Dedicated to everyone who was traumatized by Goblin Slayer's first episode by Crunchyroll's mistake, here is my attempt to inject some levity into the situation. Also, not proofread as of right now. Sorry about that!

"I want to be an Adventurer~!"

Although the rest of her memories of her ill-fated adventure were still hazy, Priestess remembered that was the last thought that went through her fading consciousness as her vision darkened and she suffocated on her own blood. The arrow that had pierced the back of Priestess' throat in her muddled attempt to escape with the mortally wounded Wizard had sealed her fate with the rest of her party. All she could remember of her last moments, slumped on the floor as she suffocated on her own blood in the darkness of that Goblin infested cave, was her despair, her fear… and her one wish that would seemingly never be fulfilled.

That was before Priestess woke up ten hours ago in this re-purposed barn under the watchful eye of the most intimidating man she had ever met. Clad in grimy full plate armor from head to toe while armed to the teeth in a variety of dangerous weapons, she would never have guessed the man would have been a spell-caster, let alone a fabled necromancer. In fact, thanks in part to his face concealing helmet, Priestess hadn't even sure he had been human at first!

Yet he was, and he was the reason Priestess was still among the living.

As a Zombie, that is.

"You are now a Zombie," The masked necromancer known only as Undead Master declared

"A-a-a Zombie?" Priestess gulped.

"Two weeks ago, my party I set out to clean out a Goblin invested cave. The same one you and your companions, set out to clear. Unfortunately, we arrived too late to save your life, as evidenced by your current undead state."

"O-Oh. Th-That's too b-bad." Priestess bit her lip nervously, thankful the arrow had miraculously missed her vocal cords. Or perhaps the arrow had hit her vocal cords, and Undead Master fixed them? There was so much Priestess did not know.

When she had awoken in this strange barn, her death still seeming like it happened moments ago from her perspective, Priestess hadn't taken long to notice her changed state. Her one pale, smooth skin had turned a green and sickly color. Her neck was bandaged, and all her joints slightly stiff from what was apparently rigor mortis. Priestess could not deny the fact she had become an unholy undead creature, and it had taken her the better part of ten hours to calm down after that revelation. Even now, talking to the man apparently responsible for her new state in hopes of getting answers, Priestess could feel the fear and panic just bubbling beneath the surface.

She was having one heck of a day.

"We recovered your body shortly after your death. Because I was able to recover your corpse almost completely intact so quickly after your demise, I decided to turn you into a zombie servant. Do you understand?" Undead Master said.

"N-Not really," Priestess stammered out from where she was seated on a stool, "I-I mean, I can't be a zombie. I just can't!"

"Why not?" Undead Master asked, tilting his head as if perplexed she would even ask such a thing.

"I-I mean, there are many reasons why I can't be a Zombie," Priestess explained carefully, "Aren't Zombies mindless creatures whose sole drive to the taste of human flesh?"

"That is a false stereotype that exists only because most necromancers do not bother imbuing their Zombies with souls," Undead Master stated bluntly, "Most necromancers believe Zombies are useful as nothing more than slaves. They do not take the steps needed to imbue the corpse with the soul of the deceased. Too much free will is problematic for a necromancer who only wants a servant."

"I… I see. I guess I should be thankful for that at least," Priestess gulped at the thought of someone animating her corpse and using her as nothing more as a mindless puppet, "B-But the Earth Mother… I'm a worshiper of the Earth Mother! The divine protection she laid upon me would…"

"That was not a problem," Undead Master informed her curtly, "Part of the ritual to restore your intelligence involved making a plea to her for assistance to bind your soul to your corpse."

What.

"A cleric who worshiped one of the gods could only become a Zombie if their deity permitted it. I made my case to the Earth Mother, and she was most understanding," Undead Master nodded with satisfaction, "I was having trouble trying to find a recently deceased Cleric who I could revive to fill out my party. It was good fortune that I came across you."

Priestess felt like the floor had dropped out from under her.

"T-The Earth Mother… p-permitted this?" Priestess whimpered, wondering how the all loving deity she had believed in all her life could have allowed her to become an undead abomination.

"She did." Undead Master replied curtly.

"W-Why?!" Priestess demanded, tears beginning to form at the corners of her eyes. Fifteen years of her life, everything she had ever known, gone in an instant. How could Priestess feel anything but betrayal at that.

"Because you wanted to be an Adventurer."

Priestess gave a soft gasp as she heard those fateful words. The very words that had set her on this path, and the very last thing she had thought before her demise. Could this mean the Earth Mother had indeed heard her pleas in her darkest hour?

"The Earth Mother saw your death, and knew it was not what you deserved," Undead Master explained evenly, "Although she is normally averse to the dark arts, your death was so undeserved that even she couldn't help but consider my plea. As such, when I approached her for permission, she made me a deal: She would allow me to turn you into a Zombie to fill out my party…"

"…and that you would help me become an Adventurer?" Priestess surmised, a tidal wave of conflicting emotions overcoming her as she realized just what the Earth Mother had done on her behalf. No matter how much Priestess hated her new 'condition', Priestess felt blessed that the Earth Mother had not abandoned her in her time of need.

Granted Priestess wasn't sure what this meant for the core tenants of a religion built around life, mercy and the sanctity of nature, but her Goddess hadn't abandoned her!

"The situation is more complicated than that, but essentially yes," Undead Master nodded in affirmation, "In exchange for your revival, my party members and I are to train you to be her first undead Priestess. You will be an Adventurer."

"I… I thank you, Undead Master, sir!" Priestess said, using a hand to wipe the tears from her eyes before being struck with a sudden thought.

Priestess was okay, for a given definition of the term, but the young Adventurers she was with…

"My party! What happened to my party?" Priestess demanded fearfully.

"As to the rest of your original party, I am pleased to report that I used my dark arts to purge the poison from Wizard's body. She is currently recuperating in the Temple of the Supreme God," Undead Master supplied, "Unfortunately, while Fighter was rescued, she was traumatized by her experiences. I know not where she went after my party rescued her. Warrior, unfortunately, was beyond even my abilities to assist."

"Oh." Priestess lowered her head sadly as she digested the news. Although she had known things were bad, to actually hear of the fate of her former party was a saddening one. At least Wizard and Fighter were alive, right?

"That is an unfortunate fate of Adventurers. One that my party will teach you how to avoid," Undead Master stated, "Now, as to what our party does…"

"YO! UNDEAD MASTER! IS THE NEW GIRL AWAKE YET!?"

Whatever Undead Master had been about to say was suddenly interrupted when the barn door was abruptly kicked open, allowing three new figures enter the barn. Three new figures that, at one glace, caused Priestess' jaw to drop and her mind to screech to an abrupt halt.

"Banshee Elf Archer, could you stop being so loud? Do remember it is currently after midnight and Cow Girl and her Uncle are sleeping," The skeletal lizardman, who was nothing but an animated skeleton under his voluminous robes, admonished his female colleague as the trio leisurely walked into the barn, "Unlike us, the living require sleep."

"Oh, come on Skeleton Lizardman!" Banshee Elf Archer whined, her snow-white hair, blue skin and glowing red eyes a testament to her undead nature, "It isn't often that we get a new party member. Isn't that amazing? We ought to celebrate!"

"I'm not normally one to agree with pointy ears here, but I have to agree," Agreed the third member of the cohort; a stout set of animated dwarven armor, that Priestess would eventually learn contained the soul of a Dwarven Shaman, "A new member that not only is a cleric, but one who still maintains the blessings of her patron saint? I never thought our party would get so lucky!"

Zombie Priestess turned to Undead Master with wide eyes and an open mouth.

