Chapter 1 – Collision

The first time I woke up was to the unsettling sound of metal screeching against metal while I was trying to get a hold on something, anything. A heavy smell of burnt plastic was hanging in the air that was only partly able to wash over the smells of blood and panic. I realized too late what we've actually been facing. I had passed out for a few seconds or so, enough time to let go of whatever I was holding on to.

###

The second impact, the one that I had to face now, was hard. The forces of physics threw me all the way from one wall to the opposite wall without giving me a bit of a chance to grab whatever passed my way. When I smashed against the wall, I passed out again.

The second time I woke up in this incredible mess, I found myself being trapped under a heap of rubble. I tried to check myself and was partly relieved that I still felt every part of my body. Everything hurt and felt as if my whole body was one huge bruise, but I knew that as long as I could feel all my limbs, not all hope was lost.

After finally having come to this conclusion, I suddenly realized the silence all around me. Before I had passed out, there had been people in here. Many of them. I remembered the impact and the forces it had let loose. Every fibre of me tried not to think of the possibility that everyone around me was dead. I kept telling myself that they were just unconscious while I brought up every little bit of strength inside my bruised body to move the rubble that was covering me. I failed, of course.

'Goddammit' I muttered to myself and fell back. There was not the slightest chance to move anything from my position. My legs were stuck under a huge piece of metal and the blood all around spoke a very clear language of several injuries that I wasn't even aware of yet. I couldn't even see all parts of my body, because there was so much rubble around, covering me. Thanks to the amounts of adrenaline in my system I luckily didn't feel all too much pain. Yet.

Suddenly, when I didn't even hope anything would happen anymore and thought that my life would end here, I saw a little bit of movement right beside my left shoulder. I turned my head as far as I was able to and felt a tiny bit of relief. There were long, slender, grey fingers poking around, and just a moment later I heard a voice from outside the mess I was stuck in.

'Dr Talvi, can you hear me?'

This was definitely the voice of Hermiod, our Asgard engineer, and it fit, because the hand was obviously his, too.

'Yeah', I mumbled, my voice low and hoarse, 'Can you get me out of here?'

The hand of the alien rested on my shoulder for a moment as if he tried to comfort me. It was almost funny imagining Hermiod comforting someone, because by now he had acted like an asshole most of the time. At least whenever he had let himself down to even talk to any of the human engineers. Still, this was better than nothing at all, so I was thankful.

'The ceiling caved in.' Hermiod informed me. 'Your current situation is that I don't know if it's possible to move any of those pieces of metal.'

'Crap.' I cursed.

There was a while of awkward silence while Hermiod's hand was still lying on my shoulder. I managed to move my right hand from somewhere under a piece of metal and put it over his. He flinched, surprised, but didn't move.

'Anyone else out there?' I finally dared to ask. Part of me didn't even want to know, but I had to be sure.

'No.' Hermiod said after a few seconds, seemingly figuring out whether it was a good idea to tell me the truth. 'The few who had survived the first impact had run out of engineering in panic as long as it was still possible.'

'And what about you?' I wanted to know after having taken a few seconds to digest the information.

'I only have a few bruises, but otherwise I'm alright.' He said, hesitating, and it sounded like a lie.

'I was stuck behind my console.' He went on. 'But in the moment of panic all around nobody thought of…' He trailed off.

'…of looking back if anyone's left behind.' I completed his sentence, squeezing his hand.

It was an odd feeling lying underneath the remnants of the ceiling and holding on to an alien's hand, but I was glad he was there, keeping me from losing my nerve in all this mess.

'What happened?' I finally asked. 'Why were there those two impacts in the first place?'

'The Daedalus suddenly dropped out of hyperspace without a reason.' Hermiod reported. 'It wasn't possible to avoid crashing on the planet that appeared in front of us. The ship hit the ground heavily, moved forward driven by inertia and crashed against an obstacle full front. I couldn't do anything.'

The normally so cold and distant voice of the Asgard shivered when he spoke the last part. I realized that he felt guilty for what had happened.

'Nobody is actually able to keep a ship from crashing onto a planet that appears right in front of it when dropping out of hyperspace.' I reassured him. 'It's not your fault, Hermiod.'

