Chapter Thirty

For as long as Hiram Berry lives, he's certain he'll never forget the sound of Brittany Pierce's voice as she screams the words, "Rachel won't let go of Quinn's body," into his ear.

He's sure he's going to have nightmares about it for the rest of his days, but he's trying not to think too hard about that. There was just something about that unexpected phone call that will stay with him for forever, and he doesn't think his already-battered heart can handle it.

Whether it was Brittany's panicked voice or the sound of Rachel's screams in the background, he doesn't know, but that Tuesday in February will forever go down as one of the worst days of his life.

This particular day, though, isn't much better. He's probably in the last place he wants to be, given the events of this horrible, terrible week, but he and LeRoy were asked to wait for Mr William Schuester in the man's office, and so the two of them are going to do just that.

It's mid-morning, and the men haven't had any meaningful sleep since they were asked to come to Dalton by a high-pitched voice belonging to Emma Pillsbury.

She's the same woman who first called Hiram after the incident at the Halloween dance what feels like years ago, but is actually only a few months.

It's amazing how much a person's life can change in just a little bit of time.

Look at where they are, just three days after the single day that's proving to be one of the most difficult.

Hiram even arrived at Dalton with the sole of intention of whisking his daughter away, hiding her somewhere and protecting her from the aftermath of -

LeRoy reaches for his hand, ridding him of his spiralling thoughts for a moment. The man really has been his rock through all of this, a calm, steady presence next to Hiram's potential for overdramatics and floundering.

Still, both men have had to be strong for their daughter.

Eventually, Will - no longer Mr Schuester to any of them - does return to his office, his facial expression giving away none of his feelings. It's something he's perfected over the years, and he hates that it's had to be put to use this way.

"Thank you for waiting," Will says, moving to shake both men's hands before taking his seat at his desk. "I wish we weren't having another meeting like this."

The three of them have been engaged in a few meetings over the past few days, some of them included with the parents of Brittany Pierce, Santana Lopez and Kurt Hummel.

There's been a lot of talking and a lot of decisions made, but the fact remains that none of them should even be here.

"How is Rachel, today?" Will asks, genuine in his concern.

Hiram and LeRoy exchange a brief look before the former speaks. "She's… doing as well as can be," he says.

Will nods in understanding, looking pensive. "I wish I could do more for her," he quietly confesses. "For all of them."

"You're doing all you can," LeRoy says; "and, while they're probably not in any state to show it, I'm certain they appreciate it."

Will just hums, shifting slightly. "I've tried contacting Quinn's parents, but all I get is their voicemail on the private numbers, and any official communication is stonewalled by their PR."

Hiram's fists clench, and LeRoy winces as his hand gets squeezed.

"I'm not sure what more we can do at this point," Will says, looking borderline distraught. "Dalton Academy has procedures to follow, and I - " his voice catches. "I - I should have seen it," he whispers. "I knew she was - but I - "

"Don't," LeRoy says. "It's going to help nobody if you blame yourself. There's no one to blame here."

Will gives him a significant look. "Isn't there?"

And, really, LeRoy isn't sure what to say to that.

Will sighs. "I believe, at this point, Russell Fabray's campaign is unlikely to recover," he says. "They've been working to save face, but it doesn't seem to be working."

"Good," LeRoy mumbles.

"One would think they would actually start to care after something like this," Will says, shaking his head. "We've received more messages in support from total strangers than from her own parents."

"I think, at this point, calling them her parents is too kind," Hiram says.

Will is about to agree, when there's the sound of a knock on his door, and his secretary, Regina, immediately pops her head inside.

"Will," she says. "I've got Holly Holliday to see you."

He nods in acknowledgement.

"And," Regina starts and stops, suddenly emotional; "Quinn Fabray has also arrived."

It's as if the air gets sucked out of the room, the atmosphere drying up with the click of the door once Regina closes it. Her revelation is followed by silence that is suffocating and uncomfortable.

