summary: Set within the May Your Walls Know Joy universe. The night before the events of Chapter 11, Chuck goes to visit his sister, for dinner, beer, and a whole lot of thinking about the Walkers. Cue some memories, some realizations, and perhaps a spilled truth or two.

a/n: So, here we are. Chuck's perspective, as mentioned/promised, depending on who I've talked to, lol. First off, if anyone's here wondering what on earth is going on, this piece belongs to the universe of my current multi-chapter AU story, May Your Walls Know Joy. If you're here and haven't read that, this chapter will make virtually no sense, but to recap: in that story, Sarah has a young daughter, has quit the CIA, and they live across the hall from Chuck. They're falling for each other, but an old bad guy Sarah put away while in the CIA has escaped, and to keep him safe and less of a target, Sarah's trying, really trying, to not get involved with Chuck. This piece is set before Chapter 11 of Walls, 'The Mall'. A refresher of that for some of you: that chapter had Sarah leaving Chuck with Amy all day, while she went to the mall with Ellie. They bonded and shopped but Ellie also brought up Chuck and Sarah's relationship, and warned that she didn't want to see him hurt. This piece, while not answering every query about that chapter, I'm sure, may give some people a little insight into what spurred Ellie to say that, and also, what Chuck's been thinking in this story. But, I purposely waited a little while to post this, because, as people who have read Walls will know, things have changed a little bit since that chapter. I'm gonna say that Chuck's thoughts here, where his head's at, is not still completely where his head is at in Walls right now, nearing chapter 17. This is therefore not a definitive insight into Chuck in all of this story, just at that chapter, at this point, before the events of Walls post-Chapter 11 occurred. Okay, refresher and explanation out of the way, here we go. As ever, I wanna know your thoughts on this! I'd love to see what you all think of where I imagine Chuck to be at this point in the story. So, if you want to, please leave a review. Next chapter of Walls should be up in the next couple days.

disclaimer: I don't own Chuck, beer, bracelets, or a bunch of confusion.

May your walls know joy, may every room hold laughter, and every window open to great possibility.

Mary Anne Radmacher

Great Possibility

"Thanks, sis," he says, taking the fresh beer from his sister's hand as he flops onto the couch, almost too full from dinner in that way only Ellie ever seems to make him. No matter what they have, she always manages to give him an extra portion, another helping of potatoes, another spoonful of dessert. Chuck knows, a childhood spent with low funds, never being too sure of their next meal, has made his sister doubly mother-hen like when it comes to making sure he eats. The difference now is, when she offers him more, she's not giving up some of her own meal, too.

Ellie smiles, sits next to him. Devon's working tonight, and Morgan's got a gaming tournament with some of the Buy More guys, but Chuck had passed on that himself to spend some time with his sister. Just the two of them hanging out like the old days. But he knows this is more than just a sibling dinner and catch-up, no, he'd come tonight because he senses Ellie needs to talk to him. Surprisingly for her, she hasn't said it, but he can tell. The looks she's been sending him recently, the little lilt in her voice in their conversations at times, the subtle and not-so-subtle hints about wanting to spend quality time together.

"No problem. So, you ready for tomorrow?"

He chuckles, sips his beer.
"I think so. We get along pretty good, I don't think Amy'll throw me any curveballs."

His sister smiles again, but there's something different in her look, this time. Something he's seen a lot recently, whenever he mentions the three-year-old who's entered all their lives in the past few months, her mother with her. Sarah.

Ellie doesn't know where he and Sarah stand. And honestly, neither does Chuck.

