AN: DON'T OWN DON'T SUE! LOT'S OF OOC ABOUND, I DON'T CARE IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT, I'M JUST HAVING FUN FOR THE HELL OF IT! YES, IT MIGHT SEEM STUPID BUT THIS JUST POPPED INTO MY MIND IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT AND I JUST COULDN'T GET IT OUT OF MY MIND UNTIL I GOT IT DOWN ON THE SCREEN. I THINK IT MIGHT BE MORE THAN A ONE-SHOT. IT MAY OR MAY NOT. I DUNNO. WE'LL SEE.

How She Feels (Saix Version)

A Kingdom Hearts Story

Chapter 1:

When You Brought Me Here

Amaterasu was up on top of the Alter of Naught waiting for four member of the Organization that she had called up there. She was severely nervous. She had been in The Castle That Never Was for about a year now and she was having a hard time being there. Even though she had feelings, the men around her did not, and according to them they would never have them. She was so torn between what she felt though.

Each of the four Organization members that she had called up here had saved her ass at least once on the missions they had went on and she had become attached to them quite a bit. The attachment had grown into something more as time had passed and Amaterasu wasn't sure what to do except tell them. But she had no idea how they would act. She didn't even know if they would understand what she was talking about. As she waited for those four Organization members to join her, Amaterasu walked to the edge of the alter.

Looking over the edge of it, she watched all of the lights twinkling below her.

'Goddess what am I going to do...' she thought to herself, 'I don't even know if they will understand what I am telling them. And if they do understand, will they even be able to return what I want to give.'

Just as Amaterasu turned around, Xemnas was seen coming up the last few steps of the alter.

"You wanted to see me, Amaterasu?" he asked, tilting his head in a way that made Amaterasu's heart clench.

His hair glinted in the Kingdom Hearts moonlight, perfect and radiant as molten silver. His sun-set orange eyes glowed like hot coals and sent shivers down her back. His caramel skin looked dark and rich and she wanted to run her hands along it, but she resisted. And his deep voice echoed around them. Amaterasu nodded and smiled.

"Yeah, though there are a couple others that I wanted to talk to as well. So just give it a few more minutes, k?" she smiled.

Turning back around she hoped that he didn't see the light blush that tinged her cheeks. If he did she might be in trouble. A Dark Corridor opened and Saix stepped through. He noticed Xemnas and nodded his head at him.

"Amaterasu, you wished to see me?" he intoned, his voice seemingly unperturbed that he was asked up to the Alter.

"Yes, there are a couple others that I am wanting to talk to and I need them here to do so, so we need to wait." she said without turning around.

She was afraid to turn around. If they saw the look that was on her face right now they would become concerned and she would never be able to get out what she wanted to say. A few seconds later, another Dark Corridor opened and Zexion walked out and at the same time Marluxia was seen walking up the last few steps of the Alter. At the sounds of their boots Amaterasu looked over her shoulder and saw that all four of the men that she wanted to talk to were finally present.

'Okay, you can do this girl, just come out and say what you want to. If they don't know what you are talking about, so what. At least you actually said something, you were able to get your ass up and confess. Unlike your brother, who couldn't confess to the one he loved. You've got this.

They're up here, now just turn around and say it.' Amaterasu coached herself in her head.

Turning around, Amaterasu looked at the four Organization members that she had gathered on The Alter of Naught. Xemnas was standing off to the side, closer to one side of the stairs than anything. Saix was on the other side of the stairs. Zexion had drifted to the middle of the Alter, and Marluxia had started to make his way closer to Amaterasu.

"What seems to be troubling you so much that you have asked all of us up here Ami?" Marluxia asked her, bringing an arm around her shoulders.

A light blush pulled itself up onto her cheeks and she pulled away from Marluxia. Shaking her head, she backed away from him.

"What I wanted to say was...Well actually I. Damn it." she muttered.

"Amaterasu, whatever it is you can tell us. We won't be angry with you. Or has someone hurt you? If someone has hurt you, you need to tell us. We'll make sure they are properly taken care of." Saix said gently, looking up at her with yellow eyes that gleamed with interest.