Will manages to recover first, choosing to deal with one thing at a time. "I've called in Holly Holliday," he starts. "She's a trauma counsellor who will be working closely with the students during this time. The entire student body has been shaken by these events, and we're going to need her in order to recover. She comes highly recommended."

Neither Hiram nor LeRoy even knows what to say at this point.

"Also, apparently, Quinn is here," Will says, his voice dropping in volume. "I'll admit that I wasn't expecting her back until later, but it seems the 72-hour suicide watch is over, and - "

"She's here," LeRoy finishes.

Will clears his throat. "Will Rachel also be returning?" he asks. With so many of his prefects out of school this week, he's sure he would have faced mutiny, if the school, as a whole, wasn't so subdued.

There's just been this bubble of unexplained emotion hanging over them all, and he can't recall hearing any laughter in the corridors.

He can't even remember the last time he laughed.

It was probably during his weekly meeting with Quinn.

On Monday.

Just a day before she -

He closes his eyes at the thought, forcing his breathing to stay steady. It wouldn't do to show too much emotion in front of these parents who have also clearly been struggling with all of this.

"Rachel is also here," Hiram eventually answers. "She insisted on coming in from the city with us. She's ready to be back at school."

"She's ready to be back with Quinn," LeRoy adds.

All three men fall silent, each of them lost in thought. The truth of the entire situation has never been more apparent than in this moment.

Quinn Fabray, who has been a pillar for this school, attempted to end her own life after it was revealed to the great big world that she was gay.

No.

After she received a phone call, during which something very telling was said.

Only the two people involved in that phone conversation know what words were exchanged, and Will suspects they had to be awful enough to drive Quinn to that, then.

Will takes a deep breath.

That isn't even all of it. He also has to deal with the aftermath of the discovery. Too many students saw Quinn.

Then, there's the endless calls he's been getting from other worried parents, and from the press. The school's board also wants answers to questions they aren't even asking, and he has to be the man who remains strong for all of them.

Then, of course, there's the fact that Quinn's parents haven't even acknowledged that their only daughter almost died.

He gets the sick feeling they're disappointed.

"Quinn's place is here," Will says softly. "Even if her fees weren't paid until the end of the year, she's always going to have a home here."

Hiram smiles sadly. "Thank you for that," he says. Then, his smile slipping, he says, "we tried to prepare for what would happen if ever her parents found out. I thought we had everything covered."

"You can't have known what was in her head and heart," Will says.

"A part of me is convinced I did," he confesses.

LeRoy tenses, because he feels the same.

They all do.

Will clears his throat. "Owen Masterson," he starts; "you met him on Wednesday, I believe."

"The scout?"

"Something like that," he muses. "He said something to me about Quinn's talent a while back, when I asked why he kept returning to watch her play when it was obvious she wasn't interested in what he had to offer. He said she was something special because, besides the fact that she can do all the basics perfectly, there's just that bit more: speed, agility, intelligence.

"He said she was the kind of good that comes once in a while; the kind of good that, you can see as clear as day what step they're going to take or what pass they're going to make but, try as you might, even if you see it coming straight at you, you're still powerless to stop it. It's the hallmark of how good she is, he said.

"Sometimes, that's all it is," he says. "We can sit here and go over every little thing, but nobody can definitely tell you or me that anything we did differently could have been the difference."

LeRoy raises his eyebrows. "This is a far cry from the man who was ready to blame himself just minutes ago."

"We all have our moments of weakness."

"Indeed, we do."

When the three men do eventually leave Will's office, they emerge to find a blonde woman sitting in Regina's office, casually discussing the weather with the older secretary.

To Will, she looks like the most unassuming woman he's ever seen and, for a second, he's questioning her appointment.

She's supposed to help his students?

Will just about manages to school his features in time for the blonde woman to rise to her feet as she greets them, carefully introducing herself to Will, Hiram and LeRoy.

