"It's fine, ma. I'm just gonna clear my head a bit before I come home."

The skycar hummed, flashing across the gently rolling hills, heading into the soft pinks and oranges of the sunset. This far out from Joughin, Ashley's car was the only one following the soft-blinking nav beacons. Benning was pretty - if you liked field upon field of bronze wheat. She was just fond of the distinct lack of smoking ruins and bullet holes. On this planet, you could almost forget there'd been a war on.

Mariana Williams didn't sound convinced. "I don't want you to be alone. You've had a hard year - you should be home with your family."

Her mother wouldn't understand the weight pressing down on her chest - the knowledge that warped her dreams into sharp talons. Her family, as much as she adored them, were civilians. The first time she'd shot someone in combat, she'd come home and spent hours on the porch with her dad, drinking scotch. But her father was dead, and his advice was far beyond her reach.

She smiled, even though Mariana couldn't see it. "I won't be alone. I'll be with my work friend, and I'll be home before you know it."

"If you're sure."

"I'm sure. I'll see you soon."

"I love you. Be safe."

She rolled her eyes to herself. This was Benning. It didn't get much safer in Alliance space. "I love you too, ma. See ya."

The call clicked off, and Ash eased the car into a gentle descent. The house was set on the inward slope of a ridge, overlooking the strange emerald green of Benning's oceans. She'd looked up the why of it on her shuttle flight - but the trivia had slipped through her fingers. She set the skycar down just outside the garage. Everything was silent and still, except for the soft, far away chirping of insects of some kind. Ashley sat in the car for a long few seconds, soaking in the quiet.

On the ship there was always sound of some sort; the just-there hum of the drive core, the clank and turn of machinery. The background noise of her life.

She wasn't quite sure whether the absence of Normandy noises was restful or unnerving. Maybe a little bit of both. It was a reminder that a world outside of that warship existed - something she'd half forgotten during the war. Her life stretched out before her, broken into two pieces - before Normandy and after.

Before and after Shepard.

Ashley climbed out and flung her seabag over her shoulder, grabbing canvas shopping bags with the other hand. Benning was all about sustainability - they hadn't even had plastic at the store she'd stopped by. She'd spent twenty minutes paralysed by the decision of which butter to buy, what drinks to get. Who needed five different brands of butter? What kind of beer did Shepard even drink? She'd always stuck to water and soft drink at Normandy events.

There were things Ashley knew about Emilia Shepard that few did, but there were all these little things she didn't, and she wanted them all.

All she could hear was the slapping of the waves on the little beach below. Shepard's skycar was in the carport, covered up, sitting next to a small sailboat of all things.

It felt strangely intrusive to key open the door and step into Shepard's home, even if she'd given her the keys and told her to make herself at home until she arrived. Ash wished she was here - but arriving together had been out of the question with Shepard's current public profile. She'd been caught in the clutches of the planetary governor and media from the moment she'd landed on Benning.

In some ways, it might've been better for them to go to Earth, with its crowds and apathetic distance from the events of the past year, but Ashley had wanted nothing more than this since Shepard had quietly - nervously - told her 'I have a place.' The display of vulnerability from a woman that always seemed like she could move whole planets via sheer willpower had brought Ash dangerously close to kissing her in the damned cargo bay.

It was a little worrying how often she had to chant to herself that she was a professional, an adult with functioning self-control.

Her boots clicked on the floor as she carefully set the shopping down on the bench and her seabag on the couch, casting an eye around as she put the food away into the bare cupboards and fridge. It was clear Shepard hadn't been home in a long time - there was a thin layer of dust coating the top of the fridge. Still, wasn't as bad as she thought it might be, considering Shepard had admitted she'd not been there in over a year.

The detritus of a life spent on the move with only fleeting visits to safe harbour sprawled across the living room with none of the military precision Ash was used to from Shepard's cabin and Arcturus apartment. There, a Navy jacket with the wrong bars still on the shoulders left on a chair. Here, cargo pants - the sort she'd seen N7s wearing when they were pretending not to be soldiers at all - hanging over the back of the couch. Holos scattered on the desk of Shepard with her family, with friends at bars, in unit photos, with a group of rough men and women that could only be the N7 team she'd led before the Normandy.

The exhaustion of travel hung over Ash like a heavy blanket, but she still hesitated before entering Emilia's bedroom.

Straight out she'd asked, "So, will I be in the spare room or yours when I'm staying with you?"

Shepard had rubbed the back of her neck in that way she had when she was feeling a bit sheepish. "Uh. There's only one bedroom."

"That's a bit presumptuous, Commander," she'd teased, and Shepard had spluttered indignantly to her delight.

But it still felt weird. Like she was a voyeur intruding in Shepard's life, even though she'd been invited in. She looked around anyway, but the room was disappointingly blank except for a sketchbook left on the bedside table. She resisted the urge to have a look - Shepard would show her when she was ready.

She changed into shorts and a tank, careful of her still healing body, and slipped into the soft sheets, falling immediately into a deep, dark, formless sleep.

Ash woke to a rustle in the bedroom and a lance of adrenaline shot through her. Before she was fully awake, she was on her feet, reaching for a gun that wasn't there.

"Hey, hey, it's just me." A familiar voice.

Her eyes adjusted to the darkness, to the white-clothed figure in the room. "Shit, sorry."

Shepard chuckled, "It's alright. I was trying not to wake you. Teach me for trying to sneak up on a Marine."