"No, no one has hurt me. It has to do with you guys. It's...it's just you guys...Ugh, how do I say this..." Amaterasu sighed.

Xemnas stood from where he was sitting and walked over to her. Sliding a finger under her chin, he lifted her face so that she was looking him in the eyes.

"There is nothing you have to worry about. Whatever you have to say, you can say it. No matter what it is nothing will change." he whispered to her.

Amaterasu pulled away from him.

"That's the problem. What I say will change what happens between all of us. Especially between two of us if that someone decides to accept it." she replied shaking her head.

"What do you mean?" asked Zexion.

"You all are very dear to me, and I care about all of you very deeply. All of the Organization, I care about you. But the four of you I care about you the most. But I have recently come to realize, that it's more than friendship that I feel for the four of you. I don't know if you will understand.

Over time I've come to find that I like you as more than friends. When I see each of you all day by day, I find that my heart flutters each time I see you. I can't concentrate when I'm on my missions with you. That's why you've had to save me. I'm distracted by you.

What I'm trying to say is that I feel love for each of you. But I can't decide which one of you that I want to be with. Which is why I'm giving you guys the choice of whether or not you would want to share my heart with me. I'm sorry I sound so stupid I know. But I just had to say something instead of staying quiet.

It was just killing me. If you don't want to do anything about this, we can forget it. But at least tell me that you hear what I'm saying." she said very fast.

Xemnas Stood from where he had been sitting on the edge of the Alter and walked over to Amaterasu. Sliding a hand under her chin he lifted her face so that he could look her in the eye.

"I must ask you to forgive me Amaterasu. I cannot return what you seek. I am with out emotion, you must understand this. I have a hard time even grasping the concept of friendship. However that is what I wish to have with you. I cannot return the love that you seek, so I would prefer to have friendship. Is that satisfactory with you?" he asked her.

Amaterasu looked a little down as his words washed over her, but she pushed that away and smiled up at him. Lifting her head out of his hand, she nodded her head and pulled him forward into a hug. Looking down at her awkwardly, Xemnas waited for her to release him, but she didn't. After a few seconds he awkwardly patted her back then she finally pulled away. A light smile still adorning her face she backed away from him and drew her hands behind her back.

"Thank you for being honest with me Xemnas. At least you didn't lie to me." she said softly.

Xemnas nodded and walked down the steps to the Alter, disappearing into the Castle. From the other side of the Alter a small snort was heard and Amaterasu turned around.

"Well he is right. We can't feel emotion, but does he have to be so formal about it?" Marluxia mused out loud, "I am the same Amaterasu. I can't return the love that you seek, but would love to remain friends with you. I love the time we have spent together. Especially the time we have spent talking about the flowers that I keep. I do so hope we can continue doing that.

I would hate to lose someone who has an actual brain and can understand the subtle beauty and deadliness of plants."

This made Amaterasu laugh. Jumping onto Marluxia, she tackled him to the ground in a giant bear hug.

"Of course we can still be friends, Marluxia. And I would never pass up talking with you about the flowers and plants that you keep. I know better than to diss those kinds of things. Flowers can be absolutely beautiful, but they also can be wicked deadly. Who could not know that?

A person would have to be utterly stupid not to know that!" Amaterasu exclaimed.

Pulling away from the bear hug and sitting back on Marluxia's waist, "Just so long as you don't set anymore of them after me. After that last one you set after me, I swear if any more of them do that, I'll freaking burn them if they attack me!"

Pulling herself off Marluxia, Amaterasu helped him stand and dodged away from the swipe Marluxia made as he tried to hit her.

"You better not try and set them on fire! I'll come after you myself!" he exclaimed.

"Yea, yea, sure. You and what army?" Amaterasu laughed.

Marluxia turned and opened a Dark Corridor, muttering to himself something that suspiciously sounded like, "I'll show you an army..."

As the Dark Corridor closed, Amaterasu turned her attention to Zexion who had his nose buried in a book on the other side of the Alter.

"Zexion?" Amaterasu asked.

"What?" Zexion asked without looking up from his book.