"This is our party." Undead Master said as a manner of fatly. "They were all Adventurers of some renown in their life, who unfortunately met their ends six months ago."

"Yeah, that was messy." Banshee Elf Archer sniggered as she pointed to the animated armor by her side, "We went up against an Ogre, and it smashed 'ol shorty here flat! Undead Master had to stick his soul in a suit of armor because all that was left was strawberry jam!"

"Well, that's better than what happened to you, anvil chest!" Hollow Dwarf shot back, "He smacked you right in the torso and flattened out your non-existent chest!"

"Why you…!"

"Please, do not fight in front of our new friend." Skeleton Lizardman sighed, folding his arms and giving his two comrades a stern glare, "She has only just awoken, and talking of such things in front her would be most inconsiderate. Do you remember how unsettled we were when we first awoke?"

Undead Elf and Undead Dwarf stared at each other for a moment longer, their eyes periodically shooting to over where Zombie Priestess was sitting guiltily, before relenting.

"…Sorry." They said as one and then separated.

"Thank you, Skeleton Lizard," Undead Master said gratefully to the tall skeleton, "I will ask Undead Big Sister cooks you some cheese later in the morning."

"Oh! That would be fantastic! Her cheese is amazing!" Skeleton Lizardman somehow beamed happily despite not having any facial muscles (or a face for that matter), "Sweet nectar, how even in my undeath I long for thee…!"

"Skeleton Lizardman, you really love Undead Big Sister's cheese don't you? If you love it so much, you should marry her so you can have it all the time!" Banshee Elf Archer sniggered.

Zombie Priestess could only gape at her new adventuring party in sheer astonishment.

"As I was saying, this is our party," Undead Master surmised now that the situation had once again calmed down, "Aside from myself, the necromancer, the rest of our members are all undead. Yourself included."

"I…Is this really okay?" Zombie Priestess wondered, once again apprehensive now that she had seen exactly who she would have been adventuring with.

One practitioner of the forbidden dark arts, a banshee elven archer, a haunted dwarven armor, and a lizardman skeleton that apparently, could somehow eat cheese despite not having a tongue.

What had the Earth Mother managed to get Zombie Priestess into?

"We are all certified members of the Guild, and aside from you, all carry the rank of Silver" Undead Master declared truthfully, "There is no problem with this party."

"There had better be no problem with this party, Undead Master! We're standing right here, you know? Honestly, of all the insensitive things to say." Banshee Elf Archer huffed and crossed her arms over her flat chest. "

"I was speaking the truth," Undead Master stated honestly, "It took me ten thousand Gold Pieces on average to make each of you an Undead Adventurer, not including the cost of acquiring a suitable corpse, you are all important investments to me. I took great care in making sure that each candidate was worth the expense of revival before proceeding with the rituals."

Zombie Priestess choked as she heard the incredible number Undead Master had just so casually dropped in front of her. How much had he spent to bring her back from the dead again? How could Undead Master have just dropped that kind of money on her, a Porcelain rank?

"Undead Master… that isn't what I… Orcbolg, you're an idiot," Banshee Elf Archer sighed before dropping her face into her hand and groaning while her two Silver Ranked Undead compatriots looked on at the exchange in bemusement.

"As I said, there is no problem with this party. As for what we normally do…"

Undead Master's eye lit up from under his helmet, eerily glowing red in the darkness.

"…we hunt Goblins."

Undead Master and the Goblin Slayers in…

"Is it really okay to be an Undead Adventurer who hunts Goblins?"

Starring…

Goblin Slayer as Undead Master

Priestess as Zombie Priestess

High Elf Archer as Banshee Elf Archer

Dwarf Shaman as Hollow Dwarf

Lizardman Priest as Skeleton Lizardman

…And…

Big Sister as Undead Big Sister

A not for profit fanfiction by Sasahara17 based on the dark fantasy adventure series Goblin Slayer by Kumo Kagyu, and inspired by the hit idol group Franchouchou of Saga Prefecture, who were produced and re-animated by Kotaro Tatsumi, Cygames and Studio Mappa.

Please support the official releases!

It was a fine day in the Frontier Town.

The sky clear, and blue as ever as the sun beamed down, uncontested in the cloudless sky. The weather was perfect without a chance of rain, and the temperature comfortable as it could be this spring morning. The bustling town was lively as its' many denizens went about their daily routines with smiles on their faces, secure in the knowledge that this day would be a good one.

There was, however, one place in the town where there the good cheer was not shared.

That place happened to the Adventurer's Guild.

"Z-Z-Zombies! Zombies are here! A young warrior yelped in terror as he dove behind an upturned table. "I just lost my sword to a bunch of rats, I can't fight the Undead!"

"Oh, Supreme God protect us! A practitioner of the dark arts! A necromancer and his personal guard of elite Zombies are invading!" Another porcelain adventurer screamed as she joined her fighter comrade behind his makeshift barricade.

"Zombies?" A merchant at the front counter making a job request turned his head to the commotion, and promptly paled at the sight of what was before him, "By the Gods! A bunch of Zombies are here! Everybody run!"

The merchant, and half the line of would be quest givers behind him, promptly charged out of the side entrance of the Guild, screaming all the while. The remaining half, repeat 'customers' of this particular Guild branch who were actually aware of who the recent arrivals were, could only shake their heads in exasperation at what had just transpired.

"Damn it, Goblin Slayers! I thought I told you all to put some makeup on whenever you come in here! Now you went and scared away all the customers!" Spearman shouted irately from where he and Sorceress were lounging near the job board. Indeed, rather than running scared like the greenhorns or the civilians, the experienced Adventurers who where long used to having the posse of undead adventurers and their necromancer where giving the recent arrivals the stink eye.

Who could blame them? After all, the Goblin Slayers had just caused money to run out the door.

"Ah, sorry, sorry!" Banshee Elf Archer laughed apologetically as she, Skeleton Lizardman and Hollow Dwarf walked over to mollify the irate Adventurers, "We're in a bit of a hurry today because we're introducing the new girl so we didn't have time to put out disguises on."

"Do you have any idea how much business you people are costing the guild just by walking through the door?" Lady Knight huffed as she approached the commotion, crossed her arms over her chest showing her extreme displeasure with the situation.

"Well in our defense, our spotless quest completion record and the public endorsement from Sword Maiden has given this Guild a better reputation than most other guilds," Hollow Dwarf said, his arm moving to stroke his non-existent beard out of sheer habit, "If we bring in more work than we drive out, it is still a net benefit for everyone here, right?"

"That is not the point," Lady Knight shot back, "If you lot can't be bothered to put on makeup, let Undead Master do the talking and stay outside, damn it!"

"Wait, Lady Knight, are you serious? You want Undead Master to be their spokesperson?" Spearman raised an eyebrow incredulously at Lady Knight's declaration. "He may be the only living member in their party, but he's the biggest freaking wierdo in the entire frontier!"

"Milord Undead Master's obsession with Goblin Slaying to the detriment of everything save his mastery of the dark arts does make him ill-suited to be our spokesperson," Skeleton Lizardman agreed sagely, "Indeed, our undead nature and his lack of social grace has proved to be a frequent problem we continue to face in our adventures. This isn't the first time we have scared clients off."

"Then let it stay your problem! Don't scare OUR clients off, inconsiderate idiot Skeleton!" Rhea Scout snarled. "Did you lose your mind when you lose your brain or what?"

"Don't call Skeleton Lizardman an idiot Skeleton, idiot Rhea!" Banshee Elf Archer shot back angrily on her party member's behalf, "Maybe he doesn't have any brains now, at least he had brains to begin with… unlike you little turd!"

