A/N I do not own Criminal Minds or Victoria's Secret. Hello everyone! This chapter took on a life of its own, but was definitely fun to write. As always, Garcia and Morgan are cute, and complicated :) Anyway, here's the next chapter and my other stories shall be updated soon!

Please, Enjoy!

Gun Powder Stilettos

Chapter 3: Pink Secrets

The small, black signs with bold, hot pink letters speckled with glitter, were loud and confusing, at least to the man standing in the center of the store completely lost. He stood there, fiddling with the rolled sleeve of his fitted button up shirt and adjusted his glasses, right between a stark white table stacked delicately with selections of barely there panties and a spinning rack filled with sheer black and red sleepwear.

He supposed it was appealing, if one preferred garments that looked like a litter of kittens had used their claws to mangle it. A smile tugged at his lips when the alluring image of Penelope wearing the long-sleeved nightie came to mind. She could make a garbage bag look sexy, so, maybe, if the right woman was wearing the obscene fabric, he wouldn't mind it so much. No, not at all. He would gladly buy the damn thing in several different colors. His small grin was now a beaming smirk and he found himself reaching forward to touch the finely woven fishnet when the harsh reminder that he wasn't here for sexy nighties, barreled through him. He was here for Penelope. His best friend. Who, most definitely, wasn't going to be riding his dick wearing Victoria's Secret anytime soon.

That sobering thought slammed him back down to Earth. Steeling his shoulders, he took a deep breath and looked up only to spot a very curvy and eloquently posed mannequin stationed proudly on the table next to him. He silently giggled at the poor plastic. That thing had nothing on his girl. Hell, Penelope should do the store a favor and offer to model her body for the designs on these flimsy dolls. Her curves always drew attention, and though she frequently flaunted them, she was unaware of the affects her voluptuous cleavage and shapely hips had on people. Shaking his head, only to find himself once again staring at the mannequin. Wearing a plunging purple bra with matching feathered wings and a bright blue tutu and Derek wasn't sure if he should chuckle or run away. Maybe bra shopping wasn't so bad after all? Though, the sudden strain in his pants made him go completely still. He swallowed heavily and discreetly backed away.

The last thing he needed was a raging boner in the middle of a women's lingerie store. He'd probably get banned for life, then get kicked out, and then receive a serious ass whooping from Penelope. Then how would he help his best friend find a bra? No, not good! He was here for a purpose, and he needed to focus and stick with the plan. Though, Derek had proudly tooted his own horn in front of Penelope, now standing inside the intimate apparel outlet he felt overwhelmed and suddenly realized why his Hot Stuff avoided this store like the plague.

Arriving at the mall, they were only supposed to stop at an indiscreet hole-in-the-wall department store. With no frills or loud bubblegum pop music. Basically, nothing super pink and really girly. That was all fine and dandy, until Derek's ever curious gaze landed on the popular name brand store filled with teeny tiny, tantalizingly secret ensembles and had practically hauled the stubborn blonde inside. They were immediately greeted by a chipper saleswoman, who had eagerly dragged Penelope behind some black curtains, when Derek emphasized he had caught her wearing an ugly, unfitted bra. That had earned him a death glare worthy of a singe mark, to which he had flashed her a toothy confident grin in return.

Now, he had been left alone to fend for himself amongst a sea of bras and panties. All silk, cotton and lace, from fierce neon's to soft pinks and dreamy whites. Besides the typical lace bra, Derek had very little knowledge about undergarments, which is exactly why he had spent the rest of the week doing diligent research.

Pulling out his phone, he quickly scanned through his notes and then intently perused the large room, only to grin when he found what he was looking for. Heading towards a shiny rectangular table that was doused in rich pink hues and was covered with open drawers of adorably patterned bras. He shoved his phone back into his pocket and grabbed a bright yellow bra, squinting over his frames as he tried to find the information about the size. Turning the bra over, looking for a tag, he realized how tight the elastic felt and how the underwire was very unforgiving beneath his grip. He definitely wouldn't want to wear the sturdy contraption. But it was really pretty.

"Hi, I'm Ashley! Is there anything I can help you with today?"