He remained silent for a while but didn't move an inch. I took the chance to process everything I've come to know. Of course there was always the odds of hitting a planet when dropping out of hyperspace, that's why those calculations were so difficult. I knew that the Asgard core of the Daedalus's computer system was a very advanced machine that didn't make mistakes out of the blue, especially not when an experienced engineer like Hermiod was running it. We could consider it good luck that we hadn't ended up inside of the planet, so this was a bad case but definitely not the worst case possible.

'Would you mind trying to help me get out of here?' I asked after I had put my train of thought to a forced hold. I didn't want to hang around here doing nothing while there were maybe still people aboard the ship who might need help.

The slender grey hand disappeared and I heard Hermiod taking a few steps back, obviously trying to find out if and how the pieces of debris could be moved. I was fully aware of the fact that this was some kind of horrible Mikado, but if there was anyone who'd be able to calculate how to move those pieces without causing further damage to me, it would be the Asgard. He had more brains than the whole Atlantis science team together, after all.

Suddenly I heard footsteps, not the light ones of Hermiod's naked feet but the ones of heavy military boots. I heard Hermiod hurrying in the direction the sound came from. The footsteps came to a halt and I heard Hermiod and another voice talking frantically. Then the footsteps came closer and I relaxed a bit.

'Dr Talvi?' I heard a very familiar voice.

'Carson?' I had never been that happy to hear the doctor's voice, 'So good to know you're alive.'

'Ah, sounds like you're in quite a good mood despite your situation.' Carson stated and I could almost see the friendly smile on the Scot's face.

'Can anyone get me out of here?' I asked hopefully.

'Hermiod just went to get some personnel over here, so we can dig you out.' Carson reassured me while I heard him sitting down right outside the heap of metal, right there where the Asgard had stood minutes ago.

'He actually saved me from losing myself in pointless panic.' I've told the doctor who now had moved his hand through to my shoulder, obviously using the same hole in all this mess that Hermiod had used before.

'We often only see a character's qualities when lives are at stake.' Carson stated. 'Can you give me an overview on your injuries?'

I could hear some voices closing in from somewhere outside Engineering and was glad that the rescue team was near. Of course we had to find out what had happened, but first we had to attend to our people – that's what I've learned from the Atlantis mission reports I had read in my spare time.

'I still can feel all parts of my body, but my legs are stuck under a beam that looks too heavy to be moved.' I informed the doctor.

'Let that be our problem, Dr Talvi, just don't move. We'll get you out of here.' I heard another familiar voice.

'Colonel Caldwell.' I sighed, relieved. Even though most people had their problems with the Colonel, I had always felt kind of safe whenever he captained the ship. He was indeed no friendly man, but he knew what he did and what had to be done, and he always tried his best to keep his people safe.

'Alright, sir.' I confirmed his statement in a firm voice.

'I have calculated how to move the pieces to get her out of there without causing further damage to her body.' I now heard Hermiod say, who sounded more than concerned. It warmed my heart that he took all those efforts.

'You've heard the man.' Caldwell said to whomever was standing around him ready to help.

The next minutes were a chaotic mess of people slowly moving heavy pieces while I closed my eyes and tried not to breathe. Finally the worst was done and I could take a look around.

There was Caldwell with a deep cut on his forehead that was still dripping blood, there was Carson who attached an IV to my arm, most likely pain killers, there was Malcolm, Caldwell's second in command with his left arm in an improvised plaster, there was Dr Zelenka with broken glasses but otherwise seemingly uninjured, and there were also a few young soldiers whom I didn't know but who obviously had helped to dig me out of the rubble. And then there was also Hermiod, and if I hadn't known his face so well from all the hours we had worked together, I'd never have been able to read the concern in his expression. It's difficult to read Asgard faces, because their ability of having facial expressions is quite limited, but when you get to know them better, you realize there's more to their expressions than expected.

'Alright. Now let's move that beam off and we can free her.' Malcolm said, eying the beam over my legs suspiciously.

'It's too heavy to move it away, sir.' One of the young men objected. 'But we can lift it a bit, so you can move her out.'

'Is that possible or will it hurt her any further, doc?' Caldwell wanted to know.

'I'd need a pair of additional hands to move her out.' Carson finally said after contemplating a while.

