Chapter 10:

"'The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results,'" Kate murmured, staring out the window of the SUV as Agent Avery drove back towards the city again, uttering her first words since they all left the safe house.

"Albert Einstein would be the leading expert on insanity," Castle replied concernedly, watching her from the seat beside her, waiting for her, worrying for her.

"I—We have been putting this case to bed over and over again and expecting different results. It always comes back…. It's like Beetlejuice, we talked—thought—about it one too many times and it appeared again." Her eyes drooped with the same tiredness that enveloped her words.

"Kate—."

"When's it going to be over, Castle?" she says desperately, her body springing up and towards him like a coil. "We had a few weeks without this hanging over our heads, just a glimpse of a life without a case, without a conspiracy, and it was good. It was deliciously good, and I let myself love it and now… I desperately want answers, I do, but I had just started to believe it could actually be over. I don't want to go back to the constant fear, the nagging in the back of my mind. Some random woman has the ability to derail our life. And if it's not her, it some case long buried that comes back out the woodwork… God, it'll never be over," she finishes, slumping tiredly again by the end.

Castle finally springs to life, grabbing her hand with both of his to keep her eyes on him. "We finished this, Kate, it is over. We have our happy ending; we're getting married in a few months. This is a blip, a speed bump, but we're getting our answers tomorrow. We are not going to let this bring us down, ok? No matter what happens tomorrow, we will make it through this, you understand me? We'll do what we always do. I understand being tired, but this isn't like before. Bracken is in prison, our big bad is caught… we're not in danger anymore," he finishes, caressing her hand and watching as her chin tips up and her shoulders widen with resolve, losing their fatigued quality just slightly.

Kate sighed and nodded her agreement, but her doubts staying in the back of her mind. She turns back to her dad in the back seat, finding him staring out the tinted window like she was before. "How are you, Dad?"

Jim startles, looking away from the window to meet Kate's eyes. He tries to speak twice but nothing comes out, his mouth opening and closing like a fish. He takes a deep breath and finally speaks, shaking his head, and replying with the only thing that comes to mind, "I don't know, Katie."

Kate sighed out heavily and grabbed one of his hands clenching his knees, squeezing in an attempt to reassure him, ground him, just as Castle had done for her. "We'll figure this out, ok?" She pulled her hand away and twisted her hands together. "I…maybe I should have asked you, are you ok with exhuming Mom's body? I know I kind of just sprung it on you, and it'll only happen if…" Kate paused, swallowing roughly, "if there are—discrepancies—in the test results. If there's even a chance… Whoever is down there, they deserve justice."

"I know, Katie, trust me, I would have said something if I didn't approve," Jim said with what was supposed to be a smirk on his face, but withered immediately.

Silence enveloped the SUV. Kate rubbed the fabric of her dress together, liking how much she hated the rough sound, her eyes dull and contemplative. "Do you believe her?" she asked, finally looking back at her father, finding his gaze focused on the floor of the vehicle.

"I want to. I desperately want to. All I've wanted for 15 years with to have your mom alive and well. But I know the odds aren't in favor of that."

Jim finally raises his gaze to his daughter to see her staring at her hands. "What about you?"

Kate didn't answer straight away, taking a minute to think through her answer. "I've wanted my mom for so long… thought of all the things she would miss, has already missed. But that was always a dream, a fantasy. No matter how much she looks like her, no matter how many things she knows about her life, this woman is not mom."

Kate and her father shared a look before the SUV came to a stop and Agent Avery announced that they had arrived at Jim's house.

"Come on Dad, I'll walk you up." Kate opened the door, stepped out, and held it open for Jim.

"Have a good night, Rick. See you in the morning," Jim said before he got out, shaking Castle's hand.

"You too, Jim. Take care."

Jim clapped him on the shoulder, nodded his thanks, and made his way out of the car while Castle stayed to give father and daughter a moment alone.

Kate hugged her father at the door, long and tight; a hug like they hadn't shared in a long time. She and her father will always have the shared bond of grief, no matter what the next day brings.

"You'll be ok, Dad, yeah?" Kate asks as she pulls away, "You can always stay with Castle and me tonight… anytime, really."

Jim smiles back the first genuine smile and caressed her cheek like he used to when she was a little girl, "I'll be ok, Katie bug. And I promise, if I'm not, I'll call you or come over, ok?"

Kate nodded and smiled back. "I love you, Dad."

"I love you too, kid," Jim whispered back, watching as she walked back down the steps, waiting by the car until she saw him go inside and close the door. He waved from the window as the SUV backed out of the driveway and drove back down the road towards the city.