While the other three members of the Goblin Slayers were busy dealing with their fellow Adventurers for driving off the customers, Undead Master and the latest addition to their party had proceeded right to the front counter. Zombie Priestess's sickly green face had flushed to a dull red out of embarrassment from the situation her party had caused, and it was all she could do to follow her 'mentor' and hope this business would conclude soon so that she could move on with her life.

Or un-life.

She was still getting used to that.

"Good morning, Guild Girl." Undead Master greeted evenly as he and Zombie Priestess arrived at the front reception counter.

"Good morning, Undead Master," Guild Girl replied warmly without missing a beat, before turning to the recently deceased young woman by the armored man's side, "And good morning to you, Priestess. It is good to see you on your feet after your unfortunate first adventure."

"G-Good morning?" Zombie Priestess replied.

"How may I help you two this fine day?"

"I would like to have the forms needed to re-instate Zombie Priestess as an Adventurer," Undead Master stated evenly. "For the same purpose as the last time I requested them."

"Certainly, I will get them for you," Guild Girl turned to motion for one of her fellow receptionists to find Zombie Priestess' file and the paperwork in question, "There is some good news, for you Undead Master. Since your last… additions to your party, the Guild has created new forms to accommodate the re-instatement of Adventurers who are continuing their careers as undead."

"I see. That is convenient." Undead Master said appreciatively.

"Last… additions?" Zombie Priestess inquired nervously, to which Guild Girl simply pointed a finger to the trio of Silver Ranked undead Adventurers that were arguing with the rest of the guild nearby.

"The Guild does whatever it can to accommodate its' client Adventurers, and Undead Master and the other Goblin Slayers are some of our best," Guild Girl said with no small amount of pride, "After Undead Master brought his party back from the dead, we decided to put a new procure in place to help accommodate any future Adventurers may end up in this situation. I'm pleased to report that you have the honor of being the first Adventurer to use the new procedure Zombie Priestess!"

"Uh… thanks?" Zombie Priestess felt ever more unsure of herself with each passing moment. The honor of being the first undead Adventurer to use the new re-instatement procedure was, after all, an honor that Zombie Priestess would rather have done without.

Why was the Guild so calm about this, anyway? They that it was prudent to make an entire procedure to accommodate Undead Adventurers?

What other procedures did they have anyway?

"Anyway, it shouldn't take too long to get the requisite forms," Guild Girl continued with a smile, "By the way, have you been back to the Abbey, yet? As a cleric of the Earth Mother, you should probably check in to let them know you are up and about."

"Y-yes. For the record, I have." Zombie Priestess said as she shuffled her feet while biting her lip, remembering the looks of horror from the Mother Superior had given her she had shambled through the front entrance after tripping through the doorway.

Zombie Priestess' return to her childhood home had not been… pleasant.

Well, at least Zombie Priestess knew for sure she still had the blessings of the Earth Mother. Standing on holy ground didn't burn her to a crisp like it would have done to any other Undead, Blessed Water did nothing to her, even after she was doused in it by panicked churchgoers, and Turn Undead had not effect even when every single Cleric in the Abbey used it on her at the same time. As far as anyone could tell, Zombie Priestess' continued favor with the Earth Mother made her completely immune to the usual weaknesses of the undead.

Thank the Earth Mother that Undead Master had been there to stop the congregation when they started getting physical, or Zombie Priestess' un-life would have ended before it truly began!

On one hand, this confirmed to Zombie Priestess that the Earth Mother had not abandoned her.

On the other hand, her little visit to the Abbey had caused many churchgoers there to experience a crisis of faith when they realized their Goddess, whose tenets were all about the sanctity of life and living in harmony with nature, had seemingly endorsed a shambling undead abomination that was a sin against the natural order. Zombie Priestess could still remember the shaken Mother Superior telling her to leave while the older woman directly convened with the Earth Mother about this matter, and the thought of the only mother she had ever known look so lost tore at Zombie Priestess' heart in ways she didn't understand.

"I take it that your visit didn't go too well?" Guild Girl said empathetically, having noticed the sadness in Zombie Priestess' eyes "Don't worry too much. They will come around."

"I hope so." Zombie Priestess whispered, just as one of Guild Girl's colleagues came around a corner carrying an enormous stack of papers that was a least two feet thick. It was so comically large, the poor woman's knees seemed to be buckling under the enormous weight of the paperwork.

"Ah, there are the forms!" Guild Girl stated while Zombie Priestess looked on at the stack in undisguised horror.

"Hm, you are right. There are a lot less forms than there were the last time." Undead Master noted.

"Yes! We managed to cut the required paperwork down to just 10% per applicant compared to what you had to handle a few months ago." Guild Girl supplied helpfully.

Zombie Priestess felt her breath catch in her throat upon hearing Guild Girl's words. How much paperwork had there been the last time? She took back her earlier apprehension about the Guild making a specific process for Zombie applicants: if this was a faction of what Undead Master had to put up with before the new procedure, then Zombie Priestess wasn't going to complain she didn't have to deal with the old one anymore!

"If you start now, you should be able to get this done by sundown just in time for you to set off for another mission." Guild Girl surmised. "A Goblin Slaying mission."

"Really?" Undead Master tilted his head, a right light glowing from within the darkness of his helm.

"There were a couple of Goblin Slaying missions today. I thought I should save you the trouble of going to the bulletin board by reserving them for you given how busy you will be for most of the day." Guild Girl informed the necromancer politely.

The glow within Under Master's helm intensified.

"That is much appreciated," Undead Master agreed as he took the stack off the guild clerk, notably handling the small mountain of papers with much greater ease than the clerk did, and proceeded to one of the empty tables, "Come, Zombie Priestess. We need to fill these forms as quickly as possible so we can embark on our mission."

Zombie Priestess followed after her new 'mentor', eyes still focused on the stack of papers that promised hours of boredom and tedium that now lay ahead of her. Zombies had to deal with paperwork as well. Who knew?

Fortunately for Zombie Priestess, the paperwork did not take as long as she had the intimidating size of it would have suggested. In fact, the sky had only begun to fate to orange and sun had only begun to set when the party had exited the Guild hall, new quest in hand.

Unfortunately for Zombie Priestess, it didn't mean the process of her reinstatement was any less mind-numbing than she had feared it would be.

"Did they really have to have so many quizzes and questions about math, history and the common tongue? They even had that representative from the Supreme God interview us three times!" Zombie Priestess whimpered as she followed the rest of her companions on the path they were taking from the Guild hall to the two exit, specifically one that used a lot of back alleys and unused roads to prevent the group of Undead from causing another scene.

"Sorry Zombie Priestess, it can't be helped," Banshee Elf Archer gave an apologetic and understanding smile toward the younger Undead, "The Guild wants to make absolutely sure that you are fully cognizant and are independent before granting you membership. Most Zombies are mindless slaves, after all!"

"Even most Awakened Undead are chained to their necromancer's will," Skeleton Lizardman agreed somberly, "From what the Guild had told us, Milord Undead Master is the only necromancer in recent memory that has created independent Undead such as we, without an abominable enchantment to shackle our free will."

"Well, there was Undead Big Sister, who Undead Master's master brought back." Banshee Elf Archer pointed out.

"True, but as nice as that lass is, she is but a simple farmhand and a cook. Unlike the rest of us who are Adventurers, Undead Big Sister can't hurt a fly," Hollow Dwarf chipped in, "I do wonder what Undead Master's Master had been thinking when he brought her back. Thinking Undead of our sort cost a pretty penny to make."

"Perhaps he was fond of her cooking? Her Beef Stew and Cheese dishes are the envy of the gods." Skeleton Lizardman wondered, earning a laugh from Banshee Elf Archer and Hollow Dwarf.

