what do you regret

Orihime writes things down all the time.

She never tells her husband that her memory is slightly impaired because of her extended stay in a world that isn't hers. He thinks that she likes to make sure of things and that's okay with her.

There are days when she writes down regrets, trials and challenges that she's faced. She lists the emotions that she feels, the things that pass through her mind and the lyrics she hears on the radio.

She has accumulated dozens notebooks full of strange notes over the ten years that they're together and her husband flips through them sometimes because they're all in a shelf in the living room. Her children know never to read them because they don't really mind that their mother has ink on her fingertips and they're more interested in technology.

He will never know that there's a small sized diary tucked in the last shelf on top of forgotten cookbooks. It has very few entries but they're all about the man who wears glasses, carries a bow and arrow with ease and a romance that never happened.

Orihime writes down things that she randomly remembers like the time her best friend nearly took her hand or the time they chatted easily throughout sewing class. There is a summer before she got together with her loud and longed-for husband that reminds her of strawberry ice cream with Tabasco sauce and a laughing Quincy in the amusement park. She vaguely remembers a time when her heart is full of something she likes but doesn't recognize whenever she thinks of him. But by then, it's too late.

She likes to keep track of the things she's forgotten about him like the way his eyes sparkle when he looks at her or when he stands in front of her to protect her from harm. These gestures are mine, she thinks fondly. He used to be mine.

So her husband never knows about the tiny notebook where Orihime writes things that remind her of heartbreak and regret.

She doesn't like to think of the things she lost because she didn't see them immediately.

(Orihime/Ishida)