A/N: Full disclosure here, I spent too much time rereading Sage and With Death's Danmachi crossovers and ended up with fantasy Oregairu stuck in my head. It also doesn't help that the gacha game I play collabed with Shield Hero, prompting me to watch the anime and read the manga so I could understand what some idiots ask in the discord's advice channels. (Seriously, why the hell would you ask Shield Hero series questions in a gacha game discord? Go join the Shield Hero discord, Baka!)

Thus, here we have the Fantasy world oneshot that is not at all a crossover with any actual isekai story. No really, I don't know squat about any of them except Shield Hero. Any similarities is purely coincidental.

Uhm... that's it really. Back to writing actual stories while I've yet to be swarmed with projects.

xXx

Their Isekai Story Is Wrong, As Expected

"I still think you'd be better off with some kind of heavy weaponry."

Hikigaya swivelled his head back to respond, but before he could say a word, he spotted the minotaur raising its axe from the corner of his eye. With naught more than a second to react before it came crashing down, he jumped. The force of the impact sent him flying straight into the arms of his partner with a grunt. His body went numb as adrenaline rushed through his system, but it did little to lessen the pain that came immediately after. His mind quickly registered the fact his bones had been shattered, and that Hayama's healing magic was racing to repair the damage. He grimaced at the realisation, and hoped that the girls at home would at least be more merciful than the damned minotaur Boss.

"We should finish this quick Hikigaya. I can't tank another hit like that." He scoffed as he pushed himself out of the bridal carry the blond held him in, mentally thanking whatever was this world's equivalent of God that there wasn't a bespectacled fujoshi nearby to witness the comprimising position he was in.

Were it not for the shield the blond crusader was generating, he would've lost all of his health pool from that indirect attack alone. Instead, he only lost most of it. Not that credit should go to the minotaur- a hit like that would've stunned any other levelled adventurer at most. The sole reason he should've died right there and then was the fact he was a glass canon. For the upteenth time since he arrived in this strange fantasy world, he cursed whichever light novel author figured since he hits harder, it would only be fair if he got hit even harder. Only masochistic readers would want to relate to him! Then again, maybe that was just a way to make sure he couldn't match the riajuu protagonist in popularity. It made sense in his pessimistic mind.

"Damn it." he really wanted to avoid resorting to his magic, but it was obvious he had no choice as the minotaur began huffing visible clouds of hot air, repeatedly scraping the ground beneath with its right hoof.

Releasing a telltale warcry, the giant brute charged right at the them with remarkable speed. Leaping into the air, the black-haired assassin unsheathed his shortsword with fluid movements and empowered it with a whispered chant. By the time the minotaur looked up and met his grey eyes with its own bloody red, it was too late- the blade had been driven through its cranium. With a momentary stumble, the monster drops on its knees, giving him enough time to jump off before the corpse collapsed.

"I told you before, heavy weaponry would only slow me down. If I tried to use it to parry, the force from countering would break my arms." Hikigaya reiterated his points as he caught the mana potion Hayama threw him. He popped the jar open and downed the viscous purple liquid gratefully. "And that's assuming my opponent isn't stronger than your average knight."

"Fair enough. Then how about enchanted armour? I think we have enough saved up to purchase some. What do you say, Hikigaya?"

"You're the ones on the frontlines. Save it for your exposed selves."

"I'm just saying, it's probably better than the alternative of her nagging the both of us."

For a moment, he actually considered the idea. "I'd rather be nagged to death than waste precious money on something I might not even use. Who needs protection against hits when they can just avoid being hit?" In the end though, logic won out over his wish to not be nagged at.

"You just barely dodged-"

"Shut up, you distracted me." He didn't need to look behind him to know Hayama was rolling his eyes.

"Despite all that's changed, some things still stay the same."

"If you call me a tsundere, what will change in the next five seconds is my sword will be in your brain."

"Tsundere." Hayama responded with zero remorse, and he's pretty sure the ass is smirking too.

"Friendly reminder that the only reason I don't make good on my threats is because Miura would kill me painfully. Not worth the painless death I'd give you."

The annoying blond chuckled. "Say, what should we buy for lunch? I'm pretty sure Yumiko's sick of the usual minotaur steak and mashed potatoes."

"I don't blame her. That shit is unbearable after the third plate."

"Hmm. Do you think Yukino-chan has a grasp on how to cook in this world yet?"

"Knowing her? She probably has since her second try, but doesn't consider it good enough to actually consider cooking for us."

"Ahh, then I'll leave convincing her in your capable hands."

"Piss off."

"Hey, don't get hostile with me when you're the one she confessed to."

"I said piss off." he walked faster in hopes that the blond wouldn't see his blush. He most certainly did not need to be reminded of that admittedly embarrassing confession. "We'll order something else for today. I'll beg her highness to cook for us some other time. Now, start thinking of how you'll placate them. Both our trump cards were used, so I doubt they'll let us off easy."

As they made their way back to the safe zone, his mind wandered back to the memories of their life before and after they arrived in the fantasy world. Despite their history of animosity, here they were bantering like they were childhood friends. He would never admit it aloud, but with how much their group had been through since being isekai'd, they might as well have been.

'Doesn't change the fact he's a damn riajuu though.'

As if to prove his point, the moment Hayama pushed open the guild doors, all attention was on him. In the blink of an eye, townsfolk and young adventurers rushed forward to welcome their darling hero, while the older veterans cheered his name from their seats, drinks raised in greeting. Pointedly ignored by the masses, Hikigaya shot a grateful look to his unfortunate party member before slipping past the crowd and towards the kitchen in the back.

His senses were immediately assaulted by an array of mouth-watering aromas, because of course otherwordly monster meat and vegetables would smell good. Of course, he kept his skepticism to himself, lest Grandis-san misunderstood and took it upon her burly self to beat him up.

