Fic: A Dish Best Served Cold, chapter 9

Disclaimer: I unfortunately didn't become a millionaire overnight, so these characters still belong to Kim Harrison. One day…

Chapter 9

One month later…

I awoke to a cold bed. The emptiness of the bed was a reminder of what I was missing. I got up, slipping on my silk robe, its gentle caress yet another reminder of what I should be feeling if things were different. I shook my head, trying to clear it of the spider webs of sleep that still enshrouded it; perhaps coffee would help in waking me further.

I went to the bathroom, taking care of business before brushing my teeth. I trudged my way to the kitchen, half asleep. My nightmares still awoke me every night; nothing I had tried had made them any better. Time heals all wounds, but time had done nothing for me so far. I had to relive that moment every night.

I finally made my way to the kitchen, finding my way to the coffee machine. As always, it was ready to go, so I merely started the machine to make the heavenly liquid that made mornings more bearable. As I waited for the machine to dispense the desired liquid, I was confronted by the quietness present in the church. I wanted nothing more than to be distracted from the deafening silence that was haunting me right now. It used to be that the peacefulness that came from being alone in the church was a delight, but no longer. Now it just signaled what was missing.

I heard the front door open, the sound of footsteps in the sanctuary echoing throughout the spacious room. Ignoring the still brewing coffee, I rushed to the sanctuary, ready to confront the person entering. Gone were the last vestiges of sleep that had plagued me this morning; my blood was singing as I went through the doorway. I stopped, staring at the person who was divesting themselves of bags. Frustration quickly overcame me and readily noticed in my voice.

"Would it kill you to stay in bed until I wake up, or at least wake me before you leave?"

Ivy turned to me, amusement clearly showing on her face. "Good morning to you, too, dear heart. I'm so happy to see you as well." She crossed the room, closing in on me. Placing her arms around me, she embraced me, her head turned into my neck, her breath playing upon my ear. A shiver went through my body at the feeling, as it always did. "I didn't want to disturb you, love, as you hadn't been sleeping well. I want you to get the rest you need, even if means letting you sleep longer than normal." Her voice lowered to a whisper, care evident in her voice. "I wish I could take these nightmares away from you, Rache. It hurts me to see you so distraught from those memories."

I felt like a heel now. Here I was, ready to blame Ivy for leaving me alone, when all she had in mind was my best interests. Pretty typical of me; I'm too damn self-absorbed sometimes. I hugged her more firmly. "I'm sorry, Iv. I shouldn't have been frustrated with you. Thank you for thinking of me. I know that the past month hasn't been the easiest, but I hope it gets better, for both of our sakes." I pulled away, so as to look into my girlfriend's eyes. "I didn't have the dream last night. It did feel good to sleep in." See? I could admit my feelings and thoughts now more openly with Ivy.

Ivy's eyes lit up at my words. "That is great!" Her hands came up to cup my cheeks, her head lowering to plant a sound kiss upon my lips. "I've been really worried about you, but this might mean that it's finally going away. I know, I know," she responded to the unsure look on my face, "it's just the once, but once is better than none." She vamp sped over to her bags, pulling out a rectangular box with a cellophane window on the top. "Celebratory pastries?"

I smiled, nodding. We headed to the kitchen together; at one point, Ivy had put her arm around my waist. At first, it had felt very possessive, but I had gotten used to it quickly. It felt good to belong to someone, even as it felt good knowing that Ivy belonged to me. We disengaged once in the kitchen, each going about a task without conferring with the other. Ivy went to grab plates, while I poured coffee for both of us. Even before we were dating, we had been roommates together for over two years. It was natural to have Ivy's presence in the kitchen while cooking; we became a well-oiled machine, anticipating each other's moves.

We sat ourselves down at the table, simply content to be in each other's company for the time being. Ivy went through her email while eating her first danish. She would more likely eat several more, her vamp metabolism burning off excessive calories better than an avid fitness freak. I pecked at my cinnamon roll, knowing full well how much running I would have to do to make up for the calorie count the roll. I sighed inwardly; life could be so unfair sometimes.

I looked over at Ivy again, taking in her beauty. We came so close to losing one another four weeks ago. She had lost some blood from vamp bites before I showed up; the fact that she could even walk after being freed by Jenks was pretty amazing. I lost a lot of blood too, but not nearly as much as Ivy. The fact that the strength potion wore at the time it did is why I just about face planted in front of Ivy. Naturally she panicked when I crashed; luckily Jenks was already on the phone with emergency services to get the help we both needed.

