Warning: Slight (and I do mean slight)NSFW ahead. You have been warned.

Tonight, We are Young

Chapter 1 - Oh, it was Real

Truthfully, it was all a haze, a fine line between fantasy and reality—but it was still so real, no matter how much he wanted to deny it. It started out as a community invite to those in the food business of Bikini Bottom, so the crew of The Krusty Krab was welcomed in a heartbeat. Of course, like all formal parties that celebrated success, there were various wine choices for all of the party's attendants.

And ironically, despite being a genuine man of the seas, Mr. Krabs found himself quite drunk near the end of the party. Not wanting to be responsible for any horrific accidents, the hosts rented numerous Uber drivers for the night in case some people didn't have a ride home. Mr. Krabs was no exception, and found himself waiting alone outside in the darkness; his messy tuxedo and loose tie was faintly illuminated by the light inside the community center, and he put most of his body weight against the door when he felt his head get too light.

Eventually, a pair of bright lights came to a slow stop by the curb, and the driver door opened as a thin, dark figure emerged and walked up to the buzzed crab. He could barely make out their features, but it was easy for him to tell that they were female when they spoke.

"Alright, old man, let's go. I'm not gettin' paid to get you back home late," she firmly informed, her voice slightly raspy and laced with a sweet country accent.

"Hey…I-I ain't old, Missy…I'm perfectly*urp*…hip," Mr. Krabs slurred in protested, but instantly fell against her shoulder when she carefully pulled him from his place against the wall. She then led him to her boat and opened the door, allowing him to sit in the back. Before Mr. Krabs could keep arguing, she slammed the door shut and immediately hopped back into the diver's seat, and they were off.

"Judging by the stench of your breath, you're definitely not a square," the mystery woman added dryly.

"Who're…you anyway?" Mr. Krabs questioned, pausing to shake grogginess from his head.

"Hey, you're just my customer, and I'm just acceptin' some patronage by keepin' you alive for tanight. Let's keep it that way, alright?"

Krabs was easily silenced at that. Even though he still couldn't make out her real features, he could also tell that this girl had spunk. And maybe it was the alcohol talking, but he was starting to get a little turned on by the moxie of this mysterious mynx.

Before long, the boat came up to Mr. Krabs' driveway, and she stepped out to help him out of the boat and help him to the front door. Once again, he hobbled as he put almost all of his weight against her shoulder, and his vision was dark and blurred when they came up to the door.

"Listen…I-I'm not gonna lie…ugh…I don't think I'll make it…upstairs on me own," Mr. Krabs shamefully admitted, as he struggled to get a firm grip on the doorknob.

"Are ya kiddin' me? I've gotta haul yer drunk ass all the way up ta yer bed, too? I don't get paid enough for this," she growled in great aggravation.

"Ya know, ya seem…pretty pent up…work got'cha down?"

"You don't know the half of it."

"Well, then…at least help me…inta the kitchen…let's have some coffee."

"I'll have to make it, won't I?"

"I'm certainly not in the right…state a' mind ta do it. And if ya do…I'll…I'll give ya twenty bucks, ok?"

"Ugh, fine! I just wanna get this night over with. And I don't wanna any funny business, Mister. I don't like bein' played."

"I'm sure ya don't…"

The next thing they knew, it all went by in a flash. Before it all happened, Mr. Krabs finally got a good look at her; she was a tall and lithe tuna fish, with short red hair in dreadlocks held back by a black bandana, and she was clad in a simple brown tunic with black tights. One moment, they were both relaxing and talking, Mr. Krabs pulled out the secret stash of genuine beer from his root beer cellar between it all, and then they were both upstairs in his bed with the door locked. Mr. Krabs remembered that Pearl was at a sleepover at a friend's house, so his mind, which was now even more under the influence, wasn't going to hesitate to make him and his one-time designated driver feel good.

He was effortlessly on top, and she easily fit underneath him. And although he was an old crab, he proved to have the size and stamina to make her moan and scream his name. He didn't even care that it was unfair that she knew his name while he didn't know hers, for all he knew was that this act of love between them was all that mattered. And finishing it was just as great.

They were cradled in each other's arms, lost in each other's eyes, and glued to each other's sticky embrace; both were quite breathless as well, as his pants were slow and guttural like a true animal while hers were far lighter and faster. By the time Krabs pulled away to lie flat on his back on his side of the bed, she had already turned away and blushed madly with regret. She couldn't believe she would stoop so low as to not only sleep with a random stranger, but an old man—then again, he proved to be as young and spry as a man in his twenties tonight.

Her blush deepened at the tempting thought of a second round, so she shook her head and closed her eyes tightly to try and get some sleep. After all, she was going to need all the energy she could muster in the next few hours.

If an old man snores and there is no one around to hear him, is he really snoring?

Mr. Krabs wouldn't know it at first, but the spot in his bed next to him that was occupied by a mystery woman a few hours ago, was now vacant. His alarm eventually went off to wake him up for the workday ahead, so he groaned and shut it off before stretching with an even louder groan. Truthfully, he forgot about most of last night's events—especially the last few parts; like all mornings, he expected to wake up alone, and he did. So, with foggy memories of last night, Mr. Krabs got ready for work like he always did.

Here comes another normal day…just with a hangover…oh, Neptune, I drank too much, Mr. Krabs thought while rubbing his aching temples. And although he was right about starting a day with a hangover, he failed to comprehend that this day wouldn't be as normal as he would have liked.

