Edit: 10/11/2018. So I've had a complaint that apparently the existing summary and the ACTUALLY LISTED pairing did not make said pairing and sexual orientation of the characters clear. This is rather hilarious to me, but to make it clear, for future reference:

Full summary: The Zero Requiem was successful, but to some, the price was too high. C.C. does not care about world peace, not when she has lost the last person who gave her existence meaning. Suzaku Kururugi takes refuge in the last orders from his emperor, but he aches for what could have been.

They hate each other, but in a world that so eagerly accepts Lelouch's sacrifice without thanking him for it, they cannot help but take refuge in one another. And when C.C. hatches a plan to turn back time and bring Lelouch back, Suzaku eagerly welcomes it. She will be his shield and he will be his sword, and this time, they will get it right.

Will contain the following: M/M content (SuzaLulu main, maybe others later), M/F (Suzaku/C.C., Lelouch/C.C., maybe others later), MMF (Suzaku/Lelouch/C.C.). Some graphic violence.

In other words, yes, both Suzaku and Lelouch are bi. Yes, they will have a relationship with each other AND with C.C. Readers with problems with that dynamic are advised to backspace/close tab now. Thank you for reading.

Chapter One: Regrets

It all starts with C.C. But then, most things start with the blasted witch, and Suzaku can't even bring himself to blame her for it any longer.

They're only weeks away from the Requiem. Everything is in place. Lelouch is making the final arrangements for Nunnally's eventual rule.

Technically speaking, Suzaku should not be in the palace at all, but all the guards of the Imperial Wing are under Geass. The only ones who can see him come and go are Jeremiah, Cecile and Lloyd, and they'd never say anything. They know what is at stake.

Suzaku is sitting in front of Lelouch's desk, listening to his friend drone on something about the future organization of the Black Knights. A headache is pounding at his skull. He is not happy with the fact that he's going to be forced to work with people who apparently betrayed Lelouch, but it's not like he can point fingers given what his role in the Requiem will be.

C.C. stalks in, manifesting out of nowhere, like she usually does. "You know," she says, "you work too much. At this rate, you'll be a virgin when you die."

Lelouch's eyes widen and he cuts himself off mid-sentence. "C.C.!" he exclaims. There's more life in his voice than there has been for weeks, and more color in his cheeks than Suzaku has seen for ages. Suzaku doesn't know if he's grateful, or if he hates C.C. for that.

"You know I'm right," she answers, her voice as stoic and flat as always. "Come on. Come with me."

Lelouch flails as she grabs his collar, but he's always been terrible at saying no to the people he loved. Much to Suzaku's dismay, C.C. now falls into that category. He is still protesting when she drags him toward the bedroom, but they disappear inside regardless.

C.C. doesn't bother to fully close the door, and soon, Suzaku can hear Lelouch's soft moans, accompanied by the distinctive sound of naked bodies sliding against one another.

He flees before he can eavesdrop further, but the memory haunts him.

He returns to Lelouch's quarters a few hours later. Lelouch is still in bed, sleeping, and for that, Suzaku is grateful, because he knows his friend has slept poorly in past weeks.

C.C. is next to him, petting his hair almost absently. She instantly notices Suzaku loitering in the doorway and gracefully releases her hold on Lelouch. The sheets slide off her naked body, but she doesn't seem to mind. She is beautiful—almost as beautiful as Lelouch—and Suzaku has never hated her more.

"You don't need to be jealous, you know," she tells him. "He'd kiss you too, if you asked."

"I'm not jealous," Suzaku snaps. It's a lie, and they both know it. She snorts, but doesn't bother to comment further. Instead, she curls around Lelouch, pulling him closer. It's a strangely loving embrace, and it doesn't fit the lack of expression on her face.

Suzaku leaves them, feeling empty and aching for the days when he could take refuge in simple hatred.

Under different circumstances, he would have probably avoided Lelouch for a few days, but nowadays, he can't afford that luxury. The next morning, he is at breakfast, like clockwork, with both C.C. and Lelouch.

"I was thinking of having my body burned," Lelouch says as he butters his toast.

"I don't think that would be a good idea," C.C. says, adding another lump of sugar to her tea. "Being burned alive is horrible."

"Yes, but I won't be alive," Lelouch argues. C.C. says nothing, but even Suzaku can feel the weight of her disapproval. The entire conversation is morbid, and Suzaku wants to stab himself in the eye with his fork if only to make it end. Alas, the Geass Lelouch has cast on him keeps him from an easy solution. Idly, he finds it odd that C.C. can even eat anything other than pizza. He thinks he may be losing his mind if he's worried about that at such a time.

"Maybe we can find another option," he grits out, just because he needs to do something to end the whole debacle.