Zombie Priestess tightened her grip around her staff as she was once again reminded about the price Undead Master had paid for her continued existence.

Ten thousand gold worth of reagents and spell components was an absurd price to pay for any Adventurer, not even a Silver Ranked one.

In fact that kind of money was the kind only the Kingdom's treasury could afford. Where had Undead Master found that money anyway? And why spend it on Zombie Priestess?

Zombie Priestess turned to look at the back of the silent Armored man that was leading the party, her expression thoughtful yet conflicted at the man she owed her current existence to.

Undead Master had blown a fortune in bringing her back from the dead. As thankful as Zombie Priestess was for this second chance, she still wondered why she had been the one who was blessed with this opportunity when so many others were not.

"Soooooo. Goblins," Banshee Elf Archer, having seemingly noticed Zombie Priestess melancholy, spoke up, "Yeah, so, in case you haven't noticed, slaying Goblin Slaying is something of a specialty of our party."

"I might have noticed something to that effect." Zombie Priestess replied with a nervous smile. The name of their party was something of a dead give away about what they were best known for.

"Yeah, Goblin Slaying'" Banshee Elf Archer nodded as she returned Zombie Priestess smile with her own, "Sorry about dragging you along to one of these so quickly considering how your first quest, uh, ended. I would have liked to give you some time to recover and acclimatize first, but that idiot up front wasn't having any of it."

"If her soul was weak, I would never have been able to re-animate her," Undead Master suddenly interrupted, causing all his party members to take notice, "Zombie Priestess is strong, even if she doesn't know it herself. Putting her in the field as quickly as possible is the best way to rectify that."

"Undead Master, you-!"

"He's got ya there, lassie!" Hollow Dwarf guffawed, his steel and brass body rattling in ways that amplified his laughter as he did so.

"Indeed, Mi-lord Undead Master can be unusually perceptive at times like this. It is best not to underestimate him, Elf." Skeleton Lizardman agreed.

"Hey, stop ganging up on me!" Banshee Elf Archer huffed and crossed her arms over her anvil chest petulantly, "Aren't you worried about putting poor Zombie Priestess into Goblin Slaying quest so soon after her first adventure involved her dying horribly at the hands of Goblins? You saw how traumatized Wizard and Fighter were after we rescued them. Shouldn't Zombie Priestess be given the same space?"

"No." Undead Master responded.

"You inconsiderate-!"

"I don't mind, really," Zombie Priestess quickly shook her head, increasingly uncomfortable at the insinuation that she should stay on the side-lines, "I-I... I don't know about the rest of my party, but think the best way for me to get over what happened would be to-"

"Kill some Goblins," Undead Master finished with all the tact of an axe to the face, "If she wants to continue being an Adventurer, she needs to learn to face down what she fears. Confront it. Accept it. Overcome it. Kill it."

The party stopped in their tracks and all turned to look at their leader with varying expressions of horror, confusion and... grudging respect?

"Undead Master," Banshee Elf Archer sighed and began to massage her temples, "I am not a healer, but I don't think that is the healthiest way of dealing with that kind of mental baggage Zombie Priestess is dealing with."

"It worked for me." Undead Master shrugged contentedly.

"That is exactly what I am worried about, Orcbolg." Banshee Elf Archer grumbled.

"Undead Master does have a point, though," Hollow Dwarf chipped in thoughtfully, "The understanding of maladies of the mind is still a relatively new field of study in the healing arts, and such help is mighty rare be found here on the Frontier. Perhaps a more practical solution we know works would be appropriate for Zombie Priestess?"

"I would hardly call turning Zombie Priestess into the second coming of our Goblin obsessed necromancer of a leader a 'practical solution'," Banshee Elf Archer huffed and wagged a finger at Hollow Dwarf, "Look, I already have a hard enough time trying to keep one Goblin Obsessed maniac from using Poison, Fire, Flooding, Explosions, Lava, Quicksand, Carnivorous Plants, Plague Rats, Maggot Swarms and a host of other crazy ideas from going out of control. Having to corral two of them would be too much for my heart to take!"

"Good thing your heart stopped beating ages ago, eh? Hollow Dwarf rattled in mirth as Banshee Elf Archer realized her verbal misstep.

"Gah, You know what I mean!"

While Undead Elf and Undead Dwarf continued to bicker, Zombie Priestess turned to look at Undead Master questioningly, clearly unsure as to what he had planned. From what she had seen so far, Zombie Priestess could see his intentions of throwing her back in the field were good. However, would they actually help?

"Undead Master, Sir? Will I... really be all right?" Zombie Priestess said unsurely.

To that, the helmed warrior looked her in the eye.

"You are stronger than you think you are." Undead Master replied, then turned away and continued to lead the party towards the stables, where their carriage awaited.

Just when Zombie Priestess thought things could not possibly get any weirder, the party arrived at the stables to collect their coach.

The simple large, four-wheeled enclosed wooden carriage wasn't too unusual at first glance. Many farmers and merchants used such things when going about their business, and had the benefit of a simple cloth canvas to keep out the rain and the elements. The timber was worn and well-travelled, but still strong and sturdy and expected to last for many more years. All in all, a normal carriage.

A normal carriage that happened to be drawn by a pair of Zombified horses that clearly had seen better days, a fact that was undeniable since the flies circling the animated carcasses showed that, unlike the carriage, these horses were not particularly well-cared for.

And the smell!

Zombie Priestess hadn't been sure if her sense of smell had survived her transformation into the undead, but exposure to the horses proved it had in the most inconvenient way possible

"T-This is what we are using to travel?" Zombie Priestess stammered out, feeling the bile rising in her throat as she watched Undead Master and Skeleton Lizardman secure the 'horses' to the carriage using what was apparently custom-made stainless-steel barding. As a Zombie herself, the sight of these decomposing horses was extremely disturbing for poor Zombie Priestess, who couldn't help look at these abominations and wonder if her body too would one day have a similar level of decay.

"Aye, lass," Hollow Dwarf assured her quickly, "I know that this may seem uncomfortable to you, but you need not be worries. This isn't as bad as it looks."

As if fate was mocking his very words, a piece of flesh fell off the barrel of one of the horses, exposing a grisly sight. Whatever comforting words Hollow Dwarf gave Zombie Priestess seemed as hollow as the animated armor that made up his body. It was a miracle that Zombie Priestess didn't throw up there and then, but that could also be because she was just too horrified to do even that!

"Wow, that was inconvenient." Banshee Elf Archer slapped a hand to her face in exasperation.

"Aye, the gods appear to be playing tricks on me today." Hollow Dwarf grumbled.

"W-why?" Zombie Priestess turned to Hollow Dwarf and Banshee Elf Archer with despair on her face, "Why are we using Z-Z-Zombie horses to travel instead of real horses?"

Undead Elf and Undead Dwarf gave each other a mortified look before turning back to Zombie Priestess with embarrassed smiles on their faces.

"Because it is cheaper." They replied as one.

Zombie Priestess stared at them, her face blank as she tried to process their ridiculous statement.

"Well, uh, you'll probably learn this very quickly since you are one of us, but we Undead require a lot less upkeep than living beings." Banshee Elf Archer informed Zombie Priestess.

"Aye, the magic that sustains us means that we require much less to maintain our Undead bodies than we should," Hollow Dwarf nodded in agreement, "While embalming fluid, armor grease and other materials to ward off rust and decay are expensive, Undead Master's necromantic magic means we only have to apply these once every three months instead of frequently."