"I need a bra," Derek blurted out, accompanied by a nervous grin as he held the squishy bra up, which appeared almost puny in his large hands. "Well..." finally looking up at the young woman's face, he froze. The girl was probably barely starting college, and he suddenly lost all bravado, and sense. "Well um...my girl...she's here with me. Not that we're with each other. But we're here...together...in the store. But I'm...she's um...we need a-she needs a bra. Like this!" clearing his throat as he held the bra up again only to fumble and nearly drop it.

"Oh, okay! So, a push up bra!" Ashley nodded her head and immediately started picking out different colors with the same cut. "Those really give the girls a nice lift, without being too much. As we say flashy, but classy!"

"Huh...what?" Derek blinked, realizing what the extra padding in his hands were that he had been squeezing. Turning the bra around he spotted the extra support and steadily ran his thumb over it, before carefully putting it back down. "Oh. Wow! Okay! Yeah, my Pen is definitely classy. I don't know if she needs the extra padding though. She kinda already has enough of..." slowly waving his hands around his chest. "You know like they're umm...already big."

"Oh well, these will still offer support and make outfits more flattering if she's…let's say dressing up, but if she wants something more for every day, then we also have some comfortable T-shirt bras or really sporty bralettes."

Derek's smile was strained as he tried to seem like he knew exactly what the saleswoman was talking about. The words sounded familiar but standing in the store surrounded by beautifully expensive, barely-there fabric, seemed to have stripped him of any sense. So, instead, he politely nodded along and followed her towards a large round table in the center.

"Well if she has larger breasts," Ashley tilted her in head in contemplation. "I don't know if she would want to deal with strapless all day. She'd have to be tugging it up. So, let's check out this side!" rounding the table on her glossy Mary Janes, she swept her hand out across the neat piles of revealing lingerie. "How about these?"

"Oh?" Derek put his hand on his hips, thumbs grazing over his crisp, tucked in shirt as he carefully eyed the table. "Ah huh!" throwing out the agreement to what exactly, he didn't know. "She wants some in white and nude for work. But I think the blacks would be lovely on her, too!"

"Aww, you're so sweet!" Ashley cooed, happily flipping through the more subdued section. "We can start picking out a few different cuts and see what fits her best. Do you know what size she is?"

"Umm well, um...their um..." mouth suddenly parched, he had to lick his lips before holding his hands awkwardly out in front of his chest as he cupped his fingers to make some sort of shape. "Well kinda like...well, they're not small...more like..."

The saleswoman nibbled on her bottom lip, poorly disguising her amused chuckle as she quickly pulls out a few sizes. "Ok, how about these? Bigger or smaller?" holding up a size so Derek could eye the silk cream bra with hints of frilly lace.

"Oh, no!" Derek adamantly shook his head, giving the flimsy bra a rather distasteful look. "Bigger!" he said it with such determination as if Penelope's honor was on the line.

The woman smirked and put the bra back, before holding up the next size. "Okay, so not a B-cup. Maybe a C?"

"Nope."

"She's probably more this size then, or maybe even a double," Ashley held up the next size which was significantly larger than the first and he had to clear his throat several times.

"Umm...maybe?" gently running his finger over the front clasp, he gave the woman a smile. "So, is this a balconette bra?" throwing out the fanciest word his mind could rummage up.

Ashley gasped, and if her hands weren't full, he would bet money that she'd be clapping with pure admiration. "Well, close! It's actually a convertible bra. So, it can have the straps like this..." she held it up and excitedly flipped it back-and-forth, then she did some fast maneuvering that had Derek in awe and mouth falling open when the straps suddenly crisscrossed each other. She then dangled the bra from the straps, beautifully showcasing the intricate design, before unsnapping it entirely and stretching out the material. "Or strapless."

"Wow!" he nodded along completely stunned. "The engineering on these things are incredible!"

"I'll say..." Ashley snorted, handing the fabric over, watching as Derek fumbled to put one strap back in. "Don't worry it's a little tricky," shaking her head as she adjusted her sparkly pink headband. "Besides men usually only care about taking them off!"

"Oh, well, ha…no, I wouldn't be...I mean, not that I don't wanna…" Derek mumbled, cheeks heating at the implication, only for a lady with a fussy baby on her hip and a sleeping toddler in a stroller to interrupt him as she rushed over.

"I'm sorry, do you have any more of these?" holding up a cotton bra with the cups hanging open. "I can't seem to find them anywhere!"