"Did you even hear what I said?" she asked him.

"Yeah I heard, I just don't care. Why would I even give that you want to share your heart with you. I don't have the time any way. I have far too much research to do about Kingdom Hearts. I don't have time to share your heart.

I don't even know why you asked me." he said standing up, "I'm leaving."

And with that, he opened a Dark Corridor and disappeared through it. Then a second later the Dark Corridor shut and all signs that he had even been there were gone. Amaterasu stood starring at where he had been. Why had he done that? He had always been kind to her before.

Friendly and helpful when she needed the help. Why did he turn cold to her now?

"He will pay for that..." a cold voice said behind Amaterasu.

She jumped and looked behind herself. Saix was standing there, his eyes where Zexion had left. Slowly he walked over to where Amaterasu was standing and pulled her against him. This surprised Amaterasu so much that she just stood stock still. As if she had turned to stone.

Saix's hand sifted itself into her hair and gently pulled it so that her face slowly looked up at him.

"He shouldn't be allowed to treat you like that, and I won't allow him to. I will be having a talk with him later. On the other hand, Amaterasu. I will share your heart if you will allow me." he whispered down to her.

Amaterasu's eyes widened as she looked into his yellow eyes. The way they were glowing reminding her of when he was in his berserker state. How ever he seemed calm enough. His hand tightened in her hair and she winced a little. He had to know he was hurting her but he didn't let go.

"Sai..." Amaterasu began, but didn't get to much farther than that as Saix leaned down and pressed his lips to hers.

'Damn!' Amaterasu thought to herself, 'And I thought I was forward...'

Though she didn't protest as she melted against the kiss. She had to admit, though the grip he had on her hair was painful, the kiss was worth the pain. As the kiss lasted, Saix let go of her hair and slid his hand onto her cheek. Finally, Amaterasu had to pull away from the kiss for some air and she stood there ensconced in his arms panting from the lack of air.

"Where did that come from?" she asked him.

"You are mine now. And everyone will know it quite soon. I just wanted you to know it now..." he whispered to her.

With a small motion behind his back, a Dark Corridor opened, and Saix backed toward it. Amaterasu tried to pull away, but Saix just held onto her tighter.

"Have no fears, they won't attack me nor you." he whispered as he continued to back through the Corridor.

Once the darkness vanished, Amaterasu looked around herself and she found herself to be in a huge room. If she was thinking right, this would have been Saix's bed room. Pulling herself out of his arms, she turned and ran her eyes over the room. There was a huge floor to ceiling window that looked out into the Kingdom Hearts sky, with the Kingdom Hearts moon hovering directly in the middle of it. Entranced by it, she walked to the window and gazed out at the moon.

"Beautiful isn't it?" Saix asked her as he walked up behind her.

Amaterasu nodded her head as she looked up at him. His eyes were fixed on the moon with a serene look on his face. Pulling herself away from the window, she began exploring the rest of his room. There was a large bed pressed against the wall exactly opposite of the window, possibly done like that so that the occupant of the bed could gaze out at the Moon when they were in the bed. The was also a modest bookcase filled with a few books and a few other nicknacks on the other wall along with another door that she was sure led to his bathroom.

Suddenly feeling very drowsy, Amaterasu made her way over to the large bed and pressed her hand down on it, testing what it felt like. It was soft as a cloud and the sheets that covered it were soft.

"Do you mind..." she began.

"Go ahead." he told her, turning around, "I'll join you."

Amaterasu's cheeks turned pink at the straightforward answer then pulled at the boots she was wearing and gingerly climbed into the huge bed. It seemed like she was going to sink into a cloud it was so soft. Not two seconds later, Saix joined her and pulled her against him as he laid down.

"You will be safe with me and no one will hurt you. Xemnas will assure that too. No one will hurt you again." he whispered in her ear.

She settled herself back against him, believing his words and knowing that she would be protected. Things would be different from now on, though she could see that there would be some problems. Saix could be a little...hot-headed sometimes and she would most likely be the one trying to calm him down from now on, and that was going to make her life very interesting from now on.