Jim sighed as he slumps back against the door. On the one hand he wants figure out how to feel, what to think, and on the other hand, he doesn't want to feel, to think, not yet. He looks at the clock and he pushes everything else aside in favor of sleep, knowing that he desperately needs it. He checks nothing but the lock on the front door, then making his way upstairs to his room, barely getting into his pajamas before physically flopping into bed, with his suit still puddled on the floor, likely getting wrinkled beyond repair, but he doesn't care. However, as soon as he gets into bed, sleep eludes him. He had hoped he would be too exhausted for insomnia. He picks his sobriety chip up from its place on the nightstand and mindlessly twirls it between his fingers. His thoughts are focused not on the past, but on the present: on the woman that's in a hotel across the city, the woman who could possibly be his wife who has been dead for 15 years. She looked exactly like her. If she's not her… well, he'll hate himself because he couldn't tell. What she said, most of it only she would know.

He's not getting any sleep tonight. Obviously. And he doesn't just want to sit and wonder. He's pulled towards his hope chest by the window in his room. He opens the hope chest and is bombarded with memories. This hope chest, aptly named, holds the most precious memories and belongings of his wife. He feels along his wife's favorite sweater and her favorite throw but doesn't let his mind settle as he picks up what he was pulled towards: Johanna's jewelry box. He opens it and sees the many pieces he got her over the years, and the ones that he just loved to see her in. Also the ones that had particular sentimental value towards her, ones from family or friends. His hand grazes the silvers and golds, the metals and gemstones, but moves away from them all in favor of a navy velvet ring box settled in the corner, covered by other pieces of jewelry. He puts the ring box by his side, closes the jewelry box gently, puts it back in its rightful place, and returns to bed with the ring box in hand. He stares at the ring box for a good long while, not knowing whether to open it again or leave it shut, his indecision symbolic and ironic in every sense. Having brought it this far, he almost has no choice but to open it, he reasons, so he does. Inside he sees his wedding ring, long since put away but never forgotten. He takes the ring out of the box and put the box in his nightstand drawer. For a while he just lays there and looks down at it from its place in the palm of his hand. He needs to feel it, but he can't put it back on his hand, knows that would be too much. He slowly closes his fingers over it and gives into the tears clogging his throat. He falls asleep with it pressed against his heart.

Johanna's position in Jordan's car mimicked Kate's own across the city as they drove along the route to the motel. Her gaze was trained solely on her wedding ring, watching as she twisted it around her finger, getting used to the feeling of having it on again.

"Katie is… engaged. To Rick Castle. The famous author." Johanna scoffed and shook her head.

Jordan raised her eyebrows at her through the rearview mirror.

"Richard Castle is my daughter's fiancé… and unconventional work partner. She is Nikki Heat and he is Jameson Rook… God, I read way too much of those books." Johanna winced heavily as Jordan chuckled.

"Do they… work well together? Is he… he seems really good for her…" Johanna trailed off, looking in the rearview mirror for a response. Jordan kept her eyes on the road for a while before she sighed in defeat and looked back to Johanna sharply.

"They're meant for each other. They make each other better, stronger. They've got each other's backs."

Johanna looked slightly chagrined, but most relieved, even a little proud. The rest of the car ride is mostly silent. Johanna has more questions than she can count, but she knows better than to ask, knowing the outcome will just be another shut down. And at the moment, she honestly doesn't mind the hostility. She'll take it—she'll take the anger and the silence because she just got to see her family for the first time in 15 years. And the person who sought to end her life is in jail, which means that she has the rest of her life to make it right with her family… to start again. She knows that will be the problem: how to reconcile who they were 15 years ago with who they are now. Also forgiveness, of course, that has to come first. If she's able to get their forgiveness—which she has to hope will still be on the table after tomorrow—they will all have to figure out how to get over the fact that she was dead for 15 years. They grieved her, and she grieved herself, and coming back from that… they're all going to have to figure that out together and in their own ways.

Jordan pulls up to the motel, not quite in the city and pretty deserted by the looks of it. There are already agents there, obviously her protection. She gets out of the SUV with Jordan. Jordan grabs a bag from the back and lets Johanna into her room.

"I know it's not the plaza or anything, but it's safe, secure, and isolated. We really don't expect any danger with Bracken all snug in federal custody, but better safe than sorry and all that." Jordan watches as Johanna grips her clutch tight and gives the room only a cursory glance, standing awkwardly in the middle of the room. "And hey, you've got cable."

Jordan smirked as she got the laugh she was looking for, however meager it was. "And I have some things for you," she continued after there was no more of a response from Johanna, lightly dropping the bag she brought from the car onto the lone bed, "I figured we wouldn't have time for you to buy anything before tomorrow, so I packed up some clothes, something for you to wear to bed other than that dress, and some things for you to wear tomorrow. You'll have to either find a way to get your clothes back from Maine and/or buy some new ones in the meantime, but these should do you until tomorrow at least. There's also some toiletries and stuff in there and you can call up to the front desk for anything you need, just let the agents know and they'll pick it up for you, safety reasons. I also… I also put some things in there… thought they might help, even just a little bit."

At that Johanna turns around and looks at Jordan for the first time, her brow furrowed, but before she has a chance to ask what she's talking about, to go for the bag to see for herself, Jordan continues, "Anyway, I'll be back tomorrow morning to pick you up and take you to the morgue. Have a nice night… And welcome back to NYC."