"We don't have to sleep. We don't have to go to the toilet. We don't have to eat or drink… well, we do plenty of eating and drinking because we like doing it, but you get the idea," Banshee Elf Archer said with a wide smile, "So, we can save on precious gold by doing things like not staying at inns (not that innkeeper would want us in there anyway), taking less provisions (except the good tasting ones) and arranging for our own transport (because every time we tried to hitch a ride on a caravan, the coach master would run away screaming, so we eventually gave up)."

"And the Undead Horses?" Zombie Priestess asked, her lips drawn into a firm line.

"Well, lass, a good horse costs coin," Hollow Dwarf explained, "A small pony can cost 30 gold, and a proper warhorse as much as 400. There is also the cost of feeding the horse, keeping them stabled, and the like. Quite costly, all things considered."

"So Undead Master just went out and found two Horse corpses that nobody would miss and re-animated them for a song," Banshee Elf Archer's smile remained on her face, however it turned brittle and more than a little shaky, "So now we have horses to draw our carriage that do not require food, do not require rest, are totally okay with being out in harsh weather, and don't mind if they are set on fire, submerged in water, exploded or tossed thousands of feet in the air! We've had to replace them a few times because of accidents, but the cost savings are enormous! Isn't this great?"

Unfortunately for that 'glowing endorsement' of Undead Master's latest scheme, Banshee Elf Archer's body and mouth were saying to completely different things. The Elf's ears were dropping, the corners of her lips were quivering and Zombie Priestess could swear there were tears in the corners of the Elf's glowing ruby eyes.

Much like Hollow Dwarf's hollow reassurances, it was painfully clear that Banshee Elf Archer's enthusiastic words were less about convincing Zombie Priestess that undead horses were a good idea, but more about convincing herself… and failing miserably.

Although she was still dealing with her own disgust, Zombie Priestess found herself pitying Banshee Elf Archer, for this attempt at self-delusion was something Zombie Priestess had never seen before. It seemed like this wasn't the first time Undead Master's schemes had upset the Elf.

"Look, lass. Think of it this way, every gold piece we save this way can be used for other things, like our equipment," Hollow Dwarf tapped the two bronze colored metal gourds that hung from his belt, "I will have you know that Adventuring as an Undead Shaman costs a pretty penny. Nature spirits aren't used to interacting with the Undead, as Skeleton Lizardman and I found out. You should find yourself thankful that your body as a Zombie won't require you to change your behavior that much!"

Zombie Priestess met Hollow Dwarf's gaze, her eyes empty as the body his soul now resided in.

"Lass, please don't look at me like that." Hollow Dwarf murmured uncomfortably.

"Why are the horses in such a bad shape though?" Zombie Priestess asked, the sense of horror she had experienced upon first seeing the horse had, over the course of this conversation, slowly been replaced with a weary acceptance that she had not known in her fifteen years of life, "I get that we use undead horses to save on coin, but wouldn't it be better to keep them in better condition so that they wouldn't be too unsightly?"

For the second time that evening, Undead Elf and Undead Dwarf gave each other another embarrassed look, this daring each other to answer. Eventually it was Banshee Elf Archer who spoke.

"Well, actually, these are freshly re-animated Skeleton Horses. The last ones we were… exploded, so Undead Master had to make new ones.," Banshee Elf Archer said, the expression on her face making it clear to Zombie Priestess that the Elf was painfully aware just how nonsensical her explanation was, "It's actually the Skeleton that is Undead, not the whole thing. We're just waiting for the rotten flesh to fall off the bodies, because we don't want to strip them off ourselves."

…

"Please don't stare at me like that," Banshee Elf Archer yelped in fight, "Wow, Hollow Dwarf is right. You are creepy when you want to be, Zombie Priestess!"

Moments after that exchange, the party boarded their transport and before long they were on their way.

Despite the darkness of night and the fact that the carriage did not have any light source to speak of, the horses, aided by their undead night vision, proceeded down the road with a brisk pace. The two moons hung in the sky as the five Adventurers confidently ventured forth into the darkness, something no other living party, save for the foolhardiest, would have done.

Undead night vision, superior to that of even the highborn elves, was an ability that Zombie Priestess was only fully beginning to appreciate.

Hollow Dwarf and Skeleton Lizardman were up front guiding the hoses, with the remainder of the party were in the back with the rest of their equipment.

Undead Master, being the only living member of the party, was sound asleep from where he rested cross-legged while leaning against the side of the carriage. Zombie Priestess, now an undead being that did not require sleep, could only marvel at the fact he was still clad in full armor while he rested.

"Isn't he uncomfortable, sleeping like that?" Zombie Priestess asked Banshee Elf Archer, who sat across from her and was in the process of sharpening a few new arrow-heads.

"He's an adventurer. He's used to it," Banshee Elf Archer replied offhandedly, "I expect his poor posture will play merry hell with him in his old age, but if that's the way he wants to sleep there is little you or I can do to stop him. Undead Master is a stubborn man, if you couldn't already tell."

Time passed as the carriage rode on, and as it did Zombie Priestess came to the realization of just how much time she now had. Most living Adventuring parties would have set up camp to sleep once the sun had set, but her party's 'uniqueness' allowed them to continue even after dark. However, with pitch black darkness surrounding them, denying her the sights of the countryside, and nothing but the wind to listen to, Zombie Priestess found herself bored.

Even prayers of thanks to the Earth Mother for not abandoning her wore thin after the first four hours or so. So, without anything else to do, Zombie Priestess turned to Banshee Elf Archer and asked a question she had been meaning to put forward for some time.

"So, how did Undead Master manage to get the gold needed to revive s?" Zombie Priestess asked.

"Hm?" Banshee Elf Archer hummed, setting the nearly completed arrow she had been crafted down.

"How did Undead Master find the gold needed to revive all of us?" Zombie Priestess repeated herself, "Undead Master said that he spent over ten thousand gold to make a Zombie. That is more gold than I have ever seen in my entire life, and he just spent it like that."

"Well, normally making a Zombie doesn't cost that much," Banshee Elf Archer informed the rookie Adventurer honestly, "If it was that expensive to make Undead, most evil wizards wouldn't have the Undead armies we hear about so often. The reason it was so much more expensive for you was because Undead Master wanted to bind your soul back to your corpse and restore your free will."

"I understood that part," Zombie Priestess shook her head, "What I meant was, where did he get all that gold? It cost wen thousand gold for me, and there are four of us…"

"Forty thousand gold," Banshee Elf Archer's confirmed, "That is a lot of coin, isn't it?"

"How could he get that much? I heard from you and the others that our party only ever took Goblin Slaying quests," which was a strange habit that Zombie Priestess also wanted to ask about, but had to focus on the more pressing question first, "Goblin Slaying quests don't pay a lot. Even with all the cost savings our party manages to make by exploiting our Undead state, getting ten thousand gold, let alone forty thousand, would take a lifetime."

"That's true," Banshee Elf Archer agreed honestly, "In fact even when I was alive and taking normal Silver quests, I wouldn't be able to make that kind of coin by plundering an old even ruin."

"Then how did Undead Master manage to get that kind of coin, and why was he willing to spend it all on us?" And on Zombie Priestess, a mere Porcelain rank, who had died on her first Adventure.

Banshee Elf Archer lips quirked into a mischievous smirk.

"You assume that it was his idea to bring us back, or that it was his gold that he spent on us."

Banshee Elf Archer had been about to elaborate more, when a loud 'thunk!' echoed through the night. An arrow had impacted on the side of the wooden carriage, narrowly missing Skeleton Lizardman who had moved his head out of the way at the very last second.

The Adventures, including Undead Master who had awoken at the unexpected sound, went on alert.