I knew it was a risk moving me out, because nobody could tell if I had one or more of my vertebras broken, but I decided that it was now or never, and that I couldn't lie around here the whole day.

'Yeah, get me outta here.' I confirmed the doctor's words.

Caldwell kneeled beside me and put his hands under my back carefully, so he could move me without sliding my possibly injured back over the uneven floor. Carson did the same from another angle and cleared his throat.

The Colonel understood the sign and nodded at the men who already stood at the beam. Now they all got a good grip and lifted the heavy piece of steel just enough to give Caldwell and Carson the chance to carefully move me to a safer place.

'Holy crap!' I mumbled when I took a first glance over my body. There was so much blood! I wondered how long it took for an average person to bleed out completely. In the corner of my eye I saw Carson's face – and he didn't look happy at all.

He began to examine me briefly, tugging here and there, poking at some spots and checking my reactions. I've realized just now that I felt as if at least every second bone in my body must be broken. Everything hurt, but some parts hurt less than others.

'There are a few broken ribs.' Carson began to count on his fingers. 'A broken arm, a broken leg, some open wounds, some pieces of metal stuck in your body, one of them frighteningly close to your heart… '

I hadn't even noticed that chunk of metal by now that was stuck in my chest, but now I at least knew what it was that made everyone stare at me that concerned.

'It'll take a while to attend to all of this.' Carson went on.' Has any of you ever gone through medical training?'

'I have.' Caldwell replied. 'So I'd like to volunteer as a nurse.'

'That'd definitely be the highest ranked nurse that has ever attended to me.' I said with a crooked smile. 'But don't they need you to run… whatever has to be run?'

'We have a huge spaceship that has crashed on a planet. That means we won't go anywhere for quite a while. I've ordered people around to organize what has to be organized and I have them report to me every once in a while. You're my best engineer and I want to see you on your feet anytime soon. I think you can guess my priorities.' Caldwell said briskly, so none of us saw a point in objecting.

'Malcolm.' Caldwell turned to his second in command. 'Take charge of everything we've been talking about on the way over here.' Then he turned to Zelenka. 'Try to get this emergency radio bark running. That's top priority. And if you come across any medical personnel tell them I'm down here with Dr Beckett and that he could use some extra hands.'

'Alright, sir.' Malcolm confirmed, turned around, waved at the other soldiers and left engineering after them and Dr Zelenka. Now there were only the four of us.

'Can I be of any help?' Hermiod asked, seemingly feeling uncomfortable without having anything to do.

'You could, for example, see if you can get your computers running and find out what the hell happened to my ship.' Caldwell suggested in his harshest military way of speaking.

'It's not his fault.' I said quietly. 'He surely hasn't knocked us out of hyperspace.'

Caldwell wanted to object, but Carson raised his hand to stop him in his tracks.

'I've given you some pain killers.' The doctor then explained to me. 'They're strong, so you shouldn't feel all too much pain while we're doing this surgery.'

'Surgery?' I asked, suddenly startled. 'What surgery?'

'We have to get this piece of metal out of your chest without causing any further damage.' Carson told me. 'That's where you're bleeding the most. We have to close that wound first in order to stop the bleeding.'

While talking he had already torn my shirt apart and eyed the whole disaster of a piece of metal at a place where it definitely didn't belong. In the meantime, Caldwell had already attended to my broken leg. I'd never have thought the Colonel had medical training, but he was surely not the first one who had had a life before the military.

'My head is hurting as hell and I'm dizzy…' I told Carson. Well, that was a great understatement, because, actually, the room was spinning in various directions and my sight grew blurrier by the minute.

'You apparently have a concussion.' Carson explained. 'I'd be surprised if you hadn't one after all that rubble dropping down on your head.'

I nodded and closed my eyes, hoping that at least the spinning would come to a halt.

'I'm giving you a sedative.' I heard Carson say, but he already sounded like being very far away.

###

The third time I woke up was caused by people who were arguing loudly right beside me.

'Maybe it's not his fault, but it's his goddamn computer that failed!' I heard a very agitated Colonel Caldwell shout.

'Why the hell should he sabotage a ship that he's on? I haven't heard that the Asgard are famous for their suicide bombers!' Carson Beckett objected just as agitatedly. 'They're peaceful people, Steven, they wouldn't even hurt a fly!'

