Chapter Disclaimer: Scenes from S04E06

Guilt

The way back to Camelot took only two nights but it was two nights spent in relative silence, Merlin oddly quiet the whole time. Arthur left him to his thoughts as he had a few things on his mind to consider. He would need to talk to Tyr as soon as they reached Camelot. The young man would need to be told the truth or he might fear another attack from his queen. Guinevere remembered nothing of what had happened while she had been Morgana's puppet. Arthur did not imagine that she would never know the truth, for all that had happened had been written in reports and she had access to them all. He just hoped he would be there to help her through the guilt and remorse she was sure to feel.

When they reached the palace, Arthur requested that Leon escort Guinevere up to their chambers and arrange with a few servants to have a bath prepared, he knew his wife would want to wash off the filth of the past few days. Guinevere objected to the escort but for Arthur's peace of mind, she acquiesced.

Arthur followed Merlin to the physician's chambers and was glad to see that Tyr was still there, he was on the mend and would be able to leave as soon as Gaius rebandaged his wound, but for now, Arthur was thankful that he did not have to go searching for the man.

The talk with Tyr was as hard as Arthur had imagined it would be but the young man showed only compassion for the circumstances and agreed to keep the truth of it to himself. If anyone asked, he had not seen the person who attacked him's face as they had been wearing a hood, obscured by magical means.

"Merlin." Arthur called as Tyr left, Gaius picking up a few bottles that he needed to distribute to their recipients before nightfall. The old man gave Arthur a bow and closed the door behind him when he left.

"Merlin." Arthur called again, his servant fiddling with various bottles strewn on the table. Arthur had known his servant, his friend, for ten years now and felt that he knew him well. When the laws had first been changed, Merlin had barely reacted, there had been the attack on Guinevere and the knights the very next day, then the rescue mission, Arthur's poisoning, Merlin's own poisoning and race back to save Arthur from the assassin. Then they had set out to save Guinevere from Morgana's spell, it had all just been too much and the young man had not had the opportunity to take anything in.

"Merlin. Look at me." Arthur waited until his friend looked him in the eyes. "I know, Merlin. I know now what you do, what you've done. For me, for Camelot. All that you've done to help me build this world we have both dreamed of. The laws on magic have been changed, not because I want to make things easier for you but because I know it is the right thing to do. I have seen so many things these past few weeks, things the stone have shown us. I doubt that it has shown us even half of what you've done but it was enough to see that the world we live in, the world as it was a few weeks ago, was not a fair and just land as I thought it to be."

"You might not have told me yourself, Merlin, but I have seen what you do and why you do it. There is just one thing I want to say, that I need to say," Arthur placed his hand on Merlin's shoulder, waiting for his friend to look at him again, "Thank you, Merlin."

A sob escaped Merlin's lips as the emotion which had built up over the past few weeks came spilling out. He was free. He was finally free and Arthur knew. Arthur accepted him for who he was, all that he was. When his king, his friend, pulled him into a hug, Merlin's last defenses collapsed and he sobbed as he never had before.

It took an embarrassingly long time for him to pull himself together but Arthur did not tease him for it. "Alright?" Arthur asked and Merlin nodded, a smile spreading across his face, a smile such as Arthur had not seen in years.

"You don't hate me?" Merlin asked softly. Arthur shook his head, "I could never hate you, Merlin, I might have been shocked and incredulous about some of the things we've seen, but I don't think I could ever hate you."

Merlin turned his head away, overcome with emotion but unwilling to show it once again. "What will you do now?" Merlin asked after he composed himself again, turning to face Arthur.

"What do you mean?" Arthur asked, genuinely puzzled. "With me? What are you going to do with me?" Merlin asked.

"Well, I can give you a list of chores if that is really what you want," Arthur said, frowning at Merlin, "but I thought you might like the day off tomorrow. We could even have a picnic, I'm sure Guinevere would love to get out a bit and she would most likely want to talk to you as well."

Merlin looked at Arthur, a smile slowly forming on his face. "I would like that. I'm sure your chambers can survive another day without a thorough cleaning, though I must warn you, now that you know about me, I will probably use a few cheats on my chores..."

"As if you hadn't done that plenty of times before, you forget Merlin, that stone showed us quite a bit already!" Arthur ruffled his hair and stood up. "Well then, arrange for a picnic tomorrow morning, I will talk to Guinevere and we can set out at dawn."

Merlin stood and walked with Arthur to the door, "Arthur," he said as the king opened the door, "thank you." Arthur nodded and Merlin closed the door after he left. He might have resented being made a servant those first few weeks after Uther rewarded him for saving Arthur's life, but now, Merlin loved his job and the closeness he had with Arthur. What he had said that day, so long ago, still holds true, he would be happy to be Arthur's servant till the day he died. Now that Arthur knew the truth, Merlin was sure that the hurtful barbs and insults would lessen and hopefully, the king would pay a bit more attention to the warnings Merlin gave. Only time would tell...

The next morning, Merlin stood in the courtyard with three horses ready and saddled. The picnic basket was set on his own horse and as Gwen came down the steps, Merlin held his hand out to her, leading her to her horse and helping her into the saddle. Arthur was speaking to Leon and with a last gesture of his hand, he turned to his own horse, quickly settling himself in the saddle and leading the way to the small stream they would have their picnic at.