She fumbled for the light switch. Shepard stood there in her dress whites, rack of ribbons lined up on her chest, Star of Terra gleaming dully at her throat, bulky black brace wrapped around her left forearm. It was a sight Ash had seen many times before - but she still let herself drink her in, secure in the knowledge that she could look as long as she wanted.

"How was the governor?"

Shepard shrugged. She looked good in whites. Real good. Ash could almost understand the uniform fetish some civilians had. "Same politics and pony show as usual. Smile for the camera. Give sound bites about 'just doing my job, sir.' They'll all forget about it soon enough."

"Fun." She ran a hand up to Shepard's shoulder, to toy at the ribbon. The other woman went still as she ran a thumb across the solid bronze star itself. "This as heavy as it looks?"

Shepard smiled slightly, tilting her head. "Heavier."

She reached for the clasp, but Ash caught her wrist.

"Lemme."

Shepard let her hands fall to her sides, and Ash pulled open the heavy clasp and carefully deposited the medal on the desk, beside the other woman's peaked cap. When Shepard reached for her jacket, Ash waved her off again. She smiled with amusement and made a show of raising her hands.

"Don't start," Ash muttered, pressing a kiss to her jaw.

"Couldn't wait to take charge, huh?" Shepard let her start on the gold buttons, then slide the jacket from her shoulders. She pulled the white t-shirt she wore off and tossed it carelessly over the nearby chair.

"Like you mind." Ashley tossed her a smirk before grabbing a coat hanger for Shepard's jacket. Ripping someone's clothes off was all well and good, but she doubted Shepard would appreciate a rumbled dress uniform and her ribbons left on the floor.

She turned back to Shepard neatly putting her boots beside the bed. Her omnitool, discarded on the bedside table blinked a soft 13:43 at her.

'You're in late," she observed, taking silent steps on the cool floorboards closer to the other woman.

Shepard shrugged. "I could've caught a flight in the morning, but…"

"I missed you too."

She got a warm smile in reply. They hadn't really been alone since that one night in Shepard's Arcturus apartment, and a lot of that had been spent talking. There had been the battle and wounds to take care of and reports to write.

Shepard's brown eyes fell to Ashley's side. "How's the ribs?"

"I'm all good," she assured. "Still a bit sore, but I've been cleared for light duty and everything."

"Wasn't asking as your boss." Shepard hooked her thumbs into the shiny black belt threaded through her dress pants. As Ashley's girlfriend? Shepard was usually pretty good at letting you know where you stood but they weren't exactly in safe harbour relationship-wise.

"I'm fine, Emilia. I feel good. Stop worrying." She took another step forward, cupping her cheek in one hand, feeling the texture of her chin scar under the heel of her hand. Then she slid the other down her stomach, pressing into the hard muscle of her abs, to her belt buckle. This close to her, she could feel more than hear the exhale that broke from Shepard's lips in the moment before she kissed her.

Emilia's hand slid to her waist, pulling them together. Ash lingered, enjoying the warm solidness of her, running her fingers through the soft curls at the back of her head. The frantic passion of their night together before Ilos had been damned good in its own way, but this was very nice too.

They had time.

She drew back but didn't pull away, keeping a hold of her belt.

"I didn't know if you'd want to keep, you know." The embarrassed duck of Shepard's head shouldn't have been as endearing as it was.

"If only everyone knew Commander Shepard was such a dork." Ash pressed a laugh into the skin of Shepard's neck, chest warmed by a now familiar amused delight.

"Shut up," she grumbled.

Ash's grin slid into seriousness. "I don't make a habit of sleeping with my superiors, you know. You - this means a lot to me. I want to - be with you." Words. Why were words so goddamn hard? "Even if that means we bide our time until we can be more open."

Until they were on different postings and Ash had a bit more rank on her shoulders.

"Well...good." Shepard smiled, a flash of white teeth.

Ash rolled her eyes. For someone so decisive on the battlefield, Shepard could overthink like a pro.

"Mhm." She pulled her belt open with a swift snap and nipped at her jawline. "Now shut up and kiss me."

Shepard laughed and pulled her closer again, into the warmth of her mouth and the firm pressure of her hand on her back and waist, blunt nails running across the sliver of skin revealed by her tank top.

Another hard kiss got a sigh and fingers pushing her shirt up.

"Just remember," Ash said playfully as she began to push her uniform trousers down her hips. "I'm not the sharing sort."

"Roger that," Shepard laughed and tugged on her until they both fell into the soft sheets.

Ash drew a finger across the swirls of the stark black tattoo sprawled across Shepard's shoulder blade. She wore her history on her skin, hidden beneath her clothes.

"Listen, I need to tell you something."

Shepard rolled over and stretched, sheets around her waist. "Yeah?"

"Shepard, I…"

The words stuck in her throat like sharp-edged rocks. I love you. How hard was it to fucking say? She felt it, God, she felt it. But Ash couldn't bring herself to say it, to this woman she was supposed to yes sir no sir at. Not fuck the night before the most important mission of their lives, not violate their own strongly held beliefs for. Not fall in love with.

But she had.

Shepard smiled, cradling her face in one warm, callused palm. Her eyes were dark and fathomless. The sort of eyes you could fall into. "It's alright, Ash. You don't have to say it."

"But I do."

"I know. But you do things in your own time, right? Not before, not after. You're not ready yet, and that's okay."

Ashley opened her mouth but Emilia pressed a soft kiss to her cheek.

"I'm pretty tired. Let's just go to sleep, okay?"

After a moment she nodded and let her arm curl around the other woman's waist. There was tomorrow.