Johanna clears her throat and wishes Jordan good night just in time before she nods in leave and the door to the room closes behind her. And suddenly she was alone again.

For a good 10 minutes or so Johanna just looked around the room, standing in the exact same spot, lost at both the newfound freedom and lack of freedom—her ability to be with her family while not being able to see her family. In times like these, her intense focus was working against her. The main problem she was intensely focused on: getting her family back. The problem with that: she couldn't do anything about it until tomorrow. She couldn't learn about her family, she couldn't get to know them again… until tomorrow. Which left her intensely focused without anywhere to point that focus. So she chose to look through what Jordan had left her. She's certain it probably won't help but she was nice enough to leave them…and Johanna needed a little nice right now.

She put her purse down onto bed, sat on the edge of the bed, pulled the bag towards her, and opened the bag. She found stacks of clothes neatly folded and pulled them out one by one: an FBI t-shirt and sweats to wear to bed and a long sleeve shirt and cropped jeans for the next day. Next to the clothes there was a travel bag with her toiletries in it. When she what was at the bottom of the bag, she stopped and sucked in a sharp breath. She ran her hand lightly across each of them: every Nikki Heat book Richard Castle had written—Heat Wave, Naked Heat, Heat Rises, Frozen Heat, and Deadly Heat. She pulled them all out onto the bed, quickly placed her clothes for tomorrow back in the bag, and set the bag next to the bed on the floor. Looking at the books laid out on the bed, she didn't know how she was going to thank Jordan tomorrow. It was exactly what she needed, the next best thing to understanding her daughter's life when her daughter wasn't available to her yet. Of course, she had read them all numerous times before, but that was when she was oblivious to the fact that the "extraordinary KB" Richard Castle dedicated the books to in the first place was actually her own daughter. She hastily grabbed her pajamas for the night and the bag of toiletries and changed and went through her nightly routine as fast as possible in order to settle down with those books for the night. She threw her things from tonight in the bag on the floor, not exactly caring if anything got wrinkled, and sat again on the edge of the bed. She looked over the books one more time before stacking everyone except Heat Wave into a pile, intendent on rereading and analyzing them in order. She placed the pile on the night stand, but in her haste, knocked the TV remote off the nightstand and onto the floor, turning on the TV in the process. She picked the remote up, intending to turn off the TV, but stopping when she noticed what exactly the TV had turned on to.

"You're watching NBC-4 New York and we're gonna start you right off on this early New York City Morning with a recap of the story from Washington that has hit close to home. Senator William Bracken of New York was arrested on charges of conspiracy, fraud, and murder, and more charges are soon to be added, according to the District Attorney. The disgraced Senator was arrested on national television during an interview in which he was discussing his agenda for his campaign. Senator Bracken had announced just a few months before that he running for president in the 2016 election. One of the police's main source of evidence is a cassette tape found just before the arrest in which the Senator, then District Attorney in New York, admits to hiring someone to murder people who had found out about his dirty dealings. New evidence continues to come to light appearing to show decades of crime linked to Bracken and his rise to the top. Bracken's wife, Sheila, made a statement for their family, expressing their shock and dismay at the Senator's actions and asks for privacy as they come to terms with this news. Although she did not address it in her press conference, Bracken's former campaign manager and chief of staff, Brant McCoy, assured voters that Sheila would be taking over in voting for Senator Bracken in the Senate until an emergency election could be held for Senator Bracken's seat, as is the custom with Senators or Representatives who have died in office, and announced Senator Bracken's withdrawal from the presidential race, as was expected. Mr. Bracken was not granted bail at his bail hearing soon after his arrest and must therefore stay in police custody until his trail, the date for which has not been set. New details continue to arise from this congressional scandal and we'll keep updating you as they come to light. After the break, Karen will be back with the weather, it's going to be getting warmer and warmer these next few weeks with some summer weather finally on the horizon, stay tuned."

Johanna couldn't take her eyes off the news segment as she saw the man who sought to hurt her and her family for the first time and as she saw her daughter, her strong, capable, amazing daughter, arrest him for his crimes and send him to the fate that he deserved. It was less than a minute, but just that little glimpse at her Katie as Detective Beckett just how suited she was for the role. She stood tall in the face of monsters and she walked with confidence. Her baby girl was badass. She turned it off at the commercial break, more determined than ever to get as many glimpses of the woman she saw in that clip as possible. Even if she couldn't actually see her, she could read and feel that woman in the words she inspired. She could get to know the woman her daughter had grown into. With that thought, she put the remote back onto the night stand, settled against the headboard of the bed, propped herself up against the pillows, cracked open the spine of her favorite book, and began to read.

"It was always the same for her when she arrived to meet the body.… "

A/N: I originally intended for what is now Chapter 10 and 11 to be one chapter, but it ended up being too long, so think of this as part one. Glad you are all still along for the ride. Hopefully there weren't too many mistakes. Review! You know, if you want.