I know it's been so long. I can't say anything but "I'm sorry" :)
I hope you'll like it. SOrry for the mistake, english is not my native langage, so please... excuse my mistakes.
Before she closed her eyes, she knew she would have a bad night.
Wether she couldn't sleep or she would have a bad dream.
Was it really a dream anyway ? It was always the same, and it was more a memory than a dream.
But the worst part was not the dream itself, it was the feeling when she would wake up. It was still so painful and unbearable, like that fateful day.
The Morning Terry passed away, she was as usual in his room with him, settled in the blue armchair in the left corner of his room.
The little boy was very weak and was breathing slowly, but heavily.
Arizona had him in her arms, stroking his blond thin hair and looking intensely at him. She wanted to remember every little detail about him, every little piece that made him the amazing little boy he was. The tube, the machine... Everything was the reminder of her son fragile health.
« I love you so much baby » she whispered endlessly in his little ear.
Callie had shily opened the door to inform her wife whe was going to work, taking Travis and Olivia with her to the Day care.
She knew Arizona wouldn't care, she wouldn't even look at her.
« We're going. » She softly said. « There's a salad in the fridge if you want it. »
She approached the fusionnal duo and kissed the top of her son's head.
« We see you this afternoon ? » She hasardly asked, not really expecting an answer.
She was almost out of the room when she heard Arizona replying.
« I think he's growing stronger Calliope. » She said, looking et her wife with a tired smile on her pale face. « He's fighting, he's a fighter. »
« He is. » Callie sadly smiled. She was happy Arizona talked to her without reproach or yelling, but at the same time she was preoccupied her wife was sweeping the reality of their sons conditions under the carpet. « But please darling, you have to take care of yourself too. You haven't have a sl... »
« See you later » Arizona cut her off, not wanting to listen to Callie's advice. Here it was back. Arizona was pushing her away one more time and she couldn't do anything about it.
So Callie left her wife that morning, with their so sick little boy in her arms. The blonde was the shaddow of herself, almost unable to carry on.
And that's how she found her shen she came back from the hospital. But this time, Arizona was deeply asleep, and Terry was gone. He passed away quietly in his mother's arm.
The feeling of that memory when Callie tried to wake her up was so harsh and bitter, she still felt it physically, the absence of her baby from her arms, Callie's big brown eyes, filled with tears who was trying to talk to her, but she couldn't understand what she was saying, everything was a blur.
She woke up too fast and fell on the ground and she immediately knew it was too late. Terry has just died in her arms while she was sleeping.
That pain was eating her alive, that guilt had destroy her. But tonight after everything that had happened, she didn't want to feel it. It would be too hard. She wouldn't sleep. but she didn't know what to do to try to escape the pain.
She stood up from her bed and quietly opened the door. Callie wasn't there and it was a relief. She couldn't face her now.
She walked to Olivia's room and checked if the little girl was allright, and then went to Travis's room.
She leaned against the door frame and peacefully looked at her son. He was so so quiet.
Travis was a a very calm and clever boy. He was strong and caring, like Callie. Well at least like the Callie Arizona knew before everything fell apart. He reminded her of Tim a lot too, which was so amazing because they would never met, and it couldn't be explain by genetics too because he was born from Callie.
But everything in the way he was patient with his sister ans the way he tried to make everybody around him happy reminded her about her lost brother.
Arizona sighed. She had 10 days off, Doctors order. She needed to rest. Yet she felt exhausted. She was really careful regarding pain medication, and even she was feeling a little better physically, she was a mess emotionally.
« Are you okay Mommy? » The young boy worried, looking at her Mom's lost gaze as he woke up.
« Yeah baby, I'm okay. » Arizona smiled as she walked to sit on his bed.
« Are you in pain? Mama said I have to call her whenever you seem not okay » Travis admitted
Arizona hide her cringed teeth with a fake smile. She was touched by her son caring concern but at the same time, she was frustrated to know that Callie was still looking after her, and worst of all by putting that responsibility on their son shoulders.
« Don't worry baby, I'm already feeling way better. See the bruises? They're already fading. »She smiled at him, stroking his hair and pulling his cover up on him.
« Can I ask you a question? » the young boy tryed.
« Of course baby, anything. » Arizona replyed, not expecting what was avout to be asked.
« Why did you let Mama go ? »
Arizona gulped. Where was that question coming from ?
« Travis... we talked about that already. It's not like tha... »
« But you let her go, and now she's sad and you are sad. I remember when you were together, you were always happy, everybody was happy. We were laughing all the time. And then Terry died, and everything changed. » The little boy said sadly.
« Travis, it's late, we're not going to talk about that now. » Arizona replied.
« It's never the moment! » he reproached. « I know that Mama ws not really happy with Penny, she didn't have the same smile that when she was with you. She was not happy ! And you are sad all the time. And you still love her, I know it. »
« Travis, please... » the mother almost pleaded.
« If Penny is gone now, you can be together again right ? »
« Baby, it's not like that things goes, and you know that. » Arizona tried to explain.
« But it's not complicated ! You love her and she loves you, and none of the rest matter ! » Travis said camly, hoping her mother would agree immediately.
« Travis please, it's too complicated, and you know that Mama and I we love you very much, more thna anyhting, but ... »
« But what ?! » Travis angrily replied. « You shouldn't have had me and Liv If you are not able to see that all we want is for you and mama to figure your things out and to admit that you are in love ! I'm sad Terry died too, I miss him everyday, but he's gone, and me and Liv, we're still here ! »
« Travis... I'm... I'm... » Arizona mumbled, totaly stunned to see her son suffering.
« Get out of my room now please... »