I ended up unconscious in a hospital bed for three days while they did blood infusions on me. I awoke with Ivy asleep on the bed with me, apparently having refused to leave my side during my stay. I understood why she did; we had just found each other, and she wanted to make sure she didn't lose me quite yet. Once I was able to awaken her, Ivy ran off to find Dr. Mape. Dr. Mape was satisfied with my progress, but wanted to verify that I could move around on my own before being released from the hospital. Before she could finish the sentence, I made my way to my feet and quickly regretted doing so. The room started spinning on me and I nearly collapsed. Luckily Ivy was able to grab me before I made a complete fool of myself. I tried several more times that day before finally satisfying Dr. Mape that I could maneuver around on my own.

We returned home, Ivy being in complete vamp nurturer mode. For those first few days, I wasn't allowed to do hardly anything myself. Ivy apparently felt that I was a total invalid and needed 24/7 care. She cooked and cleaned, doting on every whim, even when I yelled at her for being an overbearing mother figure. I knew she meant well, but we had been through this just a few weeks prior. It was old the last time, let alone this second time. On the plus side, she offered to help me clean myself during a bath or shower. I was more than happy to accept this, until I had been rebuffed multiple times for getting 'handsy'. She made it very clear that nothing would be happening until she had determined for herself that I had made a full recovery.

I wished that I could say that those incidents were the only times we argued. While I had managed to accept a lot of changes that had occurred in my life, there was still one area that I was very sensitive about: my independence, especially regarding finances. Whenever Ivy went out, she would always return with a gift for me, whether it was my favorite ice cream or a shirt she thought would look good on me. I was appreciative at first, but the more gifts I received, the less I liked Ivy for buying them. Yes, she is rich and doing well in her part of the runner business. Yes, she never rubbed these facts in my face, like a shallower person might. She never fished for compliments on these gifts. Still it rankled me.

Finally it came to a head one afternoon. We had made plans to go out the next night, as Ivy deemed me healed. She insisted on a proper date night before becoming involved (yet another delay), but I was willing to wait for her. She waited years for me, a few days would be manageable on my part. She came back from a run with an opaque hanging bag, the excitement apparent on her face. She quickly handed me the bag and looked eagerly on as I opened it. Inside was a gorgeous midnight blue cocktail dress that I had admired the last time I was at the mall. She explained that she saw how much I wanted the dress, so she got it for me for our date the following night.

First off, the dress was, like I said, gorgeous. I had seen the quite expensive price, and knew that I won't be able to afford it anytime soon. I had a job, but nobody wanted to hire a no-longer-shunned shunned witch for anything. I got a few pity jobs from the FIB, but it wasn't even enough to cover my rent, let alone buy any clothing. So, when Ivy came in with that dress, it didn't represent a romantic night on the town; it represented all my money troubles and how she had to come to my rescue yet again. I blew up at her for her generosity. I accused her of lording her money over me, of making me feel like a poor person who lived only on the sufferance of those better off than they were. I wondered aloud at what she expected of me to pay her back for these things. When my tirade was finally over, I looked at her, waiting for her response. A single tear ran down her cheek before she fled to her room, closing the door forcefully. I knew I was wrong, but I was too angry still to admit it.

We fell back into old patterns, where we avoided each other and barely said anything to each other when we happened to be in the same room. I tried talking to her several times, but each time she would have a resigned yet fearful expression on her face, as if she was ready for the other shoe to drop. After a couple days of this, I realized that she was waiting for me to tell her that I didn't love her and wanted nothing to do with her. It seemed that she had decided that, since I had once again hurt her, she expected yet more pain from my careless actions. I knew it was up to me to fix this, as it was my fault that this happened in the first place.

That night she was out on a run. Her planning board indicated that it was a short recon, so she would be back before morning. I decided to wait for her in her room, to prevent her from having a place to escape me. I thought back on how much she had done for me. It sickened me to know that I had hurt her because of my pride. Ivy loved me enough that she would do anything for me; I had to prove that I would do the same for her. She had nothing to prove to me; I had already accepted the depth of her love.

As I sat on her bed thinking, I felt the air pressure in the church change, heralding Ivy's return. I heard nothing; Ivy was being silent to avoid disturbing me in what she thought was sleep. When she came to her bedroom doorway, she froze at the sight of me waiting for her. I could barely see her face, but she looked like a deer caught in headlights. I knew she would soon flee if I made any sudden movements towards her, the ingrained need to avoid me still present. I kept my voice calm as I addressed her.

"Ivy, please don't leave. I'm sorry Ivy. I'm so sorry." Seeing the fearful expressions on her face, I realized that my word choice was poor. "Ivy, please, I'm not sorry for loving you."

