The team was working in the bull pen when JJ summoned them to the round table room. Three women murdered in Tillon, California within two months: a fourth woman was missing. The women had all been found curled up in the fetal position with a teddy bear in their arms. When Reid saw the bodies on the screen he visibly paled and looked away quickly. The team was worried this was a sign to them that Reid was getting worse: for the past two weeks Reid had withdrawn and moody; Morgan and Garcia chalked it up to a girl, while Hotch and Rossi thought something was going on with his mother, JJ waited for him to speak and made no speculation. On the plane Reid barely spoke and seemed unhappy about going. He barely glanced at the crime scene photos and refused to engage in a discussion about the toys. Hotch drew him aside after the debriefing

"Spencer I know you've withdrawn for the past couple of weeks, what's going on?" Hotch asked

"I'm fine, it's been a hard couple of weeks. " Reid said

"Okay, I won't push. Just know that I'm here if you ever want to talk or need help." Hotch said

"I know thanks." Reid said standing and going to a different seat.

When they landed Reid went to the police station with JJ and started work on the geographical profile. Reid worked hard on the case and barely spoke. When Morgan brought the bears up for the families to look over and see if they personally belonged to the women Reid hurriedly left the room. After they finished work Reid declined to join the others for dinner.

"I'm tired; I'm just going to go walk back to the hotel." Reid said and left

The team was surprised the town was small, but it would still take Reid at least forty minutes to walk to the hotel. The next day everyone was gathered in the lobby waiting for Reid

"Morgan he's ten minutes late. Can you see what's keeping him?" Hotch said

Morgan nodded and moved to the elevators when Reid came down. His clothes were slightly askew and he looked like he was half asleep.

"Spence what's wrong?" JJ asked

"Nothing just stayed up a bit too late last night." Reid said

"Kid something is going on, talk to us let us help." Morgan said

"Drop it please. I'm sorry I was late it won't happen again." Reid said

The team sighed but did drop it. The fourth woman's body had been discovered Lilly Smith by the banks of the river. Reid and Morgan went over to the dump site Reid glanced at the victim's body then hurried away. The banks around the river were thick with brush and trees making it easy to dump a body without being seen. Reid stared at the water for a long time while Morgan walked around. After ten minutes he came back to Reid

"Got anything kid?" Morgan asked

Reid jumped "No, sorry." He said then turned away and started heading back to the road.

Morgan sighed and rubbed the crown of his head and followed. As they driving back into town Morgan stopped at a gas station/small grocery store. Reid went inside to get coffee and go to the bathroom. When Reid came back outside he looked like he was about to collapse. He dragged his feet and kept his eyes fixed on the ground. Morgan got out of the car and hurried over; Reid ignored him and climbed into the SUV. Morgan got back into the car but didn't start the engine

"Spencer what happened? Are you hurt?" Morgan demanded

Reid didn't speak, just signaled for Morgan to start driving.

Morgan gave an exasperated sigh "Spencer I am not going to start driving until you talk to me."

"I'm fine; we have a case to work on." His voice was shaky and weak

Morgan just stared at him trying to find the right words to get Reid to open up. Suddenly his phone rang it he answered it after two minutes he hung up

"That was Hotch he needs us back at the station."

Spencer nodded and they drove back to the station. When they got to the station, Reid put a green teddy bear with a blue heart on the table

"I found this at the gas station, it's the exact same type as the ones found at each crime scene." Reid said sounding normal but his shoulders were bowed and he kept his eyes on the floor.

"Good work, call Garcia and see if someone bought a large number in the past few months." Hotch said

"They wouldn't have too; I remember these kinds of displays when I was a teenager. They would often have the same kind of bears for months at a time." Reid said his voice hollow and laden with sadness

Reid then proceeded to ignore any questions and took a seat at the conference table. Garcia was going through any cameras that overlooked the roads that led to the river. Lily Smith had fought back against her attacker and had managed to bite her attacker. The team was able to complete the profile and release it to the police and JJ issued a statement to the press. Reid barely spoke a word after he showed them the teddy bear. Morgan confided in Hotch about Reid's behavior at the gas station but there was little either man could do. Reid was very private and wouldn't open up unless he wanted to. After work the agents again went to go out to dinner but Reid again declined. Everyone on the team was very concerned about Reid he was withdrawing from the team more and more and no one knew why.

"Kid you need to eat. Have you eaten anything all day?" Rossi asked

Reid shrugged and went to walk off when JJ gently grabbed his arm; Reid started and turned to her

"Spence I know we keep asking but we are all very concerned about you. You've been withdrawn for weeks now and ever since we started on this case you barely eat or speak."

Reid looked at her and then at the rest of the team and sighed "I'm just going through a bad time, just have patience, I'll be better soon." Reid said and hurried off down the street.

The agents went to dinner and discussed Reid but realized they had to trust that Reid would take care of himself. They finished eating and went back to the hotel. At eight pm the agents were called back to the station a fifth woman had been taken. The agents gathered in the lobby and waited for Reid after fifteen minutes they left figuring Reid was already there. They got their but there was no sign of Reid. Hotch tried calling Reid but he didn't answer. After the fifth try, he called Garcia and had her trace it. He was at a church Rossi went to get him. Rossi entered the church and found Reid in a middle pew looking down. As he got closer he saw it was a photograph

"Spencer what are you doing here?" Rossi asked

Reid jumped and slipped the picture into his breast pocket. He then turned to face Rossi his eyes were red and his face was full of hopeless anguish and grief

"Spencer what is it? What happened?" Rossi asked

Reid shook his head "I was just thinking of someone I lost a long time ago. What are you doing here?"