Ashley gave Derek a tentative look, but he smiled and encouraged her to help the frazzled mother. Giving him a thankful smile, she nodded and ushered the woman towards the back of the store.

Derek struggled a few more minutes with the thin straps before hurriedly tucking them into the cups and placing the bra back down. Doing his best to make it look not so out of place. Feeling beads of sweat trickle down his neck he turned around, needing to find some space to cool off when he spotted the area dedicated to unraveling all the juicy secrets that the mysterious Victoria has been hiding.

Without thought, he stepped forward and grabbed the enticingly erotic nightie. Enjoying the feeling of smooth silk beneath his fingertips, he was gearing up to persuade Penelope to buy one, not that she necessarily needed one but if it felt this lovely in his hands then he was sure she'd enjoy sleeping in it. Not that it was meant for sleeping. No, nothing this tiny and teasingly transparent was designed for simply sleeping. The thin fabric was meant for fucking. For those delicate satin straps to hang off a woman's shoulder as she fervently rode her man. He gulped, feeling that pulsing ache press behind the buckle of his jeans, which forced him to take several calculated breaths and did very little to alleviate that tension coiling up inside. Though, once he could see straight, he looked towards the changing rooms, wondering what was taking Penelope so long, when somebody suddenly spoke up from behind him.

"You know, handsome, those sexy little numbers..." the sales lady's voice was raspy and dripping with such forced sensuality, it made him cringe. His eyes dropped to her badge and read Tonya. "Are part of our PINK promo happening right now, and with it being an annual sale they're an extra thirty percent off!"

"Huh?" Derek nodded, looking between the hot red lace nightie and the angelic pink one with the pretty satin bow pinned exquisitely between the large cups. "Are these the only colors you have?"

That Cheshire grin spread over her face, revealing perfect stark white teeth that resembled the ferocity of a shark. "Oh, of course!" letting her hand gingerly rest on his bicep, giving it a quick squeeze before her fingers slowly traced down his arm. "They're on this rack over here!"

Derek tucked the flashy lingerie underneath his arm and hesitantly followed the petite woman around several racks, doing his best to avoid bumping into small groups of chatting women, who all seemed to get struck with a fit of giggles when he passed through.

"Here you go!" she beamed, throwing her arms out like a flight attendant to showcase the rack hanging higher up on the wall. He half expected a bright light to turn on and little baby angels to sing a beautiful melody.

"Oh, wow..." his voice grew husky as his hand came out to warily touch the dark emerald nightie. It was completely sheer, with intricate floral stitching, and was held up by two lace straps. Though the tiny matching lace thong hidden in the middle, had him fidgeting on the spot. Handing over the forgotten lingerie, he reached up and grabbed the beautiful number off the rack. "How much is this one?"

"Jewel tones are always a classy choice," giving him a knowing wink as she featured the deep purple and lovely maroon right next to it. "They're a little pricey, but with the promo it should mark it down half off."

"I want all three," eagerly nodding in agreement as he checked for the right size, only to remember he didn't know Penelope's size. That's why she was in the fitting room. He peered back over to those dark curtains only for a tornado of blonde, sharp clicking heels, and that striking aroma of jasmine and peaches to waft over him.

"Hey, Goddess! There you are!" shooting her a goofy grin as he held the indecent fabric high above his head. "What size are you?"

Penelope was red faced and her high ponytail was now flattened and crooked with wispy bangs sticking up wildly around her forehead as she gave him a rather dark scowl. "We gotta go."

"These are on sale!" he chirped, pressing the three pretty nighties into her hands.

"Morgan," she gritted out, though it lost the ferocity when her honey eyes dropped to his feet. He instantly recognized the tight quiver in her voice. "Sorry, excuse us," giving the other woman a polite nod as he quickly wrapped a strong arm around Penelope's back and whisked her towards a quiet corner of the overtly feminine and luminously pink store.

"Baby, what's wrong?" firmly holding her shoulders as he tried to catch her watery gaze, but she kept it glued on the sparkly black tile.

"Nothing," she sniffled, clutching the fabric tightly in her grasp. "I just wanna go."

"Pen," he lowered his voice, gently placing his finger under her chin and lifting it up. "What happened?"

