, right when he was about to – "

I choked on air. "His boyfriend? What?" I hissed, very aware that Dan was just on the other side of the yurt.

Rachel threw her hands up. "Oh my God, Jake, did Jean and Steve not tell you why my parents divorced?"

"They just said they didn't love each other anymore," I said in a small voice.

She made a disgusted sound in her throat. "They fed you bullshit. It's because Dad's gay."

"Then why did he marry Naomi in the first place?"

"Some people take a while to figure it all out! It's not easy, you know. Anyway, Dad's piece-of-shit Yeerk dumped his boyfriend Aasif right when they were about to move in together, and now Dad doesn't know if he got infested or what, and he's worried out of his mind and doesn't know how to talk about it."

I looked back at Dan and Gheselle. The canvas bag was already scuffed up from her claws. Dan had deep bags under his eyes and worry lines at his temples. He was really torn up about Aasif, and he had no way to find out what had happened to him. I could imagine how he felt. If I thought Marco might have been taken and there was nothing I could do but imagine all the things the Yeerks could be doing to him, I'd be at least that bad off. I'd –

Wait a second, Merl said from outside, catching my thoughts. Dan and Aasif are boyfriends. How would Marco being taken be the same?

I don't know. I just – Memories fell on my head like bricks. Marco infesting me, and how it had been somehow almost okay, in a way it could be with him and Cassie and nobody else in the world. Holding Marco tight in my arms as he sobbed with relief that his mom wasn't dead. The way Dia had wrapped around Merl as a snake to comfort her after they rescued Tom, even though she was so scared of touch after David. Marco in wolf morph, rubbing against my leg, licking my hand, and how it hadn't even felt weird. No, no, Merl, I thought. He's not my boyfriend. He's my best friend and my lieutenant. It's not like I think he's hot or anything.

He looks like Miss Eva, and she's hot, right?

Oh my GOD, Merl, you made it WORSE, how could you have made it WORSE, I said, clutching at fistfuls of my hair.

Well, okay, what about Cassie? Merl said.

Cassie's not my girlfriend. I do like her though. She's not hot like Miss Eva, she's like, strong and comforting, and her hair smells like hay, and she has that beautiful look on her face when she's taking care of an animal. I like Cassie. I'm not gay. But Marco IS like Miss Eva, right, he's got long eyelashes and big black eyes and long shiny hair like a movie star and – Fuck. Fuck. Shit. I looked at Dan with new respect. If thas was what he'd felt like when he'd divorced Naomi – no, it couldn't have felt like this. I wasn't dating Cassie or Marco. I was just confused. But what was I supposed to do?

Ask Dan? Merl suggested.

I can't ask my UNCLE if I'm GAY, I thought, horrified.

Rachel thumped me on the shoulder and hissed, "Stop staring at him! He's not a different person all of a sudden because he's gay! If you're going to be a dick to him about this I will end you, Jacob Berenson."

"I won't!" I whispered back. My mind raced. I couldn't ask anyone who would act all weird about it. Maybe a Hork-Bajir. But would they even get what I was talking about?

I was saved from thinking about all of that by a caw from Merl outside. Rachel's eyes glazed over as she went into four-eye. "There's a Hork-Bajir messenger for us. She says Mr. King brought an Andalite to the valley." Her eyes sharpened. "He's been with the Chee for three days. He's not a Controller."

Ax

I ran to the meeting rock so fast I nearly skidded on the rain-damp grass like a child. When I arrived, I corrected my bearing, holding my torso, stalk eyes, and tail just so. There was a free Andalite on Earth, and I had to make the correct impression.

It could be a trick, of course. This free Andalite could be a traitor. I would never forget the lesson of the Ascalin. But then my mind skidded, just like I had moments before, over-excited and naive. If I was to accept Tobias's premise that it was not inherently evil to choose to be infested by a Yeerk, then what did it mean to be a traitor? If Cassie was not a traitor to the Yeerks, then had Captain Samilin been?

No. Of course he had been. He had condemned hundreds of Andalite warriors to death. I could accept the premise that infestation was not inherently evil, and still condemn betraying our cause to the Yeerk Empire as evil. The free Andalite we were about to meet could be a traitor like Captain Samilin. It was only that treachery might not have the same meaning now as it had then.

Toby Hamee was here, as were Rachel, Cassie, and Marco. Chee-alem, who had found the Andalite, was here with Chee-exnis. There was no sign of another Andalite.