The woman seems kind, if a little jaded. She has this warmth about her, but she seems to realise the severity of the situation in which they find themselves.

"These are Rachel's parents," Will says, aware that Holly has been fully briefed on all the students directly involved in the mess that awful campaign ad created.

"Ah," Holly says, looking solemn. "I'm sorry we have to meet like this."

Hiram eyes her critically. "Do you think you'll actually be able to help them?" he asks, and his voice isn't kind. He really doesn't want to leave his children here, but Rachel is insisting, and he has no power over Quinn.

Holly meets his gaze. "I don't know," she says truthfully. "My first priority is getting them through this part: the immediate aftermath, and helping them get reacclimatised to school life. I'm not the long-term solution, and I can imagine they're going to need help beyond what I'm capable of."

Hiram deflates slightly. "I'm sorry," he says.

"It's okay," the woman says, smiling sadly. "You've all been through an ordeal this week."

Holly doesn't quite know, but she's about to.

Will accompanies Holly to Quinn's bedroom, as he was always going to. There's something unsettling about the woman, and he absently wonders what makes a woman do this for her career. She travels the state, and the country, stepping into traumatic situations with the intention of helping the people involved recover.

What about her?

"Can you tell me about Quinn?" Holly asks to fill the silence. "I can only read so much about her, so I'm curious to hear what people have to say."

Will feels his heart ache at the thought of the blonde; at what she must have gone through.

Is still going through.

"Anything," Holly presses.

He clears his throat. "Quinn has been an important part of Dalton since she arrived, even if she was very guarded," he starts. "Since she ran for Head Student, though, she's started to… open up. I don't know if it was the leadership position, or maybe it was Rachel's influence. I really don't know." His voice catches on Rachel's name, and he hates this.

He positively hates this.

"I had a sense something was amiss," Will says softly. "I couldn't be sure what, but there's always been this… darkness in Quinn's eyes. She pretends well, I guess."

"You've got to know her since her appointment?"

"She's an amazing Head Student," he says. "One of the best I've worked with, if I'm being honest. She's organised and attentive. She struggled a bit with delegation, but I think that's part of her perfectionist personality."

"Were you aware of her relationship with Rachel?"

Will almost laughs, but he's not sure what he finds funny. "They didn't always get along," he says, which might be an understatement. "There have been a few incidents involving the two of them, which I'm sure you can read in their respective files, but, no, I wasn't aware. I try not to pay attention to my students' relationships."

Holly just nods, and then comes to a stop when they reach the elevator to take them up to the fourth floor. She's trying to build an idea of just what she's going to be faced with, and it's proving to be more difficult than she anticipated.

She's dealt with this kind of thing before - a student's suicide attempt - but even she realises this one is going to be different. There's a lot involved beyond what she's seeing at face value.

Quinn is obviously in the middle of everything, but she's connected to so many people. The outing, itself, is the catalyst for all the events that have played out.

The trigger, as it were, and Holly realises she's going to have to dive right into that before she and Quinn can tackle why there was a trigger at all.

Holly follows in silence as Will enters the elevator, and they ride to the fourth floor with both of them lost in thought. She wants to ask him some more about his students, but she imagines he's struggling more than he's letting on. He's on the list of people she's going to be talking to, so she can rest assured she'll be able to help him in some capacity.

Will's steps falter when they approach Quinn's bedroom door. His mind flashes back to that fateful day, and there's a part of him that wants to turn and run.

Holly must sense his hesitance because she brings them to a stop a few metres away. "I think I can handle it from here," she says. Then, with a slight furrow to her brow, she asks, "Are there any other rooms available?"

"Excuse me?"

"I just worry that, if you can't seem to handle this room, then how is anybody else supposed to?"

Will clenches his jaw. "There is a second Deputy's room that's currently empty," he says. "It's available if Quinn wants it."

Holly nods. "Thank you."

"We'll need to discuss a few more things before you get started," he says. "We can meet for some coffee in my office?"