"Report," Undead Master growled out, "Is it Goblins?"

"Bandits." Skeleton Lizardman replied calmly.

Zombie Priestess swallowed nervously, her fingers tightening around her staff. Bandits. Thugs and lawbreakers of the worst sort, who preyed upon unsuspecting travelers trying to go about their daily lives. People who had turned away from the Gods of Order to embrace sin and vice in ways that Zombie Priestess shuddered to comprehend. Banditry, murder, extortion… no crime was too heinous for these criminals. No sin they were not willing to partake in.

Now, Bandits were before Zombie Priestess, and she was trembling in fear. Bandits may be evildoers, but they were still people. This would not be like fighting monsters. Zombie Priestess did not know if she had it in her, so soon into her career, to deal with Bandits.

Thankfully, however, she was with her party. A party made up of Silver Ranked Adventurers, all experts and veterans of their trade. They would know what to do!

"Bandits?" Undead Master asked questioningly.

"Bandits." Skeleton Lizardman confirmed.

"Oh. Okay." Undead Master nodded… and then promptly sat back down and went back to sleep.

Zombie Priestess looked on at her leader at open mouthed shock.

That was… not the appropriate action Zombie Priestess expected.

"Oh, Orcbolg…" Banshee Elf Archer slapped a hand to her face in exasperation while Hollow Dwarf and Skeleton Lizardman both shared a hearty laugh.

The Bandits thought they had picked their target well.

"What luck!" Their leader, to whom we now shall refer to as 'Bandit A' had said as he lowered his bow, "A lone, horse drawn carriage in the middle of the night? We're going to eat well tonight!"

The Bandits had almost missed the passing travelers. The enclosed carriage had been travelling without a lantern, torch or other such light source, probably to remain undetected from miscreants such as he. Had Bandit A not been a Dark Half Elf with an inherited night vision, if only a rather poor one, he would have missed the carriage entirely.

As it was, the darkness and fog that had happened to roll in at an was so encompassing that he could only make out vague shapes and distant whispered voices.

Even as the Bandits advanced on their prey, weapons drawn, Bandit A was having a hard time seeing anything but shadows. His vision was acting up tonight it seemed, and the darkness and the fog was making it all but impossible to identify just what he and his crew were up against.

What a critical failure on his part!

"Well, we got them to stop at least," Bandit A stated as he and his posse close in, "Just be ready, people. They might decide to be heroes and try fighting back."

"I call first takings on any women we find," Another scimitar wielding Bandit, to whom we shall refer to as 'Bandit B', declared maliciously, licking his lips in a manner most suggestive, "I need her to knit the tear in my smallclothes, none of us can sew and I'm getting a little drafty!"

"Not all women know you to knit, you sexist pig!" A spear wielding cat-folk of the feminine persuasion who didn't know how to knit, who shall now be known as Bandit C, "If the hole in your pants bothers you that much, just steal a pair from the travelers and get them to walk home naked!"

"Wear some other bloke's underwear?" Bandit B recoiled in horror, "Are you daft woman? Don't know how dirty that is? That's disgusting!"

"And your current set isn't? You've been wearing that pair for the last three weeks without changing," Bandit C sniffed, her sensitive nose seeming to cringe at the smell radiating off her compatriot, "You're disgusting! Learn to wash your clothes damn it!"

"It's my damn clothes, and my damn stink! It may be dirty, but it is mine!" Bandit B shot back.

"Keep your small-clothes and the women, you buffoons, I want the drink they have," A barrel shaped Dwarf woman hefting an axe, Bandit D, grinned just as evilly, "I haven't had a proper beer in ages! A dwarf without alcohol is a thirsty man in the desert. I NEED Beer, NOW!"

"Your priorities are completely messed up, Dwarf." A snooty dark Half-Elf bandit, who was the younger twin sister of the band's leader, Bandit E, shook his head sadly, "I think I heard an Elf just now. If we could get some Elven Bread, that would be fantastic."

Bandit A looked on at the other members of his posse, who were now arguing about whether underwear, bread or beer was more important, and despaired that none of them were actually talking about the gold they could get from their crime. Not every vile hearted person who turned to banditry had brains, after all, criminals who did have intelligence and wisdom to become loan sharks, shady business-people, corrupted clergy, or crooked politicians… but it truly did seem that Bandit A had made an unfortunate roll of the dice when he put together this unseemly lot of villains.

Perhaps it was about time that he sought a change in career?

"Quiet you lot!" Bandit A barked as he pointed to where the carriage had rolled to a stop, strangely idle for something that had just been waylaid by Bandits, "We can argue about this all later. Let us shake them down first, and then talk about how to divvy up the spoils later!"

With that, the Bandits approached the convoy, weapons drawn and looking as malicious as they could possibly be. Surely this show of force would cow their prey into submission? Surely?

"…seriously, they're just walking up to us?" Feminine voice from within the carriage that seemed to have a strange resonance to it said incredulously, "They're not leaving anyone as overwatch?"

"Aye, it would appear we have been waylaid by rank amateurs," A throaty Dwarven voice that seemed to ring and echo like a hollow cave confirmed with some mirth, "Any proper bandit would not only have kept some men in reserve to avoid disclosing their numbers, but kept them hidden in a advantageous position. Granted this is a level field with a country road with only bushes nearby…"

"Your hearing is better than either of hours, my lady," The raspy voice of a Lizardman said, "Surely could have heard their argument. These are not old hands, I can tell that much."

"Hearing and believing are entirely two things." The Elf replied.

Feeling slightly insulted, and quite bashful since he realized there was a smidgen of truth in their critique, Bandit A nevertheless decided to adopt the air of a consummate professional.

Motioning for his group to stop not more than twenty paces from the carriage, Bandit A cleared his throat and spoke.

"Ho! Travelers! You are surrounded!" Bandit A declared haughtily, squinting

"No, we are not." One of the two drivers turned to look at them (wait, were his eyes glowing?), the raspy voice indicating it was the Lizardman, "Surrounded implies you have encircled us from several directions. As it is, your Bandit group is approaching us from a single direction. I do believe, then, you are mistaken Sir Bandit."

"I… er… well, even if you are not surrounded, we still have you at our mercy." Bandit A declared, unsettled by the way this was going.

Wasn't this supposed to be easier? Certainly all the tales of his youth indicated the travelers should have been quivering in their boots by now. Perhaps it was best to fall back on that old standby?

"Your money or your life!" Bandit A declared, hoping a traditional approach would work out.

"I do not have the latter, and I do believe I speak for my compatriots when I say I do not plan on giving you the former." The Lizardman responded evenly.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Bandit D tilted her head in confusion, the lack of alcohol in her system clearly having addled her mind.

"I do believe that is a 'No'." Bandit C decided jabbing her spear in the direction of the carriage menacingly. "I do believe they plan to resist."

"Awfully cocky for a bunch of travelers confronted by Bandits!" Bandit B spoke up viciously, while Bandit A was trying to remove the foot from his mouth, "Do you not see the deadly weapons that we are brandishing at this very moment?"

"Yes, we do. We just don't think them to be threats, that is all." The Lizardman replied.

"Are you daft?" Bandit E growled as she waved her crossbow around looking quite ready to loose a bolt out if frustration, "Do you not care about your life? Are you not fearful of death?"

"Seeing as how I am already dead… not particularly, no."

Wait, what?

"Holy Light!" A forth traveler that the Bandits had missed shouted.

Suddenly, the area was illuminated by light as the fog was chased away, giving the Bandits the first good look, they had of the true nature of the travelers that had just been waylaid.

"Greetings," Skeleton Lizardman waved a bony hand in greeting, his glowing eyes meeting that of Bandit A's, "I must say, you are the most amusing group of Bandits we have been ambushed by."

