(College AU)

Based on a true story. (Not that I'm saying y'all should try this, because the people involved were actually hurt, so please try to party responsibly.)

Warning: Language and mild anime-style groping.

Crash Course

"WHEEEEE!" Thump!

"WOOHOOOOO!" Thump!

"COWABUNGA!" Thump!

"Really, man?"

"Hey, don't hate on the classics!"

"Whatever, dude! Just GO!"

"Wait, I wasn't ready—AAAHHHHH!" Thump!

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE THEY DOING?" Alya seethed, as she and Marinette tried to get some sleep in their dorm room. Sleep… that was evading them with all the noise right outside their door. Even with pillows over their heads.

Marinette sighed and threw the pillow off. "Last I checked, they poured laundry detergent on the bathroom floor to make themselves a slip-and-slide."

"And they can't do that on their floor?" Alya hissed, as another thump! was followed by a round of laughter.

"They probably already got kicked off their floor. And Alex is with them, so she'd be the one who suggested our suite."

Whoever designed these suites, with four dorm rooms all situated around a bathroom—with freaking already-slippery linoleum all around—well, they needed to be shot. Or she could just aim for Alix, who lived across from them, and had obviously invited a bunch of her guy-friends up for a little fun…

"DOU-BLES! DOU-BLES! DOU-BLES!"

"They're gonna break something," Marinette groaned, covering her face again.

"I'M gonna break something!" Alya growled, flinging herself out of bed and stomping over to the door. "HEY, YOU JERKS! SOME OF US HAVE EIGHT AM CLASS—WHOA!"

"WAAAAHHH!"

"AAAHHH!"

Marinette sat up just in time to see two guys fly through their now-open door, one of them taking out Alya, and the other… headed… straight for her bed!

She screamed.

He screamed.

CRASH!

Marinette groaned as she heard distant voices. They were nowhere near close enough to belong to the large weight currently sprawled on top of her. Damn, he was really warm. Said heat source groaned and shifted on top of her.

She tensed as his shifting brought his hand down on her chest, and felt him freeze.

"I… umm… hi...?"

Oh, she was done being nice to this jerk.

"GET OFF ME!" she screamed, ramming her knee as hard as she could to his private areas. (Which was sadly not very hard, as her sheets stopped her momentum.) He still let out a very-satisfying yelp and rolled off the bed.

Furious, Marinette sat up and grabbed her pillow, fully-intent on pummeling the douchebag who wasn't letting her sleep, had crashed into her room, and just grabbed her boob! She was gonna—

She gaped at the wide, green eyes staring up at her.

Oh fuck. I just racked Adrien Agreste.

"I am so sorry!" he babbled, gasping for breath as he struggled to his feet while clutching his… well, yeah. "I didn't expect us to go that fast, and then the door opened—"

"Aww, the Physics major didn't take physics into account," Alix snickered from the door.

"Oh, shut up, Alix," Adrien snapped, still looking at Marinette anxiously.

"Ooo, pretty boy's in a temper," Alix teased. Then she saw what he was clutching. She howled in laughter. "You went right for the jewels, Mari? That's my girl!"

"I was assaulted. On my bed," Marinette seethed, now both angry and terrified that Gabriel Agreste, the Head of her department, would hear how she'd attacked his son. Even if it was completely justified.

"Believe me, complete accident!" Adrien said, holding up his hands and trying to reassure her.

"If you all don't get out of my room right now, I will make your deaths LOOK LIKE AN ACCIDENT!" Alya screamed, as she slowly stood and reached for the nearest weapon. It happened to be her desk chair. Alix and the two boys didn't need any more encouragement, and they raced each other out of the room, with Adrien casting one more desperate glance at Marinette before the door closed.

Class the next morning was awkward. She was sleepy from worrying all night, it was hard to get out of her room without slipping (because of course the stupid group of boys hadn't cleaned up after themselves, of course!), and she found she couldn't look her favorite teacher in the eye (he may be a frigid bastard, but he was also brilliant when it came to fashion).

