"Happy rat bashing day Scruffy." Scruffy looked at Luna in blurry eyed confused a moment before he groaned, "Luna, can you please get off my chest?"

"Yes I can." Luna said brightly wiggling a bit.

"Please get off my chest."

"Alright Scruffy." Luna did as asked this time.

"Please leave so I can get dressed."

"Why, did you develop boobies or something I hadn't seen on you before since the last time we got dressed together? Ooh, we can compare, I bet mine are bigger than yours."

"No Luna..." He cursed as his Tempus showed that it was nearly time to go, and started rushing, Scruffy hated September firsts.

"Oh are there tentacles?" He shouldn't have tried really.

The train ride and entrance to the school proper wasn't anything to write home about this year, no strange announcements about dire doom, just a lightning storm and a monster of a teacher, metal leg and wooden cane thumping across the great hall even as Albus Dumbledore finished his speech introducing the man. Moony was off touring the Sub Rosa learning and teaching what he could, always an academic. He was also dragging Padfoot along for the ride so Scruffy hoped the new teacher was up to snuff but was starting to think about leaving.

The main thing on everyone's minds was the Tri-Wizard tournament.

"I can't believe Hogwarts isn't competing, it's a tragedy!" Scruffy groaned as the booming voice of Ron Weasley complained.

"Instead Salem's Witches Academy steals our spot! Hogwarts has been in the Tri-Wizard tournament forever but no! A thousand galleons gone like that!"

Scruffy wanted to jeer at him- that he'd never have won it but... Last year Ron had been different, not just in beating that Rat-Man to a pulp. He'd been focused much more and... Well, he was getting to the point where Hermione was trying to get him membership in the Sub Rosa.

Scruffy had a brief vision of the Sub Rosa buildings all painted Chudley Cannons orange, all tattoos orange or worse. "Ron would shrink us and make us his Oompa Loompas..." Scruffy muttered in horror.

"Great, Luna, you've gone and infected Harry with your madness." Hermione having joined them complained.

"Hey Harry." Scruffy tried not to groan, he'd long ago accepted the majority wouldn't call him by a nickname.

"Yes what is it... Colin right?"

"Yeah, you remember me, wow!"

"Er, you wanted something?"

"Oh, right! Professor Mcgonagall gave me this to give to you-" Scruffy took the note as if it would bite, he'd never got on well with the strict teacher.

"Thanks Colin. Wait, why didn't she just find me herself or call a house elf- or tell Flitwick?" A baffled Scuffy wondered.

"I dunno Harry- you mind if I get your picture, we didn't really get to talk last-"

Well, that answered that nothing even as Harry tried not to run away from the overeager fanboy.

Reading the note Scruffy frowned "Looks like the headmaster wants to see me about something important, it's good to know he likes Cockroach Clusters I guess. Oh fine, one picture." Merlin cursed puppy-dog eyes.

"You wanted to see me Headmaster?" Scruffy tried not to fidget nor look about like some first year at the weird gadgets and gizmos within. It helped that he was annoyed it had taken him a few minutes to realize the password to get into the office.

The headmaster looked unexpectedly grave, "Harry my boy, I'm afraid to be the bearer of bad news..."

Scruffy stood in front of the mirror, and wondered how it had come to this.

"It's like my life's author gave up on me or something." He thought aloud.

"Still, there's no way I can survive- I'm not up to competing against adult wizards."

Rose's hand on his shoulder was barely a comfort. "I know Scruffy- it's okay- you can help us from the other side.

He winced not really believing that. Still, he helped some. "I've willed everything to the Sub Rosa- I might come back someday though, right?"

"Maybe, at least this way your magic and life isn't at risk."

"Yeah." Scruffy turned and gave Rose one last hug, before saying "I love you Mum." "I love you too, my Son- ah to hell with it- I'm coming with you! They can manage without us!"

Hand and hand they went on to their next great adventure passing through the liquid like mirror, Luna following after smiling at the moment they had.

"Come on Daddy!" Luna said reaching her hand back through the mirror grabbing Xeno who had been content to examine it.

"Where did the Hogwarts Library go!?" Hermione wondered befuddled before seeing the note.

She had to read it aloud, she just couldn't wrap her mind around it. "Gone on break, took some light reading -Scruffy."

The magically amplified shout of "SCRUFFY!" was said to be as heard as distant as Hogsmede.

Omakes: I write bits and pieces as they come to me, this is an old one from way back when Snape hadn't changed his name, when Dumbledore wasn't Lord Hogwarts and hadn't improved the wards.

The fire in the goblet re-lit and belched out one final piece of parchment. Scruffy had a sinking feeling that was confirmed a moment later as the not so wizened hand of Albus Dumbledore plucked a parchment out of the air. "Harry Potter..." He whispered before shouting "Harry Potter!"

A loud bang was heard, and with a throbbing hand Scruffy shouted "I don't fucking believe this bullshit!"

There were gasps at the language and to no one's surprise the Prince of Ponces drawled in the insuring silence "That will be 100 points from-"

"No, and fuck you too you grease stain!"

"That will be 400 points from-"

"The points system isn't even in effect this year you stupid, sadistic, grease stain of a man!"

With a loud sound akin to a cannon blast, and Dumbledore commanded "Enough!"

"I'll say it's fucking enough, you senile old failure!"

The gasps of shock resented through the great hall and Dumbledore gasped himself as Scruffy continued.

"Four years running you've proven you can't keep us safe! The wards can't even keep out a troll, you can't even tell when one of your teachers has been possessed- you stored dark lord bait inside of a school, and that was just my first year! Second year, there was a fucking dark artifact and a basilisk- third year dementors that very nearly sucked out my soul and who knows how many other close calls there have been! But now this? This is the final straw- if I survive this I will not be returning to this utterly pathetic excuse for a school and I encourage anyone that doesn't want to die a very painful death to do the same! This is not a threat as I'm sure some of the more dimwitted of you may believe- but a warning that this school is clearly not the least bit safe!"

Albus Dumbledore had been getting more and more furious with the airing of Hogwart's dirty laundry, his failures no matter how hard he tried- but upon reaching "die a very painful death" it was transfigured seamlessly into shame, his words at the start of Harry's first year parroted back in this context...

"I'm not sure if you're evil, senile or just incompetent, and I'm not sure what it says about the magical world that they haven't tossed you into Azkaban where you clearly belong, you-"

"That will be detention for the rest of term-"

"You will either leave this castle, or I will kill you." Scruffy said resolutely.
"Are you threatening me you moronic pustule?" Snape's voice was low and dangerous.

"Yes, try washing your ears out you grease stain, that might help with your hearing problems. One more word and-"

"ENOUGH!" The castle seemingly shook in the sheer violence of the shout of a fed up Dumbledore.

"Yes Potter, lets see you escape suspension this-"

"You're fired." Dumbledore said finally, decided.

"Excuse me?"

"No, I'm afraid there's no excuse for your behavior- I thought you had changed- the classes I observed- don't look so shocked Severus- they gave me hope- even if you hadn't improved much as much as I would have liked... No more- leave, you are no longer welcome here."

"Wait, where did the dragon eggs go?"

"Wait, where did the Merpeople go?"

"I'd like to see them steal a maze, or one of those adorable creations of Hagrid's, especially with everyone watching carefully this time!"

"Wait, where did the Hogwarts Library go?"

"Oh no, where did the students go?"