BEGIN LOG: Subject Number 1

FILE UNDER: CLASSIFIED

"Remember before when I mentioned you were waddling? Well you're doing it again, if you're going to test then please do so in a dignified manner. Unless this is your normal walking pattern, in wich case forget I said anything, its probably just your bone structure agan."

Chell rolled her eyes as she stepped out of the elevator. She'd been at this for hours, solving the tests and enduring GLaDOS's petty insults. Wheatley had promised an escape plan was in the works, but so far he was nowhere to be found.

Right now though, she had a more pressing issue.

As Chell continued into the chamber, she felt a pang from her lower abdomen, causing her to grit her teeth in discomfort. "Why," she thought bitterly,"didn't I go back at the Relaxation Vault?"

Her need to pee hadn't been a problem before, 9999999+ days in suspension had generated surprisingly little urine. And when you're on the run from a homicidal supercomputer, a bathroom break is the last thing on your mind. Now though, it was becoming distracting, she had nearly fallen off the hard light bridge three times, and the scares were NOT helping her bladder.

"What is taking you so long? Usually you solve these in five-oh..." GLaDOS trailed off as she checked the camera and noticed Chell's stiff posture, pained expression, and subtle fidget. "Well, I suppose I should get you to a bathroom before you make a mess in my test chamber, but its's so much fun watching you squirm. Let's test your bladder capacity."

Chell bit back a groan of pain as the intercom clicked off. She needed to take care of her problem quickly, before GLaDOS started "accidentally" playing waterfall sounds over the speakers.

Glancing around the room, Chell assesed her options: The open wall panel? No, it could short circut and crush her. The exit elevator? She doubted she could make it that far, and she REALLY didn't want to stand in a puddle of her own pee the whole way down.

Another jolt of pain from her bladder snapped Chell out of her thoughts. "At this rate I might as well just jump in the-wait..."

Chell glanced over to the pit of Deadly Goo she was supposed to be crossing. Just as she thought, there was a portal surface on the wall overlooking the pit, and over in the corner a white panel had fallen on the floor.

Thinking quickly, Chell disabled the security camera, then placed one portal on the pit wall, and the other on the fallen panel in the corner. Glancing around to be sure no one was watching (you never know in Aperture), she hurried over to the fallen panel, pulled down her jumpsuit and underclothes, and got down to business.

It isn't every day you see what had to be centuries worth of pee flying out of a portal and landing in a pool of indescribable sludge, GLaDOS was impressed too. "Well, that has got to be the most...creative use of portals I''ve seen in a long time. However, you are still contaminating my Deadly Goo. An extra *9999* hours of testing will be required to pay for the damage"

"The stuff''s probably 99% human waste already." Chell thought as she used the Aperture Science brand sanitary napkins in her pocket to clean up. And yes, apparently GLaDOS had seen her pee, but it didn't really matter. Just another act of rebellion, right?

As Chell pulled up her clothes and continued the test, she couldn't help but smile.

There might be more tests ahead, Wheatley might be MIA, and she might not even make it out alive, but she had won this small battle, and it felt amazing.

Ok, so I am a huge fan of MasterXploder's work, and when I realized he hadn't done my favorite game, I took matters into my own hands. I've been around the internet and apparently a lot of people want to see Chell desperate, so here's my take on it. The title is an obvious pun BTW