He knows he'd screwed up, royally, on Thanksgiving, rattled by Bryce but also just so aching for her that, when they'd snuck away to his room in this very apartment, Chuck had just pulled Sarah into him and kissed her like he'd wanted to for months. And then, he'd apologized, and Sarah had awkwardly responded until they'd headed back out to the neutral space of Amy, and then, they'd both pulled back, for a while. But with Christmas, that day the other week when they went to the park, spent time in his apartment, things have been changing a little again. Chuck doesn't really know what's up and what's down with them, anymore. He just knows he's fallen, utterly, for her. And for Amy. And that, for all of Sarah's fear of being with someone else, and for all of the fallout from him kissing her, and her worry that he'd shut down and pull away, now they seem to have settled. Into something, the three of them. Something he can't pin down, quantify, but still, something all the same. And tomorrow he's babysitting Amy all day, while Sarah's going shopping with Ellie. It's all so... normal. Domestic. His sister and his, well, Sarah, have become friends through Chuck. And Ellie wants to spend time with the other woman, so she'd called her up, arranged a day out. But not, as she'd done with the other women in his life in the past, because she wants to know the woman dating her brother better. Because he isn't dating Sarah at all.

He runs a hand over his face, hopes Ellie doesn't realize where his head's at.

"What have you got planned?" she asks, and he shrugs, thinking of his plans to occupy the three-year-old's time. It's nothing elaborate, really, like he'd said, he and Amy get along well. He knows her, knows what she likes, and she's comfortable enough with him he doesn't think she'll try and test his limits, his patience. Though she had gotten a little testy when they'd been out not so long ago, tried to throw a tantrum, he knows it was because that was a new situation, outside, in public, spur of the moment. This, is a planned day, in her own space, and she knows what to expect. That doesn't mean Chuck isn't nervous as hell, though. The trust Sarah has in him to watch her daughter, all day, the expectation to keep her happy and safe, that's as scary as it is kinda wonderful. But he also knows this could change things. They've always been about boundaries, with Amy, routine. Keeping him distant enough, scheduled, that she won't get too attached, too certain that he'll always be here, spend time with her. And this day could just erase all that, switch things up irreversibly.

They walk a fine line, all three of them.

"We'll probably watch a movie, and I might take my old console over since she likes playing Mario Kart. And I think we'll do some baking, too."

Ellie grins.
"She really loves it, huh?"

He chuckles, thinking of the little girl's love for baked goods.
"Yeah. She constantly wants to make stuff. Though I really gotta learn how to do more than just cut up cookie dough and bake it." He snorts, and Ellie chuckles too. "It's funny, you know Dad only taught me to make one thing, and I always thought by the time I had kids I'd know more than one recipe. But it's still all I really know..."

Ellie frowns, suddenly.
"Wait. Since when do you think of Amy as your kid?"

He freezes, halfway to another sip of beer, as he realizes that's exactly what he'd just implied. That he thought he'd know how to cook by the time he had children, and now he still doesn't, and there's a child in his life. Honestly, it's probably not the first time he's had such a thought, though not in such blatant terms. But the other week, when they'd been out as the three of them, things had felt... familial. Chuck, Sarah, and Amy make three, that kinda thing. His locker at work is filled with pictures from the little girl, pictures of her, too, that he sometimes shows off to his coworkers, proud of the little girl's accomplishments. And that photograph Sarah had gifted him at Christmas, of him and Amy asleep on the couch, sits proudly in his apartment for anyone who visits to see. He doesn't think of himself as Amy's father, doesn't think of her as his daughter, no. But she's... something. She's an awesome kid, and he loves spending time with her, making her giggle, getting to be his usual nerdy self, unabashedly, for her benefit. She'd managed to get him to do that only the third time they'd met, for God's sake, when she'd handed him a crown and a cape and he'd been a goner.

Children never used to be his thing, he knows. They were always put forward as something he'd think of, someday, at some point. He knows that, honestly, they kinda freaked him out. And then he'd met Sarah and Amy and somehow, he jumped past a couple steps in just getting to know them, and now he sees them on a weekly basis for movie nights. He plays with Amy, calls her nicknames, gets her Christmas gifts and pushes her on the swings in the park. He's seen photographs of her as the tiniest little baby, Sarah breathtakingly beautiful as she held her newborn in a hospital bed. They're both just a part of his life, now. And he can't really imagine it any other way.

But he doesn't quite know how to tell Ellie that.

He swallows, sips his beer eventually, takes a deep breath.
"I don't. Not- not really."

"But..."

"But... she is, a kid." He winces. That hardly helps things. "A kid I spend time with."