She'd never run out of the fashion building so fast in her life.

Unfortunately, she didn't see the obstacle in her way.

CRASH!

"Ow-ow-ow-ow-ow, I'm so, so sorry, I wasn't looking where—YOU!?" Marinette gasped, scrambling off the blond she'd just landed on.

"Me. Again. And I guess I deserved that," Adrien mumbled, just laying there on the ground.

"Yeah, well—! I… I.. umm… yeah! I… You… you..." Marinette sighed in defeat and stood up. "No, this one was my fault. I'm sorry," she said, offering him a hand to help him up. He blinked at her in surprise, and smiled as he took her hand.

"I was actually coming over here to apologize to you," he admitted, rubbing the back of his neck. "I was gonna bring you coffee or something, but I realized I didn't know what you like… and Alya wouldn't tell me…,"

Marinette smothered her smile with a hand. Alya was still boiling-mad about last night, and had been talking about going to the RA. Adrien? He was seriously cute, and obviously embarrassed about the whole debacle.

"…so I figured maybe I'd ask you out for a coffee instead?" he finished hopefully, flashing her a winning smile.

She raised an eyebrow. Normally, she'd take anything Lila Rossi said with more than a few grains of salt, but the girl had sworn up and down that Adrien Agreste was a typical pretty-boy player who couldn't be trusted, and Adrien was looking at her like a cute smile and a cup of coffee could fix everything.

So, instead of swooning, she crossed her arms and shot him an unamused look.

"I'd much rather you go back to my room…" (Adrien looked surprised, but still interested.) "And clean up the mess you made," she finished evenly. "The cleaning staff doesn't get paid enough to clean up something like that."

Sure enough, pretty boy's smile faded.

"Ye-yeah, sure, of course," he stammered, trying a sheepish smile instead. Marinette wasn't mollified. The boy was a model. He knew what his body-language looked like.

"Alya's last class is done at six," she said. "It should probably be done before then."

Adrien gulped and hesitated. "Well, I have a pretty busy schedule today…."

Marinette rolled her eyes. Typical.

"But you had enough time to come over here and harass me?" she pointed out.

"I—I'm not harassing you!" Adrien exclaimed. "I'm trying to apologize! Please—just, don't tell my father?"

"Oh, yeah, that'd work out great for me!" Marinette exclaimed. "I can't think of a quicker way to get kicked out of my department than to tell the Head I assaulted his son! What are you, nuts?"

Adrien looked visibly relieved. "So, we're good, then?" he asked hopefully.

"Not even close, Fabio," she snarled, grabbing his hand and pulling him towards her dorm. "You're gonna get started cleaning!"

"Fabio?" the blond sounded offended. "You really think I look like—Hey, wait! I have—class!"

"So do I, pretty boy. But if you can skip to buy me a cup of coffee, you can skip to clean up your mess!"

"And then, your mother dragged me back to her room and did wicked things to me," Adrien finished, waggling his eyebrows suggestively.

"I got you a mop and bucket and taught you how to use them when it became clear you had no idea what you were doing," Marinette corrected, flicking her husband on the nose.

"Like I said: wicked," he nodded solemnly to their new son.

"Yup, and I plan on being just as evil to both of you for the rest of your lives. You will learn to cook, and clean, and fix broken doors…."

"Hey now, I wasn't part of that one!" Adrien protested. "And I'm pretty sure Kim and Nino were drunk!"

"Didn't stop you from encouraging Nino when he proposed to Alya to get her to stop screaming at him," Marinette pointed out, taking her infant son from him and cradling him.

"I still think they'll be a great couple," Adrien shrugged, shifting so he was sitting a bit closer to his new family. "If they ever stop trying to kill each other."

Marinette agreed. "We're getting them a slip-n-slide for their wedding present."

End.