'I'm going to find out what distorted the data processing, and for your information, I'm still in the same room with you.' I heard Hermiod say, and he sounded hurt, as hurt as an Asgard can sound. I had a feeling that it was time for me to make the others aware of the fact that I was awake. My head still hurt, but at least the world didn't spin any longer.

'Hermiod.' I called, annoyed by how raspy my voice sounded. Of course I wasn't heard by the passionately arguing men.

'Hermiod.' I called once more and this time they took notice.

The Asgard scurried over to my place and looked at me with the same concern on his face that I had already seen before the surgery. Surgery. I had to attend to that topic later, now there was an argument to be settled.

'I know it wasn't you.' I reassured him. Of course I didn't have any evidence, but my gut feeling had never betrayed me. 'I trust you. It couldn't be you.'

Slender grey fingers touched my hand and I got a hold of them.

'I know you wouldn't do that.' I reassured him once more and squeezed his fingers.

'Dr Talvi.' Carson had also rushed over to me. 'How do you feel?'

'Numb.' I said. 'Was the surgery a success?'

'Indeed, it was.' The doctor told me. 'We could remove the piece in your chest and end the bleedings. Though, your right leg and left arm as well as some ribs are broken. You won't be able to move that much until help is here.'

'Is there any chance for help anyway?' I asked sternly, my voice full of my natural fatalism.

'There's a huge blizzard outside that makes it impossible to send or receive any transmissions.' Hermiod told me. 'Though, Atlantis should know by now that we're lost, and if Dr McKay is able to calculate where we've dropped out of hyperspace, there is a chance they might find us.'

'Yeah, around Christmas or so.' I grumbled sarcastically.

Caldwell, who had finally come over to my place too, raised an eyebrow. 'We won't give up hope, will we?'

'What have you been arguing about?' I changed the topic because there was no point in discussing the odds of when or if they'd find us. 'You've mentioned sabotage?'

Carson got up. 'While you're delivering the news, I'll go to attend to the other patients, if that is alright with you, Colonel.'

'Yeah, sure.' Caldwell nodded. 'Keep moving.'

After Carson had left, Caldwell turned back to me. The expression on his face more serious than I had ever seen it on him.

'The computer that runs the hyperdrive system is faulty. It's an Asgard device, so it's almost impossible that it would fail just so. Someone must have laid their hands on it and I'm trying to find out who that is before they cause us further problems.' He said in a hasty voice.

'That's why you're suspecting Hermiod.' I made the logical conclusion. 'Thinking that only an Asgard can manipulate an Asgard system, but that isn't so. I could have done it just as much. The same applies on most of the engineers who worked here. Hermiod's actually here to teach us how to work with Asgard technology. It could have been anyone.'

Only now did I realize that I still held Hermiod's hand in mine. I considered the Asgard a friend, I'd never suspect any Asgard plotting sinister plans, especially not if there was a chance of their own death in the process. They weren't suicidal and even if there had ever been psychopathic potential in their race, they'd have eradicated it from their DNA centuries ago. That's what I also told Caldwell.

'Then who?' Caldwell insisted.

'There's still a chance of the computer just being… broken.' I suggested.

Hermiod raised what worked as an eyebrow for him. 'Every computer can fail.'

'There you have it.' I told Caldwell.

The Colonel sighed and got up from where he was sitting.

'Dr Talvi, to be honest, I don't believe in Asgard computers just failing, so I will keep my eyes open for any signs of sabotage, but I'll exclude the both of you and the computer from my list of suspects.' He gave me a crooked smile and then turned to Hermiod. 'I want you to get back to working on the problem. I want you to get as many systems running as possible and to find out what caused the computer to malfunction like that.'

Then he turned around and went through the shattered door before any of us even got the chance to object.

'Why the hell do they always blame the aliens first?' I muttered to myself and shifted to find a more comfortable position.

'Xenophobia is a very wide spread problem in your race.' Hermiod told me, let go off my hand and went back to the mess that had once been his console.