"Fairly diverse too, I might add." Hollow Dwarf agreed as he pulled off his helmet, showing that there was nothing inside the suit of armor that was now his body, "By the way, I happen to agree with your dwarven friend. Beer and mead is more important than bread."

"And honestly, I don't get your fascination with underwear. Purebood Elves do just fine without." Banshee Elf Archer poked her head out of the inside of the carriage, ruby eyes glowing like embers as she made sure to give the Bandits a good view of her sharp, unnaturally pointy teeth.

"Uh, Hi?" Zombie Priestess joined Banshee Elf Archer in greeting the Bandits with a warm smile.

Then, another piece of flesh fell off the barrel of one of the horses, making a very disturbing sound as it slopped onto the ground. Then Holy Light ended and the area was plunged back into darkness.

The night was silent once again, as none of the parties moved as the Bandits processed what they had just seen and the Undead Adventurers waited to see how the mortals would react. Then…

"Be quiet. I am trying to sleep." A fifth head emerged from out of the carriage. However, while it was still shrouded in darkness, the single glowing red eye from inside a menacing helm, one that conveyed such menace and evil that even the Dark Gods would quiver in fear, was visible in the night for the Bandits to see.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" The Bandits screeched as one.

Horror, fear, terror and a dozen other words that had the same meaning, but all needed to be used to covey just how much they wanted to live after staring death in the face, coursed their veins as they threw down their weapons and fled through the night as fast as their legs could carry them. Bandits may be a vicious, evil lot, but they were still living beings with a strong desire to keep breathing at the end of the day.

"Hm, so they were not Goblins after all." Undead Master mused.

"It was as I said, was it not?" Skeleton Lizardman replied bemusedly as the necromancer went back inside the carriage to resume his rest. The encounter, as unexpectedly quick as it had begun, was now over. The party had prevailed over the Bandits.

"See, Zombie Priestess? I told you we would be alright," Banshee Elf Archer laughed as she hopped out of the carriage and ran over to where the Bandits had dropped their weapons, "Oh! A dark elven crossbow! Sweet, I've never seen one of these before!"

"Aye, some of this stuff is worth keeping for our run against the Goblins," Hollow Dwarf agreed as he joined her in picking up the spoils, "This is good fortune indeed."

"Calling dibs on the bow." Banshee Elf Archer cackled.

The party had prevailed, and in doing so how had the spoils.

Was this not how Encounters in Adventures went?

"Oh, Earth Mother, is this really an Adventure?" Zombie Priestess prayed as she watched her two companions gather up the loot.

Having resolved the encounter with the Bandits, as well as looting the weapons so generously left behind by the would-be criminals, the party continued on their way. They rode through the night until they reached their destination: a village in the frontier that happened to be downstream from an old elven fortress that had become the residence of a Goblin horde.

"Wow, we got here quick." Zombie Priestess observed with some amazement. Few other Adventuring groups could have covered this distance in such a short span of time. Certainly, her old party would never have made this distance in the time they had just taken!

"That's the advantage of not having to sleep," Hollow Dwarf said sullenly from outside the main cabin, "Unfortunately, Lass, we did not make the journey quick enough. Our encounter with the Bandits slowed us down."

"Not quick enough?" Zombie Priestess tilted her head in confusion.

"We had planned to arrive before sunrise, but… well, you're about to see." Hollow Dwarf groaned.

The carriage proceeded down the country road, passing by wheat fields and farmland as it proceeded towards the main village thoroughfare. The arrival of the Adventurers in the village was heralded by the rising sun, the crowing of the Roosters to herald the dawn, and…

"BY THE EARTH MOTHER, WHAT THE DEVIL IS THAT?!"

…the frightened screams of several villagers who had the misfortune of being on the road as the carriage drawn by two rotting horse corpses, and driven by a Skeleton Lizardman and what seemed to be a haunted suit of armor rode right by them.

This was not the most triumphant way to arrive in the town, that was for sure.

"Well, they know we're in town now at least." Hollow Dwarf mumbled at the sight of a young farm hand willingly throwing himself into a thorny bush to hide, rather than stay in the open.

"It is regrettable that we always cause this reaction," Skeleton Lizardman sighed, "If only we had arrived just a little sooner, we could have avoided this. That is unfortunate."

Apparently, as Zombie Priestess would learn later, the party's standard procedure was to arrive at their destination shortly before dawn, before most of the townsfolk awoke, or after dusk, when most of the townsfolk had gone to sleep, to quietly stash away their carriage and meet with the village leadership, who would have been warned of their arrival beforehand. It was there that the party, who would have donned disguises or kept out of sight, would receive the details of the quest, and if necessary would begin coordinating the with villagers to fend off a Goblin attack if need be.

It was a good plan…

"AHHHHHHHHH! ZOMBIE HORSES! AHHHHHHHHH! RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY!"

…at least when it worked.

"Huh, lots of early risers on the road today." Hollow Dwarf noted.

"Oh, dear," Zombie Priestess bit her lip worriedly, the sound of yet another frightened villager having been sent running due to this spot of bad luck, "I don't think the villagers are taking us being undead very well at all."

"They never do," Banshee Elf Archer agreed reaching into one of the many bags that were in the back of the carriage and rummaging around inside for a bit, "We normally use makeup and disguises to try and avoid people realizing we are Undead, but we didn't have a chance to put it on yet."

"But didn't we have a lot of time earlier before we arrived in town?" Zombie Priestess pointed out, remembering the fact they had just spent the last few hours doing nothing.

"It was dark out. Undead night vision is good, but it lacks the ability to pick up on colors. Trust me, trying to put it on without daylight would have been futile at best," Banshee Elf Archer withdrew a fairly sizeable box from within the bag, and opened it to reveal it was a very impressive makeup kit, "It is still too early to put this on, though. We need more light out before I can work my magic."

"AIEEEEE! THE UNDEAD ARE ATTACKING!" another frightened scream from the outside caused Zombie Priestess to wince, "FIRST GOBLINS, NOW THIS? SOMEONE CALL FOR AN ADVENTURER!"

"But we are the Adventurers," Zombie Priestess muttered sullenly before turning to Undead Master, who was still sleeping with his head resting against the side of the carriage, "How can he sleep though all this screaming? He seemed so alert last night when the Bandits attacked."

It was perplexing to Zombie Priestess. Undead Master, who had woken instantly during the Bandit ambush, was sound asleep even though there were villagers screaming at the top of their lungs outside. In fact, he looked almost comfortable despite the poor position he was in.

"I'm… not quite sure about that myself. Maybe because he doesn't sense any danger?" Banshee Elf Archer said, closing the lid of the makeup box and setting it to one side, "Honestly, Undead Master confuses the hell out of me even after months of Adventuring with him. Sometimes he does stuff so brilliant you can't help but be in awe of him, and other times… Orcbolg can be a real pain."

"Orcbolg?" Zombie Priestess wondered curiously, "I've heard you use that term to refer to Undead Master before. Why is that?"

"Ah, that? It means 'Goblin Slayer' in the Elvish tongue," Banshee Elf Archer gave a nostalgic smile as she lapsed into bittersweet memories, "Before Undead Master formed this party by reanimating us, he was a solo Adventurer who went by the title 'Goblin Slayer'."

"And when he joined this party…?"

"We became 'the Goblin Slayers'," Banshee Elf Archer confirmed, "Before we came along, he used to clear out Goblin nests all on his own. From what I can tell, he climbed all the way from Porcelain to Silver doing nothing but Goblin Slaying missions. He got pretty famous too, since the first I ever heard of him was from a bard while in the Water Town."