"What are you sorry for?" The question came out in just above a whisper; I almost had to ask her to repeat herself, which would have looked bad on me. The fear was still present in her voice, but it seemed to me that there was a note of hope there as well.

"Ivy, you went out of your way to show me how much you loved me. You took care of me when you didn't have to. You bought me things just for the simple fact that they would bring me joy. What did I do? I threw them back in your face." I took a deep breath, knowing that the hardest part was coming. It was hard for me to admit that I was wrong, especially when I knew that I was. "That wasn't fair to you, Ivy. You did nothing to deserve how I treated you. That's why I am sorry." Tears were starting to flow down my face, as I struggled to keep my voice straight. "It hurts me to feel like I am dependent on others, but it hurts me even more knowing that I hurt you, that I may have caused you to doubt my feelings for you. Please know this: I love you, Ivy Morgan, more than anyone I have ever loved. I can only hope that you can forgive me for my stupidity."

Ivy had started crying as well, but laughed at my last line. "I can always forgive you, dear heart. I love you more than life itself. You complete me; how can I stay mad at myself?" She came to sit on the bed by my side, interlinking our fingers together. With her other hand, she wiped the tears from my face, before gently brushing my lips with her own. "Rachel, I didn't mean to cause your independence to come into question. If you need me to take back any of the things I bought you, I will."

"No, sweetie, that's not necessary. I'm just so used to people thinking that they need to take care of me because I can't. I eventually realized that you weren't thinking that, that it was because of your love for me that you did these things for me. I know I would do the same things for you if the situation was reversed." I leaned in to give her a hug, the comfort her presence brought me making me understand how much an idiot I was for letting this get between us. "I can't promise that I won't do stupid things in the future; you know me too well to know that would be a lie." A large smile spread across her face as she fought to contain a giggle. "I do promise that my feelings for you will never change. I loved you too long, even when I was too chicken shit to admit it. I want you to be in my life, Ivy. The world makes more sense when you are by my side."

I pressed myself against her, my lips finding hers as if my life depended on kissing her right then and there. Too long had I hidden these feelings, these desires. Ivy's thoughts on waiting for a date night first were quickly cast aside, as hunger welled up between us for the other. That first time was like a summer storm, full of passion and unbridled lust. The strong emotions we were both feeling were fueling this outpouring of desire, a desire that chained each of us to the other. I had never felt as physically satisfied before with past lovers as I had with then with Ivy.

If that first time was a summer storm, then the second time, later that night, was like a spring shower, gentle and nurturing and soft. Goddess above, Ivy was a sex goddess. She knew how to evoke emotions and feelings from me, her every touch bringing joy and love to my heart. She found erogenous zones I didn't even know I had. I had always scoffed at those who said that having sex and making love were two different things, but Ivy made me a believer. Our first time was just sex, even though it was wonderful and exciting and thoroughly satisfying. The next? Ivy made love to me, the way she probably always wanted to. She worshipped every inch of my body. She was obviously a master at drawing out pleasure, which my body responded to with a passion that surprised even me.

What really cemented our relationship was the foundation of friendship that we already had with each other. My prior relationships were always races to the finish line, so to speak. Ivy and my relationship was built on the trust and friendship we had already formed. After the minor bump at the start, we settled into domestic bliss, as it were. Of course, we are just talking about three weeks of being girlfriends, so there was still plenty of time to test our love. (I hoped it wasn't me doing the testing; I had treated Ivy poorly enough for the rest of my life I ought to be drama free. Ivy had already told me that she didn't hold any bad feelings about my reluctance, and I believed her. Still, best not to take any chances.)

Ivy was still taking runs, being busy enough for both of us. I monopolized her time when she was home; I felt like I had years of make up to do. We both enjoyed my version of making up; at least I heard no complaints from Ivy. As for me? Being a housewife may have been my one time dream, but reality has a way of dashing what we believed were our fondest desires. You can only watch so much TV before you feel your brain oozing out of your ears. I cleaned to keep busy, but it engaged me as much as the TV. I really focused on getting into better shape; not that I was a slouch or anything, but, in some respects, I felt a need to keep up with Ivy. My girlfriend was the epitome of feminine beauty; not only beautiful, but also seriously toned. Despite the fact that her vamp metabolism was capable of keeping her in fighting form, Ivy kept a pretty strict fitness regimen. It was almost unfair to us mere mortals.

With nothing else left to do, I resolved to redouble my efforts in finding a way for Ivy to keep her soul after death. None of the books I had in my meager library had any information on it. I had burned my bridges with Trent, so I knew that there was no way I would getting anything from me anytime soon. Other witches had large private libraries, but, as I was persona non grata to the witch community, those were out as well. That left the public and university libraries. I really doubted the public libraries would have anything that advanced within easy grasp of literally anyone, so I ruled that out pretty quickly.