The Krusty Krab opened early in the morning like always, to which regular customers seized the moment by eating some famous Krabby Patties. The three employees of the said eatery were going about their normal work routines; SpongeBob was vigorously making meals for customers, Squidward was rudely taking and handing out orders, and Mr. Krabs…actually, instead of counting or fantasizing about money like he did everyday, he was lost in deep thought while tapping a pencil on one of his employee's paychecks.

He swore to Neptune that he remembered some…heated happenstance after the party, but his head was in too much fuzzy pain to help him recall enough evidence. He figured that maybe it's just the alcohol…it's always the alcohol. Yeah, that's gotta be it.

To clear his mind and take a small break, Mr. Krabs stood from his desk and walked out to the lobby, avoiding any eye contact as he made his way to the bathroom, where he splashed ice-cold water in his face to perk him up. It wasn't much, but it was better than that bland coffee he had earlier that morning…and last night, too? He suddenly remembered drinking coffee last night, but he was sure he wasn't alone.

He began arguing that it was just a dream when he exited the bathroom, and just made it past the one person standing in line to the cash register…when he heard that voice.

"That'll be two-ninety-five, Ma'am," Squidward informed dryly after handing the customer her food.

"Hang on, I think I got exact change," she informed while quickly digging into her wallet, frantically searching for the perfect amount of payment. And as Squidward waited with his trademark deadpanned look, Mr. Krabs froze in his tracks when the customer's voice pierced his ears. He quickly turned to confirm his theory of actually recognizing this strangely familiar woman, and her brown tunic and black tights instantly rang a bell in his head…but there was something missing…something on her head.

"Here ya go. Have a nice day, Sugar cube," she offered kindly after paying, and finally turned away to leave.

"Whatever," Squidward grumbled while going back to reading a magazine.

Meanwhile, Krabs' gaze remained locked on the mystery woman's back as she walked away. This can't be her…she was just a dream…I just saw her in public, and I used her image in a dream…it's creepy, but it's rational, he mentally reassured himself, and finally let out a breath of relief when she pushed the doors open. But as soon as she was outside, she pulled something else out of her purse; it was a black bandana with a red dreadlocks wig, and it fit perfectly onto her head.

Krabs gasped in bewilderment and sprinted out of the building to follow her, quickly finding her sitting in her boat parked nearby. He couldn't believe it. This woman was real? And he didn't even get her name, to which he felt dumb and guilty for. He couldn't just let her get away without meeting face-to-face again, and make things right between them by apologizing. It was his fault, after all; he did insist she have some of his beer, and it was all downhill from there.

"U-Um…excuse me, Miss?!" Mr. Krabs called while approaching her boat, and he managed to interrupt her just before she could take the first bite out of her Krabby Patty. She was utterly confused at first, but after taking a closer and more illuminated look at him, her eyes popped wide and her jaw dropped in realization.

"Oh, my God," she muttered meekly, making sure to put her food down so she wouldn't drop it out of shock.

"I can tell you remember me," Mr. Krabs nervously pointed out, even beginning to rub the back of his neck.

"Y-Yeah…I just don't get it. I've been comin' here for months! How have I not noticed ya?!" she exclaimed.

"I rarely leave my office. L-Look, I just wanted ta say I'm sorry. I was real drunk, and pretty stupid."

"You said it."

"Hey, I'm tryin' to apologize here! And I think it'd be more effective if I knew your name."

She gave him a deadpanned look, "You're not gonna invite me for another bland cup a' coffee, are ya? 'Cause my answer's no this time."

"I'll admit, I really should buy different coffee. But my point is, I don't want this to be awkward between us, so I'd like ta break the ice, Miss…"

"Lana. Lana Summers," she sighed in defeat, "And you're not wrong, this is pretty darn awkward—but I appreciate you tryin' to atone for your actions last night. It's sweet of ya."

"Oh, please. You'd say differently if ya knew me better—and ya don't—which is why I think this'll be good fer us," Mr. Krabs admitted with a blush.

"I dunno…this is already awkward enough, Mr. Krabs," Lana admitted with an equally dark blush.

"At least think about me offer. Next time you come for a lunch break, just know me office door's always open."

"Mmm…ok, I'll think about it, but don't get your hopes too high." Lana then averted her attention to her boat keys and turned the ignition, putting her boat in drive and threatening to drive away in seconds. But Mr. Krabs wanted to make one last thing clear before she left.

"By the way, Lana!" Krabs shouted over the engine, and waited until she looked at him to continue, "You can call me Eugene."

The red tint on Lana's face lessened, as she smiled contently at the crab, but finally left without another word. Even though she felt the best alternative was to never come back and pick a new place for her lunch breaks, Lana couldn't help but feel…right when she was around him. It was crazy, especially since the two have only been in each other's company for maybe, maybe a half hour. Yet here she was, feeling some sort of contentment at the thought of Eugene. She figured forgetting about him and their one-night stand would be easier said than done.

This is inspired by Fun's "We are Young." I suggest listening to it. Also, I'd like to continue this, but I'm not entirely sure if I will. I might just leave it here, and let it be considered a one-shot or something. But if you guys want, I'll gladly continue it.

Until the next chapter, I'm TRikiD, bye-bye!