"That sounds fine," she confirms. "Three o'clock?"

"Any preference?"

"I'm pretty flexible."

Will is surprised by his own blush, and he takes an involuntary step back from her. "I guess I'll just leave you to it," he says.

"Later," she says, and then walks the rest of the way to Quinn's bedroom, finding the door slightly ajar and complete silence within. She takes a few calming breaths before she knocks once, and then pushes on the door to find Quinn… alone.

The girl, who is currently sorting through the work she's missed, looks up at her and doesn't react at all. She's as impassive as ever, and Holly is still trying to get used to it.

They've had only one conversation before this, late last night, when Holly visited Quinn in the Psyche Ward at the hospital to relay what she has planned for Quinn's… recovery once she returned to school.

Quinn was as responsive as she is right now.

"Hello, Quinn," Holly says.

Quinn just nods in acknowledgement.

"Where is Tara?" Holly asks, cautious.

Quinn gestures towards the bathroom.

Holly sighs internally, but doesn't say anything. It's not the time to push Quinn, but it's going to happen at some point. They both know it. Quinn is going to be seeing a lot more of Holly.

"How are you feeling?" Holly asks.

Quinn stops what she's doing and levels her with a gaze that makes Holly really question if she's actually cut out for this. With a sweep of her arm, Quinn gestures to the window. "I like the bars," she says.

Holly audibly swallows. "Quinn."

"It's a suicide precaution, I know," Quinn says. "Nothing to do with making this place feel like a glorified prison."

Holly can't stop herself when she asks, "Does it feel like a prison?"

Quinn arches an eyebrow. "I wasn't aware this was a session, Dr Holliday."

Holly is about to respond when they hear the toilet flush, and Quinn uses the opportunity to return her attention to sorting through her missed work. Holly lets it go, and then turns her head when the bathroom door opens to reveal Tracey Jonas, Quinn's extended suicide watch.

Holly doesn't, for a second, think that Quinn is passed her desire not to be here.

Tracey startles at the sight of Holly. "Oh, Dr H," she says, flushing slightly at being caught leaving her charge alone. "Hello."

Holly nods in her direction. "I thought the whole reason for your employment is never to leave Quinn alone."

Tracey deflates slightly. "I had a human moment," she explains. "It won't happen again."

Holly just gestures with her head for the young woman to give her a moment with Quinn, and Tracey takes the cue, leaving the room in silence.

Holly looks at Quinn. "Has anyone seen you yet?" she asks.

"Just Miss Pillsbury," Quinn responds. "I met with her in her office before I came here. She's collected all my work for me. I suspect she thinks it will do me good to have something to keep me occupied."

Holly recognises the name from her reading, and just nods. "Anyone else?"

Quinn shakes her head. "It's a school day." Then: "Am I even allowed to see anyone?"

"Of course."

"But, I wasn't while I was in the hospital?"

Holly risks a step towards her. "It was a critical time, Quinn," she says. "Your doctors decided it was better for all those involved that you were kept in isolation until we could get you calm and responsive."

Quinn's face gives away the most Holly has seen before, her hope shining in her eyes as she nibbles at her bottom lip.

"You'll be able to see Rachel," Holly answers Quinn's unasked question.

Quinn's breath catches. "I don't even know what to say to her."

"She probably won't even need you to say anything," she offers, smiling slightly.

Quinn just nods, turning away.

"We're going to spend this weekend trying to get you back into your routine," she says. "But, we also need to make sure we don't stress you out or set off any triggers."

"I'm not aware of any triggers."

"Neither am I," Holly says. "But, you must have them."

Quinn frowns. "Is this a session?"

Holly shakes her head. "No, we have one scheduled at five o'clock in the boardroom, I believe."

Quinn just nods.

"If you're not up for eating lunch in the dining hall, that's okay," she says. "We can organise for you to have your meal in your room, if need's be." She pauses. "I'm also aware that you've been reluctant to eat complete meals, which is something we're also going to have to discuss."