It was a bit awkward, at first, but with a decade of friendship between them, they quickly settled into idle chit-chat. It turned a bit more serious when Gwen saw Merlin's wounded leg and the two men exchanged uneasy glances. They had known that the truth would come out at some point but had hoped it would be later.

"Merlin, Arthur, I was under Morgana's control, I know her and how she thinks, there is no way that I did not cause grief and strife the few weeks she was puppetmaster to my will." Guinevere's earnest expression and words reached Merlin deep inside and he took a deep breath before explaining all that had happened.

Gwen reached for Arthur's hand as she heard that he had fallen from his horse. To think that she might have lost him without even knowing it, hurt worse than words could express. Arthur held her hand for a moment before pulling her to his side and draping his arm around her. He knew that the next part would be even harder to deal with.

Her hand lifted to her mouth as she heard Merlin explain that he had followed her to the cells and used his magic to save Tyr, the tears silently fell down her cheek and she made no move to wipe them away. The guilt was setting in and as the story progressed, she felt that her heart would break before the tale was over. It seemed that Merlin could sense something of the sort for he stopped after explaining how he had saved Arthur and returned to the cells.

She knew that there was more that had happened for this story all took place in the span of two days and she had been under Morgana's control for more than a week but the guilt was already weighing on her heart and she tugged her hand free from Arthur's grasp and gently pulled away from him.

As she prepared to stand, to go for a walk or to escape the words that now repeated themselves through her mind, Merlin held up his hand. "Wait."

Gwen stopped but could not face him. Her best friend had been thrown in the dungeons at her word and had then proceeded to save not only her husband but recently herself. There was only so much that she could take.

"Gwen. You know me and you know yourself. You would never do anything to hurt Arthur, Camelot or anyone else. It is not in your nature. What happened was all Morgana and no-one, not me, not Arthur or anyone else who knows about the enchantment, blames you in the least." Gwen moved to protest, to say that she should have done something, been stronger in heart and mind, fought against Morgana's control, something, anything, but Merlin continued.

"Remember that you're not the only one who has been controlled by her." Arthur looks up at that, not knowing what Merlin's referring to. "I was also controlled by Morgana once, Gwen. You even helped Gaius to knock me out a few times." Merlin said it with a laugh, finding the funny side of that event. Merlin did not elaborate and as Arthur watched the two, he realized that there was something that had happened that he knew nothing about. He reached into his cloak and pulled out the stone. With a raised brow, Arthur looked from Merlin to Guinevere and back again. "Sure, go ahead," Merlin said.

"Show me when Merlin was controlled by Morgana," Arthur asked as he turned the stone over and placed it on the ground.

Morgana stood with a knife in her hand then leaned forward and cut something. She stood back and a part of a snake was visible in her hand, the head hissing a bit before a multi-headed snake was shown, one head cut off and as they watched, it grew back. It hissed as one in the direction where Merlin was tied to the ceiling with ropes around his wrists.

"Fomorroh are creatures of dark magic." Morgana explained. "Even when you cut off their heads, you cannot kill them. Another will just grow in its place." Merlin looked at Morgana in silence, not giving her the pleasure of seeing him squirm. "In the days of the old religion, they were revered by the high priestesses, as they allowed them to control people's minds." Merlin's expression changed to one of concern and dread. "The fomorroh will suck the life-force out of you. Everything that makes you Merlin, will be gone. And in its place will be just one thought, one thought that will grow until it's consumed you completely. One thought that will be your life's work. You will not be able to rest until it's done." Merlin's expression was one of anger and determination. "And that one thought it simple. You must kill Arthur Pendragon." With that, Morgana pressed the snake against the back of Merlin's neck and they could only watch in horror as Merlin writhed in his chains, unable to escape the pain or the creature. When Morgana lifted her hand away, they could see the snake burrowing into Merlin's neck, visible underneath the skin.

There were many scenes and as they watched the day progressed, they were horrified at Merlin's attempts at assassination but also found it extremely entertaining. There was a secret joy at hearing Arthur explain to George that he already had a manservant and that he liked Merlin just the way he was. Merlin smiled at the scene where Arthur found him in the bog and the hug he had bestowed, something that Merlin had never known about. He was embarrassed and horrified at his own behavior toward Gaius and promised himself to make it up to the man. The poisoning attempt had been thwarted by luck and the cross-bow attempt by some fluke or unconscious magic on Merlin's part. There was a bit of humorless laughter when the Arthur in the image said that Merlin was the only one he could trust, while Merlin was standing behind him with a sword pointed at his back. Seeing himself rush at Arthur's unprotected back made Merlin's stomach roll but he could only breath a sigh of relief at his clumsy attempt that ended with him out cold on the floor.

Gwen gave an embarrassed smile when Merlin cast a look at her after her younger self had knocked him out when he had begun to regain consciousness. They all watched as the scenes progressed and when Merlin, in the guise of Dragoon finally killed the mother-beast, they all breathed a sigh of relief.

Merlin turned to face Gwen. "You see Gwen, no matter what you did while under Morgana's enchantment, we forgive you because you did not know what you were doing and had no control over your own will. If you could forgive me back then for attempting to kill Arthur then, of course, we can forgive you for what you did under her control."

Gwen gave a quivering smile but nodded at Merlin's words. What he said was true and made sense but it would take a while for her heart to acknowledge and accept that truth.

End chapter 14