Ellie sighs, face crumpling in a familiar mix of sympathy and annoyance. She'd worn the same expression most of the days he'd lived here in this apartment with her, trying to get him to get his life together.
"Chuck..."

"I know, I know," he says, tone implying she shouldn't even start. "But- but I don't know what to say, El. Sarah and I, we don't really talk about these things."

She arches an eyebrow, looking unimpressed. He doesn't like the idea, somehow, of Ellie being unimpressed by Sarah's actions, and he quashes the instant urge to defend his neighbour. His friend. His something infinitely and unspecified-ly more. Ellie just frowns a little.
"You see them enough, why don't you talk about whatever you're doing? Chuck, you've got one of Amy's drawings folded up in your wallet." He tries not to flush at that. He hadn't known Ellie had seen the picture; he'd run out of room in his locker and on his fridge, and so he'd just folded up a cute scribble of Amy's the other week and kept it there. He likes having it there. "Sarah's on speed dial. You gave her mom's bracelet for Christmas- you still won't tell me why, but I remember what Dad said when he gave you it. You just sort of said that Amy is yours. You need to talk about that."

"It's complicated," he sighs, kneading the bridge of his nose in exasperation. Confusion. He'd hoped Ellie wouldn't bring up the bracelet, at least. He's been avoiding mentioning it ever since he'd asked her if she knew where it was, the week before Christmas.

When his Dad, one day a little while after Mary Bartowski had upped and left their lives, had come into Chuck's bedroom, his first instinct had been to shove his father out, as is customary for any child whose parent has just intruded on their space. But his Dad had smiled at him in that way he did, a little crooked, always open, and sat on the edge of Chuck's bed. He'd lifted up an all-too-familiar piece of jewelry in his fingers, and little Chuck had silenced. Listened as his Dad repeated the story he'd heard so often, of how he'd gotten it for his and Ellie's mom right after Ellie was born, while Mary was still in the hospital. How all the charms had a meaning, how they'd added more, one for Chuck when he was born, too. And then Stephen had smiled crookedly, and told Chuck to keep it safe. Because one day, he might meet someone who meant as much to him as Mary did to him. He'd meet someone who, maybe, would be so deserving of the bracelet. And that, when they did meet, Chuck would just know.

When Amy had impatiently flipped through her baby photo album, and turned to that shot of Sarah in the hospital, Amy cradled to her chest, Chuck had just known. And, almost irrationally, he'd known that bracelet was Sarah's from the moment in that photograph onward, even if he hadn't even known who she was then.
No matter what they are to each other, no matter how damn complicated it is, he'd just known. Felt it, in his gut, his chest. That bracelet was meant for her.

He hadn't given it to her with any expectations—after all, his parents hardly stayed together rock solidly, so as the symbol of a relationship he knows the bracelet is pretty crappy. But as a symbol of family, of hope, it means a lot more. And he'd wanted Sarah to have it. When she'd given him his own gifts, told him, in her own way, that he's important to both of them, Amy and her, he'd known he made the right choice. And she'd taken it and hugged him and stayed in his arms a lot longer, and he'd wondered how he would ever let her go.

"Well if it's complicated, why stay?" Ellie asks, not unkindly, not sounding like she really wants him to walk away from Sarah and Amy, but more like she's wondering just why he's putting himself through all of this.

He swallows, shakes his head. He's wondered that himself, just a few times, but every time he comes back to the same fact.
"They make me happy, El. I like spending time with them, Amy, and- and Sarah, too. And I've spent enough of my life not being happy, and moping over that, you know it, you saw it." Ellie makes an agreeing face, and he sighs as he continues. "And even if it's complicated, and even if... Even if I don't really know what we are, or, or what we're doing, I'm still happy with them. And, god, when I'm with them, I..." He trails off, and Ellie tilts her head.

"You what?"

"You know when you're with Devon? Just, just hangin' out, or something?" he asks, looking at his sister, and Ellie blinks blankly at the change.

"I'm not sure how this relates, but yes," she says, and he nods, shifts toward her a little.

"Does it feel like... Like everything is okay? Like something just finally fits, in your life, y'know?"