"They don't know what the hell they're doing!" she practically seethed, finding that fire that had momentarily dimmed.

"Who?"

"The lady with the stupid tape!" Penelope snorted, shrugging her shoulders. "There's no way I'm an E-Cup! She even had me try on an F!"

Derek wisely remained quiet, until he asked. "So…they didn't fit?" only to lower his head and whisper. "We're they, too, small?"

Penelope stepped back, honey eyes swirling with fury "Ugh!" shoving the nighties back into his hands, she easily twirled on those deadly high heel boots and was already half way through the store before Derek's mind caught up.

He pushed his arm through the crook of her elbow and gently twisted them around, so he was now in front of the exit. "Hey, Hard Head," holding her back as she tried to side step him. "We came here for a bra and that's what we're getting."

"I'm carrying, and I'm not afraid to use it," Penelope arched a brow as her fingers locked tightly around his wrist.

"You love me, too much, to shoot me," he chuckled, but when her face remained stoic, he cleared his throat and tucked a stray curl behind her ear. "Look, who cares what number and letter are on your bra. Why walk around uncomfortable if you can prevent it? Besides I even brought one of those tapes if you want to check your size," pulling out the long cloth measuring tape from his pocket. "I looked up how to properly measure breasts last night. And, actually, it's a lot easier than I thought! It's really all about subtraction, and some cuts are sized differently so..." his voice trailed off when he heard that distinct heel tapping against linoleum.

"Morgan..."

"Garcia..."

She glared.

And he smirked.

"Did you really bring a fabric tape measure to the frickin' mall?" glaring at the flimsy laminated cloth unspooling in his large palm.

"Uh, yeah," he snorted, giving her a look like it was an obvious choice.

"Why?"

"For your boobs," he gestured towards her chest. "Aren't you supposed to bring your own?"

"No!" she barked, slapping her palm flat against her forehead only to drag it through her now frizzy bangs. "Who does that!? We don't even need it. I know what size I am!"

"Well, you're supposed to put this around your chest, like below your armpits…" loosening the fabric tape, he began to precisely wrap it around his own chest, only for Penelope to quickly snatch it away from him and shove it into her purse. Though her purse was rather small, so half of the tape was now dangling out of the zipper. "…so you can correlate it to the size chart…" he lamely finished off, standing there with his arms still pinned beneath his armpits.

She stood there stumped, with a bewildered look on her face as if she had just watched him sprout an extra head on his shoulder.

"Did you…wanna see my notes?" he waggled his brows, and she rolled her eyes at the absurdity of it all. Though, he couldn't help the wide beaming grin from crossing his face when she finally slumped her shoulders and giggled.

"You're incorrigible, you know that, right?" she shook her head, as she grabbed her long hair and pulled it tighter atop her head.

"Come on, just one bra!" tilting his head to catch her watery gaze. "Just turn that beautiful ass of yours around and get a bra. I'll even get you that fake ice cream you love so much. With the hard-shell chocolate!"

Penelope chewed on her bottom lip, then blew her bangs out of her face. "Fine! One bra! And it's FroYo and I want it with extra cookie dough and those cheesecake bites!"

"Done!"

"And, Morgan?" she queried, giving him a rather suspicious look.

"Hmm?" closing his mouth, letting his tongue pick at his teeth in case he had some of that spinach wrap from breakfast stuck in his gums.

"Why are you holding those nighties?" she arched that manicured brow and pursed her lips in accusation.

"Umm…oh these, these are for…umm…" looking at the gorgeous garments in his hands that now looked rather scandalous in the section filled with socks, robes, and sweat pants. "For the…umm…"

"Put them back," she tsked, though there was a teasing glint in her eyes that he caught right before she turned back into the store.

"Yep," he nodded dropping the lingerie onto the closest table with shower gels and face masks. "Putting them back. Like I never had them!"

Thirty minutes later, Derek was holding up a plunging navy-blue bra with matching panties on the hanger. "Baby, how 'bout this! You can wear it with that summer dress you have. You know the one that separates in the front."

"Morgan!" she hissed, shoving several bras back on the rack as she glared at the obscene objects in his hand. "I need work bras, not itty-bitty-rip-this-off-and-suck-my-titties bras!"