I said privately to Toby, «Is this meeting the appropriate time to make our proposition?»

Toby announced, as if unprompted, "This is just going to be a small meeting. Me, the Chee, the Animorphs. The Chee have said that our guest is… unready to face a large audience."

I did not know how to interpret this statement.

Loren joined me, Jaxom scanning all around with his ears, perhaps seeking the Andalite as I was. And then Tobias came, and landed on a branch directly above me and Loren.

Cassie's eyes flicked up to Tobias, then back down to me and Loren. Of course she had noticed. The corners of her mouth and eyes turned upward.

Prince Jake came last. He and Merlyse looked expectantly to the Chee. "So, uh, where is he?"

Exnis's false coyote dæmon scuffed at the dirt with a paw. "He is here, but uh, not prepared to be visible just yet." He looked at me sideways. "I don't know if Aximili has informed you all about Andalite norms about disabilities, but…"

"Oh, we've heard all about it," Loren said acidly. I turned all my eyes away from her and lowered my tail.

Exnis said, "Our Andalite guest is in seclusion for this reason. I've tried to convince him to show himself, but he's been… reluctant. So I'm respecting his wishes and covering him with a hologram."

The only other free Andalite on Earth was a vecol. I searched my hearts' reactions to this news. Disappointment, that he was not the great warrior I'd hoped for. Shame, that he would abase himself because he believed about himself what I once believed about Loren. Brotherhood, an urge to clear a welcoming field for him.

Prince Jake sighed and rubbed his face. "I'm sorry, but he needs to come out and show himself. We can't afford to trust someone who hides." Then Merlyse flew to a low branch near me and whispered, "Say something."

«What should I say?» I asked privately.

"You're the Andalite here," she said. "Show him you're cool with him."

I considered. I asked Exnis privately, «Was he a warrior?» His dæmon nodded to me.

«My prince would honor you for your service,» I broadcasted, not knowing where he might be.

Scanning with my stalk eyes, I caught it instantly when the hologram dropped. He was standing behind the tree line, obscured by brush. Nonetheless, I could see the stump where his tail ought to be.

My hearts burned at the sight. It was sickeningly awful, unspeakably unfair, for an Andalite warrior to have been broken this way. And he was every inch the warrior, like someone off the murals at the aristh academy. He must be one of those unfortunates with an allergy to the Escafil Device.

His stalk eyes swept over the humans. «The androids informed me that much of the resistance to the Yeerks on Earth is human. Which of you is prince here?»

I gestured politely with my tail toward Prince Jake. Merlyse flew back to his shoulder. «This is Prince Jake. His dæmon is named Merlyse.»

The former warrior seemed unsure what to do with himself. I understood why. All body language for Andalites, especially body language between warriors, includes the tail. I could not imagine how to greet a prince without mine. Finally, Mertil rested three of his eyes on Prince Jake, showing focus on him, and bent his back legs, making himself smaller. «Prince Jake, I am Mertil-Iscar-Elmand. I come to you seeking protection. And bearing… news.» His ears lowered, and a hum of pained djafid strained his thought-speech.

«Mertil-Iscar-Elmand,» I said, my hearts racing. He really was on a mural at the aristh academy. I realized I had spent so much time admiring his formidable tail in the mural that I hadn't recognized him without it. «He is one of the greatest fighter pilots alive. He has earned great honor for his bravery in battle.»

Prince Jake nodded. "Welcome, Mertil. Speaking for the Animorphs, we're happy to protect you from the Yeerks." Merlyse turned her head to Toby. "The choice of whether you can stay here in the valley is not completely up to me, though. This is Toby Hamee, the leader of the free Hork-Bajir on Earth."

"My people do not like or trust Andalites," Toby said frankly. "But we do not want another Andalite taken captive by the Yeerks either. You may stay, as long as you agree to abide by our rules. The first rule is do not reveal the location of the valley. For you, that means do not leave, until we trust that you may leave without compromising us to the enemy."

«I will never help the Yeerks,» Mertil said, a simmering poison in his words. «They took my shorm from me.»

I staggered backward, as if I had taken a torf to the front. «Took?» I said hollowly.