Somewhat mistily, Ellie nods.
"Yeah, Chuck, it does."

He sighs, long and slow.
"That's what I get, El. I feel that every day I'm with them, all the time. They make sense, to me. And I've never felt that before, not with anyone, definitely not with Jill." Ellie raises an eyebrow, sad smile on her face, and Chuck shrugs. "How can I just give up on something so good when I've finally found it?"

Slowly, Ellie nods once more, sipping her wine and licking her lips in a practiced way Chuck knows means she's gathering her thoughts.
"Okay. Okay, I get that. But why don't you just tell her that, then?" she asks, and Chuck supposes that's the biggest question here. He sighs, shrugs once more.

"Sarah's been through a lot, okay? In, in some ways, a lot of ways, almost, I know she feels the same as I do, but I don't wanna push her. And I don't wanna risk losing them." Ellie blinks, like she hadn't realized that was even a possibility, and he sighs again. It's all he thinks about, sometimes. If he screws up again, if something goes wrong, just what would happen. "If I- I'm scared that if I push too hard, or ask too much, something she's not ready for, or-or comfortable with, then it'll all just fall apart."

"Oh, Chuck, I'm sure it wouldn't-"

"It could." God, for a moment he'd thought it might at Thanksgiving. Just as Amy had called out, just as Chuck had pulled away, he'd been so scared Sarah would just slap him and walk away and never come back. He'd known, rationally, that she'd never do that, but it was still there, a persistent worry in the back of his mind he'd had to fight to ignore. There's something between the two of them, he knows that. He knows he's not just imagining things. That kiss was unlike anything he'd ever felt, sure, but he also knows it wasn't one-sided. Sarah had kissed him back. Quite a lot, actually. And he sees the way she looks at him, sometimes, a glint in her eye. So he knows this isn't a case of him pining after someone who feels nothing for him in return. But he knows, too, that Sarah doesn't want a relationship, doesn't need one. Doesn't need him kissing her. She'd told him that day that she just couldn't, and he gets that, he really does- and with all she's been through he doesn't blame her one bit. Thanks to the past few years, Chuck had hated Bryce Larkin already, but that the man had gotten so lucky, so blessed, to end up with Sarah and Amy, and he'd thrown it away and cheated... Even if he'd been truthful about not sleeping with Jill, which Chuck thinks he had been, even with that- hurting Sarah, and hurting Amy, that's unforgivable, to Chuck. It doesn't even matter that that's partly why Sarah's holding back with him now, no, he's not that selfish. No matter how it affected her, it'd still be the worst thing to possibly to do someone so great. To betray her like that, hurt her. Chuck might've loved Bryce Larkin, once, he might've been his best friend, his brother. But now, he knows they can never go back. He can never forgive him. Never be okay with him. Bryce hurt Sarah.

"Chuck..." Ellie tries again, and he shrugs.

"We're good, Ellie, honestly. We just, take it slow, keep going as we are. We don't need to talk about things, we're good the three of us, just being." She sends him a look like she doesn't believe him, but he just stares her down, and eventually, she relents. He sighs, nods. He means what he's said, he really does, he's not lying to his sister, here. Even if he's confused, even if he often wishes he and Sarah were more, together, or even just firmly settled on solely being friends, even with that, he's fine right now. Fine seeing them, being with them, in this slightly uncertain relationship, still being happy. Sarah may hold the cards, now, she may be the one to move them forward or not since she's the one with the most at stake- her daughter, her future-, but Chuck doesn't mind waiting for her to make her move. Looking at Ellie, he finally changes the subject. "So, what're you and Sarah gonna do tomorrow?"

She grins.
"Shop." He slaps her arm, and she laughs. "I don't know, Chuck, we're just gonna go round the mall, get some lunch. It'll be nice to hang out with Sarah, I always feel like I don't get to see her enough. I mean, with how important she and Amy are to you..."