Derek harshly swallowed, eyes wide in shock as he admired the nearly see-through attire. Puffing out his cheeks, he clicked his teeth before agreeing, and slowly put it back.

"Hey!" that familiar voice rang out and Derek wanted to shout in triumph. "Have you found what you were looking for?"

"Penelope, this is Ashley! Ashley, Penelope!" Derek nodded, pushing Penelope closer as he stepped back. "Ashley here is really nice and knows all about bras! Like taking them apart and putting them back together!"

Penelope stared at him, for a long moment, and then finally blew out the breath she had been holding and gave Ashley a small smile. "Umm…hello."

"I wasn't sure if you left, but I saw you two looking around for a while, so I gathered some bras up and placed them in one of the rooms, if you want to try them on!" Ashley looked down, staring at the agent's chest. And then gave Derek a knowing wink. "See you were right! Those are definitely double-D's!"

"Right!" Penelope slapped her palm against her denim clad thigh, as her sleek purse fell against the curve of her hip. "That's what I've been saying! I put on a couple of pounds, but I know they didn't all go to my tits!"

Derek was wholeheartedly nodding along, only to stop and shake his head when Penelope gave him a look, and then chirped. "What room?"

"Come on you two this way!" Ashley led them through the blended sea of sweet and naughty garments and brought them to a larger changing room. It had a small cushioned bench in front of the curtain that Derek happily plopped down on. He was all for looking at bras and panties all day, but the stagnant floral perfumes, fluorescent lights, and constant chatter were starting to give him a headache. Plus, his feet were starting to hurt. "Okay, I picked these T-shirt bras out in more every day colors. That won't show through your shirts," holding up the whites, satiny creams, soft pinks and dainty nudes that had hints of dark lace adorning them. "I got them all a size above and below the size we figured you were. And remember some brands run bigger. Others smaller. So, once you find the fit you like, you can select the colors you want. Also…" she grabbed the small rolling device filled with her professional selection. "I found some that are a bit more…classy," giving Derek a teasing smirk before showcasing the padded blacks, plunging rubys, and those lovely emerald and violet balconette bras, Derek had discovered were by far his favorite. "Take your time! If you need any help adjusting them I'll be right outside!" shooing Penelope quickly into the bright room, as she struck up an easy conversation with Derek about her Calculus professor.

Almost an hour had gone by when the ragged pair finally emerged from the depths of the changing rooms. Penelope now had at least a dozen different bras, and upon both Ashley and Derek's insistence, matching panties to go along with them. Though Derek had to remain completely silent while she made her selection between the tantalizing thongs, silk bikinis, and graphic boy shorts. They finally moseyed up to the cash register, with Ashley excitedly leading the way.

"You two are just so adorable!" Ashley giggled, as she expertly rang up each item and neatly folded them into that distinctly striped bag. "I totally ship you guys!"

"Huh?" Penelope tilted her head, a small blush painting her cheeks, while Derek scrunched up his nose and muttered. "Ship?"

"Mmhmm," Ashley beamed. "Even though you two look like complete opposites…" giving Penelope's intricately black cut-up, rock band, tank top, black skinny jeans, and those buckled ankle boots a nice perusal, only to then wave her hand up-and-down Derek's sleek fitted button up, relaxed washed up jeans and those perfectly cleaned red converse. "You two just…go together."

Penelope licked her lips, unable to hide that bashful smile as her hand froze inside her purse as she searched for her wallet, only to catch Derek's stoic face as he stared straight ahead. "Umm…yeah…well, you know…sorry, how much is it?"

"Oh, I got it," Derek's hand zoomed passed Penelope's head as he handed over his debit card. "My gift to you, Pretty Mama."

"You are not buying me push-up bras and thongs, Derek!" she deadpanned, cheeks blooming a fierce scarlet. "When a man buys a woman lingerie there's a reason for it!"

Ashley's eyes shot wide open, hand frozen in the air with the superhero printed plastic, as she desperately tried to hide her knowing grin.

Derek's lips pursed and his brows knit tightly together as he kept his eyes glued on his best friend. "Oh really? Why's that?"

"You know why!"

"No, I really don't."

"Morgan!"

"Garcia!"

A long beat of silence past between the pair, and Ashley finally dared to ask. "Did you still want to purchase these?"

"Yes!"

"No!"