Quinn licks her lips. "I don't think you're prepared for all that's wrong with me," she says.

Holly shrugs, even though she's inclined to agree with the teenager. "If you need to get a hold of me before then, Tracey has my number."

Quinn rolls her eyes. "Do I really need a babysitter?"

Holly waits a beat. "Maybe she's not for you," she says. "Maybe she's for everyone else."

And, with that, she leaves Quinn's room, nods once at Tracey, and then crosses the corridor to what she knows is Rachel's bedroom.

The door is closed, and she can hear muffled voices from within. Taking another deep breath, she lifts her fist and knocks.

It's about fifteen seconds before the door is opened by a tall blonde woman, and Holly startles slightly at the sheer number of people in the room. She recognises Rachel immediately, sitting on the edge of her bed between her two fathers. There's an older brunette woman standing and talking with a tall man in the corner, and there's a baby asleep in a carrier on the desk.

"Dr Holliday," Hiram says, rising to his feet. "Please, come in."

Holly steps into the room hesitantly. "Hello," she says to them all. "I'm Holly, and I'm a trauma counsellor."

The man in the corner steps forward. "I'm Daniel, and I'm one of the brothers."

Holly smiles warmly at him.

"And, that blonde beauty over there is my wife, Emily-Anne."

Holly turns her head, and the introductions continue with baby Lena, Mother Shelby and, of course, Rachel.

The young brunette studies her with suspicion, which Holly expects. "You've seen Quinn," she says, slight accusation in her tone.

Holly nods, wondering if Quinn arrived at her own room after everyone congregated in here. "She's currently in her bedroom," she says.

"Can we see her?" Emily-Anne asks.

Holly nods. "Maybe not all at once," she warns. "We don't want to overwhelm her."

Rachel immediately gets to her feet. "But, we can see her?" she questions. "You're not going to keep us from her again, are you?"

"I'm not," Holly confirms. Then: "you're free to go across, if you'd like. I can speak to your family in the mean time."

Rachel hesitates, unsure if she wants to leave this strange woman with her family. But, ultimately, her desire to see Quinn wins out, and she practically bolts out of the room.

Holly knows giving her any warnings is pointless. She's certain neither girl is going to be thinking about the intricacies of the position in which they find themselves during their reunion. Holly accepts that the best thing for both of them right now is to see each other, and Holly wouldn't dream of intruding on that moment.

Tracey is enough.

"So," Daniel says once Rachel is gone; "what do you want to know?"

Holly looks at him, seeing a kindred spirit. "I want to know about Quinn," she starts. "And Rachel, and about their relationship."

"That's… a lot," LeRoy says from his position on Rachel's bed. "You're going to have to be more specific."

"I really want to know anything," Holly says. "We can start with Quinn."

"She's terrifying," Daniel starts, and Emily-Anne immediately elbows him in the ribs. "What?" he squeaks. "It's true. I'm scared of her."

Holly frowns. "Why?"

"Have you met her?"

There's collective nodding.

"She's always been very private and guarded," Emily-Anne says. "I think the only person who knows anything real about her is Rachel. She's probably the only person Quinn ever let in enough to know her in a way that really matters."

"We know only what she wanted us to know," Hiram says. "She trusts slowly, with reason, and she's always been very careful about who learns about her sexuality." He shakes his head. "I hate that she was exposed in our home."

There's a shift in the air at the sound of that, and Holly senses there's still a lot she doesn't know. Her mental notebook is going to be full by the end of this.

With another soft smile, she settles in to hear what more she can learn about the girls she's set out to help.

Rachel spends an obscene amount of time waiting in front of Quinn's bedroom door. She left her own with a mission, and she's faltered at the first hurdle.

She's terrified of what she could find on the other side of the door.

She's also a little worried about how she's going to react to the sight of Quinn. A part of her thinks she'll probably want to beat the crap out of her, or burst into tears. She'll probably be tongue-tied, her brain non-existent.