"It's a little complicated though." Lelouch sighs. "By then, everybody will hate me, and I don't want my limbs to be strewn out in the streets. Nunnally doesn't deserve to see that. This whole thing will be hard enough for her."

Suzaku can't help but feel irritated for the fact that even now, Lelouch is still thinking only about the grief he will cause his sister. But at the end of the day, his pain is of no consequence. The Requiem is not just Lelouch's way to atone. It's Suzaku's too. He is a dead man walking, and he will forever wear a mask, meant to protect Lelouch's legacy of peace.

He wishes that were a comfort.

"What do you want to do then?"

In the end, it's Jeremiah who comes up with a solution. They discuss the matter with the Knight of Orange and he promises to spirit away Lelouch's body after the Requiem. "It will be my honor to protect you, My Liege, even after death," he says.

Somehow, Suzaku finds that fitting, that one of Lelouch's knights would guard Lelouch's wishes, and the other his remains. Lelouch seems satisfied too, and the matter is set to rest. But the whole conversation drives the inevitability of the Requiem even closer to home. That evening, Suzaku slips into his emperor's bedroom. Miraculously, C.C. is not there. Perhaps she went to get some pizza.

"Suzaku?" Lelouch asks. "What is it? Is everything all right?"

Suzaku can't help but let out a bitter laugh. "No. Nothing is all right. Nothing about this is all right."

Lelouch looks confused, and Suzaku can't take it any longer. He stalks to the side of the man who had been the center of his life for so long and kisses him.

It is just as C.C. said. For about two seconds, Lelouch goes rigid. It doesn't last, and he melts into Suzaku's arms, parting his lips for Suzaku's kiss. It's a little clumsy at first, since neither of them have that much experience, but it doesn't matter. Suzaku is working on autopilot, peeling Lelouch out of those ridiculous white robes, draping him over the silken sheets. He lets his body do the talking, because he can never say what he wants to through words, and if he started speaking, he would probably say something they would both dramatically regret.

Lelouch welcomes every touch. He whispers Suzaku's name against his lips like a prayer. He clutches Suzaku's shoulders, grinding his heavy erection against Suzaku's.

They falter only once, as Suzaku readies himself to enter Lelouch. "Do you want me to turn around?" Lelouch asks.

The question holds more weight than it should. Suzaku clutches Lelouch's hip so hard he will undoubtedly leave bruises. Maybe it's selfish, but he shakes his head. "No. Like this. I want to look into your eyes."

There's a flash of understanding on Lelouch's face, followed by something undecipherable, like resignation. It vanishes quickly, and then Lelouch is pulling him closer. Suzaku wonders if maybe he imagined it, and then, he doesn't wonder anything anymore. Lelouch's body is hot and welcoming around him, and Suzaku clings to his friend as he thrusts, desperately wishing that this night would never end, that they could stay like this forever.

He is crying when he comes, and as he collapses by Lelouch's side, Lelouch pets his hair and kisses his forehead. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

Suzaku wants to tell him not to apologize, but the words won't come. Euphie's memory is still between them, even now, so he says nothing and simply clings to Lelouch.

He doesn't remember falling asleep, but he must have, because when he comes to, C.C. is in the room with them. She slides out of her white clothes—and why in the world is she still wearing that ridiculous straightjacket now?—and joins them in bed.

Lelouch stirs awake as she climbs in bed with them. "C.C.?"

"Mmmhm," she hums. "Lie back, boy. Let us take care of you."

She really is a witch, because Suzaku finds himself complying with her wishes. He did not expect this when he entered Lelouch's bedroom the night before, but he doesn't complain when she positions Lelouch between them. She follows her whispered orders like he did Lelouch's when they were on the battle field. Together, they take Lelouch apart, and as his emperor's cries escalate, Suzaku wonders just how much grief C.C. will feel after the Requiem.

In the end, their budding love affair changes nothing. Lelouch remains as determined as ever, and Suzaku cannot go back, not now. He takes the mask Lelouch grants him and stands tall in front of the crowd, now as Zero.

The peaceful smile Lelouch gives him grants him the strength to drive the sword through Lelouch's heart. This is for Lelouch too. If nothing else, the Requiem will give Lelouch peace. Suzaku can carry the burden of the world. It is better for Lelouch to rest.

He tells himself that even as his emperor caresses his mask with bloody fingers. He clings to that hope as he watches Lelouch's body slide down the platform.

But his head is already starting to spin, and the scent of Lelouch's blood is fresh and cloying in his nostrils. He feels like he's about to throw up, like he's ten again and he just killed his father, or like after the disaster with the FLEIJA in Tokyo. It should not be the same. Lelouch planned this himself. It's for a purpose, and one life can hardly compare to all the blood they have spilled so far.