«Took,» Mertil said. «I have had to close off my end of the link between our minds, lest Visser Three find me. I only barely escaped as it was.» His impeccable warrior posture wilted, the upper part of his spine bowing backward, his arms falling limp at his sides. I could not imagine what it would be like to have such a long-established psychic link suddenly cut off. It was the stuff of epic djafid-poetry. And for it to happen to Gafinilan and Mertil, whose love for each other was as well-known at the academy as Jennifer Aniston's for Brad Pitt among humans. It would make the subject of a legend, if anyone ever told legends about vecols.

My blade fell like a dropped stone to the ground. Tobias landed on my back, and Loren pressed her fingers very gently to my upper arm. Another Andalite-Controller. It was a crushing loss.

"Visser Three has your shorm?" Marco said. "Is he collecting Andalite host bodies like a starlet collects Louboutins? What the hell is that about?"

«Marco,» Tobias said warningly.

"What, he'll have one host for his professional work look and another for sexy evening wear? It doesn't make any sense!"

Mertil said miserably, «Gafinilan-Estrif-Valad would not be a high-value host body to them. His military intelligence is three years out of date, for one. For another, he has Soola's disease. A degenerative muscle disease, incurable. He will die by the time the seasons change.»

"Still!" Marco said, waving his arms around. "He already has an Andalite host. It'd be a huge advantage for the Yeerks if they had two morph-capable Controllers running around, even if it's not for the long haul."

«Marco,» Tobias said, this time bordering on murderous.

«I am almost certain he is not infested,» Mertil said, his stalk eyes sagging down as if they weighed as much as stone. «I have not felt him attempting to re-open our link to find me, which I am sure a Yeerk would.»

«Gafinilan-Estrif-Valad,» I said numbly. «Another great warrior taken prisoner. His memory will be honored by the People.»

«It will not,» Mertil said. He looked to Chee-exnis in a silent plea to be hidden behind a hologram again. But he remained visible, a beacon of sorrow. «He will be remembered as a vecol who allowed himself to be captured by the Abomination instead of ending his own life with grace.»

I had no response to this, as it struck me as most likely true. I wanted to tell him I would honor his memory, even if no other Andalite warrior would. But the words would not come. I felt like I was drowning.

"The second rule," Toby said, much more gently this time, "is to stay to the north of this meeting rock. The southern end of the valley is for my people alone. Otherwise, respect us, and we will respect and defend you in return."

«Thank you, Toby Hamee,» Mertil said. «I expect I will keep to my seclusion. I will cause trouble for no one.»

Loren leaned toward me and said, "Ax? Ax, can you hear me? I think we should go."

«Yes,» I said vaguely. «Yes, we should go.»

Loren led me away, Tobias still riding on my back. "Do you want to talk?"

«Yes.»

"About what?"

«I do not know.»

Tobias said, «What did Mertil mean, about the link between his mind and Gafinilan's?»

Loren said, "When two Andalites love and understand each other very deeply, they can form a link between their minds so they can send each other feelings and words even when they're outside of thought-speech range."

I stared at Loren with a stalk eye. She smiled. "Elfangor told me about it." She shook her head. "It's such a shame he has to cut himself off from the one he loves. And so terrible that he feels like he has to hide."

«You're not… you're okay with it?» Tobias said.

"Okay with what?"

«You're Catholic. Mertil and Gafinilan are both males.»

Loren reached down to stroke Jaxom between his horns. "I used to… follow the more common Church teachings about that. And then I volunteered at the crisis hotline and spoke to people whose lives were destroyed by those beliefs. And I changed my mind."

«I do not understand what either of you are talking about,» I said, and Loren and Tobias fell silent. «I wish to speak with Mertil, but I find I do not know what to say. Nor do I know if he would break vecol seclusion to speak with me.»

"He should break vecol seclusion," Loren said passionately. "It's wrong. If I could just talk with him and tell him we're not like the Andalites – "

«He just lost his shorm in the worst way imaginable,» Tobias said. «We have to respect his grief, not fall on him like a pile of bricks.»

Loren gathered Jaxom in her arms and leaned back against a tree. "You're right, Tobias. We have to approach him carefully. We'll figure out the right time, Ax. You'll have your chance to talk to another Andalite."

«You should eat,» Tobias said. «You look out of it. You run, I'll fly with you?»

I flicked a stalk eye toward Loren. "Go ahead," she said.

I ran, my stalk eyes tracking Tobias overhead, and I realized just how much I'd missed doing this with my shorm – and what it would do to me if Visser Three had stolen him away.