Eventually, Rachel works up the courage to open the door. She doesn't bother to knock because, honestly, that ship sailed a long time ago. She's aware her body is trembling from an entire host of emotions, and her brain almost tricks her into thinking the room is going to be empty.

It's not.

Quinn is standing over her desk with her back to Rachel, not having heard the door, and Rachel uses the opportunity to study her girlfriend with a certain intensity that has Tracey wishing she was anywhere else right now.

As quietly as she can, Tracey slips out of the room, and it's the sound of the door clicking shut that spooks Quinn enough to whip around, her eyes wide.

The blonde immediately whimpers at the sight of Rachel.

Neither of them makes a move.

The moment lasts a slice of forever, and Rachel can practically feel her heart beating in every part of her body. She's terrified of this moment, and every moment to come.

"Quinn," her mouth says, but no sound comes out.

And, then, just like that, they're both moving, each of them taking strides to close the distance between them, their arms already reaching out.

Rachel bursts into tears the second she feels Quinn's arms close around her. The strength of her; the warmth of her. Rachel buries her face against Quinn's chest, desperate to feel her heart beating.

She never wants to hold this body again and not feel it.

She won't survive it.

Not again.

Quinn holds her so tightly that it hurts, but she doesn't care. She'll never care again. This is Quinn and this is Quinn's hug, so Rachel will never complain again.

"I love you," Quinn whispers, and that does nothing to quell Rachel's tears. "I love you. I love you so much." She's also crying, and the two of them just stay in their tearful embrace for nearly seven full minutes.

Rachel doesn't want to let go.

She never wants to let go.

"Don't," Rachel says the second she feels Quinn start to release her. "Don't you dare."

The warning is clear, and, before Quinn can tighten her hold, Rachel is reacting.

It's feral or primal or something, but her residual anger with Quinn and with Quinn's parents and with this stupid school and with the hospital and with Dr Holliday rears its ugly head, and Rachel is shoving Quinn away.

The blonde stumbles backwards, but manages to keep her balance.

"Don't!" Rachel snaps, and she has no idea what's happening. "You don't get to - you don't get to just stand there and tell me you love me when you were going to leave me!" She doesn't even know where any of this emotion is coming from, because all she's wanted is to lay eyes on Quinn and, now that she has, all she wants to do is… yell.

And cry.

And hit something.

And hug her so tightly and never let go.

So, she does the thing she's most comfortable with, and yells.

At first, she doesn't even know what she's saying, because it's all a garbled mess, but she ends up saying things like what were you thinking and how dare you let them take you away from me and if you really loved me, you wouldn't have done this and what was I supposed to do without you and how, how do we even get through this and don't you ever do that to me again and -

The door swings open violently, both Holly and Tracey tumbling into the room, and Rachel realises for the first time she's not the only crying mess in the room. Guilt slams her hard in her chest at the sight of Quinn practically cowering in the corner, her body curled into herself.

Rachel's automatic response is to go to her, hug her, but Quinn flinches and takes a step back, which makes Rachel's stomach bottom out. This is definitely not how she expected this first meeting to go, and she's disgusted with herself, because this is definitely not what Quinn needs from her.

She's vaguely aware of Holly saying words to Quinn, but she can't hear them, and then Tracey is ushering her out of the room. Her protests die on her lips when Holly shoots her a look that's equal parts pleading, disappointed and stern, and she allows herself to be led out of the room and straight into her father's waiting her arms.

She hears the door close behind her, and she sobs into Hiram's chest, just wishing the entire last fifteen minutes of her life could be wiped from the Universe's timeline.

Hiram just holds her, wishing with all his might that he can make everything better for both his girls. He just doesn't know how to fix it all. There's no way for him to snap his fingers and magically have everything right itself.

Life doesn't work that way, and it's usually a very painful lesson.