After deciding to chance the university library, I disguised myself as best as I could to avoid being called out and kicked off of campus. I was able to browse through various texts on earth and ley line magics, but found nothing there. I had determined that the restricted section, open only to grad students with full permission given by their advisors, held the demonic texts that would be most helpful in my investigation. However, I had no idea how to get in there beyond that. Using my second sight, I saw the numerous wards that were in place, to deter any intrusion or theft. Sighing dejectedly, I realized that this was another dead end.

That left one viable option, which would involve pulling teeth to get his approval. Al still wasn't too pleased with me, despite the fact that I had already created the three tulpas I promised him, making him one of the richest demons in the Ever After. He still ranted and raved about what my disappearance had done to him, and how much I had to make it up to him. Asking any favors of Al right now would get me laughed at. Al was really concerned with what I could do for him right now; even though he had lived for over 5000 years, he was still a bit short sighted. He would want something now if I were to expect a favor from him. Considering with my lack of anything more magical I could give him, I offered to him the one thing he didn't have: me.

Of course, that meant an extra day in the Ever After with him every week. (What were you thinking? Ew! Get your mind out of the gutter!) My proposal was to spend half the day doing curses for him, while I got the rest of the day to peruse his newly and hugely expanded library. His counter proposal was to include the making of more tulpas, as if he really needed the money right now. I agreed to create an additional tulpa, which he (rather begrudgingly) accepted. So, now I am going twice a week: Tuesdays and Saturdays.

Needless to say, Ivy was not pleased with this plan. When I proposed it to her (naturally going to her first before Al – I'm not that stupid), she vehemently opposed it. She laid it out in no uncertain terms that Al couldn't be trusted, and putting myself into his hands so often was just a disaster waiting to happen. I knew how much she loved me and her need to be protective of my wellbeing. I said as much, letting her know how much I valued those feelings. I let her know that I was doing this for her, that I wanted to find out how to save her soul. Cormel be damned, I wasn't interested in saving vampire's souls, just a certain sexy vamp who meant the world to me.

Of course, telling Ivy this was absolutely the worst idea ever. I thought she was angry before, but now it reached new heights. Ivy was mortified that I was placing myself in danger for her sakes; that I was, in her eyes, sacrificing myself to make her life better. Words were spoken that I knew she didn't mean; it was the guilt speaking. Even after all the reassurances that I had been giving her, Ivy still regularly felt that she didn't deserve any good things in her life. Thinking of herself as a monster was so deeply ingrained in her mind. I had come to discover a sure fire way to beat these dark emotions, so I proceeded to seducing Ivy so she would drink my blood.

Sex with Ivy was always great and wonderful and quite often mind blowing, but the shared connection we felt when our auras merged during blood sharing triumphed over all. There's no real way to describe the deep emotional bond that formed between us; it was like we became one person, with nothing hiding between us. I was never very good at stating my emotions before, but I could express myself so much better when she could simply feel what I felt. Despite being told numerous times by Ivy that she loved me, I really felt it, like it was a tangible feeling. It sometimes was difficult to determine when my emotions ended and where Ivy's began.

These thoughts drove my behavior, as I wanted her to really feel what I felt for her. I needed to reinforce those thoughts to her on how much I valued and loved her. There was no way to lie, so she would know that my feelings were true. Once our auras merged, I pushed all my feelings of love and devotion to her, that she could see how much I held her in high regard. I could feel her fears and reluctance, so I enforced the idea that it wasn't just for her, but for us. Knowing that I could live a long life due to being a day walking demon, I wanted her, with her soul, by my side forever. I would still stay by her even if she had no soul, but it would be so much better to be with the woman I loved.

Ivy began sobbing, causing her to break contact with me. Our auras returned once more with each other, Ivy still clinging to me with a ferocity that was tender and protective. I let her cry, knowing that words would be insufficient after what we had both experienced. Once she quieted down, she kissed me in that oh so sensitive spot below my ear and pulled back to gaze into my eyes. She agreed to let me go, yet still stating her fears of what could happen to me. She made me promise that I would learn how to jump lines, so that I could return home at any time if needed. I had already planned on asking Al to teach me just that, so it was an easy accommodation to meet. I also promised to make her tons of cookies and muffins for her consent. It wasn't necessary, but it put Ivy into a good mood, which I was always happy to see.