"A fifth woman was abducted; Hotch needs everyone at the police station."

Reid nodded, stood and put his bag over his shoulder. He gripped the back of the pew tight as he left. They drove to the station in silence: when they got there Hotch pulled him to the side

"Spencer I understand you're dealing with something but we are working a case I need to be able to reach you."

"I'm sorry I didn't hear my phone. I was, it's…..never mind. I'm sorry it won't happen again."

"Spencer if you need to take time off let me know, but if you're head isn't here I can't have you here."

"I can work the case, I'm here let's get to work." Reid said walking off

They worked on the case for four hours but didn't get any solid leads. At midnight since the kidnapper kept his victims for three days ; Hotch sent the team back to the hotel for some much needed sleep. The next day Reid was in the lobby before everyone else with huge cups of coffee. They each took one

"Spence did you get any sleep?" JJ asked taking in Reid's slightly greasy hair and the huge bags under his eyes

"I've been working the case; I think I know who the Unsub is. Garcia is checking him out now." Reid replied yawning

"You need to take care of yourself kid." Rossi said

"I'm fine, let's go." Reid said repeating his mantra of the past several days

The team went to the station, Reid's theory was mostly correct a man with a similar history and circumstances was the culprit. Reid and JJ stayed behind while the rest of the team went to arrest the Unsub. The team got their in time to save the woman and the Unsub was taken into custody. The agents stayed in town the rest of the day to wrap up loose ends and give Reid a chance to sleep. They left bright and early the next morning. On the plane Reid curled up in a seat and took out a book. An hour into the four hour flight Reid got up and went to the bathroom. Morgan saw a pink teddy bear with a purple heart on the seat where Reid had been sitting. He walked over and picked it up

"Hey Emily do you know why Reid has a teddy bear?"

"No, I don't. That's odd I never knew Reid had an interest in stuffed animals."

"Maybe it was a gift from Garcia?" JJ speculated

"A girl might have given it to him." Rossi suggested

Reid came out and went to his seat which was at the tail end of the plane. The others were near the head of the plane. He looked at the seat and the floor but couldn't see his bear

"Where is it? Where's my bear?" Reid asked

"Kid calm down it's just a teddy bear." Morgan said

"Give it back to me, please give it back to me." Reid pleaded

"Reid, it's a stuffed bear, what's the big deal." Morgan said desperate for answers

"Give it to me now. Please Derek give it back." Reid begged holding out his hand

"Derek give Spencer his bear now." Hotch ordered Morgan was too surprised at Reid's behavior to respond

Morgan handed it over and Reid stunned everyone by hugging it close. He then retreated to the sofa and curled up: the bear held tightly to his chest his face down. Morgan came over and sat down next to him

"I'm sorry kid, I shouldn't have taken you're bear. "

Reid nodded but didn't say anything

"Please tell me what's the significance of this bear." Morgan asked

"Spencer did you find the bear at the gas station?" Hotch asked gently when Reid didn't respond to Morgan's question

"Yes I bought it because it reminded me of Lilly, it was in the exact same display as I saw years ago in Los Vegas. I often walked with Lily to the grocery store; Every time we passed the display of bears she pointed to this one and smiled. She kept pointing and asking for it. I would tell her to wait and ask Santa. Eventually I got the money, but it was too late."

"What do you mean it was too late? " Morgan asked

"I went to the store to buy medicine; I had some money left over. I knew I should have saved it but Lily wanted that bear so much I bought it. I ran home I was late and Rose would be mad but I didn't care about that I was excited to see the look on Lily's face and to see her. I got home and my mom was at the door. She greeted me and was completely lucid, I knew something was wrong. She told me Lily and Rose were at the hospital. I dropped the bag on the floor; my mom hugged me then drove me to the hospital. I found Lily and Rose in a room lying on a bed. Rose was cradling Lily in her arms. I went over and handed Lily the bear she smiled at me and called me Papa Santa. I looked at her and then at Rose and I knew " Reid stopped and hugged the bear tighter he turned his face to the wall lost in memories and grief, Morgan put a hand on his arm and waited "Lily died four hours after I gave her the bear. She hugged it the entire time; after she died she was clutching it so tightly no one could remove it. She was buried with it curled up in her arms. " Reid put his head on his knees and started crying

His friends were heartbroken at his story, Morgan tried to hug Reid but his position made it impossible. He settled for a hand on Reid's arm and waited. After a few minutes Reid stopped he uncurled himself and leaned back against the wall. JJ came over with a glass of water and put a hand on his shoulder as he drank it. After he was done Morgan spoke the question everyone was asking

"Spencer who was Lily?"

"She was my daughter. She died ten years ago." Reid answered

A/N I tried writing a self contained emotionally driven story. Please give me feedback, tell me what you thought. All praise and criticism welcome.

Post Script I wrote a chapter 2 which is a lot of backstory. Please feel free to treat this as a one shot.