Paula cracker groaned. An ear-splitting headache was pounding through her skull; it felt as if she had been decked by a car.

Speaking of cars…

She heard the steady roar of an engine and felt a leather seat vibrating beneath her. What the heck? Paula thought as she opened her eyes, blinking confusedly.

An empty highway raced by on the other side of a tinted window. The solemn grays of the road blended in with the smoky gray storm clouds lacing the sky. There was a flash of light; thunder sounded.

Paula felt a growl rising in her throat. She pulled at her arms to find that they had been tied securely behind her back; she could feel the coarse rope digging into her wrists. Looking down, she saw that her ankles were similarly tied. Paula turned to stare angrily at the back of the driver's seat. She could see a few strands of spiky hair silhouetted over the headrest.

"Hey, what gives?" Paula shouted furiously. "Why am I all tied up? Where are you taking me?"

"Oh, you're awake," a vaguely familiar cockney accent piped up from the driver's seat.

Paula turned her head as an eerie chuckle sounded from the passenger's seat. "Oh, now the fun really begins!" An unfamiliar voice cackled.

"It's not fun, it's therapeutic." The cockney insisted.

The front passenger turned to look at the captive in the backseat. Paula saw slicked hair and sunglasses, sickly green skin, a pointed nose, and a fang-toothed grin. "I apologize. Please, Paula Cracker, allow me to welcome you to 2D's therapy."

Paula gasped, peering back at the silhouetted spiky hair, recalling how she recognized the first voice. "Stuart?"

"It's 2D now, actually," the man said in a light, conversational tone. "Nobody really calls me Stuart anymore."

"Stuart, what is the meaning of this?" Paula shouted angrily. "This is kidnapping!"

"No, it's therapy." 2D responded with a longsuffering sigh.

"Therapy? What kind of therapy involves tying up your ex in the back of your car?" Paula hollered.

2D rolled his eyes, drumming his fingers on the steering wheel.

"Are you going to tell her?" the front passenger questioned 2D excitedly. "I love hearing the story!"

"Well, my therapist did say it was good for me to talk through my experiences," 2D said thoughtfully. "I guess I could run through it one more time."

The front passenger chuckled with glee, rubbing his hands together excitedly. Paula saw movement in the rearview mirror; she looked up to see jet black eyes watching her through the reflection. Paula glared at her ex. Stupid idiot… she was struck by a sudden idea.

"Hey, do you think you could untie my hands?" Paula cooed sweetly. "It might help me listen better."

"Hmmm…" 2D hummed. "No. It doesn't actually matter if you're listening. This is about me."

Paula snarled angrily, pulling at her hands, trying to tug the ropes away. "How'd an idiot like you manage to pull off a kidnapping anyway?" she barked.

"Ace helped me," 2D said, turning slightly to nod at the front passenger.

"Most fun idea he's had in weeks!" Ace responded, raising a hand and receiving a high five from the blue-haired driver.

Paula glared daggers at Ace, who only smiled wider. "Whatever. Make with the story. There had better be a good reason behind all of this," Paula muttered.

2D hissed in a deep breath…

"Okay, here's the story.

"So I was talking with my therapist, 'cause Murdoc was always telling me before he got arrested that I needed to get my head checked. It was great advice; my therapist is one of the nicest people I know. Always listens to me. Anyway, I was talking about all of the things that were stressing me out, like thinking about whales, and Murdoc being in jail, and my agent who say's I'm too thick to talk business with, even though my doctor says I'm quite thin, and I keep finding these pictures of whales Murdoc hid around the house before he went to jail-"

"On with the story!" Ace cried.

"Yeah, so, my therapist - her name is Ms. Valley, by the way, lovely woman - told me that I should practice clearing my mind of worries, and she said that a good thing to do would be to take some time to just focus on myself."

"Okay," Paula hissed. "You're taking time to focus on yourself. So… WHY AM I HERE?"

"So then I was talking to Russel," 2D continued, "I was telling him about how Ms. Valley said I needed to focus on myself, and I told him that I had an idea about maybe making an album about how I feel, right now. I was telling him about my ideas, and he said some of them were sort of good, but he told me that if I really wanted to make this album work, I had to learn to be in the now, now. And he told me to take everything from my past and let go. He really stressed that I need to let go."

"Alright," Paula assented. "Then let go of me!"

"Wait, I'm not finished," 2D said. Ace hummed evilly.

"So I went to ask Noodle what she thought, 'cause she's pretty smart. She was ignoring me, though, 'cause I accidentally stepped on her cat that morning. I apologized to Katsu right after it happened, but he scratched me, so I went back later to offer him a really sincere apology with chocolate, but he just scratched me again, and bit, and-"

"On with the story!" Paula and Ace shouted together.

"Right… so… Noodle was in the kitchen, but she wasn't talking to me. She was eating a Clif Bar, though. And then I saw a box of saltine crackers on the table. Noodle had always taught me to pay attention to signs, so I knew what I had to do."

Ace was barely holding in his laughter, huffing silently, ominously. Paula tilted her head, confused. "And what exactly is it that you have to do?"

"I have to let you go. Off a cliff."

Ace's laughter echoed loudly through the interior of the car.

. . .

I know that I'm supposed to be working on my other story right now, but when this idea hit, I couldn't resist. If you like it, review! And stay tuned for part 2!