It hurts regardless, more than anything he has ever felt. He wishes he was the one lying at the base of the platform in a pool of his own blood. As the crowd starts chanting Zero's name around him, one question pops into his head.

How did it come to this?

It takes a month for him to be able to leave Pendragon. He's busy with guarding Nunnally, introducing her to everything Lelouch left behind, making sure Schneizel obeys him and that Cornelia won't use the chaos to make yet another mess.

When he finally manages to sneak away, he makes his way to the orangery. Jeremiah's home is a gift from Lelouch, both their inside joke and a safe place for the Knight of Orange. Jeremiah nods at Suzaku in welcome, and Anya waves at him from one of the trees. Suzaku is glad that she's managing to rebuild some semblance of life after what Marianne has done to her.

Guided by Jeremiah, he makes his way to Lelouch's grave. It's hidden well, in the shade of the trees. Nobody will ever find Lelouch here. It was a good choice.

Jeremiah leaves him at the grave site, and Suzaku kneels on the ground, brushing his fingers over the stone. It has no identifier, nothing to show this is the last resting place of Lelouch vi Britannia. "I miss you," he whispers, even if he knows Lelouch can't hear him. "I'm sorry."

"Touching, but it's too late for regrets."

The voice is so sudden that he shoots to his feet and pulls out his sword. He stops seconds before he can stab C.C. through the stomach. C.C. stares at him, as impassive as always.

Frustrated, Suzaku sheathes his sword. "What are you doing here?"

"I came to see him, of course," she replies, her tone clearly suggesting that she thinks he is an idiot.

"Now of all times? Forgive me if I think that's a pretty big coincidence."

"You're right." C.C. sits down on the grass, leaning against the trunk of a tree. "I came to talk to you."

Suzaku forces himself to not turn away from her. "Why? I think we've said everything that needed to be said."

"Not quite." Suddenly, her voice shifts, and it's filled with something thick and malicious. Suzaku has never heard her sound like that before. Her eyes burn with vitriol. It's more emotion than he has ever seen her express, outside her brief moments with Lelouch. "I came to tell you something."

Suzaku tastes dread in his mouth. "Tell me what?"

"You know... I always thought that the Requiem was a mistake. But I thought that maybe, after the world of C, Lelouch would have managed to take Charles's code, and he'd survive your stupidity. Apparently, I was wrong."

Well, now it makes sense why C.C. insisted on them not burning Lelouch's body.

"But that doesn't matter anymore," C.C. continues. "He's dead and so are the promises I made to him. So I will tell you this now. What happened to Euphemia was not his fault."

Suzaku feels like he's taken a hit in the solar plexus. He did not expect her bringing up Euphie. It was one of the things they stopped talking about, much like they never spoke about C.C.'s own betrayal of Lelouch. "W-What?" he stammers.

"The Geass went out of control. You know he had no way of turning it off at the end. That's the moment it started. It was an accident. He fully intended to join his sister, but instead, he ordered her the kill all the Japanese. A stupid joke, apparently."

That can't be right. It just doesn't make any sense. Why would Lelouch make such a joke anyway? It has to be a lie. Lelouch admitted to having deliberately placed Euphie under Geass. He said so, with his own mouth.

Then again, Lelouch has always been a great liar. Back at the Kururugi Shrine, Suzaku would have never believed such an outlandish and unlikely thing. He did realize something wasn't right during that fateful conversation, but the incident with Kanon quickly wiped away any chance of Lelouch pursuing the avenue of truth. Suzaku himself should have pressed, should have asked again... But he never bothered to even try.

As he stands there, in front of Lelouch's grave, he can't help but believe every word that came out of C.C's mouth. She is definitely petty enough to make up the story, but he knows she is being honest.

"Shirley Fennette was similar." She smiles bitterly. "In fact, I never did get why you blamed him for that. It was Rolo who killed her."

Rolo. The assassin assigned to replace Nunnally. Suzaku should have been more surprised. Instead, he's wondering why he never realized it before. How could he have ever believed that Lelouch killed her?

"Why tell me this now?" he croaks out. "Why didn't you tell me before?"

"He didn't want you to know," C.C. replies, her voice once again toneless. "He thought that it would make things more difficult for you... after."

Lelouch was right of course. Suzaku did not even realize how much Lelouch's involvement in Euphie's death helped him until now. The image of Lelouch shooting his own sister will never leave his mind, nor will the memory of Euphie's last moments, but just the knowledge that he had not cold-heartedly planned it is earth-shattering.

He cannot find his voice to reply. C.C. gets up and brushes past him. She briefly places her hand on the grave, then walks away without looking back.

Suzaku falls to his knees and screams.