"Wow, I didn't know that." Zombie Priestess admitted.

Zombie Priestess knew she had lived a rather sheltered life. Barely an adult, she had spent her whole life in Abbey of the Earth Mother, and as such did not know much about the outside world. As such, I came as a surprise to her that Undead Master, the man who had brought her back from the afterlife, was a famous Adventurer. Perhaps, if Undead Master really was a great hero, he might be able to teach her how to me a proper Adventurer after all?

"So, what sort of songs do people sing about him?" Zombie Priestess asked curiously, hope surging in her chest, "Did he save lots of villages? Was it some sort of heroic tale?"

Banshee Elf Archer snorted in a most unladylike fashion before bursting into fits of hysterical laughter. There were honest to goodness tears in her eyes.

"H-Heroic tale? As if! It was a horror story!" Banshee Elf Archer howled, beating a fist against the side of the carriage in a vain attempt to control her mirth, "It was a horror story about how many villagers would suffer cruelly from evil Goblins, but a horrible vengeful necromancer and his dark army would sweep in and wipe out the threat before melting back into the shadows!"

"Oh." Zombie Priestess said, now much less enthusiastic than before.

"It was a cautionary tale about behaving and being good and just, lest Orcbolg and his army of undead monsters would mistake naughty children for Goblins and take them away to add to his undead army," Banshee Elf Archer wiped a hand across her eyes, barely managing to get herself back under control, "There are plenty of other stories and songs as well, but the overlying theme is that you better be good, or Orcbolg would do horrible things to you!"

"Oh. Oh, dear." Zombie Priestess was disheartened by what she had learned. Rather than being a great hero Undead Master, who had then been known as Goblin Slayer, had been quite the opposite. Instead of righteous knight who dispensed justice upon wrongdoers, he was a vengeful demon who sought out the wicked to sate his own bloodlust.

But then again, now that Zombie Priestess thought about it, what had she been expecting? She had seen Undead Master with her own eyes. There could be only one kind of song that the Bard would compose for such a man, and an uplifting tale of heroism was not it.

Worse, what did it mean for Zombie Priestess, not that she had joined a party that had come to adopt Undead Master's former title? What stories and songs would people sing about her, now that she was in the company of a necromancer and his undead compatriots?

"Sorry, I seem to have upset you," Banshee Elf Archer said apologetically, "Look, despite what the songs say, almost everyone aware of our reputation know we are really good at what we do."

"Really?" Zombie Priestess sniffled.

"Re-"

"UNDEAD HORSES! UNDEAD HORSEMEN! GODS HAVE MERCY, THE DEMON LORD IS ATTACKING!"

"-ally," Banshee Elf Archer continued, tactfully ignoring the hysterical screaming from the man outside, "I mean, the Bards and the rumor mill can say anything they want about us, but when the dice start rolling and Goblins start attacking, the people of the land know who exactly to turn to."

"Us?"

"Nope!" Banshee Elf Archer grinned , "The correct answer is 'The Guild', who then hands the job to us, before we send a letter by magical homing owl to the job poster letting them know the Goblin Slayers are coming and not to freak out when we do!"

That did not instill Zombie Priestess with confidence. It did not instill her with any sort of confidence at all.

"Don't worry, it isn't all bad. Ever since we joined up with Undead Master, he's been getting better. Eventually, the songs that will be sung about our Adventures will be better. You'll see."

"I hope so. I really do." Zombie Priestess responded.

It was then that the carriage suddenly slowed to a complete stop, causing the three inhabitants inside the main cabin to sway slightly at the sudden loss of motion. Undead Master, sound asleep mere moments ago, suddenly raised his head in a motion so sudden and unexpected that it caused Zombie Priestess to let out a small 'meep' in fright, prompting Banshee Elf Archer to shake her head in grim amusement.

"Have we arrived?" Undead Master asked, just loud enough for the two drivers to hear.

"We have, Sir Undead Master," Skeleton Lizardman replied, "We have stopped off in the main stables outside the town hall, and it appears the village elders are here to receive us."

"Good," Undead Master made to exit the carriage, and motioned for Zombie Priestess to follow after him, "Come, Zombie Priestess, it is time to begin your first Adventure with us."

Those words, which would have made her so happy mere days ago, now filled the young woman with uncertainty and dread.

"Oh, Earth Mother," Zombie Priestess silently prayed to the deity she had revered all her life, "Is it really okay to be an Undead Adventurer who hunts Goblins?"

Although she did not hear a reply from the Earth Mother at that moment, Zombie Priestess knew in her heart the answer to her question would come very soon.

Very soon indeed…

"Even if we're dead, we want to make our dreams come true… No, even if we're dead, we WILL make our dreams come true! Is it despair? Is it hope? We'll overcome a harsh fate! Even if we don't have a pulse, we'll press on! We will…"

"Slay the Goblins."

"What? No, Undead Master, it's supposed to be 'we will become ad-'…"

"We will Slay the Goblins."

"We will Become Ad-"

"We will Slay the Goblins."

"Orcbolg… you're an idiot."

Cue Opening Credits...

MUSIC, COME ON!

...

UNDEAD MASTER AND THE GOBLIN SLAYERS

A story about one necromancer and his four undead party members (who he created using his dark powers), and his one-man vendetta against the entire Goblin race. And also Zombies. Lots and lots of Zombies.

Starring…

UNDEAD MASTER (Goblin Slayer), a young necromancer who wants to exterminate every single Goblin in creation, and uses his dark necromancy powers to create Zombies, Banshees, Skeletons and other undead nasties to send Goblins to an early grave. Despite being the only still living member of the party, he is undoubtedly the scariest member of the posse.

...and THE GOBLIN SLAYERS.

ZOMBIE PRIESTESS (Priestess), a young cleric of the Earth Mother who got herself killed on her first adventurer after Illusion 'borrowed' her from the Earth Mother and got her killed after rolling a string of Natural 1s. Earth Mother has since begun using Zombie Priestess in the Supreme God's 'horror comedy' campaign as a way to broaden her own horizons and 'play against the type' for a change.

BANSHEE ELF ARCHER (High Elf Archer), an elven princess who met her end after fighting an Ogre. Although she is slightly unsettled by her undead state, Banshee Elf Archer has since learned to take advantage of the fact that her undead nature has granted her a second chance to have more adventures. Her family, and her sister, does not know she is now undead.

HOLLOW DWARF (Dwarf Shaman), a dwarven shaman who met his end after fighting an Ogre. Despite having lost his original body, the enchantments in Hollow Drawf's armor allow him to taste anything that enters the hollow space of his new body. His goal of tasting g wines and great food remains unchanged, even now – and his body itself acts as carrying space for the party's provisions.

SKELETON LIZARDMAN (Lizardman Priest), a lizardman who met his end after fighting an Ogre. Although his untimely death had initially put his dream of becoming a Naga into jeopardy, recent adventures have uncovered that he is in fact the foretold Naga-Lich in an ancient Lizardman prophecy, destined to save his race from extinction. Also may have a crush on Undead Big Sister. Or more specifically, Undead Big Sister's cooking.

...and also starring...

UNDEAD BIG SISTER (Big Sister), Undead Master's Big Sister, who is an Undead being that was revived by Undead Master's teacher. Despite her experiences at the hands of Goblins, Undead Big Sister has not let those bad experiences get her down. She has been helping out around Cow Girl and Uncle's farm, and makes the best cheeses and stews in all of Creation.

To Be Continued...

Undead Master and the Goblin Slayers will return in…

"It is wrong to be thankful that my heart isn't beating anymore?"

A/N – Thanks for reading!