Seeing that small grey creature moving around in all that chaos was almost heart breaking. I knew he was the only one who was capable to unveil whatever mystery was happening on the Daedalus. But he looked so alone, so lost in all that mess. In all the daily routine aboard the Daedalus, I had never spent much thought on how Hermiod must feel under all those humans pushing him around. I imagined how I would feel in his place and suddenly felt a wave of loneliness, and along with it came compassion. I shifted again to get into a sitting position from where I could watch him better. When I took a closer look, I saw that his whole body was shivering. And just now I realized that I was shivering myself, because it was really cold inside this room. The first time ever since the impact I glanced around. Someone had moved the bodies out, if there had been any, but what was much more disconcerting was a huge hole in the wall. I didn't wonder any longer why it was cold in here. Outside it was snowing like crazy.

'Are you cold?' I asked after my eyes had wandered back to Hermiod who was working frantically on what was left of his computer.

'The cold is indeed very distracting.' He admitted without looking up from whatever he was doing right now.

'You can have my blanket if you like.' I offered.

Hermiod finally looked at me and I could have sworn there was a look of surprise on his face.

'Then you will feel cold.' He said with imperturbable Asgard logic.

Getting a hold on the wall with one hand and on the beam that had been lying on my leg with the other, I carefully got up. The world began to spin again but I ignored it, just closed my eyes for a moment, inhaled and exhaled. Then I slowly made my way to Hermiod's workstation.

The blanket was just lightly hanging over my shoulders where Carson had placed it. My arms and ribcage were wrapped up in bandages which made me look like a mummy. A very tired and dirty mummy, that is.

When I finally reached Hermiod, I was completely exhausted and leaned against his console, breathing heavily. The Asgard looked at me as if he wanted to ask if I'm nuts.

'Take it.' I said and shrugged the blanket off my shoulders, picked it up from the floor (not without wincing because of my broken ribs reminding me of their existence) and carefully put it around Hermiod.

He gave me an incredulous look and tugged the blanket closer around him, holding it in place with one hand while continuing his typing with the other.

'Thank you.' He said. 'But you really shouldn't…'

I raised a hand to make him stop talking and let myself slide to the ground once more. Standing was absolutely no good idea at all.

Only moments later my headset sprang to life when Caldwell informed me and the others of the next unpleasant fact. 'The Daedalus has come down on a glacier and she's started to move. Get hold on something and prepare for another impact.'

'Oh crap.' I mumbled and cowered at a place between the computer console and the next bulkhead, burying my head in my arms. 'Hermiod, come over here!'

The Asgard was a tad too slow. He managed to come over to me, but he didn't have the time to sit next to me before the ship began to move, turn on her side and crash against whatever obstacle. Then the Daedalus turned upside down and sent Hermiod flying through the room. I tried to get hold of him but couldn't. Just a moment later I've realized the mistake of removing my hand from where I had got hold to the wall before. I went slithering in Hermiod's direction and had to make a grotesque move to not land right on him. I heard something inside me crack, then everything went still.

After the noise had died down and there was no further movement, I turned around to look at Hermiod who was lying curled up next to the wall, unmoving. I panicked and tried to get up, but to no avail. It took me several tries to move towards the Asgard while ignoring all the pain that was raging inside my body.

I moved on arms and legs because there was no way of really getting up and walking. There was only one thought in my mind that had pushed everything else in the background, including the pain.

"Let him live. Please." I prayed to whomever may be concerned.

When I finally reached him I felt as exhausted as if I'd had run a marathon, but I didn't give in to my body's needs to take care and relax. Half kneeling, half lying I put a hand on Hermiod's shoulder and turned him around as carefully as possible. He looked at me through small slits of his eyelids. The torment on his face made him look almost human.

'Hermiod?' I asked, worriedly. I didn't give in to this stupid urge of asking him if he was alright, because he clearly wasn't.

It took him a lot of strength to lift his hand and touch mine. 'Pain.' He said softly. 'Everywhere.'

Then he closed his eyes and I panicked. My hand flew to my headset, but it wasn't there. I seemed to have lost it somewhere on the way from one end of Engineering to the other. I looked around frantically but couldn't see it at first glance.

'Dammit, dammit, dammit.' I cursed, still ignoring my own pain while crawling around between all the chaos. When I finally found the headset, I was so wrung out that I just kept lying right there and activated it.

'Caldwell? Carson? Anyone?' I asked, full of hope that the others had survived this wonderful glacier ride.