And they're back to that again. He feigns casualness, nods and sips his beer once more.
"I'm glad, that you're friends." He really is, he knows he is. It's somehow incredibly heartwarming for his sister to be close to Sarah, for them to get along so well. They're both so important to him that he doesn't quite know what he'd do if they didn't like each other. But, thankfully, they've always been good together, ever since his party all those months ago. Even if he had been briefly terrified to introduce the two of them. Somehow, more terrified than he'd ever been introducing his past girlfriends to Ellie. And Sarah isn't even… "I'm glad that she has you to do stuff like this with."

"Well, you can thank yourself for that." He raises an eyebrow. "We might be friends, but we're friends because of you."

"Yeah, well, I'm still glad. She deserves some time off," She deserves the world if he could give it to her, Chuck thinks, but again, he keeps that thought from his sister.

"You give her time off, too, y'know, I'm sure you do," Ellie says, shrugging. "When you go over..."

"I watch a movie with them once a week, El," he insists, though he knows that's not all he does. Sometimes they go places together, sometimes he just gets tackled in a bug-hug in the hallway. Sometimes they hang out for birthdays and holidays. One thing a week is not quite accurate.

"Yeah, but even there, you give Amy someone else to talk to. Someone else to cuddle up to," She points at him at that, and he knows he can't argue with that part of her argument, anyway. Amy had demonstrated that pretty well at Thanksgiving, after all. "Just someone else to be there."

He sighs, leans back, looks up at the ceiling.
"Yeah." She doesn't say anything. He guesses there's no need for it. But he still doesn't know how he got to this point, how he became that person in Sarah and Amy's lives, someone to be there. It's like he blinked, and here they are. He runs a hand over his face. "God, how'd I end up here, Ellie? I don't know what to do."

She strokes his arm briefly, squeezes his shoulder.
"You'll figure it out, Chuck. You always do." He sighs, and he hears her shift a little before she pokes him in the elbow. Rolling his head on the back of the couch, he sees her staring him down, familiarly. "Like you said, you're good, the three of you. You like them, a lot, you love spending time with them, they make you happy. Isn't that enough?"

"Mmhm," he says, a little lost for words.

"Then you'll work it out. Even if it's complicated, even if you don't know what to do. I have faith in you for that, little brother."

He just sits there, beer warming in his palm, and wonders quite when that will be. Quite when he'll work any of this out, understand it all properly. Because he's been confused since last August, when Amy Walker tripped over her eager feet in their apartment hallway and cautiously waved, and he'd been wrapped around her little finger. And then he'd seen Sarah walking up right behind her, and his life has never been the same since.

He knows this isn't the end of this discussion, with Ellie, not really. She'll keep pressing, keep wanting answers. Where he's happy to settle, right now, for this half-relationship with Sarah, this strange positioning in their lives, where he's good with that, Ellie always likes answers. Needs clarity. And she won't settle for excuses and it's complicated with just some vague explaining for long. He spares a brief thought for what she might ask Sarah, tomorrow. His sister may just be looking out for him, for both of them, really, but she can also step over a line, even if her intentions are good.

In the end, they move onto safer topics and he finishes his beer, bids his sister farewell with a hug, and heads home. When he gets back to his apartment, though, he can't help but cast a look to the door opposite his own, and wonder just what tomorrow might bring.

a/n 2: I love writing these siblings. I love these siblings, period. But, though the content of this revolves around Chapter 11, funnily enough, what first inspired it was thinking about the charm bracelet. I got the idea of that scene in my head, Chuck's Dad sat sitting on his bed and telling him the story, and I just couldn't get it out. Thus, this happened. As I said, not a definitive case of Chuck's feelings and thoughts in this story, since things changed between our little family of three pretty much the next chapter and have continued to do so since then, but for some things, I think Chuck's logic still holds. Those curious why he's sticking around, and is happy to stay with Sarah without demanding some kind of label for their relationship, hopefully it's a little clearer to you, now. Nobody be mad at Sarah, though, Chuck may have the feels, here, but we know she's got the feels, too, and she's working on getting better at expressing those. And hopefully y'all see why Ellie was pestering Sarah a little the next day, lol, he basically said Amy was his kid, whaaat. Anyway, that was that, now back to the main story!

-Kiera :)