This one just seems to hurt a little more, so he just holds her until Holly emerges from Quinn's room and says, "I think I should speak to Rachel alone."

Hiram hesitates, but Rachel removes herself from his embrace, and starts to walk, Holly realising she's expected to follow.

Holly glances at the gathered family. "I think we'll hold off on having any more visitors," she says. "Maybe tonight?"

Hiram just nods. "Okay."

"Sorry," she says, wincing, and then goes after Rachel, who has managed to make it to the end of the corridor already. She knows she might have dropped the ball with this one, but there's only so much she could have done to prepare them all. She just didn't expect that.

Obviously, neither did either of the girls. Rachel looked almost as surprised as Quinn. Distraught. Heartbroken. Lost.

When Holly catches up, she doesn't say anything.

The two of them just walk, their footsteps light on the tiles. The school is quite beautiful, with an old feel about it, and Holly can only wonder what her life would be like if she was afforded the chance to go to a school like this.

It's Rachel who eventually brings them to a stop near a large, round window. There's a significant sill for them to sit, but neither makes the move to do such a thing.

"I think I knew," Rachel whispers, her voice wet as she looks out the window.

Holly's brow furrows. "Knew what?"

"When I saw that ad, watching the news circus it caused… I just knew." She sighs. "It was like this uneasy feeling settled over me, swimming in my veins, and letting me know I just had to find her."

Holly feels a certain chill run down her spine at the vacant look in Rachel's eyes. "And, you did," she says. "You found her, Rachel. You probably saved her life by getting to her so quickly."

Rachel shakes her head. "Please don't tell me that," she says. "That's really the last thing I need to be hearing, because that means she was almost dead. She was almost gone, and I can't - I can't handle that truth, okay? I don't need to hear it."

Holly knows they're going to need to discuss it properly at some point, but she'll let it go for now. This isn't an actual session - she just needs to make sure Rachel isn't going to hold onto the slight self-loathing she's picking up in her entire demeanour.

"They wouldn't let me go with her," Rachel says, and she sounds so far away. "In the ambulance. They - they said I wasn't family. But, I am. We are. We're the only family she has, and I didn't want her to be alone. She's already been so alone, and - and - I couldn't let go."

Holly lets that linger in the air, because she can't say anything that'll change what happened that day. Her job is to help them work through it as best they can.

"I'm curious to hear from you about the relationship Quinn has with her parents?" Holly prompts.

Rachel frowns, maybe from the abrupt topic change. She's surprised they aren't actually discussing the entire mess she just created in Quinn's bedroom.

"There is no relationship," Rachel finally says. "As far as I know, at least. Quinn rarely sees them or even talks about then, and you should see the way she coils herself up whenever she speaks with one of them; as if she's just waiting, expecting, the disappointment and heartbreak." She sighs. "Even when she's at the house in Hartford, they're not even there with her."

Holly makes a mental note of it.

"Did you know she's been in boarding school since she was seven years old?" Rachel suddenly says, as if it's bursting out of her. "I mean, who does that? Why are there even schools that take kids that early?"

Holly doesn't have an actual answer to that, so she doesn't try. "So, during the holidays, Quinn is alone?" she asks. "Until she met you, though, right?"

Rachel blinks. "I think she went home with Santana a few times, maybe," she says. "I don't know."

Holly takes a moment to recall the name, knowing from the incident report that Santana Lopez is the one who first started performing CPR on Quinn.

Now, that's going to be a heavy session to navigate.

"But, yes, Quinn came home with me for Thanksgiving," Rachel continues. "Now, I think my family probably looks forward to seeing her more than they do me."

"Why do you say that?"

"Have you met her?" Rachel asks rhetorically. "It's the hardest thing trying not to fall in love with her. Believe me, I tried."

Holly's curiosity piques at that. "You tried not to like her?"

