Chapter 37

Temari

"Really?" I couldn't by Mrs. Miyagi how she was taking the news I had given her. Not the part of me wanting to cut back on our schedule counseling, but me talking with Kuroi. It's weird, before I would only refer to him as my 'attacker' not because I knew nothing about, and he was some random man from the street. But because I had to distance myself.

To keep myself safe.

But I now feel, no know I can't keep that distance. It wouldn't work for me. I had to comes to terms what I had to do. I had to Pick apart at the little pieces until there was nothing but a man before me. Nothing special, just a man. That I could deal with.

I know telling myself that before I faced him, helped. A lot. He had no more power over me, than he had over his own fate. "Yes." I finally said. "I know it sounds crazy, and it was cray in the moment. But …it was something that needed for me to be done. So I could be done with him."

"That was very brave of you Temari."

"And wreck-less if you ask my husband, but he did support me, and he still does."

"I'm proud of you, for taking the steps you needed. Now I see why you have little need for me now." As normal I sat in the chair across from her. Before she use to scribbling something in her notebook, every session we had. Now she doesn't scribble anything, she just listens and talks. She been doing that for a awhile now.

I like it better. I feels she listening to learn more about me, compared to writing what she think she knows. "Don't say it like that, I've really loved our sessions and I've learned a lot about myself."

"I'm glad to hear that. But I must say I will miss our conversation. "Because lets face it the weren't always about me and my situation- which was good. She never just focused on one thing, which it what I originally thought they did. Bog you down with more and more of the same thing. But I was wrong.

"I will miss them too, but it's not like ill never see you again. I've made dates to come at the end of every month for a checkups."

"That will be good. You'll have the independence you need, but also the backup security if you were to have an off day."

"Thank my husband, it was his idea. He didn't think it was best to go cold turkey on this. And I understand, sometimes I can be rather blunt with my decision making. He knows I desperately want to get my independence back. But I need to take safe steps in order to get there."

"You'll be there sure enough Temari, I'm sure."

"Thank you."

We had our last session, at least til the end of the month. It went like any normal session. I talked and she listened, then she talked and I listened. We laughed, we disagreed about some things. I even found myself wanting to cry near the end. Not because I would miss her. This relationship I have now with her, won't go away. And I cherish this new friend dearly.

But I cried just knowing how far I had come. Yes I would say it all the time, hear it from Mrs. Miyagi or Shikamarus mouth. But I never believed it. At least not fully. I always had to convince myself otherwise. Thinking I could do more- can do more. And I can, I will, I have more than enough time.

There is no race that I have to win. Time will heal everything. I think fully trusting in myself again was the biggest thing. I had lost that, and didn't think I would have that trust in myself again. It's slowly coming back to me in small waves. I can now see.

"So Temari, as always I must say, it was a pleasure to met you and I hope to see you again."

We both got up from our seats at the same time. She walked me to the door. I shook her hand. All formalities all playful. "Thank you again Mrs Miyagi, you really save me."

"I was just there as the light in the tunnel, you saved yourself Temari. Don't forget that."

"Right."

"Oh before you leave, can I ask you something?"

"Yes, what is it?"

"I know it's been a few months, and you probably haven't thought about it yet but, are you thinking of going back into work as a Shinobi?" I paused. Wow I hadn't thought of that. The idea never crossed my mind, I don't even know where my tessin is. I use to be inseparable from it. Now it's probably tossed in the back of a closet somewhere.

"I hadn't thought about it….i really don't know."

"I only ask, because I know it used to be a big part of your life."

"It was." It is? I still paused at the door, hand just touching the knob.

"It was, and I think you should go back to it." Huh? I wasn't expecting that answer at all.

"Go…back?"

"You told me you loved it, that being a shinobi was something you were good at."

"But even if I was good at it…"

"You're still good at it. Right now you don't see it, but you will. You're moving along so fast, the very idea of you hesitating to do something you love will make you laugh in a few months. " she sounded so sure of herself. Of me. " my parting words before I see you again, is do it. Even if it makes you sacred, even if you find yourself regressing back. I believe it is something you should go for."

"Why?"

"It's part of you, it is you. And I know you wont be truly happy until you get that part of your life back." I thought about what she said, for a moment.

"My husband wont like it."

"Neither will you, when you think about it it'll discourage you."

"Then why even try?"

"Why not?" I had no answer. Being sacred? But I always told myself that that was not a good excuse.

"Okay, I'll think about it. And that's something I can honestly say I wouldn't have even spoke of a few months ago. I do miss it. I've always missed it."

"I know. If and when you decided, give me a call. I'll be rooting for you."

We left the building, the sun was setting now. And there were kids crowding the streets having just been released from school. On our way home, we decided to make a quick detour stop to the academy training grounds. Watching the next generation of Ino-Shika-Cho was something. The kids were rusty to say the least. But, I've never been more interested in watching them train.

I could see the small details, the way the team was thinking. The say my son was thinking, he's like his father in attics, but the poor boy has my temper. He logically threw himself into situations-logically. But still.

"Hmm, your sons needs to work on his patiences." I voiced.

"Hmp, I wonder where he got it from." I felt shikamaru fingers interlock with mine as we stood watching. " the rushing in, the screaming before he attacks. Looks all too familiar-ow!. Did you just elbow me?"

"Sorry, it slipped. Hah"

"Troublesome. You know something."

"What?"

"Maybe you should become a trainer."

"Me? The women who you say has no patience."

"These kids don't need patience, they need someone who's going to whip them into shape, especially if we're going to get the trio into the chunin exams. I think you'd be really good at it, you might be perfect for it."

"How's that?" I asked amused.

"You'll sure as hell scare the hell out of them. So they wont fall out of line." Yes, I can see that. " but you have that motherly touch that will push them. I don't know, kids never want to let their moms down."

"Wow. You really think so?"

"Yes. I don't know. It's just my opinion, and that's really what husbands are for right? Huh?" I leaned forward, and met his lips with mine. "What was that for?" For everything. Just everything.

"I love you."

"I love you too."

I will think about what Mrs. Miyagi said. She was right, sooner or later the question would come to me eventually. For now my best option is to live in the moment. I will answer that question on whether or not I chose to return to shinobi life when it comes. For now, I just have to take it a step at a time and choice by choice. I have that options. And what I want can never be taken away from me.