The next week saw me starting on my new work week, as it were. With how little runner work I got, it was easy enough to add a second day to my Ever After trips. My first day was fruitless, especially after I determined that there was no rhyme or reason to how his library was organized. It was especially difficult, as almost all the books had no title on the outside, meaning I had to open each individual book up to see what it was about. The fact that quite a few were in unknown languages made it even worse. I wondered if Al had translation curses that I could use. That would be extremely help, as I spoke English and nothing else. I still had that tulpa to create for Al, and who knows what else…

"Dear heart?"

I awoke from my reverie, realizing that I had been lost in thought the entire time that Ivy was eating and using her laptop. I smiled at her, wanting to know that there was nothing to worry about. "Sorry, Iv, just lost in thought. Just remembering what a hectic, yet wonderful, past month we've had."

Ivy returned my smile and opened her mouth to speak. However, before she could utter a word, another voice piper up. "Lost in thought? Geez, Rache, should we be worried?" Jenks flew over to our table, hovering in-between us. "Tink's fishnet stockings, we always get into trouble when you think. Maybe you should leave that to us instead?"

Little twerp. I shook my head, trying to clear the low anger I was feeling. Jenks was an instigator and would often say things just to rile us up. It was just his way, so I curbed my desire to burn his butt for his words. "What, Jenks, don't you have chores to do instead of insulting me? I was thinking," I added for emphasis, "that I should maybe get out to the garden and move some things around. You know, organizing and such…"

I almost laughed out loud at the nervous twitching he was doing; Ivy was doing her best not to smirk too widely. His dust had turned to an orange-red, which had to mean he was extremely nervous. "NO! I mean, no thanks, Rache. We have everything in hand; if we need help, we will let you know. I need to go check on the kids, to make sure they are doing okay." With that, Jenks quickly flew out of the kitchen. I felt vindicated; I rarely ever got the best of Jenks, so it always felt good when I did so.

Ivy started laughing and I joined her. It was a wonderful reminder of how much Ivy had loosened up after we got together; she might have had a short chuckle but would quickly regain her composure. To see her laugh and smile so frequently and openly was a marvelous thing. She was always beautiful before, but seeing her express herself like this just increased her beauty tenfold. I reached over and placed my hand on hers, happy to just be there with her.

"So, I start learning how to jump lines tomorrow. I don't know how quickly I will pick this up, so you may see me popping back and forth." Ivy was still a planner and wanted to know as much about any situation as possible beforehand. I was struggling to get used to this; I wanted to be a good girlfriend and support her by helping her in things she felt strongly about. I still forgot to tell her a lot, but I was slowly getting better.

"Good. The sooner you can do this, the better I will feel about you being there." Ivy was still smiling, so I knew she wasn't terribly pained about the thought of me being in the Ever After. It still bothered her, but we let those sleeping dogs lie. She had accepted that what I was doing was for both of us, even if it didn't thrill her that I was staying at Al's an extra day a week. She still stayed up long enough to make sure I made it home safely, which was always sweet of her. I made sure to properly thank her every day I came back to her.

I found that I had finished my danish while I was reminiscing, which was more than I wanted to eat. Sighing inwardly, I knew I was going to have to exercise more today to work off those calories. I was about to ask Ivy if she wanted to help me work them off, but she spoke first. "Rache, I have no runs planned for today; do you want to go out tonight? I can call and get a table at Constantinides' for us and maybe go dancing afterwards?"

Just the thought of going dancing with Ivy was almost enough to make me drool, plus the prospect of eating great Mediterranean food sealed the deal. I jumped out of my chair and into her lap, planting a big kiss on her lips. "I would love to go out with the sexiest vamp in the world. Just give me some time to get cleaned up and a bit more presentable, and we can go."

Ivy picked me up, putting me on my feet. Before I could register any complaint about leaving her embrace, she stood up and gathered me in her arms. "You could go just as you are and still be the most beautiful woman there. I love you, Rachel. I'm glad you are in my life."

I hugged her tightly, whispering words of love into her ear. Life was good for me. I wasn't on any hit lists (for now), I was no longer shunned, my lessons with Al were going good for once, and I had the best girlfriend in the world. Everything was perfect. Unfortunately, with how my life worked, I was sure that something would go wrong soon. It didn't matter to me right now; I could handle it when it came up. I was bound and determined to enjoy myself while I could. It felt good to be this happy. Kissing Ivy once again, I rushed off to the shower, ready to have another adventure with the woman I loved.

The End

Rachel, Ivy and company will return in Through a Mirror Darkly

A/N: Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays! Thanks for reading! I would appreciate reviews; please let me know what I did right (and what I didn't); I want to be able to improve my writing. Any comments are greatly valued!