10 weeks post discovery

Germany

Once again I was woken up by my dreams. Every night since I found out I was pregnant, I kept on dreaming of every death I had witnessed in children. Between the children in Iraqi and the ones I had lost in surgeries, it was a lot. Not only did the dream involve dying children but they involved Owen too. The thought of him not being here to see his child pained me. I knew how much he wanted kids, and now he was getting one and didn't even know about it. I sat up in bed and put my head in my hands. I had to face the facts. He still loved Amelia, that was it. Still, one part of me wanted to believe that he was waiting for me. I straightened up and kicked my feet over the side of the bed. I had been lucky not get morning sickness. The closest thing I had to it was one nauseous spell about a month ago. I walked to the bathroom and brushed my teeth. I turned sideways to check my hair, and noticed that I had the slightest of bumps where the baby was. The sight filled me with this warm giddy feeling. 'You're going to be a mom!' I thought. I continued to brush my teeth and then went to get breakfast. I grabbed a banana and a salad for lunch and ran out the door.

The bus empty so I managed to get a seat. I looked out the window and onto the snow covered city. I placed my hand on my stomach and smiled. I was happy to be a mom, it was a dream of mine that I happened to share with Owen. 'I can do this on my own. I don't need help. I am a doctor, I know what to expect. ' I told myself. I checked my phone. 'Ten weeks.' I read. I was officially ten weeks pregnant with Owens baby. I went to call him and tell him the news but decided against it. He didn't know it existed, and at the moment, that was for the best. The bus halted at a stop and Mike Newsome walked in. He sat beside me and smiled. "Do you always take this bus?" He asked me. "No. I'm usually on the later one."

"Okay." He looked at my hand on my stomach. "Your not going to be sick are you?"

I didn't bother removing my hand from where it was. "No. Nothing like that."

"Well then tell me."

"Well.."

"Come on. I won't tell."

I considered it for a moment. I hadn't told anyone and the stress of keeping it in wasn't healthy. "Okay but can't tell a soul." He nodded. "I'm ten weeks pregnant." I said blushing and looking away. I expected an onslaught of questions, but it didn't happen. "Congratulations." He said with a slim smile. My joy disappeared after that. We were silent the rest of the way to the clinic.

We arrived at the clinic and the rest of the day we were, well, awkward around each other. He didn't seem to want to talk to me. I remained friendly despite the anger seething beneath the surface. Later that night, we were alone in the locker room and I decided to confront him about his behaviour around me. "What was that about?" I asked politely to him. "What?" He said avoiding my gaze. I slammed my locker and faced him full on. "I tell you I'm pregnant, which is a secret I have been keeping for months. I have had to suppress my joy to focus on my work. I told you because I thought we were friends, but apparently we aren't. So tell me why the hell are you avoiding me? Do just not like me anymore because I'm pregnant?" I paused my speech so that he had a chance to speak. "It's not that I'm not happy for you, or that I hate you, or anything like that."

"Then what is it?"

"This morning the board made cuts. Your name came up. I defended you as best as I could, but in the end, they sent me to tell you the news."

"Your telling me you knew I was fired but kept it a secret because of my baby?" I turned around and started angrily throwing things into my bag. "Of course I didn't want to tell you. You seemed so happy, I didn't want to ruin it for you."

"Well you did anyway." I said refusing to face him. I through my stethoscope into my bag, and ditched my scrubs on the bench. I stormed out of the room, and ran out of the clinic. The whole bus ride home I held back tears, slightly stroking my belly for comfort. 'Don't worry baby. I will figure this out.'

I paced around my apartment for a while, trying to figure out what to do next. I tapped my phone in my hand subconsciously. 'Would it be cruel to just show up in Seattle?' I debated. 'Perhaps I should call Owen. No. Richard?' I sat on my bed. 'What's the point. I could just stay in Germany.' I looked out the window. It wasn't snowing this time but the wind was shaking the trees quite violently. "Maybe not." I thought aloud. I sat there for a bit thinking what would be best for me and the baby. "Well. Looks like we're going to Seattle." I decided. I stood up and went to get my laptop.