"Oh, no worries, take your time…" shaking her head, Ashley busied herself with organizing loose hangers.

"So what if I buy you underwear…" Derek scoffed. He was just trying to treat his friend. Why was it such a big deal? "What, now I can't buy you a gift?"

"I never said that!" jutting her hip out as she turned to fully look at him. "It's just…you know…" vaguely waving her hands in the air. "There's an expectation there. A man only buys a woman lingerie because they're gonna…you know…after… and since, we're not…that…" loosely gesturing between them, searching for those elusive words. "…you know…so you shouldn't…because…"

"Oh, okay, so I can help you find bras and panties all morning, but God forbid I pay for them!"

"We're not dating, Derek!" she screeched, her words crashing over the music streaming from the speakers. She winced, taking a deep breath before speaking quietly. "So there's no need for you to buy my underwear. I mean I appreciate the sentiment, I really do," giving him a small smile that crinkled her eyes and made her look so damn innocent. "But it's okay."

"Yeah," he nodded, taking back the abandoned card on the counter. "But I don't know what you're so afraid of. I mean just because I'm buying them for you, doesn't mean I want you to wear them for me. You don't have to worry about it."

He was only trying to calm her nerves, ease that anxiety that seemed to bubble up anytime they toed that precarious line, but the moment he saw her face crumple and then twist into jaded lines, he immediately regretted it. "Shit, Pen…I didn't mean…not like…you know…I…I mean I know we're not…" he floundered for words. None of which could take back what had already been said. There was just so much tension unleashed inside of him. Years of pent up frustration towards the woman, standing right next to him, that he spent every night dreaming about. And having spent the whole morning cooped up inside a store filled with intimate apparel had perhaps made him a little cranky. Bitter. And rather foolish.

Penelope went still, eyes shifting to the floor as she fiddled with the fringe of her tank top. "Yeah, I know," she mumbled quietly, before hurriedly fumbling with her purse and taking out her wallet. "Here, you go Ashley. You can put it on this, thank you."

Ashley nibbled on her lip and slowly took the purple card before swiping it through and printed out the receipt. "Um, okay well thank you for shopping with us today! If you have any questions or concerns, please call this number. And if you take the survey on the back you can win…" flashing the receipt, only to realize her words were falling on deaf ears as the not so couple-y couple stared daggers at each other. She then tucked it safely in the bag and pushed it forward. "Have a nice day!"

Penelope took her card back, grabbed the pink bag and spun on her heels, leaving him standing miserably at the counter.

"You should probably follow her…" Ashley whispered, passing him a free packet of floral printed tissues.

Derek gave her a tight smile and then slowly headed towards the parking lot. Though, he took his time, needing to cool off and considering he had been the one to drive them to the mall, Penelope was stuck without him. He stopped at a pretzel place and grabbed the saltiest one they had, and even splurged on an extra cheese sauce, before finally sauntering out into the warm afternoon sun.

Walking through the glaring sea of shiny cars he found her leaning against Rusty. His old beat-up Chevrolet. Penelope's arms were crossed as she peeked over her sunglasses, which barely masked the small streaks of mascara on her rosy cheeks. "You still owe me FroYo," canting her head, daring him to argue. "And you have the keys…"

Derek felt his heart twist at the pain he had inadvertently caused, only to mask his own disappointment by tearing off a big doughy bite with his teeth. She was hurt, and obviously still pissed, and he couldn't quite pinpoint exactly why. Even though, he knew damn well he had stuck his foot in his mouth, and stomped on that lets-pretend-we-don't-have-out-of-this-world-chemistry landmine. He had pushed her, when she was already frazzled and feeling exposed from a rough day of nitpicking over her size, which he believed with every fiber of his being was perfect, but what she felt was too curvy.

So, yes, Penelope was upset, but at least she was talking to him. Handing her the rest of the treat, he unlocked the dented door and helped her up inside. Quickly jogging around the truck, he slid into the cab and gave her a furtive glance. She was already munching on the pretzel and turning the volume up on her favorite station.

"You know, my yogurt's not gonna make itself," came her low murmur as she stared straight ahead and stole the extra cheese dip.

He chuckled and put the truck into gear, feeling the knot of tension, that had settled over his heart, release, just a teensy bit.

To be continued…