"Of course," Rachel says, as if it's the most obvious thing in the world. "Quinn is Quinn. I was determined for people not to know me, you know? When I first arrived at Dalton, I stayed under the radar as much as I could, until I decided to run for Head Student, and that's when I came face-to-face with Quinn for the first time.

"I wouldn't say we really clashed, but we've liked the challenge a little too much to be strictly normal for healthy relationships." She rolls her eyes a little. "She was so… intriguing, I guess. She was guarded and proper and so serious. She has this way of making sure you see what she wants you to see and, when I figured out how to look beyond that front she put up, I was pretty much a goner.

"And, really, of all the people to develop feelings for, Quinn Fabray had to be the worst choice in all of existence. I knew nothing could ever come of it. It was impossible, and I was resolved to suffer my unrequited feelings in silence and misery."

"Why did you think she wouldn't be receptive to your feelings?"

Rachel gives her an incredulous look. "Dr Holliday, be serious," she says. "Firstly, as far as I knew, Quinn dated only boys before. She's religious. Her family is notoriously homophobic. Santana also mentioned that it probably wouldn't ever happen, and I managed to convince myself of that."

"So, you were going to be just her friend?"

Rachel winces. "I wouldn't really call what we were doing at the start of the school year to be… friends," she confesses. "Quinn asked me to watch her; push her, and we fought. A lot." She lets out an unexpected laugh. "Brittany thinks it was all misplaced sexual tension."

"What do you think?"

Rachel shrugs. "Does it matter?"

"I'm curious to know."

Rachel sighs. "I think - I think there was a part of me that constantly wanted Quinn's attention, even when I couldn't fully admit how much I liked her. Fighting with her was one way to achieve that."

"Did the… fighting decrease when you became a couple?"

Rachel spends a moment thinking about it. "It did," she finally says. "In terms of Head Student things, definitely."

"Because you had her full attention?"

"And, I've been overwhelmed by it ever since."

Holly blinks, surprised but appreciative of Rachel's candor. "Is that a good or a bad thing?"

"Does it even matter?" Rachel returns, eyes boring into hers. "She's Quinn, and I love her. I don't care about anything beyond the fact that she's here, she stays and she's mine."

Quinn catches a nap while Tracey watches over her. The fact that she can get any sleep at all is a miracle, and so is the fact she doesn't dream. She hasn't dreamt about anything at all since -

Well, since.

Dr Holliday, Holly, wants her to put what happened into words. She's not supposed to skirt around it. She has to think it, say it out loud, because it's important and also a part of her recovery to acknowledge it for what it is.

Her recovery.

Because, she's recovering from -

Quinn shifts in her sleep, a low groan escaping her lips, and Tracey shifts uncomfortably. She's been trained for nearly everything, but there's something very different about Quinn Fabray that has unsettled her since they met.

Tracey gets the feeling Quinn really would have tried again, if they weren't watching her as closely as they have been, and that truth is terrifying.

Quinn is still asleep when Holly returns, poking her head into the room to find Tracey reading one of Quinn's many books. There's something oddly domestic about the scene, and Holly feels as if things could be normal if she didn't know just what kind of emotional trauma she's going to have to unpack with the girl currently asleep.

"Everything okay?" Holly asks softly, slipping inside and quietly shutting the door behind her.

"She fell asleep almost right after you left," Tracey says, getting to her feet. "She didn't say anything beyond a mumbled 'goodnight.'"

Holly nods, glancing at Quinn's slumbering form. "She hasn't eaten, has she?"

"No."

"I'll have Will send something up," she says. "Make sure to call me when she wakes."

Tracey nods. "Of course."

Holly sighs. "This is going to be a difficult one, Tracey," she says, and she wonders if even she understands the current undertaking. It goes so far beyond Quinn, herself, even if she is the priority. "We're going to have to stay on top of this, okay?"

Tracey nods, solemn. "Okay," she vows.

Quinn shifts in slumber, drawing their attention, and it's a vow they're desperately going to have to keep.

Too many people are counting on it.