"Oh, here comes the Vigilant Shadow now! I knew it wouldn't be long once Prince Charming showed up."

Speaking of the she-devil, the booming voice of Grandis-san called him over. Leave it to her to notice his presence before anyone else. Such was the frightening awareness of someone who had to put up with one too many orphans sneaking into her kitchen to steal even a measly loaf of bread.

"Grandis-san." He greeted with a slight bow, because of course a fantasy light novel would follow Japanese culture despite not being set in Japan. He would never understand that strange custom. Then again, western fantasies had characters shake hands, so perhaps its just a universal thing to have familiar cultures reflected even in fictional realities. He cocked an eyebrow as his mind caught up and discerned what was wrong. "What's with the change in nicknames?"

"Hah, of course you wouldn't know about it! The town's been calling you that since your escapades last night, kid!"

"Keep it down before you alert the rest of the idiots out there. Also, what are you on about?"

A newspaper bearing the markings of the guild landed at his feet. From the corner of his vision, he caught the shy wave of the apprentice cook who threw it to him. He returned the greeting with a curt nod. He picked up the papers and unrolled them, revealing an article from this morning.

'"The Dark Blight, a Misunderstood Enforcer of Justice?"

The criminal, whom has since been revealed to be Griffon Hardshaw, had been terrorising the farms on the town's outskirts. In his confession, Hardshaw stated that it was part of his plans to uproot the local farmers so that his company could use the land to construct blah blah blah, unnecessary details, longwinded news... ah, here.

Eye witness reports claim that the man was apprehended by the infamous Dark Blight. After quickly knocking Hardshaw unconscious, the Dark Blight proceeded to tie him up, seemingly leaving him for the Guild authorities to arrest in the morning. The Dark Blight then disappeared, blackening the ground he stood upon. This characteristic signature proves that this is the genuine Blight, and not another imposter.

Does this mean then, that the Dark Blight is not a criminal as we had originally assumed, but rather an enforcer of justice keeping vigilant in the shadows? Or perhaps the man behind the mask had a change of heart?'

The cynical adventurer couldn't stop himself from sneering as he tossed the papers straight into the chimney fire. "If they wanted to mystify me, they could've at least called me the Dark Knight."

"Hohoh, you think yourself chivalrous, do you?"

"Not at all Grandis-san." 'It would've at least been ironically funny.' he internally joked. There was no Batman in this world after all, so they could never understand his references. "Anyway, four orders of Adventurer Meals. Anything but minotaur steak and mash."

"Oh?" the chef's menacing tone triggered warning flags in Hikigaya's mind. "Could it be that you and your merry band of misfits no longer like my cooking?"

"N-No! You misunderstand!" waving his hands in an effort to placate the angry chef, he quickly came up with an excuse which could not be dismissed. "We wanted to try the rest of your fabulous cooking, Grandis-san! After all, if you could make minotaur meat and potatoes turn out so heavenly, God knows what you could do with other ingredients!"

The 'flatter before you barter' method seemed to work, as the older woman laughed in response. "Heheh, alright Hikigaya! As thanks for your little foursome's loyal patronage and compliments, I'll not only cook up the best I've got, but I'll give you a discount too!" the burly woman slapped him on the back with enough force to convince him he would die in that instant before returning to her station. Breathing a sigh of relif, Hikigaya exited the kitchen, but not before nodding again in farewell towards the elven apprentice.

'Hopefully she wouldn't have a part in cooking our lunches...'

Lyrea Fae, bless her heart, was nowhere near as good a cook as she was a friend, that much was proven the last time he had the unfortunate plessure of tasting her cooking. Sure there was a chance that she might've improved since then, but he did not want to take any chances with food that looked amazing yet tasted like poison.

As he reached the usual table he waited at, he was surprised to find Hayama already seated, his head tucked between crossed arms.

"Let me guess... they made you drink." he sat across the blond, elbow on the table as he rested his cheek on the palm of his hand.

A muffled groan escaped the mess of blond hair. Hayama lifted his head with great effort, his strained smile threatened to drop. "How do you do it, Hikigaya? How can you stand drinking so much?"

"Duh. I make sure to eat something before drinking."

Both their guts rumbled at the mere implication of food.

"Even then... it's like you had years to build a tolerance."

"Huh. I thought your parents would want to make sure you could hold your liquor, what with being a rich boy and all."

"You'd think that, but they wouldn't even let me try a sip."

"Too bad then. You'll just have to learn."

What Hikigaya didn't tell Hayama was the fact he recently discovered a correlation between how much mana an adventurer had leftover, and the amount of alcohol they could ingest without getting drunk. If he did, then Hayama would never use his shielding magic again, just so he could avoid this exact miserable state. That, or he would keep the mana potions to himself.

Probably.

"For what it's worth, I think you'll get used to it sooner rather than later, Hero."

"Fuck you." Hayama slumped back on the table, once again tucking his head between his arms.

"Hey, don't get hostile with me when you're the one who fits the main protagonist archetype."

Another muffled groan tells him that he won this exchange. Indeed, Hayama was the charismatic and handsome individual with a powerful class, and an even more powerful ability. The one who could protect the whole town's population with a simple chant, who could win over the hearts of anyone with a single sentence, who could inspire all with a rousing speech. He was just the assassin, the evil more weapon than man whom the hero saved and befriended.

In their corner of relative silence, the two opposites sat waiting for their lunches. One the revered saviour of the town, and the other known simply as the shadow that follows. Just the way he liked it. After all, he was just the weapon, the glass canon, the hero's last resort! Nobody needed to know that in reality... He was the main protagonist with the overpowered ability, and their prince was just his shield.

"Do me a favour Hayama, and don't ever stop being their hero."

"I hate you..."