'Dr Talvi? This is Carson. What is it?' I heard his familiar but tired voice. I didn't dare to feel relieved in any way.

'I need you down here.' I told him. 'It's Hermiod. I… I'm afraid he's dying, sir.'

'Crap.' I heard Caldwell curse, he seemed to have heard my calling too. 'Beckett, get down there, I'll take care of the rest.' I heard some talking in the background that didn't make its way through the headsets.

'On my way.' Carson confirmed. 'There's just a lot of extra rubble everywhere, so it'll take a few minutes. Try to keep him awake if that's possible.'

'Will try.' I replied without knowing to the least how to do that.

I crawled back to Hermiod who was still lying there the way I had left him when searching for my headset. His black almond eyes followed my every move until I finally got back to him and lay beside him.

'You're bleeding again.' He pointed out in a very small voice and made me look at my chest. The bandage that should hold the wound together was soaked in red.

'Crap.' I said weakly. There was nothing else to say and even less to do.

'At least I won't die alone.' Hermiod said after a long while of silence. I couldn't figure out if he was serious about that or if it was just natural Asgard fatalism speaking out of him.

'You won't die, you hear?' I told him sternly. 'I don't allow you to die.'

'I didn't know you're able to work medical miracles.' He said. Was he trying to be humorous? I've never thought I'd ever hear him make a joke, but he obviously did. It surprised me to realize that he did it only to make me feel better.

I moved a bit closer to him to wrap my uninjured arm around his small shivering body. The cold, that was almost unbearable for me, must have been murderous for this frail Asgard body, but all I could think of to keep him warm was to share the warmth of my body. I didn't know where the blanket had gone that I had given him before the last impact.

'You won't leave me.' I whispered in his tiny ear. 'I won't forgive you if you leave me alone in this mess.'

I pulled him even closer, not only because I wanted to give him as much warmth as possible, but also to show him that I was dead serious about my words. After all, he was one of the very few persons who had always treated me with honest respect. Plus he had held my hand when I was buried under a heap of rubble, so I owed him one.

I didn't want to lose him.

My body seemed to be willing to finally take its toll for all the damage I'd caused it throughout the day, but as the stubborn person that I was famous for, I fought against passing out. I ignored the pain, the smell and taste of blood, the throbbing headache, and kept telling myself again and again that I had to stay awake. If not for me, then at least for Hermiod…

###

The fourth time I woke up was to the sound of beeping medical machines and the typical hospital smell. There was busy movement all around me and people were talking in low voices. For the first time in what seemed to be forever I didn't feel any pain, but I needed several minutes to come to the conclusion that I couldn't be on the Daedalus any longer. I had to be back in Atlantis.

I opened my eyes and looked around. This was indeed the infirmary of Atlantis. I even heard the ocean outside and smelled the salt in the air. It took a bit to realize and understand that I was at home, that I didn't lie in my own blood any longer somewhere inside the mess that had once been the proud spaceship Daedalus.

'Dr Talvi, it's nice to have you back.' I suddenly heard a voice from behind me. Carson's face swam into sight. 'How do you feel?'

'I…' Suddenly all the memories came flooding back loud and clear, and I remembered the last moments before I obviously had passed out although I'd tried so hard not to.

'Hermiod!' I exclaimed, suddenly panicking. 'Is he…' I didn't dare to complete that question.

'Don't worry, he's alive.' Carson reassured me. 'His injuries were bad, but I daresay you saved his life.'

'How come?' I wondered. 'I didn't do anything but holding him, because there was nothing else I could have done.'

'You kept him warm.' The doctor said with a smile. 'And in the end that's all that matters, isn't it? That we have someone who keeps us warm.'

He pointed to the bed that was situated right next to mine. I turned my head in said direction and saw Hermiod sleeping peacefully, my blood-stained blanket still around his shoulders.

'He didn't want to let the blanket go.' Carson informed me. 'He always mumbled that if you didn't make it he'd at least have that.'

'Really?' I asked, puzzled.

Carson nodded. 'Never underestimate an Asgard. They may seem cold, but they actually do have a heart.'

I couldn't help but smile at the thought of an Asgard heart that was beating for me of all people. I suppose I still smiled when I fell back asleep.